


Enthrall

by poppysicle



Series: enthrall [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Depression, Doctor Yuuri, Family Fluff, Famous Victor, First Love, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kid Fic, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Smut, No Romanticizing Mental Illness, Pining Victor Nikiforov, Single Parent Yuuri, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-09-12 13:27:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 106,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9073897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppysicle/pseuds/poppysicle
Summary: No one knew something was wrong with him. No one cared to even ask the competitive figure skater. Not until it lead to him laying in the bed of a hospital room, feeling absolute regret that what he did couldn't be finished. But maybe it was for the best, Victor doesn't know that yet.akaVictor, a five-time gold medalist attempts suicide but is saved by Doctor Katsuki.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i came up with this idea after trying to do an outline for a different victuuri fic so this is what happens when i don't like one idea and go to the next, please enjoy.  
> i'll also add tags and change the rate i go.
> 
> **PLEASE make sure to read the tags due to the triggering it can cause.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for taking the time to read my first victuuri fic!!  
> kudos and comments very much appreciated.  
> check out this wonderful [fan art](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com/post/164216262531/they-are-worth-living-for-thank-you-once-again) done by quel (@tosquinha)!!  
> beta’d by my lord & savior, awkwardanna
> 
> message me on tumblr: smolkatsuki

_"Victor Nikiforov, are you retiring?"_

_"Nikiforov, is this your last season?"_

_"Mr.Nikiforov, do you believe you can keep going at your age?"_

_"There is no point in you continuing."_

_"Give up now since you have time."_

Questions from the conference reverberated through his head, twisting maliciously with every repeat; they joined the damp cacophony of the outside world. He could hear cars driving in the streets, construction being done, and other apartment floors blaring music, but none of them drowned out the horrible words in his mind. Tears fell slowly from Victor’s expressionless face, following the ugly tracks of their predecessors. He vaguely registered that his vision had been blurry for over an hour now; he didn’t deem it important enough to fix, however. He honestly couldn’t bring himself to care.

His body lay sprawled across the white sheets, a mostly empty pill bottle settled limply in his palm. Some pills were still left, but they had become lost in the mess of the covers during his emotionless frenzy. Victor’s eyes watched the unmoving shapes of the lights above him. Each piece inside him grew to ache, worsening with every second that came to pass. The only place he couldn't feel anything was his heart; he hadn’t bothered using for over twenty years.

He wished he could feel the way he used to about skating. Wished the smiles were genuine every time he stepped onto the ice. He used to cry of joy when he actually won a competition or learned a jump. He used to eagerly listen to any and all advice, restless in his pursuit to become one of the best.

Victor had always felt at ease, felt that he was skating to an ode of his creation for others to fall in love with just like he did. But now the ice didn’t glitter, it didn’t shine. It didn’t feel like home; it felt harsh and unforgiving, only there to add to the wordless pain Victor drowned himself in.

The artistic side of him had withered away, falling to high expectations and the endless stream of empty praise. It wasn’t worth it anymore, not when they all knew what he could do. No matter what music he makes, no matter what program he creates, it won't ever be enough now.

Victor looks back at the Tuesday conference as if it was all a dream, the words of Italian going through his head as he imagines his movements on the ice. The reactions from the audience after each jump and spin that he perfected filled his nonexistent ego. He had poured his entire soul, his entire being into each gesture and lyric, and yet no one could see it as the cry for help it unintentionally was. He won, of course. But the weight of the bright gold medal around his neck clashed with the dull silver of his mind as it became the next addition to the weight of Victor’s emptiness.

He answered questions. Gave fake smiles to the press, posed with adoring fans.

But Victor Nikiforov was dead.

He was dead, and the hope that something could fix him had long disappeared. Gone were nights of peace, deep conversations with friends, and happy days of imagination. Instead he was hollow, a husk of the person he used to be. There wasn't anything left except the wetness against his cheeks, traitorously exposing the way he has broken so utterly and completely.

Victor doesn't remember the last time his eyes had shed tears, but the emptiness was eating at him with newfound vigor. The everlasting feeling of forced happiness was making Victor numb. It pained him to see it in the genuine smiles of others, so tantalisingly close but so _far_. So he skated, chasing lost feelings in pained memories. But it had turned spiteful; not even his passion made him happy. And his whole life was built around it.

Ice skating here.

Ice skating there.

Another competition.

Another gold medal.

The icy chill of the rink always held him in it’s wintry embrace, a ghostly presence he could feel even now, haunting him with the broken dreams of what his accomplishments could be. It was his prison; it cased him in a kiss of hopelessness that he couldn’t shake.

His head felt hazy, stuffed with cotton, and Victor shut his eyes, not wanting to see the world fade away from him and make him face this final decision he’s made. Tears continued to fall sorrowfully down his face, the only sign he was alive at all.

Clutching the bottle once more, he drew a breath. It was laborious, all a means to an end. The beat of his heart felt slower and he could feel a lack of oxygen exhaust his system. But Victor was ready. It was almost as if he could feel Death itself, this tangible thing, waiting patiently before grasping and taking him to wherever it was people like him went.

The slam of the front door made his eyes shoot open. Metal hit ceramic as keys were dropped into the little bowl on the counter.

_Oh no._

"Vitya, I have Makkachin!"

_Yakov._

Fear pinned him to the sheets. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to be here. The sound of paws pattering on the wood flooring in the hallway made goosebumps rise on his skin, yet Victor could do nothing as his body continued to shut down.

"They said he was doing okay," Yakov's gruff voice was getting close and Victor felt like he couldn't breathe. "He was very happy to see me and-"

His coach opened the bedroom door, letting Makkachin in before catching the scene of Victor lying lifelessly on the bed. His eyes shut slowly, letting go of the bottle. He didn't want to hear Yakov. Victor knew the end was getting closer every second but it wasn't coming as quick as he wanted it to.

He felt Yakov's hands on his body, shaking him vigorously. Makkachin began to whimper on the bed on the other side of Victor, nudging Victor's cheek with his wet nose.

"Victor!"

He could hear the frantic tapping on a phone screen, the muffled sound of someone picking up the call. It triggered a bad feeling in Victor, knowing that Yakov was calling for help. Victor wanted to reach up and pull the phone away but he couldn't lift his arm at all.

He needs to die right now.

"Victor!"

He became numb.

He could feel his body being lifted, and then suddenly he was moving. The cold weather pierced his skin as if punishing him for his failure. Victor could hear voices, trying to ask him questions that he could not understand.

The lighting he noticed shining bright through his eyelids, it made his head spin. Something was over his mouth and nose, an unfamiliar smell that was too clean for Victor went through his nose.

A hand brushed against his, feeling the rolling of his body once more. Victor finally was able to open his eyes, meeting a pair of brown eyes that looked extremely concerned and almost scared. The unknown figure's mouth was moving, speaking to Victor but it hurt, and he quickly shut it out. He closed his eyes again, the bright lighting of the hallways burning his eyes.

Victor was only hoping that whatever these people were about to do wasn't going to work.

 

-

 

His throat hurt.

His head hurt, too.

Victor stirred in the bed. One of his arms felt heavy, and he could feel the plastic of tubes against his skin. His other hand felt warm, unusually so. He opened his eyes, blinking at sight of sterile white walls. He blinked a few more times and quickly started looking down at his arm to see IVs in his skin. He looked to his left blearily to find people sitting on the couch.

Yakov was sitting in the middle with his arms crossed and head down, signature fedora covering his face. Mila had her head resting on his shoulder, with Georgi mirroring her on the other shoulder. They all seemed fast asleep. The last occupant of the room was actually sleeping with his head on the bed. Pale blond hair splayed around him like a halo as he slept on, his hand clutching Victor’s.

Victor leaned back into his pillow, wanting to cry.

He’s alive.

It didn’t work.

_It didn’t fucking work._

Victor could only imagine the backlash this was going to have on his career, his team. If only he just died, if only his heart had fucking stopped like he wanted it to. Not like he used it anyways. Tears welled up in his eyes. They travelled down his face, silently expressing the anger and betrayal he felt for his body.

Yuri's head rose blearily from the pristine hospital sheets, and Victor watched as he rubbed his eyes with a fist. It was kinda cute; Yuri never looked sweet and peaceful like this. He looked more like a kitten than the tiger he usually was. At that thought Victor chuckled, only for it to turn into a hacking fit. Yuri’s eyes snapped to him with shock.

"Victor?" Yuri’s voice shook.

“In the flesh,” Victor croaked.

Yuri’s expression of concern quickly gave way to one of irritation. "You idiot!"

Georgi almost fell out off the couch at the sound, waking up suddenly. Mila was the next to sit up and look around, and when her eyes settled on Victor’s she started frantically shaking Yakov awake too. Yet none of them said anything; it was almost like they couldn’t believe he was alive either.

"Hello.” The word felt like it had been forced from Victor’s throat, and in all honesty, it kind of had been. But he put on his usual mask and smiled weakly. It gave way to wracking sobs, and Victor put his head in his hands, not wanting to face them.

Georgi, Mila, and Yakov sprang up from the small couch and began to make their way around him. They didn’t seem to know what to do, and Victor didn’t know what to do either. He felt so _weak._ He had done the one thing he never did: fail. The group stood unsurely around him, not wanting to disturb his outburst.

The absolute embarrassment flowing through him was agonizing. They were all here waiting, hoping that he would come out of this alive. And Victor despised it, hated that their prayers had been answered. He took a few more minutes before pulling his hands away from his face,tear-stained and flushed cheeks on full display. His eyes burned as he gazed at the four of them, and a numbness settled over him.

"Victor, what were you _thinking_?" Mila’s voice trembled, and her eyes had so much guilt in them that it made Victor's heart ache.

"What happened?" Georgi asked sadly, standing next to her.

"Vitya.." Yakov murmured. He placed a hand on Yuri’s shoulder, who looked to the floor, lip quivering.

The man in question looked to his lap and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry… It looks like I failed for the first time in years."

Yakov went straight for the large wooden door. Victor tugged his hands away from Mila's slowly. Georgi moved from the bed, shifting back to his spot on the couch, while Yuri sat down in the seat that he pulled up to Victor's bed this morning. Mila didn’t move.

"I called for the doctor," Yakov stated as he returned.

Victor closed his eyes with irritation. “I don’t need to see a doctor.”

"Do you even realize why you’re here?" Yuri asked hotly.

"Of course I do,” Victor retorted. "I didn’t succeed.”

Yuri stood up from his seat, evidently angry, and stormed towards the door. "I'm leaving."

Yakov motioned for Georgi and Mila to go after him. As they left the room, the coach took Yuri's original seat and gave Victor a look. It had disappointment, anger, but mostly… concern. He remembered seeing this look a few times, back when he used to be scared of competing.

"I don't need sympathy, Yakov."

"Vitya, listen to me-"

"Victor Nikiforov?"

The interrupting voice caught their attention and made the both of them turn their attention to the man at the door. He didn’t look Russian at all… Japanese, maybe? The doctor set his clipboard on the small counter next to the sink, along with a stack of papers. He then turned to the two men in the room.

"I'm Dr. Katsuki." He said, a comforting smile on his face. “I led your case last night.”

"So, what you're saying is that it’s your fault that I'm alive."

"Vitya!" Yakov hissed. Victor kept his glare on the foreign doctor.

A pained smile rose from the doctor's lips, "No, it's okay. It wouldn't be the first time I heard that."

"Is that so? Hm, has it ever occured to you that maybe some people don’t _want_ to live?” Victor spat harshly.

"Nikiforov, you need to understand that it's my job to keep patients like you alive. I drop everything I am doing to help; your case especially. You can be bitter to me for the rest of your life but please, understand that it was for the better.” The doctor paused. “Now, a nurse will come in to check everything over before we decide the best course of action to take from here."

"How do you know it was for the better? You don't know me."

"Though not personally, I do know you.” Dr.Katsuki replied. “Or at the very least, I know _of_ you. And every life deserves to live."

Victor grumbled under his breath. Stupid doctor with his stupid motives.

The doctor turned to Yakov. "I’m sorry, but I will have to ask for you and the others to leave for the next few hours. You may visit later tonight but I don't think I can allow staying over for the night this time," he finished with a chuckle.

Yakov nodded assertively as he stood up and shook the man's hand, "Thank you for letting us do so last night. I apologize for the trouble caused by it."

Dr.Katsuki shrugged, a small smile on his face, "It's nothing I can’t handle. I knew you guys wanted to be here for him, so I understand."

Yakov nodded with appreciation before picking up a bouquet and a bag that Victor hadn’t noticed on the floor, and setting it on his lap. Victor looked at it quizzically. "Happy Birthday."

Oh.

He wasn’t sure whether to open it or not; on one hand it would be rude not to, but on the other… he didn’t deserve it. He set it delicately by the side of the bed. He would open it later, when his eyes won’t spill over with tears and become a hazard to the gift.

He looked up and was immediately met with brown eyes. It made Victor’s blood boil to see the doctor. He met his gaze with a steely glare, and was slightly unnerved as disappointment flooded through his eyes.

Victor wanted to scoff at himself; why did he care? This doctor was the person who stood between him and death. Of course he was pissed, he was more than pissed. Livid. All Victor wanted was to die. There was no point in living… yet here he was.

Laying in an uncomfortably sterile bed in front of an annoyingly persistent doctor. Victor vaguely registered that Yakov had left the room, and that Katsuki had begun to check his vitals.The faint sound of pencil on paper disturbed the tense silence, joined only by the beeping of the monitors.

Victor focused his attention on the room instead, not wanting to look at the man. The walls were a plain white, but that's what made the other pieces in the room pop. There was a black couch with rich mahogany accents to his left. It looked kind of stiff. Victor thought that maybe if he looked hard enough he could see the imprints of the three previous occupants of the room, but he knew he couldn’t really.

The two doors (one leading to an adjoined bathroom, and the other to the rest of the hospital, he assumed) were the same warm color of the wood of the couch. The sink was stainless steel, and sat in a carmeled granite countertop. All in all, a simple hospital room.

"Alright, the nurse will be in shortly." Katsuki broke the silence and glanced at Victor as he got his paperwork together. “Is there anything else you need so I can let your nurse know?”

Victor just turned his chin away childishly, and as he did, he heard a soft sigh and the click of the door. He looked over to the door, and through the window by the door he could see that Katsuki had walked to the front desk area in the middle of the floor. He handed Victor's clipboard to the lady before grabbing another one and heading down the another hallway. Victor fell back against his pillows; sitting up so long was exhausting.

He turned onto his side, eyes gazing listlessly around the room before settling on the little band on his right hand wrist. Weight. Age. Name.

Reason of residence.

The sight of it made Victor sick. Everything started to ache again, except a lot worse. Katsuki may have thought he had helped him, but Victor feel worse than ever before. All that the doctor accomplished was keeping Victor's _body_ alive, not Victor himself.

_What am I going to do?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i appreciate the comments i've been getting so far.  
> i'm trying to write the chapters ahead of time so that no one is waiting too much. :)
> 
> thank you for reading!
> 
> beta'd by awkwardanna

Victor’s birthday came and passed, confined to the sterile walls of his hospital room. The memory was a blur; he remembered the skating team coming in and celebrating, giving him gifts. And then some of the hospital staff- including Dr. Katsuki- brought Victor a little cake, as well as some small presents. They included a new leash for Makkachin for his walks and a nice sports bag for his skating equipment. As much as he wanted to be bitter about it all, he stayed grateful and thanked everyone.

Though a tense atmosphere seemed to linger in the hospital room, no matter how happy people tried to be. Victor was sure that plenty of reporters were still waiting outside, waiting to pounce on the depressed skater. He wasn't at all ready to face it, which is why he hadn’t looked at his phone at all since Friday.

The weekend passes in silence, and Victor vaguely realises it’s Monday. He only knows this because of his nurse, Anna. He thinks that in some world they could’ve been friends; she was very sweet, if a little timid, and she made some pretty funny jokes in her attempts to lift Victor’s spirits.

All in all, she was nice. However, Victor felt kinda bad for her, because she seemed to have a crush on his doctor. Which Victor normally wouldn't of minded, but she tends to get these, er, _fangirl_ outbursts about it, talking about how he once smiled at her, the way he says her name, or even just how “passionately” he worked.

It annoyed the shit out of him.

And there she was. The door opened slowly, revealing the nurse, along with a metal moving tray with various hospital-grade breakfast foods. She was humming softly, a bright smile on her face. Once she got past her nervousness around Victor, he noticed that she had quite the bubbly personality to her. Anna also spoke fluent Russian, which was relieving after constantly having to talk and listen to grating English.

"Good Morning, Victor!"

"Morning," he replied quietly. He watched her set up the bland meal on the tray connected to his bed.

"Do you need anything else today?"

Victor shook his head quickly. "I'm fine, thank you."

Anna smiled wordlessly and left, while Victor turned to the tasteless breakfast set out before him. Instead of eating, he mindlessly watched the foyer of his floor through the window in his wall.

He could see quite a bit; there was a large desk occupied by a few secretaries, and a few nurses chatting amicably together by the opening of a hallway. Across the room from them was a doctor he couldn’t make the face of, who seemed to be looking for a file off of a wall of clipboards. He looked kind of frustrated.

Victor watched him struggle with curiosity. He wondered whose file he was trying to find. As he’s watching, another doctor approaches and hands him a file, laughing. The first doctor, looking relieved, took the file and chatted for a moment, before seemingly excusing himself. He turned around and Victor felt his gaze harden as the doctor started walking towards his room.

To his disappointment, he had been watching Dr. Katsuki.

Victor notices that the nurses had been watching the young doctor as well, except, they were also fawning over him like mother’s who meet a single dad at a school function. Honestly, it seemed like the only person who disliked Katsuki was Victor.

Which was fine, of course.

There was still no chance in _hell_ that he'd thank, let alone forgive, the man for what he did. Just the sight of him pissed Victor off. The sound of his voice pissed Victor off. His entire _presence_ pissed Victor off.

"You know, I don’t know what your breakfast ever did to you, but I think that glare you’re giving it is enough punishment.”

Victor tore his gaze from the still-full plate to the doctor, eyes still full of venom.

Dr. Katsuki just sighed. "I get that you're not going to talk to me, but I need you to listen.” He looks at Victor, waiting for a response or at least some sort of acknowledgment, but when it seemed like he wouldn’t get one, he continued on. "Due to the circumstances, the hospital has decided to put you under a sort of, well… it’s a type of suicide watch"

"Excuse me?"

"When someone tries to commit suicide, they are put under surveillance.” He paused, as if uncertain, but quickly regained his composure. “You won’t be watched all the time, however, we _will_ limit what can come in and out of this room and we’ll have either Anna or I checking on you periodically.”

Victor’s glare hardened even further. “I’m not a child, I don’t need to be checked on.”

“Listen, it could have been worse. Some of the members almost put you under complete surveillance.” The doctor ran his fingers through his hair, and it flopped back down on his forehead messily. He suddenly looked very tired. “But I knew you wouldn’t have accepted that, so I tried to make a compromise. Taking your occupation into thought as well. We’re trying to work with you here, all I ask is that you at least _try_ to cooperate.”

Victor looked down at his lap with shame. He felt kind of guilty. "Anything else?” He mumbled.

A pause, then, "I want to recommend a psychiatrist."

"No." Victor replied without missing a beat.

"Mr. Nikiforov, I really recommend-"

"I'm not going to talk to someone about my _feelings_."

Dr. Katsuki frowned slightly, “It could be really beneficial to your health.”

Victor felt his guilt turn swiftly to irritation. "You mean like how you’re supposed to be?" He growled.

"I'm trying to come up with methods to help you," the doctor replied calmly.

"I don't want your help." Victor snapped at him.

Silence filled the room, and the tension felt like it was prickling his skin. Victor looked at the young man standing in the room with him. His expression was hard to read; at one moment it seemed sad, the next concerned, and then resigned.

“I understand that you don’t want help. I really do.” Dr. Katsuki took a deep breath. “But you won’t ever be happy if you don’t let yourself be. And there are people who really want that for you. They care for you. They don’t want to see you upset; they want to see you reach your full potential, they want to see you find love… they want to see you enjoy life again. Because they know it’s possible. And it really is.” There was a slight pause between his words, “Think about it.” And then he left.

Victor could feel tears prickling at his eyes. He hated how the doctor seemed to see right through him, how he was _relentless_ in this idea that Victor could be happy. But he knew otherwise. He knew that it would be useless to get his hopes up. He didn’t need help because he knew nothing could truly help him. Victor was a broken being.

But then again, Victor has never tried to talk to someone about this before. He hinted at it through cynical humour, but no one could have really known how he was feeling. And seeing a psychiatrist? No. The thought of sitting on some beige couch in an unfamiliar room with a stranger who asks about his entire life didn't suit his fancy.

_You won’t ever be happy until you let yourself be._

The doctor’s words repeated in his head like a broken record, looping and looping and looping. It made his head hurt.

A knock on the door brushed his thoughts away, and he looked up to find Yuri standing in the doorway. Uncertainty was evident in his stance; it was at odds with his outwardly aggressive attitude. For the second time that day, Victor felt guilty.

"Hey.”

"I still think you’re an idiot" Yuri replied, shutting the door loudly behind him as he entered the room.

Victor decided to ignore the comment. “How was your practice today?”

“I didn’t go.” Yuri rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Yakov canceled for the week."

"What?"

"Funny, that’s what I said, too.” Yuri said humorlessly. “But Yakov doesn’t want to see us right now. I think he’s blaming himself.”

Victor was confused. "Why? It wasn’t his fault."

"Who else is he gonna blame? I mean, it’s not like he’s going to blame _you_ . And you pretty much refusing to see anyone isn’t helping.” Victor just looked at him. “What? I was surprised you even let _me_ in,” the blond huffed.

"Why did you come then?"

Yuri blinked at him and his eyebrows furrowed, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"If you didn’t even think I would let you in," Victor starts, leaning back into the bed. “Then why did you come? Also, you were obviously mad at me yesterday."

"You tried to kill yourself, you selfish bastard. Of course I was mad."

Victor's lip quirked up into a tired smile, "And what makes today any different than yesterday, hm?"

“Because…” Yuri looked shy all of a sudden. Apparently his shoes had become very interesting, since he wouldn’t look at Victor. “Because I think I understand now.”

Victor opened his mouth to respond, then closed it abruptly, the click of his teeth seeming to echo into the newfound silence of the room. He looked at the teen with new eyes; this kid, infamous for being standoffish and unemotional, was trying to help him _,_ trying to _understand him._

"You.. understand?” Victor’s voice was flat, emotionless.

The blonde nodded, discomfort and sudden doubt apparent on his face. The tiger had turned into a kitten, and it felt almost wrong to watch.

"Explain."

"Okay, uh… " Yuri took a few steps closer to Victor and adjusted his posture. After a few moments he seemed to have gathered his thoughts, and his confidence returned.  "I understand because I don’t say how I feel either, I guess. I prefer to deal with things on my own.” He was silent, before admitting, “and I’ve been feeling how I think you have. Like skating is all I’m worth. I still I love it, honestly, but it just doesn’t hold the same… appeal, excitement, that it used to.”

Victor stayed quiet. He had noticed. Yuri had seemed tired lately, his usual spark dulled, and for unknown reasons. When Victor watched him he desperately hoped he wouldn’t get into the slump he had been in; he was young ,and had beautiful future ahead of him.

Luckily, his spirit wasn’t gone, just dampened, and it seemed that he overcame it most days.

"I wouldn't go to the extent that you went, especially after seeing you like… “ He gestured vaguely to the sight of Victor, of his hospital gown and bed. “I've known you since I joined Yakov's team and I've never seen you cry. Never. How have I never seen you cry?” He shook his head. “You may be a selfish shit, but the team cares for you. Georgi, Mila, Yakov… we all care for you… _I_ care for you. You’ve been acting so distant lately and it’s worrying the shit out of me.”

“So you care."

"Is that gonna be a fucking problem?"

Victor shook his head.

“Well, I got my point across. Listen to your doctor, he seems like he knows what he’s doing,” Yuri grumbled.

Victor tensed up, but was saved from having to answer as Anna entered the room. He’d have to thank her later or something; he was too tired to think about ‘getting help’, let alone be lectured about it from an angsty teen.

Yuri hastily said his goodbyes once he saw the nurse and left. Victor wasn’t exactly sure, but it sounded like he said he might come back tomorrow. The doctor’s words from earlier echoed in his head. _They care for you._ Except now his words were joined by Yuri’s.

The team was worried about him. _Yuri_ was worried about him.

God, he was such a burden.

Guilt started to claw at his chest, telling Victor he was silly to think he could get better, that he was just bringing everyone down. That he was useless. Selfish.

“Hey, are you okay?” Victor looked up to see concerned blue eyes. Oh, it was Anna. He had forgotten she was even there. “Let’s get you into a shower, yeah? And then we’ll get you some dinner so you can go to bed.”

Victor just nodded wordlessly and let himself get gently tugged off the bed. He watched the nurse check the temperature of his shower before letting him get in, and heard her set up the small folding chair where she would wait.

He didn’t move at first; instead he let the water roll from his hair onto his face, dripping from his bangs and splashing the white-tiled floor. He then let himself go on autopilot. He took the small portions of shampoo and conditioner that had been set out for him and washed his hair. He wasn’t sure if he had gotten all of the conditioner out, but he didn’t care.

Anna left the room to give him privacy while he got dressed, and led him back to his bed when he came out.

"Give me just a few moments, and I’ll have some dinner for you."

"Thank you."

Anna left quietly, an almost imperceptible nervousness to her step as she left Victor alone. He watched her go, eyes following her as she went down one of the hallways that he could see. His gaze fell to his lap, too tired to watch the foyer area. Hot tears fell, blurring his vision, and that stupid word came into his head again.

_Selfish._

-

 

With the exception of his small breakdown Monday night, life continued as it had. Tuesday turned to Wednesday, Wednesday to Thursday, on and on until his time was up and he was could be officially released. Well, he couldn’t be released for another two days, but anyways.

Yuri continued to visit Victor, telling him about practices or cute stuff his cat, Potya, did. Victor felt a pang of sadness as he looked at pictures of the fluffy cat. He missed Makkachin. When he told Yuri he grumbled like he normally does, but ended up coming back later that day with Victor’s dog in tow.  When he asked how he did it, Yuri said Dr. Katsuki helped him. “Nice guy, for a doctor,” he had said.

Victor hadn’t talked to Dr. Katsuki since their conversation about getting help, only Anna coming in to check on him the last few days. He stared at the ceiling in silence, Yuri having left a few hours ago.

He absently knew he should do something, maybe put on a show, even if just to fill the silence, but he didn’t really want to. All he could think about was going home. What would he do now? It wasn’t like he was in the right mindset to skate. If anything, he would just injure himself by not paying attention.

Exhaustion settled over him, and Victor fell into its embrace, deciding to figure out what he would do tomorrow.

 

-

 

The day had been uneventful. Victor had been mindlessly watching tv for a few hours now, content in the way it made him not think.

The door opened with a small squeak from its hinges, and in entered his favorite doctor.

"Hello, Victor," Dr. Katsuki greeted warmly. He checked over the patient’s monitors. “How are you feeling?”

"Peachy," Victor replied.

The doctor ignored the bored tone of Victor’s voice. “I had a thought the other day. Well, it’s actually a question for you.”

Victor played with the hem of his sheets, disinterest evident on his face, "Oh?"

“Have you ever let yourself actually live?"

"Of course I have,” Victor scoffed. “I’m a five-time gold medalist and I’ve competed in the Olympics. If that’s not living, then I don’t know what is.”

Katsuki leaned against the wall casually and crossed his arms, "And you’re genuinely proud of that?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you're here, aren't you?”

Victor looked up at the doctor in shock, his breath caught in his throat.

"I have family in Hasetsu, Japan." Dr.Katsuki started. "My parents own a onson─a hot spring─ and if you'd like, I could ask them to take you in for a bit over there."

"And you’re offering this because…?"

"I usually recommend patients who have high levels of stress to go there.” The doctor smiled softly. “I always found it to be the best remedy to my pains when I lived there.” For a moment he seemed distant, as if reminiscing, but he caught himself and continued, “It's in a small town by the sea, and the beach isn’t at all far. At the onsen my family serves three course meals; the pork cutlet bowls are to die for, and the area is quite beautiful."

Victor had to admit, is sounded very peaceful, very calming. It sounded like something he needed. “I’ll think about it.”

Dr. Katsuki had him get out of bed so that he could give him a general check-up. As he worked, Victor took the chance to truly look at him. He wasn’t as tall as Victor, but he wasn’t short. He was average in that sense. But in other areas, he was not. He had raven-black hair, that seemed as if it had been styled at some point, but over the course of the day it was falling out, with stray strands delicately framing his face and highlighting his subtle cheekbones, that were accompanied by slightly rounded cheeks.

His blue-rimmed glasses fit him a bit too big, but somehow it suited him. Up close Victor could see that his eyes almost had a warm wine tone to them, hidden in the soft brown and golds that you could see from afar. He thought about the first time he had seen them, the fear and worry that filled them. Now they seemed relaxed, comfortable in the soft silence of the room. His skin was tanner than Victor’s, though not particularly dark. It was almost like someone had mixed the colors of honey and cream.

Victor briefly imagined the comparison of their skin tones together, and blushed.

“So you’re from Japan?” Victor asked.

Katsuki nodded, writing something down on one of the many sheets of paper on his clipboard. “Mhm.”

"Then what made you want to move to St. Petersburg?"

"They offered me a position here, as well as a good raise, and the hospital I was at previously was getting kind of overloaded with new employees, so me and my daughter packed up and moved. We were sad to leave Hasetsu, but we like it here.”

Victor’s mouth went dry. "You have a daughter?"

The doctor’s eyes brightened as he asked. “Her name is Emi. She’s five and has more spirit than anyone I know.”

"Oh," Victor said, voice soft. "So you're married?"

"No," Yuri replied. His smile dampened for a moment, before returning to its original state.

Victor let the conversation end there, not wanting to push for more information. The doctor left soon after, but told Victor that he would return later with some of his release paperwork since that would be soon. Once he was gone ,Victor curled into a ball, craving… something. The TV became background noise to his thoughts.

A vacation, huh? The only time he had ever been to Japan was for the NHK Trophy… but maybe he would like it. He wouldn’t be in the city, instead he might have some peace and quiet, away from his demons here in St. Petersburg. He pushed away the realisation that he would be visiting Dr. Katsuki’s home, but somehow even the idea didn’t seem as upsetting as it probably would have been a week ago.

When the doctor returned he also brought some contacts for psychiatrists, which Victor wasn’t surprised to see. What he _was_ surprised about were the little notes written in the margins, explaining the basics of each ones techniques and practices and how their personalities might work well with Victor’s.

A small bloom of warmth appeared in Victor’s chest, and he thanked him quietly. Dr. Katsuki seemed slightly surprised at how well he responded and how genuine he seemed, but it also looked like it made him happy.

Victor knew he had messed up. He wasn’t at all where he had planned to be.

But it seemed the world wasn’t done with Victor Nikiforov quite yet.


	3. Chapter 3

Victor wished he could've said he was happy to leave the horrid place. 

But, getting the vicious greeting from outside the doors was exactly what ruined his mood. He first woke up and found a change of clothing along with his cellphone and wallet on the edge of the bed. Instead of Anna, it was Doctor Katsuki who was there to give him a goodbye. He gave Victor the papers to sign as well as a card for the Psychiatrist that he was suppose to have come to his apartment soon enough. Victor kept his promise and didn't thank the doctor, he knew Doctor Katsuki noticed as well.

That was the reason why Doctor Katsuki thanked Victor for his time and hopes he lives a lot happier than he does now. The talk was short but it was enough for him, he soon met Yakov down at the first floor. It felt surreal at first, then the doors opened to the outside and flashes met behind bars that they must've had to put out due to the journalist.

Victor stuck his earphones in and blasted whatever he had on his cellphone to drown out the questions that were being thrown at him. Yakov helped him in the car and they left, he turned down his music and went through his messages from people like Chris and some of the other members of Team Russia. He decided to reply later on in the day in order to clear his mind.

Something inside him really started to grow, he didn't know if it was good or bad in that sense. 

He was stuck in a hospital room with people on his case all the time, eating horrid food he wish to forget about, seeing Yuri come in every single day at the same time, listening to Anna gush about Doctor Katsuki, and Doctor Katsuki. 

The man was on Victor's shit list, there was no lie there. But, apart of Victor knew he shouldn't of been mad yet he was. Victor looked down at the business card of the Psychiatrist he was mentioned about, he turned on the back to find a handwritten note.i

 _Hasetsu, Kyushu, Japan_  
_Yutopia is the Onson_  
_Mention my name & you'll be given everything for free._  
_I hope you take this off._  
_\- Dr. Yuuri Katsuki_

He flipped the card back over in shock, turning it back to reread it again. The thing he talked about wasn't fake. Victor almost wanted to imagine a small city with not many people, but living in St.Petersburg makes it seem like it doesn't even exist. He put the note Doctor Katsuki in his pocket, examining the outside weather. Lots of snow was coming down, it was beautiful but sad at the same time. Yakov was still quiet, he hasn't said a word and never came to see him after his birthday.

"How's everyone doing?" Victor spoke, not breaking his attention from the outside.

"They're okay."

Short, but it was something.

"Yuri told me you didn't have practice."

"Did he?" Yakov asked back, it wasn't surprise either.

Victor tilted his head down, "You know it wasn't your fault."

"I can't help but blame myself."

"Why?"

"I'm your coach."

The skater picked his head up to direct his eyes at Yakov, "You know it wasn't your fault. Why do you blame yourself for my actions?"

"I'm your coach, it's what I'm suppose to do."

"Yakov." Victor snapped, "That had nothing to do with skating. Which means it had nothing to do with you."

The older man coughed into his hand, shaking his head. Victor eyed him carefully, the fact that he blamed himself made Victor feel guilter than he already started too. It was bad enough that Yuri came in to visit him every day to make sure he was okay and alive.

"When you have people that you've grown to care about as if they're your own children, then we can talk."

Victor stopped speaking after that, the rest of the ride was silent as they got to his apartment. There were tons of people waiting behind the bars they placed to keep them away from the entrance. Yakov got out first, Victor soon slid out of the seat and onto his feet and heading up the steps to the apartment complex. Victor got in smoothly, no one said a word to him once he got to his room.

"I'll be over later tonight with dinner, if you'd like. Yura was going to join too."

"Okay," Victor replied.

He was soon greeted by the sounds of paws hitting the floor once Yakov left, Makkachin came running into the living space and jumped towards Victor. Victor gave a real smile for the first time in awhile, Makkachin covered his face with kisses as he whimpered.

Victor chuckled, petting his poodle. It reminded him of when Yuri brought Makkachin to the hospital, Makkachin gave Doctor Katsuki a lot of love too. 

"Oh, Makkachin, I'm okay now. I'm here."

Victor walked over to the couch, turning the TV on as Makkachin rested himself on Victor's lap after he sat down. Sports program was on, he switched it instantly to a rerun of a show. He didn't want to see the news. He didn't want to see sports new. He didn't want to see himself on the screen. As he pet the poodles head, the skater pulled his phone out and started to go through messages.

_**Christophe: Victor, please tell me you're okay. Reply to me as soon as possible.** _

_**Mila: Victor, where are you?** _

_**Anton: Victor, are you okay?** _

_**Inessa: What happened??** _

He only replied to Chris since he'd be seeing the others soon enough, letting him know that he is home and well. A message came back instantly which shocked Victor because Chris never replied so fast.

**_Christophe: Don't ever scare me like that again! I thought you were dead!_ **

Victor chuckled, putting his cellphone down and holding onto Makkachin as he laid down on the couch comfortably. There wasn't anyway he was planning on leaving this place unless he really had too. It's already been a week since the incident, it felt like it happened yesterday. But here Victor was, laying on his couch alone with his dog. There wasn't any doctor's constantly coming in. No IV's in his arm. No band on his wrist. No one was here, except him. 

It felt strange.

Looking forward to coming home when there isn't anything to look forward to doing. Victor laid emotionless and still, Makkachin in his arms and began to listen to the house that only filled with the noise coming from the TV. 

 

-

 

"Victor!"

The banging on his bedroom door awoke him from his sleep, the voice was definitely Yuri's and that's what confused him the most.

Since when did he have a key to my place?

"Victor! Why is your door locked?! What did we tell you?"

Victor reached over on the counter to grab his phone, reading the time 9:04 AM.

"I'm alive if that is what you're wondering," Victor replied flatly, getting up from his bed and pulling on the sweats and t-shirt he left on the floor yesterday after his shower. He pulled himself to his bedroom door, unlocking it to open it and find Yuri standing there in a very annoyed stance. The hood over his head made him look smaller towards Victor, causing a chuckle from him.

"Are you an idiot?"

"Goodmorning to you too."

The older man walked past him, finding Makkachin already eating his own food as well as Yakov sitting at the dining table. Victor rubbed his stomach slightly, feeling his warm skin as he made eye contact with him.

"Hi, Vitya."

"Hi."

"I hear Dr.Orlov is coming to see you today. It's been almost a week hasn't it? You haven't left once and I even started practice again," Yakov starts to complain, Victor opens the refrigerator door and pulls out milk to pour in a cup, "When are you getting out?"

"When I want too." Victor murmurs, sipping the milk from his cup.

Yuri moved from the hallway towards the couch, sitting down on it and began to play on his phone.

"Everyone is asking about you," Yuri stated.

Victor brushed it off, "Were you able to do well for the Russian National?"

"Of course, I won."

"Good."

Silence dropped between them all, Victor dumped the rest of the glass out realizing the milk was bad. He's been coped up in his apartment since Saturday, every time he wants to get out something pulls him back. Yuri and Yakov have been coming in daily to check on him, even Mila for that matter though she gets easily annoyed when Victor starts making snappy comments towards her.

Victor is too angry to deal with anyone which is why today his Psychiatrist is coming in to speak about everything. Victor has been pushing aside the Hasetsu trip for this reason, maybe he doesn't need a vacation. But talking to someone about his problems also makes the vacation sound like heaven. Victor is a walking contradiction and he's beginning to comprehend why everyone finds him infuriating. 

"Yuri, have you started trying to figure out what theme you want for the Grand Prix this year?" Victor asked curiously.

"No, why?"

Victor shrugged, "I was wondering if I could make your short program for you."

He saw from the corner of his eye as he rinsed out his cup that Yuri sat up quickly, looking over the couch confused.

"Huh?"

"I want to make your short program choreography for you, is that okay?"

Yakov gaped at Victor, "Vitya.."

"If you want too." Yuri said quietly, "Do it."

"Okay."

"Victor, are you planning on going to the Grand Prix this year?"

Victor turned off the sink instantly, pausing to get the words through his head. Considering whether or not he was going to answer, there was a knock on the door. He licked his lips before walking over to the door, opening it to find a woman with a suitcase and a small smile on her red painted lips.

"You must Victor Nikiforov, it's lovely to meet you. Dr.Katsuki told me about the case."

They shook hands and Victor moved his body to the side and let her in, she glanced around the room curiously before meeting Yakov and Yuri's gaze.

"Hi, I'm Dr.Orlov." 

Yakov stood up and shook her hand warmly, Yuri shook her hand as well and awkwardly.

"We'll get going, Victor let me know when you want to come to the rink." Yakov said, they left silently and shut the door behind themselves. Victor rubbed the back of his neck, his body feeling really hot. He was nervous, so what? 

Dr.Orlov set her case on the dining table, "Why don't we sit and we can discuss this?"

Victor nodded, walking towards the table and sitting across from her. He brought one foot on the chair, sitting with his arm around his leg and the other on the ground. They sat in silence as she pulled out some papers and one of them included hospital work.

"So, Victor, tell me what you've been doing since you've been home for a week?"

He coughed slightly, "I have been home. I have lunch and dinner. I play with my dog. I clean.." His voice trailed off feeling slightly embarrassed at how it sounds out loud, "I haven't gotten out of the house."

"You haven't gone to skate or anything?"

"No, ma'am."

"Why is that?"

Victor looked at his hands now, "Why do you think? You've read up on me right?"

"There is a difference to what is on the paper and what you have to say personally."

Her tone was very firm and Victor peered at her, "I don't know what to tell you."

"We're taking baby steps here, I want to understand the basics so I know how to figure out what methods to take."

"Baby steps?"

Dr.Orlov smiled softly, "In order for me to know the limits, we are taking baby steps. I will listen to whatever you are willing to tell me. You're a grown adult, Nikiforov. I don't want you to feel like because of that, you can't tell me how you feel. A lot of people go through stuff like this."

"..Like this? Like what I've gone through?"

"Not exactly, of course." She replied, "No one knows how it feels even if they've gone through it but they've been in the same boat."

"No one understands how I feel, Dr.Orlov."

"Which is why I'm here to-"

"-Because you know I feel right? Are you going to try to help me too? Like Dr.Katsuki?"

The smile she wore never faded except it had more sympathy expressed in it and now, Victor wanted to laugh at the words she was spewing at him. No one will understand because no one has never asked in the beginning, he's never had people to go to which is why it built up to now. The frustration he's felt through his skating career has hit him and Victor can't go back now. Not like this.

"Nikiforov, you do know what Dr.Katsuki did was for the best?"

"Is that what you're going to tell me now? That Dr.Katsuki saved your life and you should be greatful- Well, I'm not. He sure as hell knows I'm not too." Victor spat, he moved both of his feet on the ground as he sat up properly, "I can't even believe that I've actually gone through this now."

"Victor, you need to understand that this is serious and I'm only trying my best to help."

"You want to help me? Well, here's something for you to work on. I've been alone for over twenty years. I have been skating through most of it, trying to make my way to the top and now that I'm here- It's like I have nothing left." His body moved forward as he stood up in anger, "Imagine how it feels being in my shoes. You think life is great right? Constantly winning and getting rewards, hearing people praise you and worship you.

"But no, it's not like that for long. Because everyone sees you as a _threat_. Being a threat is the worse thing because no one cares about you, they care about _beating_ you. You can't tell me that you want to help if you don't understand what it's like to be in living legend Victor Nikiforov's skates. Skating is my life, I have nothing left in me."

Dr.Orlov's smile faded and she scribbled down on the piece of paper in front of her before looking up at him.

"Anything else, Nikiforov."

It's like nothing went through to her. Victor sat back down in the chair in defeat, staring at the paper she wrote on.

"I might not be in the Grand Prix this year."

She tilted her head curiously, "Oh?"

"Yeah, I don't know if I can."

"What about the Worlds? Europeans?"

Victor shook his head slowly, "I haven't thought about it at all."

"Well, why don't we talk about it more."

Dr.Orlov sat in front of him with her pen in hand, Victor studied her face. He couldn't believe after all that has happened to him, this is what it lead up too. Nothing is going to be the same. He didn't want to be in any competitions right now. Maybe later on, he still had until later on to sign up for the Grand Prix if he wanted too. But, Victor needed time to think. He's not at all mentally stable.

Never has been which is why this year is different. It's already January, he's been home since New Years. The man feels like he has nothing else to give in his life. Twenty-eight, not married, alone, a star ice skater. What more is there?

"I think.. I think I'm going to take up Dr.Katsuki's offer on going to his family's onson."

"Why's that?" Dr.Orlov asked.

"I need to get away."

_I need to get away now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).


	4. Chapter 4

The only person who knew about his trip idea besides Dr.Katsuki was Dr.Orlov.

No one else knew that he'd be at the airport early in the morning. With the help from the old couple that lives next door and his handy scarfs, Makkachin and him were able to get passed the journalist around the entrance of his apartment.

It was a wonderful feeling the moment he sat down in the car as Abram drove off to drop Victor off at the airport. He got through security and luggage with ease, waiting for his plane to be called. It wasn't too busy on a Sunday, it was mainly a lot of people coming to Russia instead of the other way around. Victor sat in silence, playing on his phone and checking the time on the screen.

He glanced up to see a sign that stated the arrival of his plane. Victor stood up and headed towards the area he was suppose to be going, people started to line up as well as Victor did with his number that he received. The plane began to board after 10 minutes of awkward standing, Victor was ready to go there was no patience. _He needed to get away._

After his ticket was checked, Victor headed in and went straight towards a seat he thought suited him. The skater took a seat by the window, waiting paitently. Staring out the window at the runway, there was a plane that was parking into the spot across from theirs.

The distraction was enough to make him not notice the young girl who took a seat next to him.

"Excuse me," A flight attendant spoke formally, "Ms.Emi wanted to ask if it was okay to be seated next to you."

Victor met the unfamiliar young girl's eyes, her smile reached the dark brown shade and Victor nodded.

"Of course," he replied with a smile, as if he could turn down a child in a public place.

The flight attendant helped Emi into the seat next to Victor, she began to explain the rules to her. Emi squirmed in her seat, nodding quickly in response to what she was saying. Victor could tell that the lady knew Emi was getting impatient, it made him laugh. The young girl looked up at him with glee once the flight attendent left. Children weren't a favorite in Victor's liking, he didn't mind them but wasn't serious enough to have them. Yet, there was a bit more familiarity in her when he finally got a good look at her.

"I love your skating."

Victor's eyes widen from her fluent Russian and choice of words, "You know me?"

"Victor Nikiforov!" Emi squealed quietly, his heart skipped a beat at the sight of the girl.

He grinned amused, "Do you ice skate?"

Emi nodded her head vigorously, moving her body to slightly face him with the struggle of the seat belt she was buckled in. 

"My Papa is my coach! We ice skate together all the time when he isn't working."

"How old are you?"

She paused before putting her hand out to show off five fingers, "This many."

"Oh my, you're getting old aren't you?"

The high pitched laugh was music to his ears, the absolute adortion he was feeling was something interesting. Emi's soft chubby face complimented by her short black hair that had a gold clip in it on the left side of her head. She looked extremely familiar, not that he has ever met her but somehow felt like he did.

"I went to see you ice skate when I was four! Papa took me to the Grand Prix- We even got to see Otabek skate. It was amazing! Your outfit was sparkly and pretty- I can't wait to skate like you one day."

Victor's eyes soften as he nodded, "Of course! I hope to see you winning the Gold soon enough."

People continued to board as Victor and Emi discussed Ice Skating, who ever her parents were━they taught her very well. The intelligent conversations she was able to hold with him just about ice skating was beyond belief.

She knew the types of jumps and spins, every single skater who has competed for the Grand Prix for seniors and juniors. Though, she was Japanese, he didn't know why she was living her. Her Russian was great too, she must've been taught as a child.

"Emi, do you speak English?"

Her big, brown eyes blinked with confusion before she switched the language to English, "Yes. Papa taught me English, Russian, and Japanese. I like learning them, they're all similar in a way."

_Three languages? Is her dad a teacher or something?_

"What does your Papa do for his job?"

"He saves people."

The Russian looked at her in surprise at the choice of words once again. 

"He saves people?"

Emi had a prideful expression on her soft face, "Yeah. Papa is a doctor, he saves people every day. He has told me of people he has saved, he even said he saved you. I thought he was lying because Papa would've been more excited since he loves your skating too."

"Wait, Emi."

Victor turned his head away, the announcement began of their lift off. He buckled himself in, a flight attendant coming over to check on Emi before going back to her position up front. Emi sat with her hands clasped together, listening to the pilot. Victor zoned out the voice, getting his thoughts together to be more clear. _This is Dr.Katsuki's daughter._ It has to be, he's the one who "saved" him. This little girl who has been speaking to him is the daughter of the man he hates.

The plane began to move and Emi's first instinct was to reach and grasp Victor hand, they made eye contact instantly.

"Sorry, this part is scary."

He couldn't fight the small smile, taking her hand into his and giving it a squeeze.

"It's okay, it's scary to me too."

Emi sat back in her seat, not being able to contain her excitement as the plane took off.

 

-

 

The plane ride went better than expected.

A lot better than expected.

Victor spent the time playing with the things Emi kept receiving from the flight attendents. From the amusing children show on the screen in front of them on the seat to the board games in the activity basket. They shared food together and played through the hours, around 9 at night is when they fell asleep. Victor was able to snag two blankets for the two of them to share as one big blanket.

Emi rested her head on Victor's arm as he stared at the window, he hasn't been able to genuinly smile in over two weeks and here he is having a great time. It felt like the weeks were months by how slow they've gone by. He almost felt guilty for smiling and laughing, enjoying himself for that matter.

They both exited off the plane with each other along side the attendant who was suppose to watch over her. They were able to get their luggage, meeting with Makkachin at the Pet center and pick him up. Makkachin went to Emi immediately instead of towards Victor, her giggle made the sight rewarding.

"Makkachin! Papa said if I did good in school, I could get a poodle just like you Vicchan!" Emi explained joyfully, petting Makkachin's head.

"Is that so?"

The young girl grinned, "Yep! So, I have been doing good so far!"

"What would you name it?" Victor asked curiously, they began to walk towards the exit. 

"Probably Vicchan since that is what Papa named his poodle when he was younger!"

Victor paused in confusion, they were about to pass through the enterance when a loud yell was heard in front of them.

"Emi! It's Minako!"

Emi's eyes widen as she grasped Victor's hand and ran in the direction of the voice.

"Minako-sensei! Guess who I met!"

Victor looked up to meet eyes with an older woman, she looked in her early-mid thirties. The way her eyes widened just like Emi's must mean she knew who he was, they got through the entrance. Emi thanked the attendant before hugging Minako. 

"Vicchan, this is Minako-sensei! Papa used to take ballet with her!" Emi said with pride, "She taught me some too! She told me it would be better for my skating."

Minako stood in disbelief, Victor held out his hand formally with a small smile.

"It's nice to meet you, I'm Victor."

They shook hands, "I thought Yuuri was lying when he said you were going to come."

"Did you?"

Victor's reply threw Minako off, she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear before bending down to Emi's level.

"Well, why don't we take Victor home and you can call Papa. I know it's late and he's probably still at work so. We'll see if we can get through to him." Minako suggested, taking Emi's luggage from her with a smile. Emi nodded, looking up at Victor and held out her hand again for him.

"Let's go home!"

The beat that skipped in his chest did not go unnoticed by him from Emi's words. Her dark, brown eyes shining with utter happiness once Victor took her hand, they walked together through the quiet place known as Hasetsu.

The colors were beautiful, even with the snow surrounding the place. The place was a wonderland, though there wasn't as many people out as he expected to be. Dr.Katsuki was right, it is quiet.

Emi squealed at the view of a large building, they walked through the arch to find a large place with the lights on in the inside. She ran straight towards the door, Makkachin following after her.

"Minako-sensei?"

"Yes?" 

Victor stared at the snow they stepped in and followed Emi's small boot prints."Can you not tell Dr.Katsuki that I'm here?"

"Dr.Katsuki?"

The snort she let out made him look at her with seriousness, she didn't let out the laugh she intended for.

"Yeah, I can do that." Minako replied, "But you don't need to call him Dr.Katsuki. At home, we call him Yuuri. He doesn't mind it."

They came up to the door, an older woman greeting them warmly.

"You must be Victor, it's great finally getting to meet you in person. I'm Yuri's mom, Hiroko. Yuri has always been a huge fan since he was younger."

Victor shook her hand, "Thank you for letting me stay."

"Oh, it's not a problem! We have an extra room right next to Yuri's own, Emi will show you."

Emi stood happily next to Hiroko and grasped Victor's hand once he put the slips on, the rolling of his suitcase echoed through the place and Emi turned down a hall once they went upstairs to the rooms and slid open a door.

Victor found a large bed with a night table next to it and a lamp on the other side. A closet door was opened on the right side, it was vacant but big. There was a small table and love seat in the corner close to the door. It felt very home like.

"This is your room, Vicchan! I sleep in Papa's room," Emi pointed at the room next to Victor's room, not too far. "But if you want me to sleep with you if you're lonely, I can do that too. I do it for Papa all the time, he doesn't like being alone."

"Oh?"

The black-haired girl walked in and placed herself on the bed, Makkachin jumped on after her and sat down next to her.

"Moya babushka is making katsudon, it's Papa's favorite but I think you'll like it." 

Victor took a moment to take in everything that has been said to him since he boarded the flight. This five-year-old kid has been making him feel more at home then he has in a very long time, it's been able to cover the fact that she has no clue how much he hates her father. But, even the thought of her father hasn't been able to take the smile off his face by how kind she is.

She's five but he's taught her extremely well to the point where he does give him kudos. Emi may be small but she knows a lot more than he thinks. First, she already knew who he was and is probably a big fan along with Dr.Katsuki- Yuri. Victor must be important to them in some way shape or form, especially since Hiroko mentioned Yuri being a fan since he was younger. Yuri is a lot younger than he imagined him to be.

"Vicchan?"

Emi's voice brought him back to the real world, "Ah sorry. I was thinking- dinner does sound good. Why don't I meet you down there after I changed?"

"Okay! Moya babushka told me to let you know that you can use the onson downstairs to wash up before dinner."

"Thank you, Emi."

"Oh and Vicchan?"

Victor glanced at the door that she walked towards with Makkachin still trailing her, "Thank you for coming. It'll make Papa happy, just like me."

He couldn't hide his smile, "Thank you for letting me."

Emi closed the door behind her and Makkachin, Victor let out a breath as he set his suitcase on the bed. He's never felt so welcomed in a place that wasn't the ice, it was petrifying yet comforting at the same time. Victor stared at his open suitcase, a quiet laugh escaped his lips in shock. This was too much but it wasn't going to stop Victor from leaving.

He needs this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm happy that people are enjoying this- i hope it doesn't feel too rush.  
> i want to give it a realistic type feel. also.... I LOVE KID FICS IDK IF YOU CAN TELL.  
> emi is my favorite character i have ever created so far in all my writings.  
> my reference of what she looks like is himeko inaba, the child version of her, in kokoro connect  
> but i hope you're enjoying this!!

Morning came to Victor too early, he rubbed his eyes and realizes Makkachin is no where to be seen in his room. He rose off the sheets, sitting up straight and glancing around the room. The room was cold, colder than he expected it to be. Swinging his legs off the bed, Victor stood up and stretched his arms.

His cellphone was on the nightstand he stood by, giving him easy access to grab it before opening his suitcase to pull out sweat pants and a t-shirt. There wasn't any missed phone calls but two messages, probably from Yakov or Yuri. Victor tossed the phone on the bed, sliding the door open and his eyes caught the small figure standing at the door immediately.

Emi's black hair was now messy, she had on a long sleeve t-shirt with the word " **JAPAN** " on the front and bright blue pajama pants to go with it. Makkachin sat next to her, the wag in his tail showing he is fully awake.

"Goodmorning, Vicchan." Emi mumbled, she put out her little hand for Victor. "Let's go have breakfast."

Victor smiled fondly, taking her hand into his and shutting the door behind himself. Letting Emi lead himself and Makkachin to the main room, there was Minako-sensei, Yuri's parents, and another older woman.

"Goodmorning, Vicchan!" Hiroko said happily once she caught the sight of Emi and Victor walking in.

"Morning," Victor replied weakly, sitting down at one of the tables with Emi next to him.

Makkachin took the place on the other side of the table, snuggling up against Minako as Hiroko brought out plates. The dish placed in front of him seemed to be an omlete of some sort with ketchup on the top.

"Made your favorite for your first day here, Emi."

"Thank you! You're the best!" Emi gleamed, grabbing her spoon and thanking them before digging in.

Victor grasped his spoon in hand, starting to eat. His eyes widen at the flavor, it was just like yesterday when he first tried the Katsudon. The taste was incredible, Victor could eat Hiroko's food forever if he wanted too.

"This is amazing."

Hiroko beamed, "I'm glad! There is plenty more where that came from!"

They ate in comfortable silence, Emi spoke to Hiroko in fluent Japanese and adding English in there every now and then. That was the reason Victor was able to zone out the conversation and focus on the TV that they had in the common room. It looked like sports, he noticed the screen now showing Ice Skating. He already missed the Russian Nationals, it looks like Yuri won that one this time.

He stared down at his half eaten plate, forgetting about everything he just left behind for a two week trip here. It could be a massive mistake on his career if he stays out of the spotlight like this for a long amount of time. Especially with the Four Continents next month and World right after. Victor had a couple programs ready but they still needed to be cleaned.

"Vicchan?" Emi's voice next to him snapped him from his thoughts, he looked down at her with a small smile.

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?"

Concern-filled eyes poured into him, they looked exactly like her dads.

"Oh, I'm okay. Still sleepy, what did you want to do today?"

The concern was soon replaced with excitement, "I was thinking I could take you to Minako-sensei's ballet studio and show you some stuff I learned from my ballet class here and at home! You'll come too, right Minako-sensei?"

Victor patted Emi's head wholeheartedly, "A wonderful idea."

Once they finished breakfast, Victor and Emi went to change while Minako helped clean up with Hiroko. Emi squeezed Hiroko and Toshiya goodbye then they headed out together in the cold weather city.

The walk was quiet, a few people were out and about but not many. The sky was cloudy, giving Victor a feel of St.Petersburg against his skin. A gentle squeeze was felt at his fingers, he glanced down at Emi holding his ring and middle finger with her blue gloved hand.

Following Minako, they soon stood in front of the ballet studio. The older woman unlocked it and flicked the light on, Victor held the door open for Minako and Emi before walking in himself to come face to face with the medium sized studio. A mirror that took up the entire wall ahead of them, cream colored walls on the rest that had frames of pictures and awards on them.

The bar went the same length right by the mirror, everything was untouched and new in a way that threw Victor off.

"Remember to take off your shoes and go change, Emi."

Emi squealed in response, running to the girls bathroom that was in between the boys and office. Victor removed his own shoes, shrugging off his scarf. 

"Some of Yuuri's clothes are in my office if you wanted something to work better in," Minako suggested warmly, pointing at her closed door office.

"Thank you," Victor spoke formally, "Where do I change?"

She directed his attention to the boys restroom, heading into her office and coming out with a neatly folded pair of clothing. Victor wandered into the bathroom, slipping into the slightly fitted t-shirt that matched his eye color and grey leggings that fit nice and snug in the right places.

There were a small pair of lockers behind the walls where the toilets were, Victor made one his own and put his clothing along with his cellphone and shoes in there. He found Emi stretching on the floor with Minako, her pale pink attire making her look like the perfect ballerina. The black hair that was usually down and messy was up in a braid. Their eyes met and he could see the solid second that they lit up at the sight of him, making him grin.

"Vicchan, come here. We gotta stretch first," Emi stated, patting the spot next to her. 

Victor planted himself close to her, starting to stretch his legs like he usually did before going on the ice. 

"I feel extremely starstruck knowing you're sitting here with us right now." Minako said, breaking the silence in the room.

"Are you a fan as well?" Victor curiously asked, skillfully bringing both legs.

"I do love figure skating, especially when Yuuri does it. You're a close second."

The skater laughed softly, "Close second?"

"Christophe Giacometti from Switzerland is on top there."

"I understand, he's got quite the skill in the field."

Minako nodded in agreement, "Emi. Have you told Victor who your favorite skater is?"

"Oh! I love Vicchan and Otabek, they're both really pretty on ice. Did I tell you Vicchan- that Papa got me a team Russia jacket just like yours? He made it for me for my birthday last year." Emi rambled on, speaking about the jacket and Victor wasn't going to lie about how good it made his heart feel. 

"I'm honored to be your favorite skater, Emi."

"You are?"

Victor patted her head gently, "It's the best feeling knowing it's coming from you."

Emi beamed with joy, starting to talk about her favorite programs that Victor has done.

 

-

 

The next couple days were about the same as the first, Victor woke up to delicious breakfast and went to the studio with Emi and worked on their stuff until lunch time. They stayed home until taking Makkachin for a walk together in the small area they knew. It's his fourth day already, Victor headed down stairs and yawned lazily. He noticed Emi wasn't there, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

Hiroko had set a plate down for Victor, customers who had stayed in the inn were watching a football game. 

"Where's Emi?" He asked, sitting down on the floor comfortably as he grabbed his fork.

"Oh, she's getting ready. Emi wanted to wake up first before you so she could eat and ask if her and I could take you out into town today." Hiroko responded, "She ate first and everything."

Victor's cheeks fell pink, "Oh. That's so sweet you guys."

"It's all her, Vicchan. Now hurry, Emi doesn't like to wait."

After eating, Victor changed into a black t-shirt and dark blue jeans. A not too heavy beige jacket to go over his shirt and a white scarf to go with it. He grabbed a pair of ankle boots and his phone, going downstairs to find Makkachin sitting by Emi while she put on her black boots to go with her black tights and forest colored green dress that was long sleeve, she had on a black coat over it to keep herself warm. Victor smiled, sitting beside her and starting to put his own shoes on.

"So, this was your idea?"

Victor glanced at Emi, her cheeks were flushed and she put on her grey beanie.

"You've never been here right? You gotta see it, I wanna take you to my favorite bakery."

"Are you two ready?" Hiroko spoke up from behind them.

Victor and Emi stood up quickly, nodding at the same time. Hiroko lead them out, the sky was a beautiful grey color once again. They walked together quietly, Emi and Victor in front of Hiroko and Makkachin. They were on a bridge now, Victor overlooked the sight of the ocean and a couple standing close to one another.

Nothing showed that they minded the cold weather, talking in fluent Japanese as they walked by. He gazed down at the sight of Emi and him holding hands, something they've grown a lot into doing. Victor didn't mind one bit either, it made him feel comfortable and not alone like he thinks he should feel.

There were more shops coming into view, more people around too. Possibly doing their own shopping for food and miscellaneous things, Emi pointed straight ahead at the bakery she spoke about earlier. The strong scent of sweets and pastries filled Victor's nose in the tiny, corner store of the place.

There were plenty of breads and treats, Hiroko started a conversation with someone who looked to be the owner. Emi grabbed a tray and tugged Victor along to find some bread.

"Pick any you want, you use this." Handing him the tongs, "We put it on this tray and go up and pay."

They took their time choosing, giving Hiroko a chance to speak to the woman in charge. Victor noticed how very similiar Emi and his tastes were in sweets, he watched her walk over to Hiroko and tapping her arm. Hiroko smiled, looking at Victor.

"All done?"

Victor nodded, Hiroko paid and said goodbye to the workers. Makkachin sat outside waiting for them to return, trodding next to Hiroko once they started to walk again. Emi handed him a pastry that he picked out for himself and took another one out for herself before handing the bag to Hiroko to put in her basket.

He began to eat it, following Hiroko and Makkachin since they were in front of them now. Emi still held onto his hand, his eyes scanning the area. Warm, friendly faces were everywhere in the shops and streets. 

"We'll go to the castle," Hiroko decided, "Maybe we can show you the ice rink before hand."

"Ice rink?"

"Ice Castle, the people who run it are very close friends with Yuuri and our family."

They found themselves going up stairs, a large building with an empty lot around. They walked into the vacant rink, Emi running up to the front desk.

"Anyone here?" Emi yelled out, bouncing with her hands on the edge of the counter.

"Coming!" A young woman's voice rang through the quiet building. 

Victor saw a woman walk up from behind the racks of skates, her brown hair in a messy ponytail. Her face soft, a smile that was very welcoming. Her eyes went straight to Emi, grinning as she looked over the counter at her.

"You came home? When?"

"A couple days ago! Papa sent me early," Emi replied with a giggle.

"Where's Yuuri?" The woman looked up at Victor, eyes widening from her spot. "V-Victor- The _Victor Nikiforov_ \- What-"

Emi squealed and clung to Victor's leg, "It's Vicchan, Yuuko! Isn't he pretty?"

"It's nice to meet you," Victor replied, waving his hand with a smile.

"Oh my god, Takeshi! Get Axel, Lutz, and Loop right now!" Yuuko yelled from her spot, her hands covering her face.

Victor glanced at Hiroko hoping for an understanding of the situation until an older man and three younger girls around the same age as Emi came out, their faces changing quickly at the sight of Victor.

"Victor Nikiforov? Is that really you?" Takeshi asked confused, shock showing more and more.

Victor reached his hand over and shook his hand into Takeshi, "It's nice to meet you. I'm guessing you are fans as Yuuri and Emi are?"

"Yuuri has looked up to you for years, why- why are you here?" Yuuko asked confused, "I thought you were recently.."

Her words came to a halt, realizing what she was about to say. Victor's chest pang with hurt, his smile weakening. This was the first time it's been brought up since he has been here, no one has said a word to him until now. 

"Vicchan wanted to come see Hasetsu," Emi interrupted while tugging at the denim of Victor's pants, "Makkachin is here too."

Makkachin was sniffing around curiously during the conversation, Yuuko smiled apologetically.

"Of course, if you guys ever want to come ice skate. Let me know, I'll make sure no one comes by."

"Thank you."

"Alright, well, we wanted to show Vicchan the rink for reference. We'll be going to the Castle." Hiroko finally spoke, they parted ways and headed up more stairs.

The trees weren't green yet, not to Victor's expectations. Snow was still on the floor, he held Emi's hand more cautiously. They made it up the hill, Victor stared in awe at the snowy sight. The Castle was huge, still higher up but close enough.

Benches were placed around the area, little things here and there to set the place apart from down below. Emi ran straight ahead, jumping into a large pile of snow with a giggle. Makkachin followed after her, bouncing around carelessly.

Hiroko began to scold her to watch out about getting snow in her boots, Victor followed Hiroko over to the bench she went for and pushed off the heavy amount of snow. They sat down together as Emi played around, snow getting on her beanie and coat.

"I was surprised when Yuuri called me last week to let me know that you might be coming." 

Victor continued to keep his eye on Emi, " Why's that?"

"I'm used to Yuuri's phone calls about patients coming in, but I never expected you to be the next one." Hiroko brushed her hand on her cheek, "That boy has looked up to you for so long. No one wonder he was so anxious when calling me that day."

There was a pause between them, Victor didn't know whether or not to reply.

"But I'm glad you're here, I know Emi hates being alone without Yuuri. He knows it too, which boggles my mind that he sent her alone. But then I saw you with her."

"Actually, this was a last minute plan for me." Victor stated quickly, "I wasn't actually planning to come but it was suggested to me. I met Emi on the plane after she asked to sit by me."

"Did she?"

Hiroko's laugh made a fuzzy feeling start in his stomach, Victor intertwined his own fingers together shyly.

"It's expected. Just like her father, she idolizes you."

"I've noticed, everyone seems to know me in this family?"

The older woman nodded quickly, "When Yuuri was younger, he used to go ice skating with Yuuko and Takeshi. Yuuko was the one to show him your skating, I believe you were 15 when he first showed me who you were too. I bought all the merchandise he wanted, including his own poodle. He named it Vicchan."

"Vicchan?"

"You know the reason, _Vicchan_." Hiroko responded with a wink, opening the bag and taking out a pastry.

Victor's eyes went to his lap, "Did he tell you what happened to me?"

"No. He never tells us the patient's case. Just that they need somewhere to relax. But, I saw it on the news."

His heart dropped, the thought of how many people saw that and immediately thought he would do it for attention. Victor hasn't watched any news or sports channels since the incident, keeping away from social media and messaging anyone.

"I hope you're having a nice time so far," Hiroko continued, "I like watching people leave with a happy smile on their face."

"Thank you, for having me. It means a lot to me."

Hiroko patted his shoulder as he met her eye contact, "Go play with them. You need it."

Victor chuckled, standing up from the bench and walking over. They decided on building a snowman together, Hiroko watched from her seat and snapped a picture. 

_To: Yuuri  
From: Mom_

_[image attached]  
_ _They're having a lot of fun thanks to you._

 

-

 

Night fell rapidly, Victor was laying in his bed after dinner and washing up in the onson that he has grown to enjoy. Makkachin wasn't in his room once again. The toss and turn of his body was getting annoying. Victor took in the darkness and silence around him, suffocating almost.

Everyone knows what he did, but they don't know the reason behind it. Everyone knows who he is, but not entirely. The thought of what people could be saying right about his actions was eating him alive now, he hadn't worried about his phone so much until today. Victor only used it to take some pictures of Emi and Makkachin. He didn't want anyone to know where he was, one of the reasons why he also stayed off social media minus what he had said to him.

He sat up, remembering Emi's recommedation.

Victor found himself standing in front of Yuuri's bedroom door, he held the hem of his shirt and was trying to gain the courage to knock. Emi did tell him it was okay, Victor huffed with annoyance at his reactions before knocking on the door.

"Come in!" Emi's voice was the response, Victor slid the door open at the notice of the new room he hasn't seen.

Makkachin was laying at the end of the bed while Emi sat at the desk that was a bit too big for her. A coloring book was on the table with crayons sprawled on it, Victor shut the door behind himself.

"You can't sleep?"

Victor nodded, "It's a bit too hard tonight."

Emi hummed in understanding, "You can sleep in here tonight with us. I'm sure Makkachin won't mind."

He started to examine the room, noticing a couple posters of himself on the closet door. Sheets on the small bed, imagining Emi having to share with Yuri in it. Victor sat down, petting his poodle.

"Emi?"

"Hm?"

"What's your Papa like?"

Her hand stopped moving, dropping the crayon and turning around in the chair.

"What Papa is like?"

Victor nodded, waiting for her to start. Emi put her finger on her lips, thinking for a moment.

"Papa is a hero, he saves people and makes them feel better. He tells funny jokes, sometimes they're really bad too. He is a good ice skater, especially step sequences. They look so pretty. Papa can cook too, I love his desserts. Papa also likes to eat a lot but Grandpa says he gains weight too easy so that's why Papa doesn't eat that much. He likes songs without words or in different languages.

"He really likes you and Otabek, you guys are his favorite skaters." Emi giggled as she thought a bit more, "Papa smiles all the time, he's never sad. He is always working late, he does it at night time so he can spend time with me during the day and drop me off and pick me up from school. I love Papa a lot, he's a really good person. Grandma and Minako-sensei always tell me he's really selfless, which means he puts everyone before himself. I think it's silly though." Victor watched her face sorta fall into a bit of confusion, "I know Papa works hard, sometimes I can tell that he's tired. It's only been the two of us since I was a baby. But I do try to help him, I learned to clean my room and stuff. I want to help him like he helps me."

The self-awareness of Emi bothered Victor, knowing she's at a young age and she knows all of these things. 

"At least we get to see Papa in a few days," Emi started to turn around in her seat and begin to put her crayons away, "My birthday is coming soon so Papa said he'd be down here before then."

"Wait, Yuuri is coming home already?"

Emi nodded, putting the box down and getting off the chair. She motioned for Victor to lay down, he got under the covers as she turned off the lamp at the desk. The room was dark, only the moonlight hiding behind the curtains giving some light. Emi crawled onto the bed, getting under the covers and absentmindingly cuddingly up to Victor's chest.

"Papa said he'd be here the day before my birthday. So, he told me not to miss him too much."

Victor's heart picked up pace at the thought of seeing Yuri again, but this time it will be different. He'll be at his home, not in a doctor's coat or doctor's office. Victor is here, laying in Yuuri's bed with Yuuri's kid. Victor's arm went around Emi, holding her close to help her fall asleep.

The Russian shut his eyes, trying not to let the thoughts take over. It was only a matter of time till he had to face the man that got him where he was today. If it wasn't for Yuuri, Victor wouldn't be feeling this much joy. Mainly because of the little one in his arm, snoring quietly next to him. That's the one thing he is thankful for from Yuuri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this chapter was long but it's one of the important ones and one of my favorites  
> i really want to establish the relationship between emi and victor  
> also victor and yuuri's family
> 
> please leave kudos and comments!! i love feedback!!
> 
> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).


	6. Chapter 6

He never thought he'd find himself at the beach on a winter day where snow surrounded them while the water rushed onto the shore and pulled back. A blanket below his behind, Emi on his lap, as they gazed at the body of water ahead of them. Hiroko went out to take Makkachin to the groomers for Victor and mentioned the beach not being too far from the onson.

Emi tagged along without a beat, making Victor feel more at ease then he expected. Her head rested on his shoulder and her side against his chest, they were quiet; nothing needed to be said either. Victor had been thinking about what Emi said, Yuri was coming on Sunday which was two days away. Apart of him wanted to leave so he could miss seeing Yuri but he couldn't, especially not suddenly. Emi's birthday was that following Monday, ditching because he didn't want to see her dad was cruel. Victor knew that for a fact.

With that, he knew he couldn't leave at any point in time unless he really had too.

The wave's falling on the shore filled Victor's ears like his own thoughts, slow but harsh. He was falling in the comfort of Emi, there was so much sunshine around her during these cloudy days and it was beautiful.

"Vicchan?" Emi whispered, reaching for his hand and playing with his fingers.

"Hm?"

"Are you gonna skate again?"

Victor's chest tightened immediately, "Why do you ask?"

"I wanna see you skate again," replied Emi instantly. "Auntie Mari said you were too sad to skate when I asked her."

"She isn't wrong," he murmured quietly, just loud enough for her to hear.

Emi picked up her head and frowned, "But wouldn't skating again make you happy?"

"You think so?"

"Well, when Papa is sad, he goes to skate. I watch him go from frowning to seeing a smile on his face. I was wondering if it's the same for you."

"Papa and I are different people," Victor stated cooley, Emi glanced down at her lap and nodded.

"Can we try?"

Victor's eyebrows furrowed, "Try what?"

"Skating? We can go to the rink, it's only down the way. Maybe you can try."

"I don't know, Emi. Skating is the reason why I am sad."

"But being sad isn't good. It's better to smile," Emi mumbled with a huff, "Let's go try, Vicchan."

He's talked to Yakov. He's talk to Yuri. He's talk to Dr.Orlov. But the conversations never got anywhere due to his lack of trust and insecurity of not wanting to face what he had done and been through. Talking to the five-year-old girl, that he happened to meet on a plane and realized was the daughter of the doctor who kept him alive, was different. There wasn't any anger or force, Emi just wants to see him smile.

"Okay."

The light in her eyes glowed, "Really?"

"Did you want me to change my mind now?" Victor teased, patting her back for her to get up.

Emi stood up with a giggle, pulling his hand to help him off his butt and onto his feet.

"Let's go!"

They folded up the blanket together and began making their way to the rink below the Castle, Emi pulling at his hand and joy written across his face. There was something inside him coming back, reminding him of when his own mom took him to the rink for the first time and how he wanted to keep going again and again that week.

To the point where she ended up getting sick of it so his dad had to take him; his parents took turns after that. The look on Emi's face brought back the happy memory, the idea of joy.

_Genuine joy._

The rink was open like they expected, walking in together to meet Yuuko once again.

"Can Vicchan and I skate today?" Emi asked immediately after walking in, Yuuko smiled apologetically at Victor once again before going to the back and grabbing a pair of white skates.

"Here you go, I need Victor's size too."

Victor murmured his size awkwardly, they put on their skates on the other side of the room where the lockers were. He put the blanket in one of the lockers, tying up the laces slowly. This is the first time in almost a month since Victor put on ice skates, his hands were shaking. They shook vigorously, his cheeks getting hot from embarrassment. A pair of small hands landed on his, Victor looked up to meet Emi's gaze.

"Want some help?"

The child began to tie up the skates, making them tight like Yuri probably taught her. He stood up carefully, feeling the difference. Never has he gone that long without being in a rink, Emi smiled happily at him.

"Thank you," Victor said with a small smile, Emi only nodded and motioned her head to follow her.

They walked past the counter to the double doors that revealed the rink in the inside. Victor felt chills go down his spin when Emi opened the door, the air in the place cold. The ice was slightly used but still smooth, Emi walked up the door and grasped the wall to push herself on the ice and she began to smoothly move. Victor held onto the wall, stepping onto the ice carefully. Everything was shaking. His hands, legs, head, arms, etc. 

"Did you need to hold my hand?" Emi asked curiously, a flash of worry going through her face.

The Russian chuckled quietly, "I think I'll be okay but thank you, Emi."

She nodded quickly, "Let's go in a couple circles then."

Victor followed behind Emi slowly, listening to the sounds of the blades hitting the ice with each step. The shine of the ice glaring from the large windows on the walls that let in the light from outside, though it was snowing and cloudy, there was enough light to be lit in the room. He focused on Emi's skating form rather than the sound, noticing how she was getting it a lot better than he assumed she would've.

The pink gloved hands slightly out to keep her balance, Victor found it very adorable.

He began to move a bit quicker now, his legs getting the tingly sensation of excitement. The part of skating he does love, the reason why he skated. Exhilaration, the ultimate bliss his entire body goes through when he moves skillfully on the ice. Victor goes passed Emi, she stared at him in awe as he began to switch his legs and land a double axel without a beat. 

"Vicchan!"

A smile tugged at his lips when he began to skate more, going from a spread eagle to land a triple salchow. Victor slightly stumbled in his landed, his hand hitting the ice but that doesn't bother him due to the constant clapping and squealing coming from the other side of the ice. He stopped his body, looking directly at Emi's beaming expression. 

"That was amazing!" Emi giggled, skating straight towards Victor. "Can you show me a program?"

"You want to see me do one?"

Emi did a small twirl and shook her head in response, "Yes please!"

Victor crouched down to her level with a grin, "How about a new one? That no one has seen before?"

"Really?"

"Mhm, why don't you go stand off the ice and I can show you."

"Do you have a song for it? I can get the radio if you want and-"

"-No, Emi. No song for now. Let me show you the routine and then I can tell you what the song is."

Emi took in Victor's words, skating quickly over to the door and stumbling a bit. She held onto the wall, stepping off the ice and now directing her attention to Victor. He stood on the ice right in the middle, it was like pressing play to the music in his head. Victor began to skate along to the familiar tune that he had chose without Yakov knowing about it yet, Yakov doesn't even know about the program and neither does Yuri. 

His body moving to the first verse beginning, though the lyrics aren't in the piano cover he chose of the song, they still played along side the piano. Victor continued, starting a combination spin as the chorus came into play. Victor only focused on the song playing, remembering the moves he chose. Gliding across the ice, he went in for his quadruple lutz and landed it swiftly.

Victor didn't know if his short program needed to have more, including a triple salchow and a combination jump involving a triple axel as well as a triple loop. He planned for a quadruple loop before the music got quiet. The music was coming to an end in his head, focusing it back to it before sliding on his knees on the ice towards the end before picking himself up and placing one knee on the ice and his head into his hand that his elbow was resting on his thigh. 

Panting, Victor glaced over at the door where Emi stood and his eyes widened.

Tears were going down her face, her small gloved-hands rubbing her chubby cheeks. Victor headed over quickly to Emi, crouching down once again to hold out his arms for her. Emi went straight into his arms, hugging him tightly. 

"Emi, what's wrong?" Victor asked concerned, rubbing her back soothingly.

The young girl sniffled into his shoulder before picking up her head with a smile glowing, "That's the first time I ever got to see you skate such a sad song."

Victor only tugged her back in for another hug, letting her giggle in his ear and explaining how she felt about it.

 

-

 

The next couple days they had together before Yuri arrived, they spent most at the rink. Victor didn't know if he was still going to go for the Grand Prix this year but skating with Emi gave him a wonderful sentiment. The kind he remembered getting as a kid when he took lessons, looking forward every day to seeing his friends and working on his ice skating. Besides being yelled at by the coaches left and right, Victor enjoyed being one step ahead. 

Emi has been there to give Victor encouragment and even criticism for that matter, Victor took everything she said personally. Yuuko has even come in during the two days, talking with Emi about what could be added or fixed, taken out as well. Victor still took it, working on the short program. 

Sunday came along quicker than Victor expected, he woke up from the sound of customers downstairs watching a sports game on tv. The Russian blinked a couple times to adjust his eyes from his rest, Emi was snuggled against his side by the window. They still slept in Yuuri's bed together, not liking being by himself anymore. But he was sure it had to stop since Yuri was coming in today.

Victor was not ready to face the doctor again, especially after what he's done to him after the incident. 

Soft snores from Emi made him feel at ease, grabbing his phone from next to her without stirring her from her sleep. He unlocked it, finding a message from Yakov. 

 _**Yakov:** _  
_**MIA still? Please let us know, Dr.Orlov hasn't said anything.** _

A sigh escaped his lips, deciding to finally reply to him after it already being over a week now.

 _**Victor:** _  
_**Hasetsu, Kyushu I'm on vacation.** _

"Vicchan?"

Emi's voice startled Victor, glancing down next to him to see Emi rubbing her eyes sleepily and sitting up. Victor smiled fondly at her, locking his phone after sending the message. Her hand rested on his chest, keeping herself up and steady. 

" _Good morning_ ," Victor murmured in Japanese, Emi had been teaching Victor a few things in Japanese and being his translator when they go out together. Victor has been lucky that Yuri's family has English down a bit better than he expected. But everyone else around here is strict Japanese. 

"Morning, are we gonna eat?"

"I'm not hungry just yet but if you wanna go, you can."

Her body collapsed on the bed, snuggling up on Victor. The warmth next to him calmed his body, setting his phone underneath the pillow. Voices could be heard down the hall, Victor didn't feel to bother with it as he shut his eyes. It was too early to be up anyway. Time was going by quickly, already being here for over a week and Victor thinks it's only been a couple days. 

"Emi, you know I can't sleep in here anymore."

"Hm?"

"I can't sleep in here anymore."

Suddenly, Emi sat up from her position and eyes opened wide. The sad expression worn on the sleepy child's face wasn't making any of this easier.

"Why not?" Her voice weak with the two words she spoke.

"Papa's coming home today, I have to sleep in my own room."

"But- but we can all fit in Papa's bed."

Victor sat up now and took her hands in his own, "Emi, this is Papa's bed. Not Victor and Papa's bed, I have to sleep in my own room so he can sleep in here."

"That's not fair!" Emi pouted, her voice echoing off the walls. 

He watched her fumble off the bed, running out of the room with Makkachin running after her from his sleeping spot. Victor's hand pressed against his forehead, a sigh leaving his chapped lips and swinging his feet onto the floor. He headed out of the room, going downstairs to hear Emi whining to Hiroko about what Victor said. A few small shouts from Emi with Hiroko's stern voice right after each one.

"But Grandma!" Emi whined loudly, clinging to her leg.

Hiroko smiled apologetically at her and glancing at Victor, "Where would Papa sleep? He can't sleep with you and Victor."

"Of course he can! Papa loves Vicchan," Emi replied, the sniffling he was hearing was coming from her too.

"Emi, I'm sorry. I can't fix it." Hiroko stated, getting on her knees to be at Emi's level.

Wiping the tears away from her flustered cheeks, Victor crouched down next to Hiroko and gave a small smile to Emi. He ran his fingers through her hair, a few tears slipped from her big, brown eyes.

"Why can't you sleep with us?"

"That's Papa's room, he's in charge when he gets here." Victor whispered, "I know you want me to sleep in there too. But you have to think about what Papa wants too."

"Papa loves you, he should be fine with it."

A beat skip of his heart made his cheeks flush, "Papa loves you more and we think he'd only want you in there."

"But, Victor-"

"-Emi, there is no arguing about it." Hiroko snapped, frowning at her.

The young girl sniffled and stared at Victor sadly, "I don't want you to be alone."

Emi went straight towards Victor, wrapping her small arms around him and held him tightly. Hiroko and Victor eyes met, her smile the same as Yuuko's from the first time she met her. Victor rubbed Emi's back soothingly, calming her as she cried into his shoulder. This wasn't the best way they've started a morning, he knew Emi only meant good intentions but there wasn't anyway he could be in the same room as Yuri.

"I know, I know." Victor murmured back softly, "I won't be alone. I'll have Makkachin."

She raised her head, sniffling with thick tears still spilling from her eyes and leaving stains on her cheeks. A soft hush was given from Victor, he grasped a couple tissues and started to wipe her cheeks and eyes. Hiroko got up, treading towards the kitchen to get their breakfast started.

"Are you sure?" Emi whispered, taking the tissue to clean her nose.

"I'm sure, thank you for letting me sleep in the room with you. It helped me sleep a lot better."

The room was still quiet, all eyes were on Victor and Emi now. The TV still giving background noise to the situation, his stomach felt slightly sick. He's never had her react that way towards him before, it threw him off a bit. Her face had softened through her tantrum, he pat her head to subdue her.

"Did it make you happy?"

The words lingered in the air around them and Victor nodded, "It made me very happy."

"I hope so," her voice hoarse.

Victor helped Emi clean her face while Hiroko brought out breakfast for the two of them. The conversation was still in the air, customers didn't say a word the entire time until it was over and they went back to discussing plays made in the sport they were watching. Victor had never seen Emi like that before, Friday was happy tears but today was sad tears. The type of tears he's recently done more than he has in over twenty years. His heart was still acheing, the sight and words going through his head. 

_I don't want you to be alone._

_Did it make you happy?_

He put his chopstick down, standing up and excusing himself from the room. Ambling towards the stairs, Victor walked up taking each step one at a time and as slow as possible. Sliding the door open once he reached his room, he opened his suitcase and pulled out jeans and a long sleeve blue shirt. Yuri was coming soon, Victor didn't know to react or what to say to the man. Victor's hands slightly shook as he put on his clothes. Dr.Katsuki was going to be here and it was making him feel anxious.

Utterly anxious.

"Vicchan?" Emi's soft voice said from behind the shut door, it slide open and Victor stood with his coat in hand. Emi glanced at the coat then back up at Victor, a frown weary on her lips. "Where you going?"

"I wanted to take Makkachin for a walk."

"Can I come."

An unexpected hesitated breath was made, "Sure. Go get changed."

There wasn't a reaction to his response, Emi turned around and walked towards Yuri's room. The door shut behind her was all he heard, he grabbed his scarf and shrugged his coat on. Victor went down the steps, Hiroko standing at the bottom of them with a concerned look on her face.

"Is Emi okay?"

"I think she's still upset about the whole sleeping arrangements but-"

"-Vicchan.." Hiroko muttered, "You know that's not it."

His lips made a straight line, "I don't know."

"Why not talk to her about it? I know she was upset about you not sleeping in the room with her but it must be something else too. Let me know, okay? I don't want Yuuri to worry."

Victor nodded, Emi stood at the top of the steps once he glanced behind his shoulder. Makkachin was behind her, following her down the steps. Victor held out his hand for to take, their hands came together and they headed out in silence. They stood by the railing of the bridge, Makkachin sitting on the concrete by Emi's feet. Her arms wrapped around Victor's leg, hugging him tightly. The surroundings were cold and vacant, no one was around today. 

"Vicchan?"

"Yes, Emi?"

"Are you gonna be leaving?"

It was like the breath was knocked out of him, he gazed down at Emi. Her eyes staring at the water ahead of them, not trying to even see if he was looking at her.

"Of course not," Victor replied breathlessly, "I wouldn't leave without telling you."

"Promise?"

"Emi, what's wrong?"

She turned her head away from him, looking down at Makkachin. Letting go of his legs, she crouched down to pet the poodle fondly. Victor crouched down next to her, starting to pet Makkachin too.

"I wish Papa told me how to make you happy. He only told me you were sad and needed to be helped." Emi confessed quietly, "I wanted to try my best to be the next one to save you, like Papa did."

Victor's eyes focused on Emi, not knowing how to reply.

"I wanna be a superhero like him, I wanna be a superhero like you too."

"A superhero like me?" Victor whispered confused, tilting his head slightly.

"You make me happy, that makes you a superhero."

It was still, the air and surroundings. It was still between them, nothing was happening. Emi's words processing through his head once more, giving him a clear understanding. Makkachin sat up as soon as Emi stopped petting him, Emi gazed at Victor.

"Can I be your superhero?"

The skater paused in shock, he could see the hopefulness in his eyes like he used to see in Yuri's eyes at the hospital. Like he used to see in Yakov's eyes at the apartment. It was almost too much for him to bear, but Emi was trying. Just like Yakov, Yuri, Mila, Georgi, and Yuuri. A smile formed on his lips, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to pull her into his chest and hugging her tightly.

"Of course you can."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was actually going to add the meet of yuuri in this chapter but decided to save it for the next one because i wanted this one to focus on the last time victor and emi are together alone. 
> 
> this part was important to me and i hope you all enjoyed it too, all we want is victor to be happy and emi is the one who wants it the most for him.
> 
> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).


	7. Chapter 7

The air was cold and stiff, he sat at on the familiar bench while watching the snow fall alone. Tucking his chin into his scarf and staring down at his hands that were wearing gloves until he removed them. Emi was already back home, waiting for Yuuri to arrive. Hiroko said that his plane was coming in an hour, Victor took the chance to bail so he didn't have to be there for the welcome.

It's already been over thirty minutes, he had walked around almost pacing the city until he arrived at the Castle. Victor wasn't ready to face him as much as he wished he was, he couldn't figure out the words or thoughts. They jumbled in his head, making him feel more anxious than he wanted to feel. He let out a breath, watching the cold breath release from his mouth into the sky. It's already been a week since he got here, since he met Emi and left. 

Everything was quiet around him, no cars driving by or people walking. The whole world seemed to have stop, giving him time to process all his thoughts. Victor shut his eyes, hiding his face into his hands. He let out a sigh, weakly smiling into his hands. _What was he suppose to say to Yuuri?_ The way he was towards him, he was feeling a bit regretful but the thought shook from him again. Victor still held resentment towards Yuuri for being the reason he's alive, yet he was a bit thankful for him. 

Victor was able to meet someone who made him feel smile, the small girl that adored Victor. 

Yet, he can't seem to shake these thoughts away. There was so much confusion going through Victor's head, he didn't know how to feel about Yuuri. Grateful or Angry? Happy or Pissed? Victor's emotions don't make any sense, they contridict what he's been through as well. 

"God, why is this so hard?" Victor muttered to himself, he stood up slowly and moved his hands from his face. "Nothing makes sense."

He headed down the steps, taking his time and brows furrowed in frustration. Victor couldn't give Yuuri the cold shoulder with Emi around, that isn't his character at all especially around Emi. Once he reached the last step, he stared out at the scenery ahead of him. The clouds growing darker now, it was getting late. A car drove by, letting the wind of the movement brush his skin. Victor glanced to his right, hearing a sound of wheels rolling to make eye contact with a man.

The man paused in his spot, staring at Victor with surprise.

"Victor?"

The Russian hesitated and pushed his scarf off his mouth, "Dr.Katsuki?"

Yuuri pushed his mask from his mouth, giving him a small smile. 

"I thought you wouldn't be here already?"

The man chuckled quietly and glanced at the bit of distance between them, "I wanted to surprise Emi. Hiroko was told to tell her that."

"You knew?"

"Know you were here? Yes. My mother has sent me many pictures."

Victor's cheeks flushed under the lamp post that suddenly turned on while the sky dimmed in color, Victor looked away embarrassed. He was definitely going to talk to Hiroko about this.

"Did she?"

"Mhm, hope you're happy, you've made it on my home screen with Emi." Yuuri replied happily, finally moving towards Victor. "Has she been good with you? I know she can get a bit crazy at times when excited."

His breath hitched once Yuuri stood in front of him, "I- She's been amazing. You raised her well."

"Thank you, it always surprises me how many people tell me that."

"Being a single parent must be hard," Victor murmured quietly.

Yuuri's expression cringed a bit, "I don't like that term very much."

"Why's that?"

"Well, single parent means I did it on my own. Which I haven't, I had help. If you get what I mean."

Victor nodded quickly and dazed at his response, "I understand, I apologize."

Yuuri returned the nod, "Shall we get back? It's getting cold out here. I'd much like being in the comfort of the Onson."

They didn't speak after, walking in comfortable silence. Victor couldn't believe he had a conversation with the man at that moment, he was in the moment. There wasn't any thought process going through his head during the small conversation.

The sounds of Yuuri's suitcase clicking on the concrete helped make Victor's thoughts disappear once they made it to the Onson. Yuuri slide the door open, they were greeted with the warmth of the inside and a huge banner that read " **Welcome Home Papa!** " in bright blue crayon. Emi stood with the family that held a bowl of the delicious Pork Cutlet Bowl.

"Welcome Home!" The family spoke in unison, Emi squealed and ran straight to Yuuri.

Yuuri picked Emi up to pull her into a tight hug, spinning her around happily with a laugh that matched hers. Victor moved over to stand by Minako, she nudged his side with her elbow as Emi began to go on about how much she missed Yuuri.

"Papa! Can you believe it? Vicchan is here!"

The younger man laughed at his daughters words, "I know. Isn't that a nice early birthday present?"

Emi nodded back quickly, "Even Makkachin is here."

"Oh, I know. Grandma sent me photos, you guys seemed to be having a lot of fun together."

"C'mon, Yuuri. You need dinner, let's bring the party into the other room." Hiroko butt in with a smile, Yuuri nodded and everyone moved to the other room where a few customers sat by the TV and talked amongst themselves. Victor followed far behind, comfortably taking a seat in the spot he sat in the mornings. Yuuri sat a spot away from him as Emi sat on the other side of the table that faced Victor, Hiroko set the katsudon in front of Yuri and everyone began to sit waiting for the food to come out. 

"So, Emi, you ready for your party tomorrow?"

The young girl beamed once Hiroko set her bowl down in front of her, "Yep! I picked out my clothes and everything. Minako-sensei helped me pick it out!"

"Did she? Did you tell her thank you?"

"Of course I did, Papa." Emi scoffed, taking a bite of her pork.

Victor soon received his meal, eating in silence and listening to their chatter in the room. 

 

-

 

"Remember, we are meeting later around 10 to get the decor. We can meet in front of the bakery again."

Hiroko yelled at Victor from the door, reminding him as he left. Victor was heading out to set an order for the cake since Emi wanted the bakery to make it. Along as giving him an excuse to go pick up a gift for Emi, Hiroko gave Victor some money to use on her. There was a small shop Victor remembered down the way from the bakery that he had saw a sweater from the window that reminded him of Emi. Following memory, Victor walked on the path towards the bridge he has walked on many times including last night while speaking to Yuuri.

The conversation soon formed back into his mind, recalling the thought that Yuuri knew Victor was here. He told Minako not to tell Yuri but forgot to mention it to Hiroko. His face suddenly flushed once again, Yuuri has him as his home screen. _How embarrassing_.

Victor peered at the morning scenery, people walking around doing their business. One more block and he'd be at the corner bakery, that's where the other store is. He continued to walk, watching out for others who seemed to be taking their time at this time of day. It wasn't too cold, though the snow was still taking it's toll. It wasn't heavy last night, letting Victor feel at ease today. The bakery came into sight, he looked around before crossing the road to the boutique that had the sweater on the front of it.

He walked in, receiving the usual greeting from the worker up front with a friendly smile. Victor nodded at her with a smile in response, he walked towards the back where the kids section was to find a spot that had sweaters. He searched and searched till the pale pink sweater came into view, the picture of a puppy on the front of it with a few white bows to go on it. It screamed Emi in Victor's eyes, he grabbed it and paid.

"Victor?"

Looking up from putting the yen in his pocket, he met eyes with Yuuko. She stood tall in her usual attire, except with a purse that probably had her necessities inside. The warm smile on her face made his shoulders stop tensing as he returned the smile.

"Hi, Yuuko."

"You here shopping for Emi too?"

"Oh uh, I finished." Victor replied cooley, she grasped his warm and tugged him into the back.

"Good, you can help me find a gift then."

His eyes widened in surprise, "Wait what-"

"-So," Yuuko started quietly, "I've been watching the news a lot."

 _This is what she wanted to talk about._ Victor let out a soft sigh once her hand moved his arm and went to looking through the clothing on the hangers. He gripped the string made handle of the bag he was holding tightly, how was he suppose to respond to that?

"I don't know if you know this and I kept thinking on whether to tell you or not. But, it doesn't look good."

"How so?"

"The names they're using.. It's horrible."

His heart dropped immediately, it was like his heart jumped out and left without any warning. 

"They might be true."

"Victor, you can't take that kind of stuff to heart."

"You don't know what I was like when it happened, Yuuko." Victor whispered slowly. "I deserve this."

Yuuko shook her head as Victor looked away from her, "No one does, especially not you."

"I treated Yuuri like he was a piece of garbage when I was there. I only thought about myself. I just gave up on myself. I thought I deserved it and when Yuuri did what he did- I thought he deserved to be treated that way. I practically told him I hated his entire being."

"You what?"

Victor's throat was swelling, "I was an asshole to Yuuri. You understand that, right? He didn't tell you?"

"Yuuri doesn't tell us anything about his patients."

Her voice was stern but it wasn't meant to be harsh, "I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing too."

"I know. Yuuri has been treating me too well, it's making me confused."

"Confused about what? That's how Yuuri is, he's always a happy go lucky guy around other people even if he isn't by himself." She huffed out, stopping her hands from moving any more clothing, "Victor. Yuuri and I have looked up to you since we were younger. I'm sure he's somewhat upset about it, hearing this has made me upset too. But, I don't know the real Victor Nikiforov. I just know the one on the ice. Maybe you should fix that with him."

Victor bit his lip with defeat, "You're right."

"But do it when you're ready, not when you don't mean it. Okay?"

"Okay."

Spending the rest of the time really wandering again, going on his own to figure out what places were around that he remembered from the last time Hiroko and Emi took him out. Time flew by, Victor glanced at his phone to find it being almost 10. He looked around at where he was, following the group of people walking in the direction he knew the bakery would be. His eyes in sight of the bakery, trying to find Hiroko standing there but instead met with another view.

Yuuri stood by the window, peering into the inside at the decor. Victor got closer as Yuuri turned his head, waving at him happily.

"Dr.Katsuki?"

"You know you can call me Yuuri," he replied warmly, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

Victor coughed slightly, "Sorry.. Yuuri., I thought I was meeting Hiroko?"

"Emi decided to wanted my mother and her to bake the cake so that's what they're doing." Yuuri stated while glancing inside, "But we do need to get the decor and start at the rink."

"Right, of course."

"Did you get her something?"

Yuri motioned at the small blue bag and Victor nodded his head, "Uh yeah. I thought it would be the proper thing to do."

"I'm sure you being here is enough for her," Yuri said honestly, flashing a similiar bright smile that he's seen on Emi.

Victor glanced at the bag, "Decorations?"

"Ah yes!" Yuuri said to get off topic, "I wanted to do a blue color for her. She loves the color blue. Maybe different shades and we can make a huge mess of the rink."

"Blue?" 

"Blue."

The Russian takes in his words and nods, "Alright. Where do we go for that?"

"Follow me!"

The two of them walked together, Victor took in the sights that still impressed him even though it has been over a week since he arrived. Yuuri began to speak about the buildings, memories when Emi was first born and how they spent their time living here. Victor understood now the reason why Yuuri didn't like the single parent term, a label that wasn't true to what he said.

He was positive that Yuuri still did a lot of the work, he seems like someone who wouldn't want someone to take up what he could do himself. Just the look of him, shows how strong he is.

_Why is Victor praising him?_

Victor shook the thoughts away, continuing to listen to Yuuri ramble. If someone told him that he'd be here at this moment with a guy he hates, he would've laughed. But he wasn't laughing now, which was strange to him. The same reoccuring thoughts kept coming to his head, Victor was struggling to think about anything else because Yuuri is a big piece of why he is here today. Standing. Walking. Breathing.

"Oh, Victor?"

Yuuri stopped his walking and pointed at the store next to him.

"This is the shop, did my mom give you the money?"

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the yen to place in the palm of his hand, Yuuri grasped it securely and held the door open for Victor. They walked in one after the other, it was a small shop that was decorated with colorful party supplies. A quiet greeting from the front desk caught Victor's attention and Yuuri replied to the older man. Yuri and Victor started their search for the supplies together.

"Yuuri?" Victor murmured hesitantly, grabbing a pair of white streamers.

"Yeah?"

More hesitation held him back before he spoke, "Do you think it's strange that I'm still.. scared?"

"Scared?" Yuuri asked confused, looking over at Victor from his place in front of the balloons.

"I am worried about everything, what people are saying and career threatening choices and-"

"Victor." Yuuri cut him off with a small smile, "Don't think of the past if the present is treating you good now."

Victor blinked at him with shock, "What?"

"If you think too much of what happened in the past, it will affect you in the future. Don't let it do that, think about what you're doing now. We're trying to find birthday party supplies for your new best friend, aren't we?"

Yuuri's boyish smile made Victor's heart stop beating for a split second and he turned away from their eye contact to hide his blush, "Of course."

"Let's not make the princess wait now."

 

-

 

The rink looked really good.

When Victor says really good, he means _really good_.

Baby blue streamers all around the rink's edge and it was wrapped up with a white streamer. Yuuri got a banner that let you put in the letters yourself and put that on the wall near the door that was by a table, which had a dark blue table cloth over it and presents on top. The only gifts so far were from Victor, Yuuri, and Yuuko's family. Everyone was still home so there wasn't anything else yet.

Yuuko was able to find a table for the cake and they placed another dark blue table cover with the light blue plates for the cake. Hiroko said she was going to bring the cake for when they all arrived. The different shades of blue colored balloons were everywhere, Victor knew Yuuri went overboard with the balloons since the moment he grabbed the ten bags full of balloons.

"We did great!" Yuuri exclaimed, putting out his skates on the bench. "Emi's gonna love it!"

"You think so?" Victor asked curiously, glancing at the place.

"Wow," Yuuko murmured as she brought up her hands to her mouth, "It's beautiful!"

Yuuri beamed with joy, "Victor, did you bring your skates?"

"Oh, uh- I've been using the rink's skates."

"Really?"

Yuuko nodded in response, "He's sucked it up pretty well."

"I can handle public skates," Victor replied with his eyebrows raised. "I may be a professional but that doesn't mean I can't use other skates."

"If you want, I have some extra at home that I could ask my mother to bring." Yuuri offered, leaning on the rink wall and watching the streamers.

Victor shook his head quickly, "No, that's alright. I can use the skates here."

"Alright, but don't say I didn't let you."

The casual conversation going on between them all made the unsettling feeling that was buried in his stomach go away, his body wasn't tense or shaking. Victor was relaxing once again with everything around him.

"Alright, we have about 15 minutes till Emi and the rest of them arrive. What should we do?" asked Yuuri, adjusting his black shirt.

"Well, I need to get the girls from their nap soon and get them to eat. But, you guys can hang out and skate. Victor, the skates are under the bench for you."

Yuuko left the rink and the two of them alone. Yuuri walked over to the bench and began to remove his shoes, slipping on his skates. Victor rubbed the back of his neck, glancing away from the sight of Yuri. 

"You wanna skate with me?"

Victor only nodded without a word, sitting next to Yuuri to put on his own skates on. Yuuri got on the ice first, Victor watched him intently glide on the ice skillfully. Getting the skates on was a bit distracting for him, he adjusted them before getting on the ice too. It was quiet between them, the sound of blades on ice echoed in the rink.

"Yuuri, I-"

"Papa!"

They stopped moving and found Emi running into the rink with a black and white stripped shirt, black jeans, her white skates, and a black beanie that let the curls in her hair peak out. She skated over towards Yuuri, hugging his legs instantly.

"Happy Birthday,  _moya lyubov_."

Emi giggled, glancing over her shoulder at Victor and her eyes shining the same way they did when she skated towards Yuuri. She swiftly made her way towards Victor and hugged his legs tightly with a laugh.

"Happy Birthday, Emi. Have you had a good day so far?"

He pat her head as she nodded, "Grandma and I made a cake!"

"What kind?" Yuuri asked, skating over to them and she held out her hand for him to take.

"It's vanilla, cause Oba doesn't like chocolate."

Victor chuckled softly and glanced over where Hiroko and the rest of their family was coming in. Instead of by the cake where he thought she'd be, she stared lovingly at the sight of the three of them together on the ice. His cheeks went hot and that made Emi tilt her head confused.

"Vicchan, why is y-"

"Emi," Yuuri cut her off with a grin, "Why don't you talk Grandma into skating?"

Emi's eyes gave her answer as she skated off towards Hiroko by the wall, Yuri placed his hand on Victor's shoulder.

"Enjoy yourself, that's what were here for."

Victor watched Yuuri's back as he skated over to the wall, welcoming in the family in. Time flew by, before he new it they were standing around the table that they moved off the wall and facing everyone with Emi behind the table. 

"Papa! Can Vicchan and you stand with me?" Emi asked with her hands together in a beg, she stood by herself on the other side of the table with the white frosted cake that had "happy birthday emi" written in blue icing.

"Of course," Yuuri said, grasping Victor's wrist without missing a beat and led him around the table.

Victor's hand felt like it was burning once Yuri let go, his face was flushed once again but he did his best to hide it. Emi smiled up at Victor, holding his hand with her left hand while Yuuri held onto her right hand.

He sent a bigger smile her way, causing her to laugh before turning her attention to Hiroko. She lit the one candle for Emi, they began to sing happy birthday together in the rink. Emi paused once they finished, making her wish that Mari told her to make.

"What did you wish for?" Yuuri questioned, Emi glanced at Victor.

"For Vicchan to be happy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, this update was two days late and i am so sorry about that.
> 
> i haven't been in the best place since saturday night after my girlfriend of almost two years called it quits so i apologize for the late update. it's been hard trying to write this with a broken heart and that's why it's been taking too long. thank you for everyone who's been reading my fic still, i still want to continue writing especially since there will now be more victor and yuuri time. 
> 
> thank you for the comments and kudos.
> 
> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for your support from my last chapter, seeing all the comments i got was so heartwarming and i couldn't help but smile and tell my mom about it. you guys are amazing and i appreciate you, it makes me want to write more now. so saddle up my friends, it's gonna be a wild ride.

The night became a blur once Victor woke up back in his own bed in the banquet room, he was able to sleep fine when Makkachin finally joined him after Emi told Makkachin to sleep with Victor again. Emi's giggle and voice echoed in his head along with Yuuri's own. His face grew warm, not realizing the effect that was going through his mind every time he thought of Yuri.

Not only that, Victor felt his heart come alive the moment Emi said she wished for Victor's happiness. _Vicchan_. Victor smiled fondly at the nickname he had been able to acquire since staying here. A recap of his stay so far has been better than he expected it to be, from being fed delicious food and spending time with a new friend, Victor was living a dream he so wanted long ago as a child. 

_Home._

But it wasn't his home, it just felt like it. He stared up at the ceiling with his hand petting Makkachin next to him, deep in thought. Yuuri must find home in Emi, it's just the two of them back in Russia. _How often do they come here? Do they call them every week? How does Emi feel about being apart from her family? Does she see her mom?_

Victor's eyes enlarged at the last thought, Yuuri never really mentioned the mom. He knew he was single from the question he asked back at the hospital but Yuuri gives off the vibe that she has never been in the picture. A pit of guilt fell in his stomach with another feeling, jealousy? Slipping his hand off his sleeping pup, Victor sat up slowly and stretched his arms. There was silence through the house, it was early but not that early. 

"Papa," Emi's voice could be heard in front of his door, "Can I go see Vicchan?"

"Emi, what if he's sleeping?"

"Then I'll wake him."

Her words cracked a smile from him, he hid his laugh in the back of his throat while covering his hand. Despite her father's concern, Emi slid the door open and Victor was met with the sight of bed head Katsuki's. Emi beamed, running in before Yuuri could stop her and jumped on the bed.

"Good Morning, Vicchan!" Emi squealed, crawling onto his lap.

Yuuri walked in with a blush tinted on his cheeks, it looked more like a morning glow instead of embarrassment. Victor chuckled softly, accepting her morning hug as usual while Yuri shut the door behind him.

"Good Morning, Emi. How'd you sleep?"

"Really good, but it's not the same without you." The young girl side and peered at her dad who sat on the edge of the bed, "I told Papa I missed having you there."

Victor couldn't help but laugh again while Yuuri ran his fingers through his messy hair, "She mentioned it at least ten times."

"Did you now?"

Emi nodded proudly by the confession, "And Makkachin. We should all have a sleepover one day."

"Okay, Emi. Let's not get ahead of ourselves." Yuuri spoke once more, shaking his head with a grin. "Why don't you head downstairs to see if Grandma started on breakfast?"

His lap went empty as Emi got up and ran out of the room, sliding the door closed before leaving. Victor sat comfortably in the bed, trying to figure out why Yuuri was still here. Makkachin stirred their sleep, sitting up and getting a good look at Yuuri and Victor.

"Sorry, she enjoys seeing you." Yuuri mumbled quietly, he looked down at his lap.

Victor waved his hand with a small smile, "It's okay. I enjoy seeing her too."

Yuri paused before glancing at Victor, "Did you want to join us at the rink today?"

"Does Emi want me too?"

"We both do."

His heart skipped a beat and hands went sweaty instantly, "Oh. Yeah, I can join you."

Yuuri stood up from his spot and gave him a quick nod, "See you down there for breakfast. Also.. uh." He turned his head away from Victor to face the door. "You might want to put a shirt on before heading down."

Victor looked down at his bare chest as Yuuri shut the door behind him, his face growing hotter than it already was. He forgot to put on his sleeping shirt after putting on his pants, Victor was exhausted last night and didn't notice till right now.

 _Stupid Yuuri and his stupid comment._ The Russian grabbed the shirt that was on top of the closed suitcase, putting it on and walking towards the door. Once he made it to the stairs, he could hear the TV playing the news along with Yuuri having a conversation with Hiroko.

"Hello, Vicchan." Hiroko greeted, motioned the plate of food next to Yuuri and Emi. "Time to eat."

"Thank you, Hiroko."

 As Victor started to eat, Yuuri and Hiroko spoke in fluent Japanese. Victor tried to figure out what they said, he only picked up 'ice rink' and 'night' in all of their words. Emi stayed quiet, eating her meal in piece. 

"Vicchan?" Emi spoke up, not bothering the other two's conversation.

"Hm?"

She kept her eyes on her food and held her chopsticks uneasy, "Will you still see us when we go back to Russia?"

Hiroko and Yuuri soon went quiet at the question, they all stared at Emi with surprise. Victor felt his throat swell, not knowing how to answer this. He glanced at Yuuri for help but he also held a curious look on his face, making it harder for Victor. A small cough escaped his lips as he put his chopsticks down, putting his hand on Emi's head to pat it.

"Possibly."

The way her eyes lit up made Victor's heart shake, "Really?"

"Well, I might be busy but I will try my best." Victor said honestly, he didn't know the plans for when he left. Victor was still indecisive about going back into competitions. The European Championships was later this month, Four Continents was in February, and the Worlds was going to be in March but Victor hadn't even thought about doing them.

Even the Grand Prix that is at the end of the year, overwhelming choices that he didn't feel ready for. It hasn't been a month since he was in the hospital either.

"Papa, can we see Vicchan when we go back home?"

Yuri smiled weakly at his daughter, "Only if that's okay with him. He's a very busy man, Emi. He has to work just like I do."

Emi showed understanding, finishing up her meal without a word after and going to the kitchen to put her plate away. Victor ate half of his meal before calling quits, excusing himself to the washroom to wash his hands. The shaking feeling in his hands wasn't stopping, the thought of not seeing Emi again hurt Victor more than he wanted it too.

There wasn't a single plan ready for when he returned home with Makkachin. It's already Tuesday, he can't mope in his apartment anymore with the same visits from Yakov, Yuri, and Dr.Orlov. Victor stared into the mirror at his reflection, he looked more refreshed than he did back home. No bags under his eyes, skin wasn't drained of color, and he held himself up pretty well.

Not surrounded by stress or forcings from others, he hasn't checked the news even though he knows what they are saying. Victor didn't want to leave in all honesty, but he knew he had too.

A soft knock on the door took him out of his day dream, "Yes?"

"Vicchan, we're getting ready to go to the rink!" Emi exclaimed, her feet pattered away from the door down the hall.

Victor stepped out, greeted by no one around as he walked to his room. Once he got ready, he and Makkachin met the two of them downstairs. Yuuri had a bag on his shoulder, probably filled with their skates. Emi wore her Team Russia jacket today, it was the cutest sight he had ever seen in his entire life.

"Do you like it?"

He grinned warmly, "Makes me miss my own jacket."

Yuuri slid the door open and yelled to his mother in the other room, "We'll be off."

"Be careful!" Hiroko's voice could be heard in reply.

Emi walked out first along side Victor, Yuuri shut the door once Makkachin walked out and stepped into the snow with them. Victor felt Emi's hand slide into his own, he glanced down at their joined hands and peeked to see her holding Yuuri's hand on the other side. It felt funny to Victor, he couldn't figure out the word that really fit it. Strolling the wet concrete, Emi hummed to a song that he had heard before as Makkachin trotted in front of them.

His eyes widened when he figured it out, Victor found it was the song he made the short program song too. Yuuri and Victor listened to her hum quietly to the familiar song, the sound of their shoes stepping on the snow while Emi hummed was what filled the cold air. 

"Papa?"

Yuuri looked down at Emi to find she was holding Victor's hand as well, "Yes?" His face went warm immediately, feeling silly for not realizing that she was holding both of their hands like it was nothing. Victor didn't seem to mind which put Yuuri at ease.

"Vicchan made a short program and let Yuuko and I see it." Emi stated proudly, "Vicchan! Will you show Papa?"

"Oh Emi, I don't think -"

"- Sure."

Yuuri peered at Victor with worry, "Are you sure?"

Victor finally made eye contact with Yuri to give him a small smile, "Yeah. Yuuko and her have been helped me with it."

"The song is pretty too!" Emi looked up at Yuuri with a laugh, "I sing it a lot."

The sight of the two of them looking at Yuuri seemed overwhelming not only to Yuuri but even Victor. Victor felt lucky that it was cold so it could hide the blush on his cheeks, he turned his head to see Makkachin stopped at the stairs and sat comfortably waiting for them.

"Go, Makkachin!" Emi squealed, letting go of their hands and began to walk up the stairs with Makkachin.

Victor and Yuuri followed behind them slowly, "Sorry. She likes to make her own decisions."

"It's okay, you're a fan, aren't you? I don't think you'd want to turn this down."

The younger man paused and didn't fight the smile that tugged at his lips, "How bad did my mom tell you?"

Victor chuckled softly, "I about know everything. But it's normal to me."

"Normal? I named my dog that was the same breed as yours after you."

The words made Yuuri cringe with embarrassment, they made it to the last steps before Victor stopped and shrugged.

"It was cute to me."

Victor's hand was grasped by Emi's and soon Yuuri was pulled along with her, they all walked in together hand in hand. Yuuko stood at the desk, finishing up with a customer.

"Good Morning-" Yuuko's voice hesitated as she stared at their joined hands and grins wider, "You beautiful family!"

Yuuri and Victor's face went red instantly, Emi let go of their hands without a beat and ran to the counter with Makkachin trailing behind her. Victor hide his blush with his hand, not dare looking at Yuuri. Yuuri turned his head, tugging at the collar of his white shirt, glaring at Yuuko. She held a happy smile, glancing down at Emi and Makkachin by the register.

"Yuuko.." Yuri murmured embarrassed, Yuuko laughed quietly and rolled her eyes.

"I'm just playing, Yuuri. You know 12-year-old you would've jumped with joy."

Victor couldn't hold back and glanced at Yuuri who was already staring, their faces both red in the cheeks.

"Yuuko? Why is Papa and Vicchan's faces so pink?"

"Cause they-"

"Yuu-chan!" Yuri cut off instantly to stop the embarrassment, "We'll go put our skates on."

He followed Yuri over to the small locker room by the front doors, sitting down next to Emi. Makkachin was lead to the back room by Yuuko then she brought over the skates, sending a wink his way before leaving back to the front desk. Victor let out a sigh, trying to understand what exactly was going on. He put on the skates swiftly, getting used to the public skates instead of his own comfortable, secure ones back home that he didn't even think of bringing.

"Vicchan? Can you show me how to do a spin?"

"A spin? Are you sure?" Victor asked, not hiding the surprise in his voice.

Emi nodded firmly, "Papa and you can do spins so cool. I wanna learn to do a spin!"

"Did you want me to help too?" Yuuri spoke up, tying the laces of his black skates.

Victor made eye contact with him and only responded with a nod.

"Yes! Papa and Vicchan can help me!"

They walked into the rink together, meeting a few glances from a few couples and kids skating around to the music that played quietly. Skates cutting through the ice echoed around the room, Emi got onto the ice first and held onto the wall before going off, Yuuri stepped on after her then Victor.

"What kind of spin should we do for her?"

"Scratch spin?" Victor replied in question, "I was thinking that since she knows how to spin in circles. When I went to Minako-sensei's studio, Emi showed me how well she could spin without getting dizzy."

"She'll have to go fast for this one and put her leg just right," Yuri agreed, his finger resting on his chin before nodding.

"You down?"

"Let's do it."

Victor was able to catch Emi before she went in for another round in the rink, they all stood together in the middle and out of the way of others skating. Emi looked up at the both of them, anticipation filling her eyes. Yuuri began to tell her the instructions, Victor pointing at his legs as an example.

Emi stared intently at Victor and took in every bit of information that Yuuri was feeding her. She watched Victor give an example of the scratch spin, letting out a squeal of joy right after in celebration of him landing it with ease.

"I can do it, Papa!"

Yuuri stood next to Victor, watching Emi take a breath and move on the ice steadily. Her body going in as if she was making the beginning circle for the figure eight.

The young girl moved her leg out with ease, starting to spin and bringing in her arms to gain more speed before pulling her leg by her knee then extending it downward. The way her spins grew faster made Victor smile wide, she stepped out of the spin uneasy but catching herself. Emi's face lit with excitement, skating over to the both of them.

"I did! I did it Papa! I did it Vicchan!"

Victor hugged her tightly with a laugh, "You did it! Wasn't that easy?"

Emi nodded quickly, "What did you think, Papa?"

"You did perfect, Emi!"

The two men hugged her with glee, not minding their closeness as Emi giggled in their ears. Victor wasn't going to complain about anything today, like Yuuri said; he needed to focus on what is happening now and not the future. Right now, the present time feels nice and puts his thoughts at ease.

There wasn't any place he'd want to be right now then with the two of them in this public rink.

 

-

 

Yuuri held Emi up, her head resting on his shoulder as she slept soundly. They were just leaving the castle after letting Makkachin and Emi play in the snow at the top while Victor and Yuuri sat in silence. The sky had grown dark, Makkachin trailed ahead and staying in both of their sights. Yuuri hasn't mentioned anything from the hospital since he's been here, he may ask how Victor is doing but that is it. It's like it didn't happen, which Victor didn't know if it was a good or bad thing.

But, what Victor has noticed is the feelings he has been getting around Yuuri. There wasn't any anger or disgust lingering, the atmosphere around them wasn't the hospitals a few weeks ago. Softer was the first word to come to Victor's mind. There was joy hanging around, he's been able to smile and laugh at the view around him from Emi giggling and Yuuri smiling. Another word to describe this was normal.

There wasn't any camera's around them. No paparazzi or fans to surround Victor. The usual suffocation that came with the fame and glamor was gone, as if it never existed. Victor felt normal to be around Yuuri and Emi.

Like he was apart of their family, a family he never really had.

The Russian glanced at Yuuri, a smile that he wore all day still hadn't faded. Emi's face could be slightly seen behind Yuuri's chin as she let out quiet snores. Victor found beauty in the glimpse, they were a beautiful family that Victor could honestly say he envied. 

"You alright?" Yuuri asked softly, breaking the silence.

"Oh, yeah. I'm okay."

Yuuri must've caught him staring and he quickly turned away to watch Makkachin.

"Did you have a good day? Emi can be a lot to handle."

"I did, thank you for inviting me."

He shrugged while glancing up at the snow falling, "Thank you for joining us. It means a lot to Emi, even me."

"Yeah?"

Victor watched Yuuri's breath hitch before turning his head to look at Victor, "Yeah."

Their eyes poured into one another, something was pushing Victor to move closer as their feet stopped moving. Victor took a peek at Yuuri's lips, catching Yuri's eyes doing the same to Victor's. His heart sped out of now where. So much confusion was going through his brain, Yuuri looked beautiful. His black hair slightly messy from the fall Emi and him took together when holding hands. Victor got a perfect look at his cheeks being flushed unlike what he has seen from the hospital.

It was like he was looking at a different Yuuri, he'd seen him up close at the hospital but this was different. His hand slowly reached out for Yuuri's without a thought, wanting to open his mouth to say something.

A sneeze caused both of their bodies to jolt, Emi picked up her head while rubbing her nose. Victor pulled his hand back quickly, shoving it in his coat pocket casually.

"Papa?" Emi mumbled before resting her head down, "Are we almost there?"

"Uh, yes." Yuuri replied shyly and gently turned his head to face straight, "We're almost there."

Victor let out a breath that he seemed to be holding and continued walking along side Yuuri. 

"Mmkay. Vicchan, are you okay?"

"Yes, Emi. I'm okay. You should rest once we get there."

"Can you lay with me for a bit, Vicchan?"

The Russian frowned slightly, "I don't think I ca-"

"-That sounds like a great idea. Vicchan seems tired too, you guys can rest before dinner."

Yuuri's voice speaking up made Victor avert his eyes onto him, there pink tint on his cheeks stood out more. Emi only nodded, getting comfortable on his shoulder once they made it past the bridge and the inn came into view. Victor didn't say another word, following Makkachin in after him and removing his shoes.

"You're back," Hiroko said quietly with a smile, "Welcome home. Food is just getting started."

"I can help, Mom. Victor and Emi are going to take a quick nap before hand." Yuuri spoke quietly, he turned his body to let Victor take Emi out of his hands after he removed his coat. Victor held onto Emi securely, her head moving comfortably onto his shoulder.

He watched Yuuri take off his jacket and scarf, putting it on the coat hanger near the door and slipped off his shoes. Yuuri ran his fingers through Emi's hair, pressing a kiss on her head making Victor shiver at the close space between them. "You can use my bed if you want."

Victor nodded, giving Hiroko a weak smile and heading up the stairs carefully. Hiroko and Yuuri words that Victor couldn't understand started to fade out of his ears as he reached Yuri's bedroom door. He opened it, finding the room the same adding the new suitcase that was unpacked and the bed was made perfectly. Victor set Emi down on the bed with her head on the pillow and slipped off her shoes carefully.

The Russian crawled onto the bed after setting the shoes she wore on the desk chair, he laid down and Emi cuddled close against him.

His arm went around her, holding her close like he did when they would sleep together before Yuuri arrived.

"Vicchan?"

"Yes?" Victor asked curiously.

"Can you help make Papa happy too?"

Victor paused and his eyebrows creased, "Help make Papa happy too?"

"Papa is always working, he needs to be happy too. Can you help me?"

Emi buried her face into Victor's chest, his heart was beating fast at the question but Emi didn't say anything.

"Okay, I will help you. Just because you and Papa helped me."

Her smile could be felt against his chest, making him smile too. Victor shut his eyes, listening to Emi's breathing before falling asleep along side her. No dreams to think of, all that was left in Victor's head was the moment before Emi sneezed her way in.

For some reason, he wanted to lean into Yuuri. Wanting to feel what it was like to be that close to him, somehow the hatred had left Victor's body somehow. As if it was never there in the first place.

The thoughts went scattered, time flew endlessly until Victor found himself standing on the ice alone. Gaping at the sight of an empty arena, his name being called out everywhere loudly. Victor's eyes grew fear, the sound dispersing until he covered his ears in hope for it to stop.

_Victor._

_Victor!_

" _Victor!_ "

The older man's eyes gaped open staring up at the ceiling but not before finding Emi and Yuuri's big brown eyes staring at him. Dark colored eyes filled with concern that made him his eyebrows furrow. 

"Vicchan? Are you okay?"

Emi's hand rested on his chest, he found her feeling his rapid heartbeat. Victor let out a breath, putting his hand to his forehead as he shut his eyes and gave them both a weak smile. 

"Yeah, it was just a nightmare."

"Nightmare? Emi said you were moving so much that she woke up and had to yell for me," Yuuri blurted, frowning as he rubbed Victor's arm.

Victor shivered from the unfamiliar touch and nodded, "Sorry, Emi. I didn't know this would happen."

Unannounced, Emi flung her arms around Victor and held him tightly with the side of her head pressed to his chest. She gave him a tight squeeze and mumbled against his shirt quickly.

"I'm sorry, Vicchan."

"For what?" Victor asked.

"Emi, this wasn't your fault. It happens to everyone." Yuuri spoke up, sitting on the bed by Victor's waist. 

Yuri's hand rubbed Emi's back soothingly, "I tried to help but couldn't."

"There are going to be times where you can't help everyone," Yuuri started, Emi picked up her head with a furious look displayed.

"But you help everyone! That means I can."

Victor grasped her hand, "There is no need to raise your voice, Emi. Papa is trying to tell you that sometimes, superheros may save people but it might not work sometimes. Do you think Papa really helps everyone?"

"But.. Vicchan-"

"-Papa can only do so much, he's only got two hands. Just like you." Victor continued and squeezed her hands gently, "You have to know when you can and can't help someone. We know you care about us and everyone else but sometimes we need to save ourselves too."

Emi paused to take in his words before directing her attention towards Yuuri, "Does that mean we can't help Vicchan?"

Yuuri sighed quietly and glanced at Victor, "We may not be able to help him but we can support him. Like when he ice skated, remember? We watched all his performances and bought those posters for your room and even have the jacket." Victor watched Yuuri take the hand that Victor held and brought it close to his chest, "Supporting is another way to help."

"Is it?" Emi asked, observing Victor's response and expression.

Never in a million years did Victor expect himself to be here and listen to what they had to say, sometimes he forgot that they were big fans. Emi was still in the team Russia jacket that was a lot warmer than before. There was a few posters of himself on the closet door that he never pointed out before until now. This support system from the both of them was enough to make Victor smile genuinely and nod for his reply to her.

"It is. All I need is Papa and your support, that's enough for me."

"Really?"

Victor sat up slowly, not letting go of Emi and Yuri's hand. 

"I promise, Emi. You're the best supporter I know." Victor murmured, kissing her messy, bed head.

He snuck a peek at Yuuri, the expression looked like one he had seen before. An expression he had seen on Hiroko's face when Emi and him were playing in the snow that day with Makkachin by the castle. Emi pulled him away from his thoughts, taking her hand out of Victor and Yuuri's hand. She placed it on his heart, staring at him intently.

"We're here to support you, Vicchan. _My zabotimsya o vas_."

Victor held her securely in his arms and murmured quietly in her ear so Yuuri wouldn't hear him.

" _Ne govori pape, no ya lyublyu vas, rebyata mnogo_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thought this would be nice to finally get some victor and yuuri time alone  
> and also give me time to focus on my school work before i have time again to update next tuesday/wednesday  
> this was hard to do in like four hours but i did it somehow  
> hope it isn't too bad or cheesy

"Bye Papa! Bye Vicchan!"

Emi said to both Victor and Yuuri, her sweater that Victor bought for her going down her forearm as she waved. Minako-sensei took her hand with a smile, they watched them walk out the door. Yuuri shut the door behind them, letting a small pause go through the room before turning his attention on Victor. Victor stood a bit tense, holding the same grin he gave Emi, and waited for any words to leave the younger man's mouth.

"What are your plans for today?" Yuuri asked, putting his hands in the pockets of his sweats.

The Russian thought a moment, usually he did something with Emi and Yuuri. Or just Emi. But now that Minako stole his Emi away, Victor didn't know what to do. Going to the ice rink doesn't sound bad except the fact that he'd have to skate around people he didn't know and he wouldn't be able to practice well.

Going for a run around town sounds nice, but he doesn't know the place very well and he could end up getting lost. Taking Makkachin somewhere, but as said before, he doesn't know the place very well. Lastly, Victor could sleep. But he's slept enough.

"I, uh, I don't have any plans."

"I thought of maybe going to the gym? Get some workouts done since I haven't done anything for the past week."

He tilted his head curiously, "You work out?"

"Don't look so _surprised_ ," the younger man's mouth curved, stretching his arms out. "I go to the gym more than 3 times a week."

"Didn't think you had time to be working out." Victor teased back, crossing his arms.

He rolled his eyes playfully and crossed his arms. "Well, did you want to join me?"

"Join you in..?"

"How about you clean the storage room while you're here!"

Yuuri and Victor turned their heads to find Toshiya standing by the side table, putting out some menus. His voice was loud enough that even a few customers in the other room were startled. He walked over to Yuuri, grasping his hand to put something into it. Victor glanced at him and from the expression Yuuri's face, it was not a good thing.

"I need you boys to go through the storage room for me," Toshiya started, patting Victor's back gently. "Get to work."

"Right now?" Yuuri questioned, the dread in his voice noticable.

Toshiya chuckled, "If you want to finish before lunch time then you better get started now."

The father left the room, leaving Victor and Yuri alone with the key. Yuuri motioned his hand to follow him up the stairs, Victor trailed behind carefully. Not wanting to ask what was so bad about cleaning an room, but he could only think of it being a disaster that they might end up spending all day doing without a choice.

The younger man turned away from the hall that would lead to their rooms but instead headed down a longer hall towards a room at the end. Using the key, he unlocked the door and swung it open. Victor's eyes landed on the same thing as Yuuri, the boxes.

Boxes stacked high in every corner, full of who really knows. Their focus was to clean up all the open boxes from the year before, he had never seen so much decor in his lifetime. The light from outside glowed, the color of the light clouds bringing color to the beige room.

There was a kotatsu ( _if Victor remembered correctly_ ) in the middle of the room. Yuuri put the key down on top of it and picked up a box, handing it to Victor before grabbing his own and sitting down.

"My father likes to clean up the storage room, meaning cleaning out the boxes we have for stuff we don't need to keep." 

"Oh, that doesn't sound too bad." Victor murmured, sitting down in front of Yuuri with his box.

Yuuri laughed lightly, "I used to hate doing this when I was a teenager."

"Why?"

Victor began to open the box after his question, finding small items inside of it. Yuuri opened his box, pulling out a few papers along with some medals.

"I always got distracted or embarrassed with what I found," Yuuri mumbled quietly while taking one of the medal's in hand, "But then I had Emi. Now it's fun to look back at the things she did too."

"Must make you nostalgic going through these every now and then."

The younger man nodded as he took out a small trophy from his box, Victor noted the small ice skater on the top of it. It had small carvings for you to see the skate and detail of the man on it. Yuuri put it down next to the medals and pulled out a couple more trophies.

"You did competitions when you were younger?" Victor asked curiously, reaching for one of the medals and examining it in his hand.

"Nothing like you," he started with a laugh. "But I did the local ones they had at the rink before it stopped getting popular."

"You must have pictures then."

"That's in a different box."

Victor put the things he had taken out of the one box he was given, closing it back up and putting it against the space by the wall he sat at. 

"Guess I gotta start looking."

Yuuri groaned, " _Victor_."

That belted a laugh from Victor, starting to look around for hopefully a name that was written in English or easy to understand that it held photos. He reached for a box that had black marker writing on it, he put it down on the kotatsu and opened it up.

There was a few large books, almost like photo albums. Victor lifted one, feeling it's weight and glancing at Yuuri. The younger man's eyes widen, reaching out for the album but Victor moved it with enough reaction time along with the box.

"Did I find it?"

"I don't know what you're expecting to find," Yuri huffed, putting the medals and trophies back into his box.

"I was hoping for baby pictures," he paused to let Yuuri cringe in his spot, "of Emi."

"Oh thank-"

"And you."

"Victor!"

Opening the album, he came to scan the first page that had pictures of Emi as a baby. Her eyes darker than how they were now, a lot of hair on top of her head. The chubby cheeks that he adored standing out even more, it had a few things written below the pictures in Japanese that Victor couldn't read. The small child was wrapped up in a blank, just born it looked.

Yuuri was now next to Victor on his knees, glancing over his shoulder to see what he was looking at. Victor turned the page without a thought, finding pictures of 19-year-old Yuuri in a chair holding Emi cautiously in his arms. The joy written on his face was jumping off the picture, Victor could see how happy Yuuri was at that moment.

"I didn't get to hold her until my parents and Shion did."

Victor thought a moment, "Shion?"

Yuuri reached over and turned the page, finding pictures of Emi being held by a young woman. The unknown woman laid on the hospital bed, her expression the same as Yuuri's as she held onto the baby. Processing what he was seeing, Yuuri glanced at Victor to find a response.

"That's Emi's mother, Shion."

"Oh."

Silence fell in the room steadily, it wasn't bad silence yet something was rising in the room. Victor had never seen a picture of the woman that conceived Emi, only hearing about her a couple times. He flipped the page, finding more pictures of Emi with Shion and Yuuri.

Shion was beautiful, the Russian can see where Emi got some of her physical traits. The hair especially, Shion was the same height as Yuuri and her face was a bit long. The nose matched the one Emi had, it fit her well. Victor could see why Yuuri was with her.

"What happened?" Victor asked before he could stop himself.

"Hm?"

He peered at Yuri vigilantly, "What happened with Shion."

The Japanese let out a sigh as he reached for the book and put it on the kotatsu, "You really want to know?"

"I'm asking aren't I?"

Victor sat down on his behind, crossing his legs and Yuri soon followed the motion too. They got comfortable, Yuri looked at the open album with a weak smile and directed his attention back to the curious Victor that sat close to him.

"In America, I met a woman who was raised in America. Her name was Shion, she was one of my first serious relationships since moving to America for school. Her family lived in a different state and that was just a day drive away." Yuuri started while motioning his hands of the distance, "She was incredibly smart and witty. Her sense of humor was terrible but in a good way. We dated for almost a year but she broke it off after she found out she was pregnant with Emi."

A bit of Victor's heart ached, just thinking of what Yuuri must've felt when that happened.

"Anyway, she let me help her out. Including my family and her's, we all pitched in to help her and then about a couple weeks before she was going to give birth.. She told me she didn't want Emi, I wasn't too sure what she meant at first but then she asked me if I was willing to take full custody and do it on my own."

"She just handed Emi over?"

Yuri nipped at his bottom lip, "Basically. Yeah. But, I said yes. I had fallen in love with Emi the moment I saw her, I knew that this child was going to be the one I give my all too. So, I said yes and once the delivery was over; Shion handed me all the rights as if she didn't feel anything- I know that wasn't true either because after it finished, Shion was crying with Emi in her arms." Yuri let out a weak laugh, "I remember that day so vividly. Emi made the whole world change color, crazy how different a love for a child is compared to loving someone else."

"I've always wondered about that."

"About what?"

"A love for a child."

"It's amazing," Yuuri replied honestly, "Makes you feel on top of the world."

Victor picked the album back up, opening it up to a new page to see Emi sitting down on the floor in a bright blue dress with Yuuri next to her. Her chubby cheeks covered in white frosting from the cake in front of her, Yuuri's face glowing with laughter and love. But, he noted the pictures of Shion decreased as they continued to look.

"I wonder if I am capable." Victor whispers, his fingers running over the photo.

"Have you thought about having kids?"

He picked up his head to find Yuuri looking at him with surprise. "I don't know. I never had time to think about it. But, I think I'd like to one day."

"Why?"

"I want to.." Victor's voice was growing fragile,"I want to give a child.. The love I never received as a kid."

The feeling in his stomach dropped, like he was regretting what he was telling Yuri. Even if Yuri shared something personal with him, was it right to say something too? It was too late either way, Victor watched Yuuri's face form an expression he couldn't read. Victor couldn't try to lie it off and say he was joking, especially with the way Yuuri was staring at him.

"What do you mean?"

Victor stared down at the book again, "I didn't really see my parents growing up often. They spent their time working while someone watched over me until I was about 8 when I decided to start ice skating then Yakov took me under his wing and around the time I turned 15, my parents gave him permission to let me move in with him."

"You've been with Yakov that long?"

"He's like a father to me," Victor whispers and thinks back at Yakov's words from leaving the hospital, "He's put up with a lot."

"I'm sure one day you'll have a child and know that feeling."

They made eye contact and Victor smiled whole heartedly at Yuuri, "Think so?"

"You've got a lot of love in you. Everyone can see you have some for Emi, if not a lot." The younger man laughed while running his fingers through his hair, "My mom told me last night that I should worry about that, in a teasing matter. Saying "If you leave Victor alone with her any longer, she might end up calling him Papa too."

There amount of effort it took for Victor to fight back the smile was a lot, his heart rate increased quickly and his face went hot. The thought of Emi saying that small nickname, even Daddy, would make Victor's heart churn for her and he'd walk a thousand miles for her. He'd still do it now if it didn't happen, Victor laughed quietly while covering his mouth. These thoughts were getting out of hand, Emi was not his kid as much as he wished she was.

Yuuri noticed the blush and felt his own cheeks warm, "Ah- I- Sorry."

"No, it's okay. Emi and I do hang out a lot."

"I honestly thought she was the one hanging off of you, but I realized it was a mutual thing."

Victor hid his face into the album, "Oh god. I'm sorry, that must be weird."

"A grown man hanging around my daughter, a little bit?" 

"Yuuri, you're making this worse!"

Laughing came from both of them, filling the room with the joy that once held the stiff emotions. Victor peeked at Yuuri from behind his hands, tension was gone and all he felt was something happy.

"Thank you," Yuuri said once his laughter calmed, "For being there for Emi when you needed to be."

Victor shrugged as he put his hands down, "I should be thanking you."

"Me?"

"Without you, I never would've met her." 

Yuuri blinked, letting his lips slowly curve up and he rubbed the back of his neck as the flush in his cheeks reappeared. Victor didn't want to think it, but he doesn't think he's ever seen such a beautiful sight in his life time. 

"I'm glad she's been the helper bee she always wants to be. She always tells me when she grows up she wants to be like me."

"A doctor?"

He nods with pride, "She said she'd learn to be smart and helpful so she can help people like I helped Vicchan."

The older man knew his fond was showing but that couldn't be helped, "I know she can do it."

"I know so too. She makes me tell her about my day when I get home every time. Whether it's in the morning after my night shifts or during the night after my day shifts. She likes to learn, loves it actually. That's why I keep teaching her things."

"She's a quick learner," Victor replies with ease, "The way she's learned some of her skating is amazing. Yakov would adore her in no time."

Yuuri chuckled, "I would love to get her lessons but the money we have is mostly in savings for emergencies and family trips like this and the rest goes to food and bills."

"I'm sure if I put in a word, it would help."

"You don't have too." Yuri stated quickly, "It's okay."

"Are you sure?" Victor egged on slightly. "I'd love to help out too. In any way."

The small pause made Victor just nod in aggreement, no way he'd push something like that on them. Victor knows Yuuri can support Emi, the amount he does is amazing and he makes it sound like it isn't enough. The Russian closed the album, putting it back in the box and closing it up. 

"What was the day like when Emi was born?"

Yuuri's eyebrows furrowed, "Huh?"

"You said you remembered the day Emi was born, what happened?"

"Oh, uh, yeah. I do. It was on the 16th of January, of course." Yuuri said with a soft chuckle, "We had taken Shion in the day before after she had contractions. I was sleeping after staying up with Shion most of the night during homework that needed to be done, the sound of Shion moaning woke me up because I was on high alert for any baby problems."

 

_"Yuuri!"_

_The younger man's body shot up in surprise, his eyes directing towards Shion and he stood up quickly. Her face was red, sweat trickling down his forehead while her hair was a mess from sleeping. Yuri grasped her hand without a thought, worry filling his eyes._

_"Doctor? Did you need me to get a doctor?"_

_Shion nodded, her pained expression made Yuuri's stomach queezy. He hasn't had anything eat for almost three days now due to staying at the hospital and doing his online homework along with being by her side with the nurses that'd come in to check on her. Their baby girl, who still didn't have a name, wasn't having it for the past couple days. Acting as if she was coming out but then decided to hold back, Shion wasn't taking it very well._

_Yuri rushed to the door, scanning the room for the doctor to find him at the counter speaking with a nurse. The doctor, Dr.Wilson, caught Yuri's impatient stare. He motioned with his head the inside of the room, Dr.Wilson spoke to the nurse before rushing over._

_"She might be coming out now," Yuuri said, moving over to keep the door open and letting Dr.Wilson in._

_Dr.Wilson walked over to Shion, checking the montiors as she was breathing deeply. Her hands on her stomach, she let out a loud groan and Yuuri felt a chill go up his spin._

_"Alright," Dr.Wilson said and walked towards where her legs were to lift the hospital gown. "It looks like your daughter is coming today."_

_The hours dragged on, Dr.Wilson worked with the nurses as Yuuri stood by Shion's side to wipe her forehead with the given wet towel, letting her squeeze his hand till he almost lost the feeling of it. She wants pushing and yelling out, trying to listen to the doctor's orders while Yuri was also giving small words of encouragement. The American hospitals felt more intense compared to hospitals in Japan, especially at the moment._

_Shion was about to give birth to the one child he knows he is going to love forever._

_"You've got this Shion, nice and easy."_

_"Yuri, you don't get to say- say that if you're not pushing this child out yourself."_

_He chuckled weakly, "I know but it'll be over once she's out."_

_"If she gets out," Shion replied timidly._

_"Stubborn just like you."_

_"Now is not the time for your shitty jokes, Katsuki."_

_Yuuri fought back a laugh and soon turned serious as Shion shouted out again, pushing once Dr.Wilson gave her the order. The squeeze in his hand getting worse, Shion arched her back while taking the doctor's orders._

_"We've got a head, keep going!"_

_The sound of a cry could be heard, Yuuri's heart was pumping and he began to talk more towards Shion. Shion continued her movements, pushing and pushing until the breath was knocked out of her and the doctor held up the child. A small, baby girl. Yuuri's entire body was reborn, his eyes lighting up at the sight of his daughter in the doctor's arms. The nurse cut the umbilical cord, motioning Yuri over before they took her to do her scannings._

_Beautiful._

_Small body that was going to become Yuri's entire world._

_"The name?" A nurse asked, "I need it for the work."_

_"Emi," Yuri replied instantly. "Emi Katsuki."_

_The nurse nodded, taking Emi into the other room with the others as some of the nurses stayed back to tend to Shion. Yuuri walked back to Shion, her body laid weakly and she reached for Yuuri's hand that ran through her hair. A smile was weary on her face as tears sprung to her eyes, Yuuri smiled._

_"Did you see her?"_

_"She's beautiful," Shion whispered, choking up at her words. "Her name fits her perfectly."_

_"I think so too."_

_Shion held Yuuri's hand less aggressively, waiting for the arrival of Emi._

 

"That must've been amazing," Victor finally said after Yuuri finished the story, "She came later than she was suppose too?"

Yuuri nodded with a laugh, "Shion was always rambling about how she wanted Emi to come out but then after she did, she said she wanted to keep her in a little longer."

"Why?"

"She liked having something to be there in her stomach."

He shrugged after his response and Victor took it, "I can only picture Emi as she is now. She looks like you a lot more than Shion."

"Oh, I know. That's exactly what Shion said, her words were, 'It's like I just gave birth to another you'."

"She did a good job," the Russian laughed softly.

"Thank you. Emi has become one of the best things that has ever happened to me, she got me through a lot."

Victor hummed quietly, "I can see now why she is the way she is."

"Emi does act like Shion sometimes," Yuri adds, "She's stubborn and says it how it is at times. Shion never had a filter, not the reserved person you'd think she is. Emi also has this thing Shion used to do, she bites her nails and Shion used to do that when she lied. That's what Emi does when she lies too."

"That's how you know?"

"That and Emi usually is straight up about how she is feeling or what she did."

"Wait," Victor paused a bit, "If Shion loved Emi. Why did she leave?"

"Ah, that was another thing.."

 

_Shion threw her bag on the coffee table of Yuuri's apartment, anger painted on her face. He's seen this girl angry over things like left out dishes or messing up an order at a restaurant, her temper was never bad. But when it was bad, it was really bad. That is what Yuri was facing right now, she looked beyond pissed. Her arms were crossed over his plaid shirt that was a bit loose on her and the irriation in her eyes made Yuri feel uneasy._

_"What happened?"_

_"Why don't you guess?" Shion asked and popped out her hip, "It is your fault."_

_"My fault?" Yuuri asked, raising his hand to his chest with shock._

_The younger woman nodded and pointed her finger at him to hit his chest with it, "It's your fault that this happened."_

_"Shion, instead of accusing me. Tell me what happened."_

_"Accusing you?"_

_Her voice raised pitch like she never heard something so funny before, the eyeroll she sent his way made him frown. Yuuri hadn't seen her all week due to midterm exams, the last thing he expected was for her to march in here. He knew she was finishing up her last exam, there wasn't any sense in why she was here though._

_"You are the reason this happened."_

_Watching her, Shion opened her bag ficiously and pulled out her wallet. She opened it and tossed a paper at him, it fell at his feet and he bent down with confusion. Picking up the white paper, flipping it over to find the one thing he never expected to find. It was black and white, low quality photo with the date and time on the sides. In the picture was the inside of a stomach and an outline of a child._

His child.

Their child.

Oh no.

_Yuuri looked up at Shion who wore an upset look, "This is what happened."_

_"Shion wait-"_

_"-Yuri, I don't want a child right now."_

_Tension flooded the room at those words and Yuuri stood shell-shocked, "Shion."_

_"I don't want a child right now and if this is what you're giving me, then I don't want you either."_

_"Shion, wait. Let's work this out right now."_

_"Why?" Shion snapped as she grabbed her bag, "You ruined my one chance of having a perfect life. I got into the college I wanted and now I have to go through it with a baby? I can't afford this, you know that. I'm barely struggling with my student loans to begin with."_

_Yuuri's heart wrenched at the thought of not having a baby, "We can talk this out. Figure out something, that will be at the end of the list."_

_"At the end of the list? What about what I want?"_

_"I know, I know I'm being selfish but hear me out, okay?"_

_Shion set her bag down and focused her attention on him, "Fine."_

_Nipping his bottom lip, Yuuri set the ultrasound photo on the coffee table and reached for Shion's arm to sit down on the couch. She sat down, keeping a bit of distance between them. Yuuri didn't believe he was having this right now and this moment. Shion kept her arms crossed, not letting him through at all. He's loved this girl since they met and now it's about to go away from 'his mistake'?_

_"I get that you don't want anything to do with me-"_

_"-That is true."_

_He paused to look up from his lap at her, "I know that this is your body and your choice so I'm going to give my argument and you decide."_

_"You're going to try to talk me into keeping it?"_

_The word caused him to flinch before Yuuri nodded, if he was going down then he was going down trying._

_"Continue."_

_His eyes shot open completely as she sat back on the couch, waiting for him to speak. Her eyebrows rose, wondering why he hadn't start and he quickly adjusted himself on the seat and placed his hands on his thighs._

_"I know, I know you don't want to keep this baby. But, I promise with everything in me that I will do everything in my life to support you and the baby to help you get through school. I really wish you would let me keep it and help carry it for the next nine-"_

_"-I'm two months in-"_

_"-Seven months." Yuuri finished off, "I swear Shion. I really will raise and care for this baby with all of my soul."_

_Yuuri stopped speaking, letting Shion process his words slowly. She sighed, glancing at the ultrasound on the table before meeting his eyes._

_"Yuuri, this is a lot of responsibility."_

_"I'm willing to take it all."_

_Shion rubbed her face and put her elbows on his thighs to rest them there, "You really want to be a dad that bad? To let it get in the way of your own education?"_

_"It'll be worth it in the end," Yuuri whispered quietly._

_"Alright," Shion murmured, "I'll keep it."_

_"Really?"_

_"Do you want me to change my mind now, Katsuki?"_

_Yuuri shrugged off her hostile reply and pulled her into a tight hug, holding her close with everything. He couldn't believe she was keeping the baby, letting him see it once she gave birth to it. Yuuri knew he'd have to start working more and let his parents know about it, knowing them, they'd help too._

_"But, Yuuri.." Shion starts as she pulled away before he could say thank you, "This needs to end here."_

_He sat still, "What?"_

_"I don't think I can be with you anymore."_

_"Shion-"_

_"-You've asked for enough, Yuuri."_

_Shion stood up and grabbed her bag, handing the ultrasound photo over to him._

_"Keep it, we'll talk when I go to my next appointment."_

_"Shion!"_

_He stood up as she walked to the door, she opened it and shook her head._

_"Bye, Yuuri."_

 

Victor frowned at his words, his finger tapping his chin to show he was deep in thought. Yuuri only remembers telling his parents and Mari about this along with Minako-sensei. 

"You almost didn't get Emi."

"We had many fights as the months passed about Emi, mainly her threatening to just leave and stuff because she was overwhelmed about the pregnancy. I know Shion was thinking of herself the way she should of, I know I was selfish to ask her to keep Emi but I didn't want to let her slip through my hands before I even had the chance to hold her." 

"Hey," Victor reached out for Yuuri's hand with slight hesitation, "You're a great father."

Their fingers laced slowly and Yuuri smiled, "Thank you."

Victor nodded and squeezed his hand gently, "I always wondered how you were able to do it. Even after you told me, I still couldn't process that you were able to do all of that. It's amazing, more amazing then me winning silly awards for skating on ice."

"Emi's love for ice skating was through you and me, I will forever be greatful for the fact that I got her into a sport that I'm passionate about. Even her favorite skater is mine too."

"It's an honor being your guy's favorite ice skater," Victor said with a laugh. "You're people I care about so it means the most.

"You care about us?"

The tilt in Yuuri's head seemed teasing but also shocked, "Of course I care about you. Both of you." He stroked his thumb on Yuuri's hand, "You guys are slowly changing me."

"Changing you how?"

Victor looked down at their joined hands, his heart thumping hard on his chest. There were many things Victor could list off, just from what Emi and Yuuri have done individually and together for Victor. He will forever thank them for what they've done, though he hasn't been able to say it in words. Wishing he could show them is all he wants, moments like these with the both of them show him how much they care and appreciate him.

It's different compared to how it is with Yakov back home, it's this bubbly feeling in his stomach that makes him want to feel it all the time. Victor formed a gentle smile on his face, opening his mouth to whisper.

"I'm happy.. That's how."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!  
> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh we are getting somewhere and i think i might be in love with this chapter
> 
> and happy valentines day, my friends. <3
> 
> * translations are at the bottom

Victor struggled with the key but it unlocked with ease, the nervous breath he let out was accompanied by the cold air. The door was opened, he shut it behind him and locked it back up. Stuffing the given key, that Yuuko gave to him the last time, in his pocket as he walked through the back towards the front area to grab a pair of skates for himself. The sun was still down when Victor arrived, he snuck out quietly when he couldn't go back to sleep.

Time was about 5 in the morning, Victor decided it would be best to use the time awake to work on his free skate after finishing his short program. The older man had been struggling with trying to find the motive or story to his free skate, he is _the_ Victor Nikiforov, he should have his free skate down by now. But, his creativity was slowly losing itself. 

_Which is why he has found himself here._

Tying the public skates to his feet that always leave some type of bruise on him and heading towards the rink. Victor slugged his bag over his shoulder, walking into the cold room and setting his bag on the bench by the door that was to enter the rink.

Walking towards the door, he pulled it open with force and was able to step on the slick, fresh ice. His body shook slightly, skillfully moving on the ice to get used to it. Going a few rounds around the rink, Victor found himself in the middle with irritation.

_What could his free skate be about?_

Last year, he got a piece made to talk about a lost type of love. The love he wished for but now, he felt that wasn't necessary. Yearning for someone that didn't even notice him wasn't what his emotions were telling him. The first thing he thought of when he thinks love is here. Emi and Yuuri. The family that has brought Victor in like no other has before. Warmth. The winter in St.Petersburg could be melted by the warmth Victor received from the Katsuki family, beyond his expectations.

Learning about Yuuri yesterday while cleaning the storage room really gave Victor a piece of Yuuri that he thought he'd never know. Even learning from the others about Yuuri, learning from the person himself was astonishing. How strong he is. How put together he is. How loving he is. He's never met someone who puts love before everything else, someone who is willing to put others before himself like he doesn't exist himself.

_He has learned that Yuuri's beautiful._

Just as beautiful as this family he's grown to adore himself, that give him the chance to not be put on such a high pedestal. Unlike everyone else, expecting great things from him because he's in a high part of his career. No one understands like the Katsuki's do.

No one treats him differently. Hiroko makes him run errands for them. Toshiya makes him clean a lot. Emi makes him play with her as much as she can. Yuuri talks to him like a normal person who is trying to get their life together. He's not the Victor Nikiforov, professional ice skater, here. He's Vicchan, someone that they can depend on and take care of too.

Victor thought a moment, processing his words. Pictures of Emi come to mind, reminding him of their time on the beach when discussing him. She's so much like Yuuri, even if Victor didn't know about Shion. Emi was just like her father, strong and powered. Willing to the best her 6-year-old self can do, happiness was what his heart beated for when around her.

The thought of Hiroko, how she has always been there for him since he arrived. Talking to him about the things they do here and what it's like to live around such a beautiful place, no matter the weather. She took him in so quickly, calling him Vicchan due to Yuuri's old poodle he had when he was younger. 

Even Minako-sensei, she helped him out the first couple days he was here. Speaking to him and taking Emi along for their time too, ballet studio or park. The woman was there, not bringing up what had happened to him. There wasn't any different way she spoke to him compared to the others, like she already knew him.

Yuuko as well, letting him skate when he wanted too. Giving him time alone to relax and work on his short programs, helping him out and giving pointers when needed. She was a reliable source because she knew Victor's skating like the others did. Yuuko's family took him under their wing as well, helping him out.

And Yuuri, Dr.Yuuri Katsuki.

The reason he was here in the first place, Victor hasn't been able to say thank you to him since the first time they met. Victor has tried practicing saying it, but it just never works. Yuuri has done more for him than anyone has, he gave him a second chance at life. He knew Victor had more to see and do, that he proved to him when Victor met Emi. The man was the one he put on a pedestal, wanting to show him how much he meant to Victor.

Victor's cheeks flushed, reminding himself of Tuesday night when on the way home from the rink. He didn't know if he was wanting to kiss Yuuri, all he wanted to do was touch him. Not in a sexual manner, something intimate to show him his appreciation.

The first word that comes to mind when he thinks of Yuuri is _breath-taking_.

There wasn't a single doubt in mind that made him think Yuuri was attractive, he's gorgeous. Not only his apperance but personality, he has this strong will in that Victor can't help but adore.

_Did Yuuri want to kiss him that night too?_

Victor felt himself thinking ahead of it, there couldn't possibly be that Yuuri wanted it just as bad as Victor did. He doesn't even show any signs of it. Unless yesterday's moment when they spoke was something, Victor could be completely wrong but he honestly hoped he was right. The moment was now trying to find a song that fit the critera he was wanting to show the world.

"I have learned what love is and I am now stronger because of it." Victor spoke out loud, his words echoing in the rink. 

He stared down at the blue, bulky skates while tapping his finger on his chin. 

"I have learned what love is and I am now stronger because of it."

The words bounced off the walls again, he slide on the ice carefully as the words went through his head. Maybe he could make a program before making the music, but Victor knew that would make it more difficult. 

"Skate like you're making the music."

Victor jumped in surprise, turning his head at the wall where the door was. Yuuko stood next to Takeshi while leaning on the wall, they must've been standing there for awhile since he didn't notice them along with the fact his back was towards their spot. 

"What do you mean?"

Yuuko smiled sadly, "I know you're struggling with a song choice but why not skate as if you already know the song. Make the music yourself."

"You never know until you try, didn't you say you knew what love was?" Takeshi spoke up, crossing his arms.

They had been here longer than expected.

"I believe I do," Victor starts while putting his hands together, "But skating it is a different story."

"Don't you remember the last free skate you did for the Junior's championship?" Yuuko brought up with a smile, "Your theme was a different type of love but it was love. A love that wasn't known yet. You even did your last free skate about love, Victor. I'm sure skating a different type of love won't be too hard."

"The love I feel is new."

Takeshi shrugged slightly, "It may be scary but in the end, it'll be worth it."

The older man let himself take in his words, it will be worth it because Victor wants to win. He wants this to change everyone's opinions about him. Give them a reason why they shouldn't doubt him like they did before he did what he did. Show the world that he is changed, he is willing to work out his mental health and show them what he has gone through. And show the people who helped him along the way how greatful he is.

Victor's lips tugged a smile on them and he looked up at the couple, "Thank you."

"For what?" Yuuko asked curiously, "We're only giving advice to the best of our abilities."

"I know but it means a lot to me."

Takeshi and Yuuko returned Victor's smile and nodded, walking out of the rink to give Victor time alone before opening up soon. Victor moved on the ice, landing a triple axel with ease. His body slowly moving to a song he wishes to know, hoping that he is able to craft the song he needs for this program. 

All he needs is a little more inspiration.

 

-

 

"Victor!"

He heard his name being called out from down the stairs he was walking on, turning the corner of the room. Victor met Hiroko, she was standing in comfortable clothing with a coat on. Her face rang with joy at the sight of him, putting her hands out to grasp his own.

"Will you join me for a walk? I thought Makkachin could use one too. Since your two _takaramono_ are sleeping in this morning."

Victor skipped over the part he didn't understand, thinking she was speaking about Emi and Yuri, nodding. He spent most of his day yesterday creating his free skate. Half of it was done, Emi and Yuuri came around the time he was leaving.

They haven't seen it and Victor didn't want them to until he was done. Hiroko gave him a joyful expression to his acceptance, finding Makkachin as he slipped on his own coat and scarf. Following her outside with his dog, the snow wasn't heavy today. The clouds weren't dark colored either, there was a bit of light peeking from the grey clouds filling the land with color. 

"Isn't it beautiful?" Hiroko murmured, they finally walked past the archway of the onson to the sidewalk.

"It is."

"Just think, I've lived here most of my life and I still haven't gotten used to it."

The appreciation she had for Hasetsu made Victor smile, "Still?"

"This is home," she said happily, "I will never get used to it."

Makkachin walked inbetween them to get ahead, walking the route that Victor knew he was familiar with. It was a beautiful day out, more people were walking around and towards the market place below the rink.

He took in Hiroko's arm, letting her loop her arm around his as they walked. She began to speak about the times she had gone down here with Yuuri at the time he was younger, speaking about the memories made as he grew older. Victor listened carefully, not wanting to miss details and scanning the view.

"Vicchan," Yuuri's mother started as they stopped in front of the familiar bakery.

"Yes?"

Hiroko's smile seemed genuine and a hint of concern that made Victor's stomach do a somersault. They strolled into the bakery, given the same greeting as before. The older woman, Sadako, started saying her greeting towards Victor in English due to his own frequent visits. Hiroko chose a small seated area towards the back after purchasing their pastries.

"You leave on Saturday with the other two, right?"

His eyes agared from the sudden question, "Yes. I am."

"Please know this, you are always welcomed here. With Yuuri or not, always." Hiroko spoke softly.

Her hand rested on top of his comforting, Victor smiled at the offer.

"Thank you, for taking me in last minute."

"I actually want to thank you."

The smile on his lips faded, confusion planted on his face now. There wasn't a reason that came to mind on why Hiroko would be thanking him. Victor has been here, not doing anything but sleeping and eating away. Nothing worth thanking him for. He knew she was good at reading him, every since they first met.

"I want to thank you for coming here and loving my Yuuri and Emi."

The sudden spread of warmth went through his body, displaying on his cheeks. Victor wanted to say something, but nothing was coming out. This woman was thanking him for loving her son and granddaughter.

"You can't say I am wrong, Vicchan." She gushed with a laugh, "It's all over your face when you look at them."

Victor sat still in defeat, it's like she has been reading his mind.

_Love._

He thought a lot about that word yesterday, an emotion he's tried to convey as if he has felt it before. But he hasn't in all honesty, until now. Hiroko was the first person to tell him that she knows. _Love_.

Did he love Emi? Victor adored Emi so much, he loves her more than he can describe. To the point where he hopes to God that he gets to see her even after leaving.

 _Did Victor love Yuuri?_ That was difficult question to answer, Victor felt something for Emi but it wasn't love yet.

"I didn't know all the details of your situation until Minako-sensei spoke to me more about it."

The aching sound of her voice startled Victor in a way that made it hard for him to reply, until he was able to finally speak.

"Oh."

Was all Victor could muster, it's not like it was a secret. Whoever watched the news or kept tabs on him knew. He felt her thumb stroke his hand the same way he did to Yuri that day in the storage room. Victor didn't know how fast his heart rate picked up until he met Hiroko's sad gaze.

"Thinking about you in that situation was heartbreaking. Especially with how much you've grown into this family the past week you have been here. We all care and love you, all of us."

The reassuring words brought tears to his eyes, "Why are you telling me this?"

She sighed quietly at his question, "There is love for you here.. a lot."

On cue, Sadako walked over with a large bag and placed it carefully on the table in between their pastries. Hiroko thanked her, gently pushing the large bag towards Victor.

"Is this.."

"It's for you."

Victor noticed the tag, that hung on the strings of the bag, had his name scribbled in red crayon by Emi. He hid his pained expression, bringing the bag onto his lap. Removing the white tissue paper, he pulled out a large box. Setting the bag down on the floor, Victor opened the lid to feel his stomach drop.

In the box laid a pair of sleek, black ice skates. Carefully picking up one of the skates, he examined it to find something on the heel. The name was embroidered with white stitch, _Vicchan_. He found the name on both skates and raising his head, Hiroko smiled warmly at him.

"We wanted to show our appreciation for having you here, you're not the burden you think you are. You brought life along with you in our inn. This is a thank you for letting us in and taking care of you after what happened."

The Russian stared in disbelief, this is the kind of love he wants to skate for. The skates in his hand made a lightbulb go off, he had to change his short program now. He was going to create two programs that will be for the Katsuki's, no matter how long it will take.

"Thank you."

Hiroko shook her head as she motioned her hand behind him, "I think you should be telling them."

Turning his head, he found Yuuri and Emi standing at the front door with a white banner that had "Vicchan Nikiforov" in blue letters. His heart swelled at the sight, putting the box down on the table and going towards them quickly. Yuuri took the banner once Victor picked up Emi, he wrapped an arm around Yuuri's waist to pull him against his chest as he hugged both of them tightly.

"We want you to be happy, Vicchan." Emi murmured as she hugged him.

Yuuri nuzzled his head into Victor's neck, the three of them stood together in each other's embrace.

"I want to do the Grand Prix," Victor whispered softly, "I don't know if I have enough time for the Worlds."

The younger man paused and lifted his head, "But you just need your Free Skate."

Victor smiled with a laugh, "Change of plans. I decided to change it."

Emi was now looking at him too. Victor stared at the two people who have brought so much joy into his life. These programs will be his thank you for the weeks he has spent here, it will show people how worth life is in his eyes.

"Will you guys help me, when we get back to St.Petersburg? I am going to let Yakov know but I want to do this."

Yuuri and Emi both glanced at each other before turning back to Victor.

"Did you forget?"

Yuuri asked curiously with the same boyish grin that made Victor melt.

"We'll always be here for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> takaramono - treasures
> 
> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).
> 
> playlist made for this fic: [playlist](https://play.spotify.com/user/millertho/playlist/6ijAgehKrKzX3Upfc29mA4)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a day early update on another holiday!!  
> im still shook that people are still reading this but :') it makes me happy!!
> 
> i've been planning the airplane scene for about two-three weeks now which is kinda sad but lol
> 
> i hope you enjoy and ohhh!! check out my sick as heck yuri katsuki cosplay on tumblr!! i decided for phoenix comic con this year i'd go in yuri's duetto outfit and it's so cuuuuute!!  
> link - [cosplay](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com/post/157453257231/more-of-my-yuri-katsuki-duetto-stammi-vicino)

"I'm coming back, will you be able to pick us up from the airport?" Victor asked Yakov, struggling to keep his phone inbetween his ear and shoulder as he packed last minute things into his carry on, "I'll pick up Makkachin from the usual spot too."

"How many people?" Yakov asked confused, this was the first time he is hearing Victor's voice since he left.

"Just three, it's Dr.Katsuki, his daughter, and me."

"Dr.Katsuki? From the hospital?"

Victor nipped at his bottom lip before nodding, "That's him."

"Okay, Dr.Orlov said she'd be meeting with you on Monday. If you want to come to the rink.. You can. Yuri has been wondering when you guys are working on the SP since he decided to start on his Free Skate first."

"I'll talk to Yuri about it."

"How are you?" Yakov asked with hesitation, Victor could hear it perfectly.

He smiled, "I'm doing okay."

"Good, I'm glad."

"I'll see you soon, _goodbye_."

" _Goodbye, Vitya_."

The phone call ended after Yakov's words, Victor shoved his phone into his pocket to release the breath he had been holding.

Staring around the room that was Victor's first feeling of home did create a lot of sentimental thoughts.

He zipped up the suitcase on the bed, patting Makkachin's head with a smile. Makkachin licked Victor's hand before following him out of the room, Victor slowly shut the door to the banquet room and glanced at the bedroom at the end.

The door was shut as expected, Victor turned towards down the hall to see if anyone was in sight before putting his suitcase down and putting a hand up to tell Makkachin to stay. Victor opened the door to Yuuri's bedroom, looking around at the old room.

There was still a few posters of Victor up on the closet doors and by the desk. A few crayons were still on the wooden desk but it was cleaned up besides that. Yuuri must've made the bed, everything was cleaned up, he didn't know if today was going to be the last time here. Victor searched the desk until he found a sticky note, he grabbed the pen that was in the holder.

He glanced around the room before scribbling a small note and sticking it on the wood. Looking around the room once more, his heart slightly ached. This was Yuuri's room, the one he grew up in before going to America then Russia.

So much has happened since he first arrived. Meeting Emi was one of the first and best things about this trip. Being able to relax, not worry about someone knowing where he was or trying to act like he was okay. The family let him take his time, letting him open up to them with ease because no one pushed him.

Skating again, feeling the ice beneath his feet wasn't dragging him down like it used too. Having time with Makkachin too, even if Makkachin spent most of her time with Hiroko and Emi. 

Teaching Emi to do a few tricks, with Yuuri's help. Learning about Yuuri, Hiroko, and Emi was one of the greatest parts of this trip. They have become people on his list of those he cares about with Yakov, Yuri, Mila, Chris, and Georgi.

The time he has spent here will make him feel forever greatful about his life. He is glad he stayed alive long enough to meet these beautiful people.

New definitions of Home and Love have been created for Victor to mold the short program and free skate of his choice, they have inspired him to start surprising once again. Yuuri and Emi have become the biggest surprise of his life, Victor is thankful for them. Growing fond of both of them, he wasn't planning of letting go any time soon. Victor wants to make more of this, make more memories and grow new feelings that he's never had before.

"Vicchan! Are you ready?"

Emi's voice echoed from down the steps, startling Victor. He shut the door behind himself and grabbed the handle of his suitcase.

"Coming!"

Walking down the steps, Victor met with Emi and Yuuri. The three of them stood in front of the family, giving goodbye hugs and murmuring soft words about coming back. Victor shrugged on his shoes, holding Hiroko's hand with a smile.

"Thank you, for everything."

"If you need anything, call us. Okay?"

Victor held Hiroko tight in his arms, whispering a few words of goodbye.

With one last hug, they walked out to head towards the train. The train ride was quiet, Emi sat in between Victor and Yuuri while staring outside the window. Makkachin tucked himself behind Victor's legs while the ride continued. No one spoke amongst each other, Victor glanced down at Yuri's hand that rested on his own thigh. Victor picked his line of sight to see Yuuri already looking at him.

Silent communication was being made but Victor didn't know of what, Emi kept her attention on the outside carefully. With the confidence he had left in him, Victor reached over and placed his hand on top of Yuuri's own. Curling his fingers to hold onto it, he looked away to hide the blush on his cheeks. Then his heart fluttered once he felt Yuuri's fingers intertwine into his own.

Once they arrived at the airport, they had to wait for the plane to be prepared for boarding then they got on. Victor sat by the window while Emi sat in the middle again with Yuuri on the outer seat towards the aisle. Emi yawned softly, leaning on Victor's arm and resting her head on him. He glanced down with a smile, pressing a soft kiss on her head as she nuzzled into him.

A flight attendent checked on them, Yuri buckled Emi's seatbelt in. As the pilot spoke about the rules, Victor peered out the window of the plane at the dark clouds that made it look like night even though it was morning.

The plane soon lifted off, Emi sitting up carefully to feel the plane move up. Victor held onto Emi's hand, just like the first time they met and waited for the plane to finally set on it's path. The light to let people know they can remove their seatbelts. Emi sat back in her seat, looking at Yuuri.

"Papa, when we get back, do I have to go back to school?"

Yuri chuckled softly and nodded, "Of course. You can't stay home, Papa has to go to work."

"What about Vicchan?"

"I got to go to work too, Emi." Victor spoke up and pat her head, "But when I have time, I will go see you guys."

Emi's face lit up, "You will?"

"Of course, do you not want me too?"

"We do!" She replied instantly, giggling as she hugged Victor's arm.

Yuuri laughed softly when Victor looked up at him, they kept eye contact for a bit before a flight attendent broke their attention. Victor asked for a couple of cups of water and a juice for Emi, the attendent walking way and Emi tapped Yuuri's thigh. He replied in a soft whisper that Victor understood as "Yes?" in Japanese before she replied back in the same language. Yuuri stood up, grabbing the small backpack that Emi brought on the plane with her from the top shelf.

He handed it over to her, taking his seat back as she unzipped it to pull out a coloring book with a box of crayons. Victor pulled the small table on the other seat towards her so she had a spot to put her things. 

"Thank you," Emi said, beaming before pulling out a crayon to start scribbling on the page she opened.

Victor smiled, glancing over at Yuuri. Already staring, Yuuri turned away flustered making Victor's cheeks heat up as well. Just the sight of Yuuri makes Victor's body shiver, his stomach gets fluttery and he doesn't want to make it noticable. Yuuri is making it really hard.

The people around in coach were quiet, none of the them really spoke besides a couple up front, a few people to their left, and the attendents. Victor didn't pay much attention after awhile, he kept his eyes on Emi and watched her color quietly to herself.

As he came to think of it, a plane ride was the first time he met Emi. Where he also decided to finally get out of his house after staying in, not doing anything with himself. 

Going back to St.Petersburg after taking a break like this, is going to be hard. But Victor was going to show them that what they did pushed him to better himself and hopefully win the award that he truly deserved. This gold medal wasn't going to be for Victor, it was going to be for the Katsuki family.

The plane ride continued quietly, Victor hadn't been able to nap or distract himself. Emi was slowly getting sleepy, it was around 12 in Japan time that she finally fell asleep and Victor knew they'd definitely be tired since they decided to do a one way trip to Russia.

Victor leaned back into the seat, scrolling through social media to look at the pictures posted by fellow skaters that he knew. He glanced down after feeling something on his arm, Emi's head rested on his arm comfortably as she slept. 

Victor looked up to see Yuuri already staring. 

"Hi," Victor whispered softly, Yuri hesistated before smiling.

"Hi."

"You can rest if you'd like," he murmured, noticing Yuuri put down the book he brought for himself, "I'll be up anyway."

Yuuri shook his head, "I'm okay. Not really tired."

"Something on your mind?"

"Kinda," the younger man replied, staring back down at his book. 

Victor watched Yuri contemplate something in mind, he didn't know if he had the right to ask or mention anything. The way his expression was deep in thought made Victor curious, curious to the point something was eating him to ask.

"Did you want to talk about it?"

"Do you.." Yuri picked up his head with a weak smile, "Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?" Victor asked confused, tilting his head slightly.

"What you told Emi, about seeing us still?"

Victor blinked, "Of course."

It seemed Yuuri wasn't expecting that answer from Victor's mouth, his eyes were wide with surprise. Victor noticed a small pink tint on the younger man's cheeks as he took in what Victor said. He paused, trying to figure out what to say back.

"And, what did you mean about.. about that night?"

The Russian's own cheeks went warm, remembering Tuesday night. 

"I- You're talking about when we were coming back from the rink?" Victor asked quietly, his heart was beating fast.

"Yeah, we never really talked about it."

Yuuri bit down on his bottom lip nervously as Victor nodded, "We haven't."

"I just want to know if we were on the same page or not."

"Same page?"

"What happened?"

Victor felt his heart jolt at the sudden question, _should he be honest and tell him the truth?_ Yuri was looking at him as if Victor held all the answers in the world which was different from his usual stance that he knows everything. Yuuri was showing his vulnerable side again just like in the storage room. The plane was quiet, people eating the lunch that the flight attendants brought over and listening to the movies on their screens. Victor smiled shyly, licking his lips before speaking.

"Truth?" He asked quietly, watching Yuuri's eyes flicker at the question.

"Truth."

He took a deep breath and whispered, "I wanted to kiss you."

Yuri sat still, staring at Victor intently after he whispered the words he was scared to say. Victor felt his hands shaking in his lap, having to put his phone down to hold onto his thighs. His hands tremored with nerves, confused by the feeling but not removing his eyes from Yuuri. The younger man shifted in his seat, making Victor's heart ache at the sudden silence between them. He couldn't tell what Yuri was thinking or feeling, the doctor hid it so well that Victor was shaking even more.

"Can you say that again?"

"You want, you want me to say it?"

Nodding, the younger man peered at Victor with interest. Victor glanced at Emi, she was sound asleep and he sighed in defeat.

"I really wanted to kiss you."

"You did?" Yuuri replied quickly, hopefulness in his voice.

Victor laughed weakly, "I didn't realize until a couple days ago. But, I wanted to kiss you. Really bad. Strange, huh?"

"Strange? What about it?"

"I hated you, absolutely loathed you." Victor starts, looking out the window of the plane. "But then I met your family and slowly, unapologetically, I ended up really liking you. I thought if I kept hating you, it would go away but I can't. I didn't know this would happen when coming here."

He didn't want to know what Yuuri's reaction was, that's why he kept himself turned away. Staring at the window, the sky that was faint in color.

"I know this must be unprofessional. Along with the fact that I did something that is looked down upon, I never thought you'd want me around Emi. She doesn't even know what I did, yet she looks at me the same way I look at you when you're not paying attention. Is this a confession? Possibly, but I understand if you don't feel the same way.  I mean, we've know each other for a extremely long time and I think I started developing feelings before you even got to Hasetsu." Victor stopped his ramble suddenly to take a breath, "If you did feel the same way, I would.. I would to have time to figure myself out mentally before doing anything."

Victor slowly lifted his head to meet Yuri's eyes, his cheeks were red and eyes shooting away once Victor looked at him. 

"I, I don't know what to say.." Yuuri murmured, peeking at Victor.

"You don't have to say anything."

"Victor.."

"I understand, I promise. It's all a bit sudden, I get that."

"That's not what I mean."

The Russian took a moment before responding, "What do you mean?"

"Well, I think.. I think I may have developed feelings too. You have to remember I've been a fan of yours for ages, I know that what happened at the hospital was unintentional. As I told your coach, it happens a lot. I know I'm not some hero, especially the one Emi thinks I am but I have noticed the small changes. I don't think I've ever seen Emi or myself so happy before." Yuuri ran his fingers through Emi's hair, "She's a happy go lucky child but when she's around you, it's like she's glowing. My mother told me, "Emi might have chosen the one for you." Which I didn't understand at first.."

A flight attendant stopped by Yuuri's seat, handing them plates of food for their lunch. Yuuri thanked the lady, handing one to Victor and a glass of water. They had set up their things in silence, Victor's heart felt it was going to burst out of his chest.

"As I was saying," Yuuri continued once he finished setting his plate down on the tray, "I didn't understand until last night. Emi couldn't sleep so when that happens, she has a tendency to talk a lot. And she asked me if I loved you."

"Oh."

"I asked her what she meant, she may be smart but there are some things I don't know what she means until she says it. Then Emi replied with, "Like Grandma and Grandpa. Vicchan looks at you the same way Grandpa looks at Grandma." That's why your confession didn't surprise me as much because Emi already told me."

Victor's body grew hot in embarrassment, "I didn't know I was looking at you that way around others."

"I didn't either."

The smile playing on Yuri's lips made Victor melt.

"But, I told her that I do like you. Cause I-"

"Wait," Victor cut him off, "You like me?"

"Will you let me finish?" Yuuri chuckled softly, Emi stirred slightly at the laugh before staying still.

"Sorry, continue."

Yuuri reached his hand out to take it into Victor's, their fingers intertwining with ease.

"Emi told me, "I love him. I'm sure Vicchan loves you too." and I didn't know what to say. But, I know you need time to yourself and figure out everything. But, I have to be honest with you too." Yuuri said with a small huff and squeezed his hand, "I wanted you to kiss me too."

"You did?"

The both of them stared at each other, no uneasy feelings or fears in the air anymore. They were on the same page now, which was the most relieving feeling Victor has ever felt. No gold medal or award would compare to what he has gotten now. 

 

-

 

Yakov helped the three of them into the vehicle, they were clear from any reporters since Victor left unannounced. He was also coming home unannounced. As everyone knew, Victor had gone MIA but there wasn't any location on where. 

"Yakov, this is Dr.Yuri Katsuki. The doctor from the hospital."

Yakov shook his hand from across the seat of the van they rented for them, Yuuri shook his hand carefully as he held onto the sleeping Emi in his lap. 

"And that sleeping beauty is Emi, his daughter."

Emi snoozed away, not listening to their introductions and Yuri smiled awkwardly.

"Sorry, she's quite tired."

"The flight was a long time, I understand."

"Oh, Yakov. You'll love her, she ice skates too. Extremely smart, knows English, Japanese, and Russian. Right, Makkachin?" Victor asked with a grin as he patted Makkachin on the head as he laid across Victor's lap. "She's amazing, incredibly funny and adorable. She just turned six, we had a party for her and everything."

Yakov smiled as he listened to Victor ramble on about Emi and Yuuri right in front of them, the ride was quicker than he expected too. They arrived in front of Yuuri and Emi's apartment complex, Victor got out quickly to grab the luggage from the trunk as Yakov opened the door for Yuuri to get out. Victor held onto their suitcases and followed Yuuri up the steps.

"Let me help them with their luggage, I'll be down quick."

Yuuri lead Victor inside, taking the elevator up to their floor. Emi sneezed, scaring the both of them as she rubbed her nose and blinked lazily. She had a sleepy expression with droopy eyes and parted lips, scanning the familiar elevator.

"Papa, are we home?"

" _Yes, dove, we are._ " Yuuri spoke in Russian, Emi whined before catching a glimpse of Victor and her eyes lit up.

"Are you staying over, Vicchan?"

Victor shook his head, "Sorry, Emi. I was just helping Papa and you with your things."

"Oh."

The elevator stopped, Yuuri walked out first then Victor. The rolling of the wheels on the carpet came to a hault once they stopped in front of a door. Emi got down on the floor as Yuri turned around to face Victor.

"Thank you for helping us."

Victor shrugged with a smile, "Least I can do."

"Vicchan, you promise you'll see us again?" Emi mumbled, clinging to his legs.

"Of course, you know I will." 

Emi and Victor hugged tightly once he bent down to her level, she walked into the apartment with her suitcase. They stood together in silence, until they heard her shut her bedroom door. Victor put out Yuuri's suitcase, Yuuri grasped it carefully and smiled.

"I hope that vacation helped your ease some of your stress. I think it was a good start for your healing."

"It did," Victor replied, "Thank you again for the recommendation."

The silence filled the room again, Victor opened his mouth to speak the same time Yuuri did. Their words collided and it made them stop immediately, pausing to see what the other said. Laughter immersed, voices echoing in the vacant hallway. 

"You go," Victor said, motioning his hand over to Yuuri.

"I- I was going to say, let me know if you need anything. At all. I know about your appointment on Monday, Dr.Orlov and I spoke about it yesterday."

"Oh, yeah. Uh, I'll keep it in mind." Victor murmured and paused, "I should get going then."

"Wait."

Yuuri reached for Victor's hand, taking it and leaning in to press a soft kiss on Victor's cheek. The lingering touch was different, Victor's body seemed to fill with warmth once Yuuri pulled away. The flush in the younger man's cheeks left a tint, the same from the airplane conversation.

"Goodnight," Yuuri whispered, Victor watched Yuuri let go out of his hand.

The Russian's heart fluttered, watching Yuuri carefully.

"Goodnight, Yuri."

The door shut behind Yuuri, Victor walked backwards till his back hit the wall softly. Leaning his head on the wall, bringing his hand up to his cheek to brush the skin where Yuuri kissed. His lips could still be felt on his cheeks, causing a dopey grin to tug on his lips.

"I'm so done for."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now that they have left hasetsu, each chapter after will be months, you'll understand once i do chapter 12 and it will go on like that so keep reading and all. thank you for reading my fic, it means more than you think. i love receiving feedback.
> 
> [moodboard](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com/post/157574644856/mood-board-for-my-fic-enthrall-mature-wip) created by me!!
> 
> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have been receiving so many positive comments that were unexpected??  
> thank you so much for supporting and reading my fic so far in!!  
> i've been working on this since december and your comments drive me to do better all the time.
> 
> so yeah, thank you again for taking the time and still hanging by my side as i write away my feelings into this lovely story that's angsty yet fluffy.

**February**

The moment the song for his short program was finished, he immediately called Yuuri. 

After spending a couple weeks preparing the song and discussing choices for the program, he finally finished it and was ready to go. There was a moment during the time of making the song with Keith, one of his good friends that is a composer, he wanted to do something special for Emi and Yuuri due to their busy schedules since coming back three weeks ago.

Valentines Day was coming up and the perfect idea was to ask the both of them out. Victor stood at the side of the rink, going through his phone to find Yuuri's name and pressing the call button. He leaned against the wall, listening to it ring before there was a sound that someone picked up. Yuuri mumbled something in Japanese to what seemed to be Emi.

" _Victor?_ "

"Yuuri!" Victor spoke over the sound of chattering amongst the skaters in the rink.

Mila and Yuri shot a look from the other side of the rink, Victor brushed them off once he noticed their stare and turned to face the wall.

"Vicchan!" He heard Emi squeal in the background, causing Victor to sport a fond grin, "Papa, is that Vicchan?"

"Yes, now let Papa speak. Hi Victor."

"You busy?"

"No, I just picked Emi up from school. Was planning on going to the store to pick up a few things for dinner."

Victor paused and glanced over his shoulder to see a few skaters already leaving the rink besides Georgi, Yuri, Mila, and one of Yakov's private lessoners. It wouldn't be too much of a problem if he invited them, right?

"Did you want to come to the rink?" Victor asked, tapping the toe pick of his new skates on the ice.

"Right now?"

"Right now."

Yuuri spoke in Japanese towards Emi, as if he didn't want Victor to understand. Which was true, Victor has noticed that Yuuri does that every time he doesn't want Victor to know something. Victor couldn't fight him about it, the gorgeous man knows Russian _fluently_. Even his child does. That doesn't happen very often.

"Can Emi and I go home real quick to pick up our skates, we should be there in 20 minutes?"

"Perfect! I'll send the address and-"

"Victor. We know where it's at."

The Russian paused, "You do?"

Laughter occured on the other side of the phone, "Have you forgotten that we are fans of Team Russia?"

Warmth flooded his cheeks and he sensed someone behind him, catching the young boy behind him with his hands on his hips. He looked slightly annoyed and Victor turned his head back to give the attention to the family on the phone.

"Of course, your favorite has to be the really hot platinum haired skater who happens to be a living legend?" 

"Mm, thinking more of the emotional brunette." Yuri teased, Victor glanced over at Georgi talking to Mila.

A pout escaped his lips, "No way."

"True story, see you in 20!"

The phone call ended with Yuuri's teasing tone that left him blushing more than usual. Victor placed his phone in his pocket, smiling proudly. Yuri stuck out his tongue in disgust, unsatisfyed at the reaction he's seeing from Victor. Yuri seems to act like nothing happened, but Victor knows he is curious over the amount of times he asks him who he is texting or thinking about.

Especially during practice for his programs, which he started working on once Keith and him began to song. 

"Who was that?"

"Remember the doctor from the hospital?" Victor asked, gliding over to the door of the rink. The younger boy trailed behind him in question, nodding in response. Victor stepped off the ice, scanning the room for his coach before slipping on his covers for the skates that he had gotten from the Katsuki family. "His daughter and him are coming here soon."

"When did you get buddy buddy with the guy? I thought you hated him."

" _Hated_ , meaning I did but now I don't."

Yuri stared at Victor in disbelief, "You're totally into him."

Victor's lips quirked up tightly, "What makes you think that?"

"Yakov said you got those skates from his family, right? I thought you said and I quote, "I will never take these skates off if it's the last thing I do." after getting the others with the flag and gold on them." Yuri stated matter-of-factly to him while pointing at the pair of black skates laced on Victor's feet. The older man rolled his eyes and shrugged, grabbing his sweater to slip it on.

"I had them for as long as I can remember, but now these are the best gift I have ever received."

"Does that say _Vicchan_?"

Looking down at his skates, he tilted his skate slightly to see the name and nodded quickly. The skates made Victor feel like he wasn't in a rush, like he could do something with himself for once. He's been able to skate a lot better and work harder, still having time for Makkachin and meals to his surprise. Grabbing the handle, Yuri scoffs in annoyance, leaning against the wall by the door of the rink.

"What happened when you went to Japan? You seem.."

"Seem what?" Victor asked curiously, standing by the double doors to the lobby of the rink.

"Different." Yuri said flatly.

Victor shrugged, "I don't know."

With that, Victor walked out of the rink without a response from Yuri. He didn't really tell them about what he did when he was gone. Not that he felt obligated to tell them what happened, what he did, or what was said. Nothing was bad about it either, he loved every minute of the time being away. He knows Makkachin enjoyed it due to his post vacation depression and not seeing Emi and Yuuri for awhile.

The lobby played low music with Alla, who sat at the front desk since Victor had first started coming here as a young child, typing away on her computer screen. She glanced up and smiled immediately once she noticed it was him.

"Hello, Vitya. _Going home already?_ " Alla spoke in Russian at the second part, Victor shook his head and smiled sheepishly.

" _No, I'm waiting for a couple people._ " Victor replied in the language, a flush in his cheeks deepening now.

A smirk rose on her lips, complimented the wrinkles on her cheeks. 

" _A couple people? Do they happen to be the ones that cause your tomato face?_ "

The teasing tone in her voice made Victor playfully glare at her, "Alla!"

"So tense you are, Vitya. _I thought you took a vacation._ "

Victor laughed softly from her words, " _I did, I did. They are people I met during it._ "

" _Who are they?_ "

"Yuuri and Emi Katsuki," Victor replies cooley and adds, " _A father and daughter._ "

Alla nodded in understanding, " _Must be great people to get this bachelor to blush that hard._ "

" _They are very good people_ ," he murmurs.

Noticing the time on his phone and excuses himself, he walks towards the front door to peer through the window. A few cars leaving from the skaters before and he noticed a vehicle pull in. It was a small car, very nice one he adds to his head.

It parked and the driver side door opened, he gaped at the sight of Yuuri in a fresh beige colored sweater that was lose on him with black jeans that were tight in the right places. His glasses were on the bridge of his nose and hair slightly messy, the Russian watched him walk to the other side and open the door for Emi.

She was wearing the sweater Victor got her along with white jeans and sparkly pink shoes. The usual backpack being put on, they held hands as they walked towards the front of the rink. Emi tugged Yuuri along very impatiently, Victor stands back a bit to wait for the two to come in. The pressure of his heart beating against his chest makes it's way back, he hadn't seen them in awhile and Victor missed them so much.

The door opened and Victor met eyes with Yuuri, his face lighting up and seeing Emi's figure running straight towards Victor. Her arms wrapped around his legs immediately, his foot stumbled back slightly for him to lose balance. Victor caught himself and laughed, picking her up and holding her close to him.

"I missed you, Vicchan!" Emi squealed, Victor spun her gently with a grin.

"I missed you too." Victor replied, peeking over her shoulder at Yuuri.

Victor shot a wink towards the younger man, a blush rose to Yuri's surprised face and cracked a smile from him. Victor heart melted as he began to put Emi down. Emi's feet touched the ground as Yuuri met Victor half way, the older man embraced him quickly.

"Don't think I forgot about you too."

Yuri laughed into his shoulder, "Good. Cause I missed you a bit too."

The Russian pulled back with a pout, "Just a bit?"

They let go of each other and Emi took Victor's hand into hers, "Let's go skate, Vicchan! Papa and I brought our skates!"

"Okay okay, I'll show you the locker room to put your stuff away in," he spoke and snuck a glance Alla's way. 

Fond was all over her face as they walked by, he could hear her cooeing in his head once he opened the door. Emi walked into the locker room first, Yuri right after her and Victor followed close. Emi awed at the sight of the locker room, looking at the numbers on the doors.

Victor can remember the first time he set foot in this locker room, right after Yakov took him in after noticing his continuous occurance to the rink. He gave Victor a locker and let him join the team, it spun off from there.

"Where's yours?" Emi asked curiously, Victor led the way towards the back where the teams was separated on the wall.

"Right here," Victor stood by the third one from the end. His name was written on a piece of medal that was screwed into the locker door. He did the combination, which happens to be Makkachin's birthday, opening it to reveal his bag and shoes as well as a couple pictures from years ago to now taped to the back of the door. Emi began to start reading the other names of the lockers by Victors.

"Is Yuri here too? And Mila?" Emi spoke up again, her eyes darting in Victor's direction.

Victor nodded, shutting the locker door.

"Let's put on your skates then you can go meet them, yeah?"

After Emi and Yuuri put on the skates they brought and spent 5 minutes on deciding to put their things either in Victor's locker or their own. They walked in together into the rink, Yakov was departing from his private lesson and Mila was on the wall playing with her phone. Yuri was practicing his free skate while Georgi was working on his step sequence. All their eyes laid on the three of them, Yakov's eyes widen.

"Dr.Katsuki?"

Yuri turned his attention to him and shook his hand formally with a smile, "Mr.Feltsmen. Nice to see you again."

"You too," Yakov answered confused, "Is this Emi?"

Emi peeked from Victor's leg and smiled wide, "Coach Yakov! I love your team!"

"She's a bit of a fan, remember?" Victor murmured, patting her head.

"Oh yeah?" 

An unfamiliar smile spread on Yakov's face, Emi moved from Victor and put her hand out for him to shake while standing next to Yuuri. 

"It's nice to meet you!" Emi greeted, her smile reaching her eyes clearly.

The sound of skates on ice grew closer, Victor noticed Yuri, Georgi, and Mila pulled up to them by the rink. Yuri stood stunned at the sight of the doctor and the young child with Victor, he noted the shine on his face just from the _sight_ of them. Mila leaned her arm on Yuri's shoulder, gazing at the father intrigued. 

"Hello, again." Yuuri greeted the skaters, Emi looked over at the skaters and her eyes widen.

"Papa! It's Mila, Georgi, and Yuri!"

Emi carefully walked up to the them and squealed, "I'm Emi, I love your skatings. I've been watching you forever! I'm six."

Mila giggled, smiling as she carefully sat on the back of her legs to keep balance on the ice. Georgi waved at Emi with a laugh as she waved back vigorously, Yuri glanced down at her and studied her intently.

"Emi? It's nice to meet you Emi. You here to skate too?" Mila spoke up first.

The child nodded anxiously and beamed at her, "I love skating! Papa and Vicchan taught me how to do moves."

"They did, huh?" Mila replied, putting her hand out for Emi. "Let's see what you got. C'mon Yuri."

"Your name is the same as Papa's name," Emi reached for his hand for help, Yuri took it with a small smile.

Yuri scoffed while grasping the smaller hand, "Your Papa took my name," he replied softly.

Emi thought a moment before stepping on the ice, "Can I call you Yurio? So I don't get confused."

"That's not-" Yuri cut himself off and met eyes with the child. Her face had the same expression as Victor's except it was towards him. There was a pause in his response and he nodded. "Yeah, you can call me that. But only you, okay?" Yuuri and Victor watched Mila with Yuri help her on the ice, Georgi following behind. 

Victor took a look at Yakov, he was staring at Emi intreged by the sight of the child skating along with them easily. Her small legs moving fluently, trying to keep her balance as she began to speak about something she learned from Victor and Yuuri. Victor grasped Yuuri's hand to tug him along, he slipped off his covers for the skates as Yuuri did himself. Stepping on the ice, Victor whispered plans for the fourteenth in the younger man's ear before glancing back at Yakov.

Together, they skated away towards Emi and the other two skaters who were praising Emi for her spin she did. Yakov leaned on the wall intreged by the two who have entered the rink. No one could take their eyes off of them.

 

-

 

"I can't believe you did this."

Were the first words that came out of Yuuri's mouth, exactly what Victor expected because he couldn't believe it either. Victor stood proudly at their door step with two bouquets of roses that were in the color white for Yuri and pink for Emi.

Makkachin sat next to Victor's feet, holding a small sign that was hanging from his neck that had the words scribbled on ' _Be My Valentine?_ '. Emi walked from behind him, her brown eyes widened at Victor and Makkachin. A giggle slipped from her lips, going down on her knees and instantly beginning to pet Makkachin happily. 

"Makkachin, are you asking to be our Valentine today?" Emi asked, Makkachin licking her cheek lovingly.

"Victor.." Yuuri started baffled, "Those bouquets are the size of Emi combined!"

The Russian bit his bottom lip while smiling, "Uh.. Surprise?"

Yuuri moved out of the way to let Victor in, the older man pressed a swift kiss on his cheek before scanning the apartment that he had only seen from the outside. Slipping his shoes off and tucking them by their own on the floor by the door, he didn't know what to expect when coming inside.

It was a modern type of look, the same interior theme as Victor's except with more color. He had frames on the wall of different arts that Emi must've done that hung along with family photos. A vase of a few different flowers was in the middle of the dining table that had yellow place mats for four people. Yuuri took one of the bouquets out of his hand, laughing when noticing a few petals on Victor's hair.

"Which ones for who?" Yuri asked, removing a few of the petals.

Victor's cheeks flushed, "Pink for Emi and white for you."

"Doesn't white mean innocence?" 

"It means many things besides that _Yuuri~_ "

Grinning, Victor noticed Emi finally let Makkachin in and saw the flowers in his hands. Victor got down on one knee, holding out the pink bouquet of roses for her to have. Emi's eyes lit up at the gift, leaning in to smell the roses and gazing up at Victor with joy.

"Is this for me, Vicchan?"

"You are my Valentine, Emi."

"Papa's your Valentine too?" Emi asked with an eyebrow raise, her small finger pointing out the white roses that Yuuri was strugglingt to put in a vase. 

The older man nodded, noticing Yuuri pouting when he realizes the vase is too small. Victor removed a rose from the bouquet and handed it to Emi, standing up and patting her head with his open hand.

"Why don't you show Makkachin your room while I help Papa figure out the rose situation?" Victor suggested, Emi quickly listened and talked Makakchin into following her down the unfamiliar hallway.

Setting the roses down on the dining table, Victor grasped the other bouquet from Yuuri while he was filling a different vase up.

"I thought why not just mix them up? I have a few set of vases here so I think it'd be fine, right?" Yuuri murmured, focusing on the water running out of the rink.

This type of view shouldn't make his heart flutter, but it did. Yuuri was sporting a very nice, white button up shirt and black slacks. Victor knew he had work later tonight but that wasn't till 6:30, the reason Victor was here on Valentine's Day was two things.

_**1\. He asked Yuri and Emi to be his Valentine that day at the rink.** _

_**2\. Victor volunteered to watch over Emi since he had to work late.** _

Yuuri began to take some of the roses from the bouquet that Victor help, sticking a good amount in the vase and smiled.

"Thank you for being our Valentine, luckily we haven't forgotten you too." 

He watched the younger man whistle out, Emi and Makkachin's pattering on the wood flooring echoed down the hallway. Turning his head, Emi held out a pink bag with white tissue paper on the inside. Yuuri took the bouquet away from Victor's hands and placed it on the dining table with the other one. Emi handed the bag over, rocking on her heel in excitement. He licked his lips, removing the tissue paper to find a few gifts inside.

Picking his head up, Victor eyed the both of them carefully. They wore the same facial expression, impatience. He chuckled softly and began to pull out the first thing which is a box of chocolates. 

"In Japan, school students give chocolates to the people they like." Yuuri informed.

"That one is from Papa." Emi added, giggling at her own words.

"Mm, I think I should get Papa hundreds of these."

Emi clapped her hands in agreement when Yuuri shook his head instantly, "No no. No more gifts. These flowers are enough."

Victor laughed softly, pulling out the next item after setting the heart shaped box of chocolates on the kitchen counter. It was a CD with an album cover of Emi, Victor, and Yuuri on the front. A gasp escaped his lips, turning it over to find a list of songs, the title of the album above the songs. _For V_. The list contained eight songs, Victor knew of most of them as he scanned it and looked at them again.

"In America, my roommate at the time told me how he made a playlist for someone he really liked for Valentine's Day and they loved it so I thought why not?" Yuuri explained, watching Victor look back down at the CD and pouting.

"This is so cute."

"Alright, alright. Next one." Emi spoke up, taking the playlist to set it on the kitchen counter with the chocolate.

As he pulled out the last gift, it seemed to be a card made out of card stock paper. There was a drawing of a scribbled heart with the name Victor at the bottom of it in red crayon. He placed the bag with the other gifts, glancing down at Emi with a smile and opening it to see a picture of the three of them in what looks to be an ice rink. Victor and Yuuri are holding hands with Emi inbetween them. Victor noticed the silver crayon colored hair on his figure, making him chuckle.

"Did you make this, Emi?" 

Emi affirmed the question with the smile that looked like would make her cheeks hurt, "I worked on it with Papa yesterday! Do you like it?"

"I love it!" Victor replied instantly, "I'm going to hang it in my locker at the rink. But after I show everyone your beautiful artwork."

She beamed at the praise, "Happy Valentine's Day, Vicchan!" Her arms went around his legs, hugging them tightly with all her might. Victor picked her up, hugging her close to him and pressing a soft kiss to her messy, curly hair. A kiss was placed on his cheek, not by Emi but by Yuuri. Victor blushed fiercely, Emi calling it out right after. He placed her down with a pout, causing her to giggle and run off to her bedroom with Makkachin again.

"You guys must really like to tease me," Victor mumbled, going back to picking out the roses again.

Yuuri chuckled quietly and held out a pink rose for him, "It's cause we adore you, _Vicchan_."

"Calling me by my nickname now hm?"

"Well, it was originally my dogs name."

"You calling me a _dog_?" Victor's eyebrow quirked up while smelling the flower.

The younger man shoved his shoulder against Victor's gently with a laugh, "You're terrible!"

"Yes, but you _like_ me."

"Sadly."

"Yuuri!"

He was tugged into the kitchen instantly, Yuuri handed him a pot from one of the cabinets. Victor took it without question, tucking the rose into one of the vases Yuuri put out and started to fill the pot with water. They moved fluently in the kitchen, getting a few things out for some simple spaghetti dinner. Emi came out of her room, carrying a bright yellow radio and put it on the counter. Victor glanced over his shoulder, as he put the noodles into the boiling water, at her plugging it in and putting in his CD that they burned for him.

Emi pressed the play button, waiting a few moments. Victor could only see her nose and up from where she stood at the counter. The guitar in the song began to play the familiar tune, he had only heard this song a few times from Mila playing it through one of her relationships. The soft words of the man filled the house, Emi humming to it quietly while Yuri began to dance along with her.

"Can Victor Nikiforov dance too?" Yuri asked playfully, he put his hand out for him.

Victor set down the spoon he was using to stir the noodles, "You can only hope so."

The moment he took it, Victor was swept off his feet and pulled right up against Yuuri. His right hand went to Yuuri's waist while the other cupped into Yuuri's hand. Emi spun around with Makkachin as they danced to the love song that played through out the apartment. Victor took the confidence in him to dip Yuri carefully in the small kitchen, singing the words in his own native language. The doctor laughed bubbly, smiling wide up at Victor.

Makkachin barked approvingly once he made eye contact with the poodle, his eyes widen once he realized Emi put a tiara on Makkachin's head. Yuuri's eyebrows furrowed, finding what got Victor's attention to see the dog going in a circle while wagging it's tail.

"Princess puppy!" Emi exclaimed while putting her hands out to showcase Makkachin.

Yuri shook his head, letting Victor go and walking over to Makkachin. His hand rubbing the tight curls of Makkachin's body and giving him a kiss on the nose. Victor could've died right there at the spot, watching the man he liked fonding over his poodle.

Makkachin was a lucky little shit.

"I think Makkachin is liking the tiara," Victor spoke up, listening for the next song after Photograph ended.

The next song began to play as Yuuri went to check on the noodles in the pot, opening a container and getting a sause pan out for the sause they were going to have with it. Emi danced with Victor, her feet on top of his as he took steps while holding her hands. Her giggles moving with the melody of the song, his blood pumping with joy. She squeezed his hands, trying to keep her balance.

"Vicchan, you're a terrible dancer!"

Victor gasped dramatically, "I think you're a terrible dancer. Can't keep stepping on my toes!"

Emi laughed loudly, "But Vicchan!"

"Mm, I don't know." Yuuri butt in, "Emi does have a point. You almost dropped me earlier."

"Did not!"

Victor saw the grin on Yuuri's face as he mixed the sause, "Did too."

"You and Emi love to team up on me," Victor whined while Emi stayed on his feet, "Don't you?"

"I like seeing you laugh," Emi replied, letting go of his hands to poke his toned stomach through the dress shirt. "You snort when you laugh really hard."

"Are you making fun of me or was that a genuine compliment?"

Yuuri snorted.

After dinner was finished and eaten up after taking to long to figure out where everyone was going to sit, Yuuri went to go give Emi her shower.

"I'll be right back, why don't you check out the guest bedroom?" Yuuri suggested, smiling before disappering down the hallway. 

Victor followed, passing the bathroom that had the door shut but light illuminating from the creaks. He could hear Emi's giggle along with Yuri's instructful voice. The water running was loud enough to somewhat drown his voice but not too much. Victor found two doors at the end of the hall by Emi's room and the bathroom. One door was already opened, meaning it would be the guest bedroom.

Flicking on the switch, the lamp on the bed side table turned on. He was examining the guest bedroom that had a full sized bed with a white comforter, a side table, installed closet with lots of space minus the boxes on the floor of it, a small dresser with a TV, and towels. Yuuri knew how to make the rooms look nice, the room had a light blue shade on the walls and a painting on a large frame above the bed's headboard. 

He loved the splash of color Yuuri put in the rooms like this one had a few knicknacks that popped on the beige dresser in front of the bed. Victor noted Yuuri's interior skills before leaving the room and heading back out in the living space. Makkachin laid comfortably on the black couch, Victor passed him to go in the kitchen and clean the dishes they used tonight. It's the least he could do since Yuuri let him come over for the night.

Valentine's Day had been a success.

The shower was finished before he knew it, he put the dishes in the rack by the sink and dried his hands with a towel. The bathroom door opened and the first thing he heard was Emi calling his name.

Victor chuckled at Yuuri's scolding for her to use her inside voice as he walked over, the bathroom was vacant but across from that, Emi's door was open. He peeked into the pale pink room that had a twin sized bed on the far right corner of the room by the window.

It was a child's room for sure, Emi sat on the bed in a yellow night gown on the baby blue sheets covered in flowers. She had a kids kitchen by the closet that seemed to be filled with endless clothing. Her dresser was white like the frame of her bed and had a mirror. Yuuri adjusted her socks, picking her off the bed and giving her a stopwatch.

"Remember, ten minutes of reading. Then you go to sleep, okay?"

Emi nodded in understandment and waved Victor inside, he stepping in cautiously and looked around.

"Looks how I would imagine it to be," Victor said with a smile, Emi seemed please with his words.

"Oba helped me pick out the stuff! She said Papa would let me get anything I want."

"Time to read, Emi. But say goodnight to Vicchan." Yuuri said softly, kissing her wet hair.

Emi got off the bed and quickly wrapped her arms around him, he hugged her back and pressed a soft kiss on his temple.

"Goodnight, Emi."

"You'll be here when Papa leaves, right?"

Victor nodded, "Yes, in the room next door. If you need anything, let me know okay?"

The child nodded, murmuring her goodnight before going to her bed to pick up the book on the pillow. Yuuri exited out first then Victor, shutting the door behind himself. He followed Yuri down the hall, watching him go to the kitchen to pick up his phone. Victor leaned against the arch of the hallway, mesmorized by the sight of Yuri. His whole being was beautiful, so refreshing that Victor couldn't get enough.

"You're drooling."

Yuuri's words snapped him out of his gaze and a smirk approached his lips, "Meant too."

"Gross," Yuuri replied, chuckling as he walked over to Victor. "Thank you for being our Valentine. Was unexpected."

"Really? I thought I was automatically your Valentine."

Victor snaked an arm around Yuuri's waist, the younger man was putting on his watch and sighed happily.

"That is true."

Feeling smug, Victor nudged his nose against Yuuri's own. Watching the blush rise on the Japanese man's cheeks, Yuuri pulled away with a laugh.

"I have to leave."

"Already?"

Yuuri saw Victor's face fall at his words, "I just got a text from my assistant. One of my paitence needs my help."

"I was hoping we could watch a movie or something." Victor frowned, Yuuri felt his heart strings tug harshly.

"I know, I was hoping so too. Next time."

Victor stood at the arch as Yuuri walked by him, going into his room to grab his wallet and essentials for the night. He grabbed his work bag, walking out of the hallway. Finding Victor in the same spot, Yuuri went back into the kitchen and took some food out of the pantry for snacks at the hospital.

"So, what time do you come back?" Victor asked, leaning on the counter curiously.

"Around 5? Not too late, I have extra clothes in my room if you need something more comfortable to sleep in." Yuuri suggested, adjusting his bag's strap on his shoulder. "Take anything you need."

"Will I find some dirty little Katsuki secret."

He knew he was joking but it still made him shiver.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Yuuri mumbled, going towards the door.

Victor followed behind him and opened it for him, Yuuri turned around once he took a step out of the door into the apartment hallway. The older man leaned on the door frame, pouting out his bottom lip. Yuuri smiled, leaning up to press a kiss on his cheek and caressing his jawline.

"See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow," Victor whispered and pecked his cheek, "Happy Valentine's Day."

Yuuri walked off happily, Victor's heart ached as he shut the door. 

Still a successful Valentine's Day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).  
> for v [playlist](https://play.spotify.com/user/millertho/playlist/6A3JBf9m31objDgZQnwAmR) !!!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is probably the longest chapter ever because it involves 2 months?? so i hope everyone finds it decent since i put a lot of work into it. it needs more work tbh.  
> *i don't know if anyone has picked it up, but during conversations if they speak a different language then its in italics because i am not going to have you guys go back and forth on google translate lol

**March**

"From the top."

An annoyed grunt was the reply to Victor's demand, he stood on the outer rink by the stereo that Mila lended them. Yuri stood in the middle of the rink for the hundredth time, moving into the routine once Victor played the music. The older man studied the skater's motions towards the song that Victor had created for him last month as promised. Though, Yuri seemed to be  struggling with trying to show the emotions of the song.

Romance has slowly taken over Victor's insides, wanting to showcase it everywhere. Victor was sure Yuri could learn about it through skating. But something wasn't clicking, he knew Yuri wasn't him but skating to a piece like this involved love.

Losing love specifically, Yuri hasn't been able to show it that well. Maybe Georgi could show him a time or two. The program was made to make someone ache, Yuri was only making Victor see his anger.

Yuri's blonde hair was in a tight bun that seemed to get looser every time he did the program. As the teenager shifted into a triple axel, Victor noticed his own alarm going off.

His eyes widen as he shut off the music abruptly, Yuri skid on the ice to stop himself into going for the combination spin. 

"What the fuck?" Yuri blurted, his eyebrows creasing in frustration.

Victor tucked his phone in his pocket and gave him an apologetic smile, "Emi is getting out of school. Take a break until I get back."

Yuri nodded without argment and skating towards the exit, Victor headed out till he got to his car. Hoping in, he drove straight to the school that Emi went too. It happened to be only 10 minutes away from the rink in driving time. He pulled up soon enough and parked in the spot he had made his own for about three weeks now. 

Parents crowed the lot in front of him, he created a method to use while going through the crowd after the first few times were a bust. Yuri didn't warn him about this sort of thing. Victor liked to use the secret Victor Nikiforov smile since he found that most of the parents here were mothers.

Plenty of the crowd being fans as well, he earned lots of cooeing each time he came to get Emi. Getting through the crowd, he saw Emi standing in her class spot.

Noting to encourage Yuri to do french braids more often to her hair, Victor saw the friend she was talking to point him out. Emi turned around and beamed, running towards his direction.

"Vicchan!" Emi squealed, she crushed his legs into a hug, "Did Papa have to work today again?"

"Yeah, but today, you're joining me at the rink again."

Emi nodded quickly, their hands intertwined while Emi started to go on about her day. They reached his car, he helped her into her seat and buckled her in. Victor got into the driver seat, starting the car.

"Is Yurio there?" She asked from behind, playing with the hem of her uniform dress.

Victor chuckled at the question, "Yes he is. But he's working on his short program so no skating today."

"Can I watch again?"

The Russian smiled, "Of course."

There have been changes since February, Victor started having Emi around more often. Not that he didn't mind, he loved having time spent with her. A routine was setting in more setting in more suddenly than expected. Yuuri started working either afternoon or graveyard instead of just graveyard.

Victor suggested he could get Emi since he spent his Tuesday and Thursdays helping Yuri with his short program and the other days were designated to himself.

First, Emi started sleeping over around the first week of March. That's when Yuuri's strange schedule began, Victor didn't mind either since he had someone to join him for dinner. That also meant seeing Yuuri in the morning to take her to school.

And if there was anything he loved more about Yuuri, it would be his sleepy state.

The exhaustion on his face, messy hair, and glasses switched out from his contacts. Victor adored it, especially seeing it every few days a week. Emi would get ready with Victor, help her change and they'd eat breakfast ( _making extra for Yuuri too_ ).

Then Yuuri would come pick her up, Emi would give him the breakfast and Yuuri would give Victor a kiss on the cheek. Then the day would start again.

Victor didn't want to be dramatic but his life has never felt this amazing before.

They pulled up back to the rink, Yuri and him booked it for the day since Yuri was almost finished with it. Emi held onto Victor's hand when they walked in and greeted Alla.

The woman almost adores the child as much as Victor does, Emi spoke Russian to her and always received candies that Victor doesn't recall ever getting when he was younger.

Entering the rink, Yuri landed a perfect quadruple toe loop.

"Perfect, Yurio!" Emi cheered enthusiastically, he stopped his movements to see Emi standing at the entrance. She waved at him, he noticed her usual uniform and backpack. Victor walked over to the stereo the same time Yuri went towards her.

Victor watched the two interact, seeing the smile on Yuri's face. He decided to sned the usual text to his antsy.. _boyfriend_? Victor paused with the message to Yuuri open, he looked down at it and began to type.

 **To Yuri:**  
**Your angel is here.**

 **To Victor:**  
**Okay.. but where's Emi?**

His face went hot. The question of whether or not Yuuri was Victor's boyfriend still hung in the air a lot. But, Victor didn't want to be pushy about anything. He wanted to make sure that it was okay to do certain things or say. Deep in thought, Victor decided to reply back instantly.

 **To Yuri:**  
**You're adorable but I meant Emi!**

 **To Victor:**  
**Be specific, Vicchan! (◦'ںˉ◦)**

"Vicchan!" The younger girl called out for him, putting her bag down and running in his direction. "Yurio said he'd show me his short program perfectly!"

He shot Yuri a look. Not fazed, the teenager moved to the middle of the ice and extended his arms out into the starting position. Vicotr set Emi on the wall of the rink carefully and then pressed play. The music began to play once again, the rink filled with the sound of instruments. Emi gazed in amazement intently at Yuri. Yuri wasn't holding back like he had done in the past few hours.

His body moved fluently to the man's voice singing. Victor couldn't find a single flaw, the desperation of the man was now reflecting on the ice. 

Determination on the teenager's face showed, a lost look. Victor smiled the moment Yuri landed another quad before gliding into a combination spin gracefully as the music's strength grew. It was coming to an end, but Yuri showed no mercy as he continued the program without a problem.

Emi gasped in awe as Yuri ended in the heart wrenching stance of his hands holding his heart.

The music stopped, Yuri's panting could be heard and Emi was transfixed on the skater.

"Now you got it."

Yuri and Emi snapped their attention to Victor. The blonde catching his breath, skating in their direction. Emi put her arms out to hug him, nuzzling her face in his messy hair.

"Like Vicchan said, that was so cool!"

"I didn't say-"

"I bet _Vicchan_ thought I was better than him." Yuri cut him out while grinning smugly as Emi held him securely, "Right, coach?"

The Russian paused and let out a sigh, "Almost."

Victor began to go over what he saw in Yuri's performance, trying to draw his attention more than Emi was. Emi happened to be keeping her arms around the back of his neck while her feet dangled off the wall, Yuri held her waist carefully so she didn't fall while listening to him speak.

Something was mumbled by Emi and Yuri opened his mouth to speak again.

"Is she spending the night at your place again?"

Caught off guard by his question, Victor slowly nodded.

"Yuuri has graveyard."

Emi squealed, "Can Yurio sleepover too?"

The Russian's both stared at her in confusion, hoping she was kidding. Victor chuckled but then quickly stopped, realizing she was not kidding. He stratched the back of his neck, turning his head towards Yuri.

"You want Yurio to sleep over?"

She nodded and tapped Yuri's arm, "Wanna sleepover? We can play P'yantisa even though Vicchan is bad at it and eat ice cream-Oh! We can watch Moana!"

"Moana?" Yuri asked confused, Emi gasped dramatically.

"She's a Disney Princess!"

"I'm sorry, Em. I don't want movies very often."

Emi pouted at him, "Sleepover! But we'll have to sleep in the other room since you won't sleep with Vicchan. Only I do."

"I'm not arguing that," Yuri muttered, moving away from the wall and crossing his arms. "Does that mean Victor's cooking?"

Victor playfully glared at him, "For your information. I have gotten a lot better at cooking!"

"Is it to play _housewife_ with Emi there?"

"Yuri!"

 

-

After practicing for a few more times due to Victor forcing Yuri to do the program again from his comment. They arrived at the apartment in one piece with Makkachin there to greet them, Yuri set his night bag in the bedroom while Emi went towards the dinner table to take out the homework she needed to work on.

Victor walked into the kitchen as Yuri made his way back into the living space towards Emi. He sat down in front of her and smiled, they began to speak fluently in Russian to each other.

He grabbed a juice box for Emi and filled a glass of water for Yuri, setting them down on the table for them.

"Vicchan? Can you make the sandwiches like last week?" Emi asked politely, setting down her pencil to look over at him. 

"Of course, how many this time?"

"Just one! But make one for Yurio too, he's hungry."

He chuckled softly and began to take out ingredients, hustling to make the sandwiches. There wasn't a way from him to not eavesdrop on the conversation between the two of them as he made the delicious sandwiches that he was best at. 

"After eating, we can play games and stuff. Or wait, watch Moana!"

"I still don't know what that is."

Emi sighed, "Vicchan bought it for me last week, it's really good! It's in English though."

"That's fine with me."

They finished eating and Victor got them settled into the living room, popping in the DVD into his system before playing it for them.

The film began to start and Victor started to clean up their mess, he was cut off by his phone buzzing. Victor placed the plates down in the sink and found the caller ID to be Yuri. He glanced at the two on the couch and walked out into the hallway of the apartment.

"Yuuri?"

"Hey, Victor!" Yuri chimed, Victor tried to fight the blush at the way Yuuri said his name.

"Hey, what's up?"

Yuri huffed a laugh, "Sorry, I was just going to ask if you had plans for dinner? I have an hour break before grave yard today."

"You do? I mean, of course you can. Yurio is over right now, he's watching a movie with Emi."

"Oh, I'm sorry if I'm bothering." 

Victor's eyes widen and shook his head, "Oh no! You're fine. I'm just cleaning up the kitchen right now since we all had a snack."

"Okay," Yuuri murmured, "Uh I should be around by 10. Emi will probably be asleep though, huh?"

"Yeah, I have her in bed by 9-9:30." Victor replied before he could stop himself, sounding extremely domestic.

He could hear Yuuri's smile as he spoke, "I'm glad. Yeah, I guess it will be the both of us. So, I'll see you later."

"Yeah, of course. I'll see you later."

Once the phone call ended, Victor took a breath and walked back in. Emi was already singing along to a song on the screen, Yuri was bobbing his head to the song.

The song was coming to an end, knowing because every time it did then Emi's voice got louder.

The Russian clapped loudly, cheering her on as the song ended and transitioned into another scene. Emi giggled, looking from the seat of the couch to see Victor closing the door. Resting her chin on the couch cushion and tucking her knees into it, she spoke softly.

"Was that Papa?" Emi asked curiously, "Is he still at work?"

Nodding, Victor tucked his phone in his pocket. "He was checking on you but I had to tell him you were watching a movie with Yurio."

"That's not my name," the teenager huffed.

"But Emi calls you that."

Yuri glowered at Victor, "That's because it's Em. She asked first."

Victor couldn't fight with Yuri, knowing that he was growing a soft spot for her over the past weeks was enough for Victor to take it. The day was coming to a close after Victor fed the two of them dinner and got Emi into a bath.

Yuri played some video games on the old school console that Victor got from Yakov as a teenager. Emi played with the bubbles happily, he let her put bubbles on his face while he massaged shampoo in her hair.

Makkachin sat next to Victor, barking every now and then while watching Emi intrigued.

The child giggled uncontrollably when she made a bubble beard on Victor and gots bits of bubbles on Makkachin's head, he spoke in an older man's voice to make her laugh more. Victor never knew the joy he'd get just from giving a child a bath, he remembers the first time he helped Emi in the bath on the first day she spent the night.

He was nervous because Victor's tub was deep and Emi is _tiny_. The tub was made for adults but he decided to put a type of high seat in it for her to sit in level with the water at her waist. 

Bubbles filled the tub every time because no matter what, Victor couldn't say no to her asking. After the bubble mustaches and getting Makkachin wet, Victor dried Emi off and followed her into his bedroom.

She changed into a pink night gown and wandered out into the living space where Yuri was playing the game still.

"You ready for bed, Em?" Yuri asked, turning the game off the moment she rubbed her eye sleepily. 

Her damp hair was messy from the towel drying as she nodded and murmured a goodnight to Victor, a few drops landing on the wood flooring. Yuri hummed, turning the TV off and picking her up in his arms.

Emi's head rested on Yuri's shoulder, Victor pressed a soft kiss on her forehead and murmured goodnight to her before they walked into the guest bedroom with Makkachin trailing behind them.

Once the door shut, Victor examined the room that had food on the dining table, Emi's backpack with her stuff still out on the coffee table, and the game remote. 

The apartment was still now, usually around this time is when Victor went to bed himself with Emi. But Yuuri was coming in about an hour so he wanted to make sure the food was still good for when he got here. Victor wounded up cleaning up the dining table, doing the dishes and putting on some rerun of a show as background noise.

Time needed to go by quicker, Victor put Yuuri's food in the microwave.

Victor laid down on the couch, scrolling through his social media. Not checking comments or posts about anything of the situation, Dr.Orlov's orders from the second to last session they had. 

Media still has been everywhere, Victor has learned to be quicker about his location to make sure no one is following him. Luckily, Yakov has been the one to control the situation.

Though, Victor is most worried about Emi and Yuuri; especially Emi, he's with her more times during the week. The thought of media getting at her and Yuuri makes Victor angry. He wants to keep them protected, they are normal people who deserve normal lives.

It's the least he can do after all they've done for them.

He leaned into the couch pillow more, eyes slightly drooping while going through his photos. Victor tried to stay awake, waiting for Yuuri to come.

He focused his eyes with more effort, it wasn't going to be too long. The never ending thought of what he was to Yuuri now filled his mind, not in a good way. They've flirted, do little things that couples do, and even speak to each other that way sometimes. It's been going like this since they left Hasetsu.

_Boyfriend. Is Yuri his boyfriend?_

_What is the definition of boyfriend anyway?_

They never asked each other but they kinda did things, Victor hasn't had the courage to kiss him yet either. _Boyfriend_. His boyfriend. Is Yuuri his boyfriend? 

 _Is he Yuri's boyfriend_.

Victor pressed his phone into his face, letting out a whine.

The phone in his hand vibrated, he quickly unlocked it to see a message from Yuuri.

_Boyfriend._

**To: Victor**  
**I'll be over in 10.**

_His Boyfriend?_

The message was soon read over and over a few times. Yuuri was going to be here any soon and Victor did not believe he looked up to par. Walking into his bedroom, he went into the bathroom and cleaned his face.

Brushed his teeth along with combing his hair, it wasn't until he was finished that he realized that Yuuri probably wouldn't care what he looked like. Victor sighed, hiding his face from his own reflection in embarrassment. 

_Victor's Boyfriend?_

In the kitchen, he cleaned the counter then warmed up Yuuri's food since it had gotten cold. Time was ticking away slowly, the moment there was a soft knock on the door.

Victor hit his knee on the counter before limping over to the door, holding in the small sign of pain to slip from his lips.

Opening the door, Yuuri stood with slicked back hair that seemed tossed from fingers being ran through it.

His eyes said sleep but his smile said awake. His eyes saundered to Victor's hand on his own knee.

"Are you okay?" He asked concerned, walking in.

Victor huffed a laugh and limped over to the dining table, sitting down carefully.

"I hit my knee on the way over to the door." 

"How?"

"On the counter?" Victor motioned the kitchen as Yuuri crouched down and started to pull up the sweats that Victor wore, "I-I.." 

His words were trailing off because Yuri was touching him, specifically his leg. The sweats were rolled up past his knee, revealing a large red mark on the pale skin. He blushed when Yuuri got up to go get something from the freezer, he came back with a bag of frozen peas.

Sitting down on his knees, Yuuri placed the bag of peas on Victor's knee and winced, Victor bit his lip to hide his weakness of the cold feeling on his leg.

"It's going to swell a bit but you should be okay, be careful next time."

Victor shut his mouth and smiled down at him, "It's your fault."

"My fault?" Yuuri replied confused, glancing up from the knee to Victor.

"I got excited."

The younger man opened his mouth but nothing came out, just the flush in his cheeks was enought to make Victor sigh happily. Yuuri shook his head in defense, laughing quietly.

"You're really something."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Mm, you tell me."

Victor laughed softly, "Sometimes I wonder if you're the same person I met a few months ago."

"I think the same thing sometimes when I look at you."

"Gosh, I was such an idiot to you back then."

Yuuri shrugged, "You had your reasons. I'm glad you're doing a little better. I know you have your days from what I've heard but it will take time."

"It's hard." The Russian murmured, reaching over to lace their fingers with Yuuri's open hand. His thumb stroking the knuckles, they felt soft. The show playing in the background was still going. Victor swallowed. "Hey, Yuuri?"

"Hm?" 

"What are we?"

Yuuri blinked, "Huh?"

Victor shut his eyes and snapped his head to the side, "Like.. Are we dating or something?"

They sat in silence, Victor's stomach turning at the thought of them not being on the same page. Yuuri's expression wasn't legible either, the last thing he expected was for Yuri to think he was crazy. He shook his head and smiled weakly.

"Sorry, that was a weird question."

"Wait, wait." Yuuri spoke up quickly, "You're asking me if we are dating?"

"Uh, yeah."

"I thought.. I thought we already were."

That's what makes Victor wake up, he stares at Yuuri in surprise. Yuri ducks his head quickly, removing the bag of peas since the ice was melting in his hand. He stood up quickly, walking back into the kitchen and Victor continues to follow his every movement with his eyes.

"I'm sorry if I assumed.." Yuuri mumbled, turning around as he shut the freezer door. "I just thought-"

"We are dating."

Yuuri's words fumble after that, "We are?"

"You said we are, I thought we were too. I didn't know if we actually thought the same thing."

Victor could see the relief on his face, "Yeah. I thought we were rushing things since you know," Yuuri's words went quiet.

"I know. But, I don't really mind. It's not like I'm asking for your hand in marriage." Victor shrugged with a smile, _yet_ was hanging on the tip of his tongue as Yuuri laughed softly. He nodded in agreement.

"I'm dating Victor Nikiforov."

The words slipped out of the younger man's mouth before he could stop them, Victor reached his hand out for him. Yuuri took it with a blush, feeling his arm snaking around Yuuri's waist firmly.

"I'm dating Dr.Katsuki Yuri."

"Thanks for adding the doctor in there." Yuuri teased, lacing their fingers as he sat down next to Victor.

"Well you did help my knee," Victor replied playfully, their foreheads pressed against one another. "Now, how about that dinner?"

 

-

 

**April**

The airport was packed with people rushing to late planes, others keeping themselves busy, and children crying in their sibilings arms. Emi held onto Victor's leg tightly, frowning. Victor pat her head fondly, looking at Yuuri with a sad smile. Yuuri held onto the suitcase that Victor was going to be taking with him.

There was interviews that needed to be done in Moscow, to give the response that he was going to be doing the Grand Prix. 

Yakov had advised this as Victor's choice but he felt he didn't really have one. They set up about four interviews there along with photoshoot for the _Skate Republic_ Magazine.

To get Victor back out there wasn't going to be too hard, it's just the opinion's from everyone. Victor didn't mind leaving for a couple to Moscow since he could visit a few people but he did mind leaving Yuuri and Emi alone. 

"Will you be back, Vicchan?" Emi asked sadly, already knowing the answer.

Victor cupped her chubby cheek, "Of course. I can call and facetime you guys if you want?"

"Yes! Can I still see Yurio too?"

"That's up to Papa and Yurio."

Their eyes met after his words, seeing Yuuri's sleepy state once again. Yakov planned an early flight for the two of them, the older man told Yuuri that they could see each other the night before so he didn't have to wake up so early.

But Yuuri and Emi fought to make sure they were there till he departed. It was almost six in the morning, which is when Victor plane is suppose to board.

"Vitya? Let's go." Yakov called out from behind him, the call for his plane was being said over the speakers. 

Victor crouched down and pulled Emi into an embrace, murmuring her to promise to take care of Papa while he is gone. Emi nods, letting Victor go so that he could go to Yuuri.

The younger man grasped his coat and tugged him into his arms, Victor felt Yuri tuck his head into his collarbones.

"Be safe and let us know when you land."

"Of course." Victor whispered, Yakov called out for him once again.

Their arms released and Victor left a lingering kiss on Yuuri's forehead, he handed him his case and Victor finally turned around. His heart aching, glancing over his shoulder at the two of them. Staring at them until he lost sight of them. 

The plane ride went okay, it wasn't the same without Emi and Yuuri. As much as he loves Yakov, all Yakov does on plane rides is read books or nap. The hour long flight felt like ages to Victor.

They caught a cab once they landed, he made sure to text Yuuri before going into the hotel where they were greeted by the familiar staff. Victor was given a penthouse room with a view that was one room away from Yakov's own.

Victor took a quick shower, changing into some clean clothes and went over to his phone. Finding a message from Yuuri while he was in the shower, unlocking the phone to answer the message.

The Russian sighs, opening it to see an image of Emi, smiling widely, wearing her team Russia jacket with her school bag.

 **To: Victor**  
**[image]**  
**She's not the only one who misses you. x**

 **To: Yuuri**  
**I miss you guys and I haven't been gone that long. :(**

 **To: Victor**  
**Guess it means you need to come back now!! :)**

The cuteness overload of Katsuki Yuuri was going to be the death of him, he sat on the edge of his bed and ran his fingers through his damp hair. It's only two weeks, interviews will keep you busy.

They'll let you use the rink, all will be well. 

_Except it's not._

Victor had an interview the following week with the magazine, Yakov made sure he was awake knowing Victor stayed up talking to Emi and Yuuri before they went to sleep and work. He slugged out of the room, adjusting his coat comfortably to go with his scarf.

The air was cool against his cheeks, face growing flush from soft breeze. Moscow wasn't someplace he went to as much as he thought, Yakov helped him into the vehicle while the press surrounded the entrance of the hotel.

Yakov spoke to the driver in quick speech, telling the address before the driver went off. The ride was quiet, Victor knew they'd go over questions before doing the interview but there has always been a time when something was slipped in unexpectedly.

He sighed, staring down at his phone and pressing the home button to see Makkachin as his lock screen. Once he unlocked it, a picture of Emi and Yuuri from Valentine's Day was the home screen. 

His finger caressed the photo, opening the messages to see Yuuri's good morning message that included a picture of Emi eating breakfast. The daily pictures were what made Victor feel sane from being away.

They were only a _week_ in and Victor has done one interview and spoke to Keith on the phone about the free skate song. Dishing him his emotions of the type of melody and story he wanted.

It hasn't been as productive as he thought it would, but it was something. Moscow gave him the best cups of coffee he could ask for so that was enough.

The car came to a stop, Yakov's door opened and he stepped out first. Camera's flashing in his face viciously when he stepped out of the vehicle, a woman led them inside and started to speak to Yakov about the interview. Victor listened quietly to the questions, feeling his phone go off in his pocket and glancing down at it.

 **To: Victor**  
**I have the day off and I really wish you were here now.**

Victor stopped walking with them, reading the message a few more times.

"Vitya!"

He snapped his head up and smiled apologetically at the confused woman and Yakov. Victor typed a response back to Yuuri and put his phone in his pocket, greeting the woman charmingly in hope that she'd forget what happened.

 **To: Yuuri**  
**I miss you more. x**

Victor sits down with the interviewer, Klara, on the white plush couch. It was just the two of them for the magazine interview.

They spoke earlier about a photoshoot tomorrow for him to be on the cover, luckily it didn't sound too bad. He was given a glass of water while Klara set up her recorder and had a notebook out for herself. She tucked a blonde strand behind her ear, trying to hide her nerves.

" _So, Victor.. I'm glad you agreed for this interview_." Klara spoke in formal Russian with a smile, " _I'm sure you could answer some questions everyone has been dying to know_."

He laughed weakly, " _I'll try my best._ "

Klara soon began to question him, " _First question, everyone is needing an answer on is are you coming back to competitive skating?_ "

The question that everyone needs an answer too. The one that Victor knew what would be asked for, he took in a breath before nodding slowly.

Her eyes widened in disbelief, the words spilling from his lips without a thought.

" _Yes, I am. I know many were confused from my off time from not going for the Worlds but I just needed some time to better myself. I'm all about surprises, aren't I?_ "

Her laugh lifted the edge off a bit, " _I'm glad, I'm sure the World is ready for Victor Nikiforov's combat this season. Any hints?_ "

" _As for the theme?_ "

Klara nodded and gave him an encouragement, his phone buzzed in his pocket again and he smiled instantly. 

"Love. _My theme is love_."

" _Love?_ " Klara asked with a head tilt, " _What about love?_ "

" _I've found it in a different way and I wish to show it to the world_ ," Victor starts while staring at his hands that he laced together. " _The things I've learned about._ "

The interviewer showed understandment, " _Does this have to do from when you went MIA?_ "

He swallowed, looking up at her to find the same curious look from before. Victor was never asked about the whole thing of him disappearing for almost a month, from staying in and going to Japan.

They've only asked about the competition and what to look forward from here on out.

" _If you think it does, then why ask me?_ "

Klara pulled her lips in a tight smile, " _You are the one who knows you best._ "

Victor paused, " _Maybe or maybe not. I had some time to think over everything and it has led me to be here today with you._ "

" _Many people believe that you seem different now._ "

" _Different how?_ "

This time he saw it, the look was more softer. The way her lips loosened into a small smile and cheeks rising in color to match the pink tint on her lips.

She placed her pencil down that she had been using to jot notes, leaning over a bit and saying the one word that made Victor forget how to breath.

"Happier."

The older man only shrugged and looked out the window they sat by, " _I still have things to work on._ "

" _Does it have to do with the two people you've been seen with lately?_ "

"Two people," Victor's voice broke from Russian, Klara's face showed more interest as he reacted. " _What do you mean?_ "

" _There have been leaked photos of you being with a gentleman and child a lot lately,_ " Klara spoke cooley. " _People are very fasinated by the change. They all want to know who they are and-_ "

" _I don't think that's something I can speak about, I apologize._ "

The aura of Klara dropped quickly and she picked up her pencil, " _Oh. Why is that?_ "

" _That would be against their privacy, I suppose._ " Victor murmured, trying to get the topic of Yuuri and Emi off the table as quickly as possible. Yakov warned him this would happen, if only he had a back up plan for it. He coughed slightly into his shoulder and licked his chapped lips. " _I do wish we move on to something else, yes?_ "

He pulled his best smile to charm her, but it didn't work. Klara held her ground and leaned back in her chair with tight posture.

" _They must be important to you, huh? Think you could spill somethings? I'm sure they wouldn't mind, especially if they cared for you as much as you care for them._ "

" _Klara, I appreciate you having this interview with me. But, there are somethings that do cross the line._ "

" _They're just people Victor_ ," Klara added.

Victor held his smile to fight the anger that was bubbling up, " _They may be just people to you but not to me. I would love to move onto something else._ "

" _But they seem important, why don't we talk about them now?_ "

" _I don't-_ "

" _\- Is it true that one of them was the doctor for your accident?_ "

" _My ac- What?_ "

" _It's said that your doctor from the hospital is the same one that's been seen with you._ "

Victor stared at her in surprise, " _What?_ "

" _The mystery man you've been seen with a lot including the child, is that his kid too?_ "

" _I thought we were going to talk about skating like the others. What else did you have written down for this interview?_ "

Klara gladly held up the notebook with her neat handwriting, only to find Yuuri and Emi's full names at the bottom of the list. _Their names_. Victor stood up, taking her hand and shaking it formally.

" _I prefer if we end this now._ "

The words fell from his mouth before he could stop them, Klara blinked at him and only nodded. Victor stayed still on his feet, trying to figure out why that wasn't mentioned during their talk before. Why she even knew there names. He watched her stop the recorder and gathered up her notes.

" _How do you know their names?_ "

Klara looked up at Victor before adjusting the strap of her shoulder bag, " _I'm a journalist, Victor. I know more than you think. Don't you read social media news outlets? It's all over._ "

She walked out of the room, him trailing behind her. Yakov was leaning against the wall with a drink in one hand, he noticed the concerned look on Victor's face as she faced Yakov.

Going on about another interview tomorrow morning during the shoot to get more information. Then, she was off. Yakov stared at Victor confused, he unlocked his phone to find another message from Yuuri.

 **To: Victor**  
**You've been gone too long, I'm deprived of my cuddling. I'm a grown man, Victor. I have needs. <3**

Victor didn't say anything in reply to Yuuri or to Yakov. They walked out of the place, checking the time to see it was lunch time already. Getting in the vehicle, Yakov told the driver the next address.

"She knew their names."

"Who's names?"

"Emi and Yuuri," Victor whispered, "She knew their names. I thought we had a contract with everyone to stay away and not around Emi, especially Emi."

Yakov sighed, "Some people don't listen."

"Well, they better or I will make something of this." Victor snapped unintentionally.

His blood was boiling and heart rate had picked up. The thought of someone going near Emi or Yuuri made him angry. It's his job to keep them safe from people like Klara and the media around them.

Victor kept quiet, staring out through the car window, the phone in his hand began to ring through the silence. He answered it without checking caller ID.

"Yes?"

"Victor? Are you okay?"

Victor didn't realize his voice was still snapping and his eyes widened at Yuuri's concerned voice, "Ah, yes. Sorry, It's been a long morning."

Yuuri paused, "I'm sorry. Is this a bad time?"

"No! No. Not at all, it's really nice hearing your voice."

His body slowly calming down, Yuuri laughed.

"Think so? I feel like it sounds weird over the phone."

"No, it sounds nice. Calming. I like it."

"Like it more than hearing it in person?" Yuuri teased him, making him chuckle.

Victor shook his head, "Of course not. I love hearing your voice near me."

"Good, cause I like hearing your voice too. Except when you baby talk, that's weird."

"Baby talk? I only do it to Emi and that's rarely."

Yuri's smile could be heard as he replied, "Sure, only rarely."

Victor didn't reply, only wanting to be there with Yuuri right now instead of having to be 9 hours away from him in a different city. Victor was missing him dearly, he was missing Emi just as much.

It's only after their conversation last month, where they discussed them being together, that made Victor work harder. He finished his short program quickly and already started moving on to his long program. 

"..Victor?" Yuuri's soft voice went through his hear, "Are you sure you're okay?"

Victor nodded even though Yuuri couldn't see it, "Yeah. I'm tired, like I said. Can I call you back? And let Emi know that I miss her."

"Of course, she misses you a lot too. She keeps wanting to wear her Russia sweater now. She sleeps in the other sweater you got her in Japan."

The image of Emi sleeping in her little bed with the blue sweater wretched Victor's heart, he sighed.

"I miss you guys, I'll be home soon enough."

"Good, talk to you later, yeah?"

"Talk to you later."

The phone call ended, he clutched the cellphone tightly and leaned his head on the window. Not looking forward to tomorrow knowing he'd have to face her again.

 

The morning of the interview, he felt sick. Sick to the point where he might throw up. But Victor Nikiforov did not show it, especially when they arrived. They were shown in to the studio where there was a room for make up and outfits, then the rest were for cameras, lighting, etc.

There were many people filling the studio with sound through their conversations. He noticed by the camera man's crew was the familiar blonde hair in a blue dress. The blonde's hair flipped on her shoulder the moment she turned around.

"Victor!" Klara said happily, walking over to them with her heels clicking on the ground. " _Lovely to see you again._ "

" _Mutual._ "

The curt reply made Klara pause before glancing at Yakov, " _The shoot will be first then we can talk after. Yes?_ "

" _Perfect_ ," Yakov spoke through the thick air surrounding them, " _I'll let Vitya go get ready then._ "

Another woman came up to introduce herself as the make up artist today, Victor complied to her instructions and headed into the room that had a few more people there. They asked him simple questions to keep the time going by quicker, asking about hobbies and all.

As if they didn't know who he was. Once he finished up getting changed into his clothes, they moved him to the studio area and placed him where they wanted him.

Yakov was speaking to Klara when Victor stepped into the spot, already getting in position for the photos. The photographer began to snap pictures when Victor looked into the camera, the shoot went on for awhile.

Almost four hours in and six outfits later, Victor was beat. He had the chance to reply to Yuuri's messages about Emi and how he was doing compared to yesterday during the ten minute breaks.

He knew he still had the interview to do and headed over to the dressing room the change. Victor's arm was grasped quickly before he could walk in, putting his attention on Klara.

" _We'll meet back out here, Yakov went to get us lunch._ "

Victor glanced at her hand before nodding, then heading into the dressing room without a word. The only thing he could hope now is the questions she is deciding to ask this time.

After changing and thanking the crew, he wandered out to find the camera men still taking down their equipment. Klara sat at the table, still waiting for Yakov to come back. Victor stretched his arms as he walked over to her.

" _Klara-_ "

" _Victor, before you say anything. I want to apologize for yesterday._ "

He blinked, taking in her unexpected words.

Klara sighed, " _I was overall curious in the things I was asking. I know this magazine isn't about private life but I had too. I felt if I did, I would get exclusive work unlike the others. That was rude of me, I am sorry for being pushy and unformal to you._ "

" _I don't know what to say._ "

" _Answer some questions..? If that's not too much?_ "

Staring at her, he nodded and sat down in the seat across from her. Yakov came back with a bag full of meals from the small shop down the way. They spoke and ate, the interview going better than before including some questions that other people haven't asked involving his new coming.

He tried to figure out why the woman had been so pushy for the information, not that he had forgiven her that easy.

She still knew who Emi and Yuri were, just not entirely. But enough to make Victor nervous about who else might know that much.

Ever since he met Emi, he made sure to get a signing on camera's staying away from the two of them even with Victor around. He would never forgive himself if Emi and Yuri were put in harms way.

Klara started to pack her things, shaking Yakov and Victor's hand happily. 

" _Thank you so much, Mr.Nikiforov. I appreciate it._ _Good luck during your comeback._ "

Victor shook it with a small smile, knowing he still had one more week.

One more week of the same bullshit. One more week of cameras in his face. One more week of questions being asked. One more week of confirming his return.

Victor knew it would be worth it when he arrived home.

" _Of course._ "

 

-

 

The plane arrived sooner than expected with his luck, checking the time to see it was 3 in the morning. Victor rushed out to get through security and luggage, maybe Yuri was still up even though the possiblity was extremely low. Once he got his luggage, Victor followed Yakov to the main entrance.

"I got you a taxi, go home and rest. You have practice tomorrow."

"Okay."

Yakov grabbed his arm and stared Victor dead in the eye, "Go home. You can see them tomorrow."

"Okay."

"I'm serious, Vitya."

"Okay."

"You're still going to see them aren't you?"

"Yakov, go rest. We have practice tomorrow." Victor whispered, kissing his cheek before going towards the vehicle.

The coach scolded him, saying some not so nice things in his native tongue, causing Victor to smile cheekily. He turned on his phone after getting in the taxi that was suppose to take him home on Yakov's watch. But Victor was alone now.

"Please take me here instead," Victor murmured, handing the man a paper with Yuuri's address.

The driver complied and headed off before Yakov could notice, the streets were dead and it was an easy drive towards the apartment.

The lights from the post glistened in the sky, Victor wished Yuuri was here right now to see the beauty of St.Petersburg from the window of a taxi. He decided to text Yuuri to see if he was still up in hopes of seeing him. 

 **To: Yuuri**  
**I might've landed already, can I see you?**

His phone went off immediately after.

 **To: Victor**  
**Come over, Emi is asleep btw.**

Victor's heart started racing to the point where he could hear it in his ears. He placed his phone on his lap, staring outside at the familiar street posts they passed, They were almost there and he can finally see Yuuri, two weeks felt like two years to him.

The driver was slowly down and he noticed the apartment complex, Victor beamed and paid his driver. Getting out to get his case out of the trunk and rushing up the steps.

His body shaking with adrenaline, he stepped into the elevator and pressed Yuuri's floor button. For some reason, the elevator was moving slower than usual. Victor was bouncing his knee and drumming his finger on the suitcase. The sound of the elevator making it to the floor was music to his ears, he impaitently waited for the doors to open before rushing down the hall.

The numbers he was passing couldn't be made out from how _fast_ he was walking. Stopping in front of the door that he knew so well now, he knocked on it softly.

Victor waited, the moment the door open was like a dream.

Yuuri stared at him with despair in his eyes, Victor couldn't get a word out because the next thing happened so fast. The arms of his boyfriend went around the back of his neck, pulling him down to his height. Victor's own arms betrayed him and snaked around Yuuri's waist, their lips pressing against one another softly.

His heart could burst at any moment, fluttering his eyes shut to take in the feeling of Yuri's lips.

They were soft, molding so perfectly with his like they were meant too. Yuuri clung to him securely, their lips moving fluently as if making their own language. Yuuri was first to pull away, their lips slowly parting from each other. Victor's face was burning exactly like Yuuri's cheeks. 

"How was your flight?" Yuuri asked slowly, pulling his arms away and letting Victor in the apartment.

"Good," Victor murmured, setting his case down and shrugging off his jacket. "I was able to catch up on a show to waste the time."

"And the trip?"

He shrugged, watching Yuuri's rest his back against the closed front door.

"Could've been better." Removing his gloves as he spoke softly, remembering Emi still in her slumber.

"That's too bad." Yuuri whispered now, licking his lips.

There was a pause in between them. In Victor's opinion, Yuuri was too far away. He set his stuff down, walking back over to Yuuri and placing his hand on the small of his back. Yuuri tilted his chin up immediately, the older man pressing their lips together once more.

It was far more intoxicating then he assumed it to be, Yuuri's hands laced into his hair. Letting Victor take control of what happened the first time. Yuuri was far too much for Victor, not believeing he could ever hate this man in his life as he did before. 

But it was different now.

Kissing Yuri was definitely different.

Victor pulled away first this time, only brushing his lips on Yuuri. The younger man sighed softly, bringing one hand from his hand to cup Victor's cheek. Stroking his flushed skin with his thumb, a smile appeared on his lips.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU ARE WELCOME I WAS SO EXCITED TO WRITE THE ENDING  
> (also can u believe i wrote so much?? 7k words man)
> 
> yuri's short program [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7K3jHVk0xc)
> 
> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to be honest, it's been a really extremely rough week with midterms and having to work after classes and now that i'm on spring break i am still working except more than usual. i only have one day off so im kinda like crying??  
> so sorry if this chapter is shitty, i tried but obviously like i said ^ it's been a rough week.

**May**

It was  _familiar_.

Almost like he'd done this before.

And he has.

The ceiling above him, becoming a blurr from staring so long. His eyes unfocusing from the strain. Victor turned his body to the side, shutting his eyes tightly and grasping the sheets in his hand. Pulling his knees up to his chest, cradling himself in the bed that he laid on by himself. It felt strange. The feeling was happening a lot more often, then before when it was every couple days a week. Now Victor finds himself staring deeply in though over nothing and a hollow sensation digging in his chest.

Makkachin pawed at the door and Victor didn't make a single move to let him in. Only pushing his head deeper into the pillow he laid on, his phone buzzed for the fifth time now and the Russian didn't have the will power to reach for it.

Tears brimmed his eyes slowly, falling one by one with ease. He let out a soft breath, opening his eyes to find his line of sight still blurry.

Everything drained him, the thought of going somewhere to even practice wasn't up to his alley. Victor sighed softly, blinking to push the tears away and bring back his clear vision. The room had light shining through the windows, something he wish to fix because light wasn't helping him at all.

Another whine from Makkachin was let out, until he heard the door shut. Victor stayed still, not caring whoever it was. Probably Yakov from the amount of buzzing his phone was doing but he couldn't tell. Walking on the wooden floor could be heard, he shut his eyes once again and letting the tears spill absentmindedly. 

The bedroom door opened slowly, creaking from the hinges moving. Not once did he look up to see who it was, he felt a dip in the bed that was definitely Makkachin. The dog sat on bed, nudging it's nose on the back of Victor's head. Victor opened his eyes slowly, peeking at the person. Only one person had the key to his place and it was Yakov. He noticed a pair of ripped skinny jeans standing before him, they knelt down slowly and he met eyes with the teenager.

Yuri showed an unfamiliar look of sympathy, reaching out to pat Victor's shoulder and whispered to him.

"Raincheck again?"

It was Thursday.

The older man nodded slowly, keeping the covers over his mouth as Yuri glanced down at his own feet. The teenager stood up, whistling at Makkachin to follow him. They walked out together, keeping the door opened. Victor could hear Yuri feeding Makkachin from the sound of dog food hitting the steel bowl. Makkachin barked happily at Yuri. Burying his face into the sheets, he listened to what Yuri was doing.

The fridge was being opened and closed, the cabinets as well. The microwave soon was on, Yuri murmured something to Makkachin and footsteps grew closer to his bedroom. The atmosphere changed the moment Yuri wallked in, Victor peeked from the sheets after a glass hit the bed side table. It was soup, he couldn't look at Yuri.

"You need to eat, it's already one. I'm sure you didn't have breakfast either," Yuri instructed.

Not budging, Yuri sat on the bed side closest to Victor. Placing his hands on the older man's shoulder and forearm. Slowly pulling him up from his fetal position until he rested his back against the gray headboard of his bed.

"There you go."

The Russian's body slumped against the wood, Yuri placed a tray on his lap then the soup once he got the tray in a good spot. Victor blinked a few times, looking at Yuri with his red eyes that matched his tear stained cheeks. He tried to show a smile of appreciation but Yuri patted his thigh.

"Don't smile if you don't mean it," Yuri whispered. "It's okay."

"Thank you," Victor mumbled weakly, looking at the soup and picking up the spoon.

Yuri sighed, "I can call Yakov but you'll have to answer to Yuuri."

There was a pause as Victor slowly raised his head to look at him, "What?"

"Yuuri called me after Yakov called him asking if you were with him this morning. Make sure you let him, know that you're.." The blonde hesitated, "..that you're physically here. He's worried."

"I don't know what happened.. I don't-"

"-You should see your therapist about this, it's been three weeks now. Your episodes weren't this bad before you went to the hospital. 

_Episodes._

"I have to get back to the rink, call Yuuri over. Do stuff to get the thoughts out of your head, please eat."

The little demands Yuri gave before he left the apartment stood still in the air, Victor stared at his soup again. Scooping some in his spoon, his hand trembling while bringing it to his lips to taste the bitter soup. Victor was diagnosed with Severe Depression, but after that secret doctor's appointment that he never told anyone about, he left it alone.

Never thought it would be this bad, he tried to hide it but some days he couldn't. Yuri was the first to catch on then Yakov but Victor told them not to worry, by now they've learned to not listen to Victor. He swore he was getting better but it's been hitting him like a train and he still needs to complete his free skate. He hasn't been able to get back to Keith about the song and here he is, laying in bed eating terrible soup.

Buzzing on the bed side table went off again, he dropped his spoon with a jolt. Snapping his attention to the phone, picking it up to see the caller ID. It was Yuuri, he frowned knowing that he was going to have to talk to him. Yuuri knows the situation but Victor hates speaking about it. He pressed the answer button, bringing the phone to his ear.

"Victor?"

Yuuri's voice shouldn't make him want to cry but it did, tears sprung to his eyes once again. Taking in a deep breath, he released it slowly to speak.

"Hey, dove."

" _Victor_ ," Yuuri's voice sounded soft, empathetic. "Yakov called me and-"

"I'm okay, I just need some time to myself."

The younger man sighed, "Did you want me to come over?"

"I don't know."

"Is it cause you don't want me to see you like that?"

Victor bit his bottom lip and lifted the spoon, "Possibly."

"Alright, I will respect your wishes. But, have you eaten today?"

"I'm eating right now, Yurio came to get me then made me food."

"Good," Yuri whispered in relief. "Have you taken a shower or got changed?"

"I think.. I think I'll lay in bed for a bit longer."

"Okay, well, if you need me for anything I'm always here. I don't go in today so I'll be getting Emi, you already knew that but still. Like I said, if you need anything. Let me know, okay?" Yuri rambled a bit, his lips tugged up on the sides.

"Thank you, my love."

"Anything for you."

They bid their goodbyes and Victor hung up, looking at his phone transition from the call screen to his background on his phone. He stared at it, an agonizing pang hit his heart once he dropped his phone on the tray making a loud sound that echoed in the room. He held his face in his hands, shaking his head.

_Yuuri doesn't deserve my problems._

_Emi doesn't deserve my problems._

_They deserve happiness, which is what I'm not._

Tears sprung to his eyes, his lips trembling against his skin and tasting the saltiness of the drops that fell from his eyes. Victor grasped his bangs, crying into his hands and letting the soup get cold. A dip in the bed made him pick up his head, coming face to face with Makkachin. The poodle sat in front of him, whimpering while nudging Victor's hands. He smiled at her weakly, petting her head to comfort her.

"It's okay, Makkachin. Papa just needs some time, okay?"

Makkachin barked, licking his hands in her own way of comforting. Victor took a breath, petting the poodle who's been with him since day one. Not a day goes by where he isn't thankful for Makkachin's existance in this world.

 

-

 

Dr.Orlov sat at the dining table once again, Victor was in front of her in the seat across. The silencing was deafening, he shifted in his seat uncomfortably. Makkachin was snoozing by his feet under the table while she scribbled down the thoughts Victor told her just a few moments ago. She glanced at her phone's time and picked her head up to catch Victor's eyes.

"I didn't want to do this, but have you thought of anti-depressants?" Dr.Orlov asked, tapping her pen on the paper.

Victor shook his head, "I didn't want to do that either."

"Okay, if you don't want to then we won't." She spoke with a light smile, "Let's talk about other alternatives."

He watched her head drop to look at the paper in front of her, turning it around on the paper to face it in Victor's direction. He dropped his gaze to look at the piece of paper in small font, the header was in bold. **Depression Alternatives**. Raising an eyebrow at her, Dr.Orlov sat up straight and put her pen on the first number out of 10.

She began to explain the different ideas like exercising, eating healthier, finding a routine, etc. Victor took them all in one by one, trying to find which would suit him better. For someone that didn't do much besides skate and hang out with two people, he was going to find it difficult.

"I don't really know what would work with me," Victor honestly replied, sitting back in his seat.

Dr.Orlov nodded in understandment, "Not everyone recovers so quickly from the mental illness. Not everyone finds their way to help keep it from being continuous either, it will take awhile but I highly suggest you keep yourself busy."

"How do I do that? I don't do much."

"Pick up some hobbies, work extra hard in your career. Didn't you say you needed to make the music for your free skate? Focus on that."

The older man licked his lips and took the paper in his hand, scanning the list of alternatives. The last thing he wants to do is take medication for something like this. _Doesn't it make it worse?_ Victor didn't want to become a lifeless figure, the thought of being like that in front of other people like the team or Emi; it made Victor extremely nervous. He let out a cough, looking up from the paper at her.

"I want to add something."

"Yes?"

"I have been thinking about this a lot and I'm worried." Victor starts, tearing his eyes away from Dr.Orlov. "I have brought myself to believe that I am not good enough for Yuuri and Emi. With my mental health, it's making me want to stay distant from them. I don't want too. I miss them like crazy, I'd hate for them to see me like this."

Dr.Orlov set her pen down, clasping her hands together in a gentle manner.

"Victor, I know you care about them dearly so please understand that taking yourself away from them will only make it worse."

"How so?"

"Think of it like this. If I found that going on walks with my dog helped put my anxiety at ease, I would do it a lot more, yes? So, if I realized that going on walks with my dog also made me scared because I went at night, then I would stop. The only way I would could fix the problem for me to still go on walks to ease my anxiety is to go at a different time. I believe you just need some adjusting to the issue at hand." She took the paper from him, scribbling a few things down on the list. "Everyone has different ways with dealing with their depression, no one is the same at all. People may say they understand but they don't. People may be going through depression but it's not the same as yours personally. Make adjustments, pick up hobbies, fix your relationships. Victor, the only one who can help your depression is you. No one else, people can support but not cure you."

He brought his legs up to the chair and rested his chin on his hands, "I feel like I don't deserve them."

"That's your mind telling you that, you really think you don't deserve them?"

"Look at me," Victor replied with a crack in his voice. The sight of her started to blurr from the tears approaching, "I'm talking to my therapist about alternatives from anti-depressants."

He blinked, tears slipping from his eyes and getting a better look at her. A frown fell on his lips, she sat up and reached into her bag to pull out a small tissue pack. Handing it over to him, Victor slowly took it and brought a tissue in his hand but didn't use it.

"I'm telling you this to help you, what you're doing now isn't bad. Speaking to a therapist doesn't make you any less human. When you need to get the help, you do it before it's too late."

Victor hesitated, "I think about what they think a lot."

"Emi adores you, you already knew that. Yuuri adores you just as much, you already knew that." Dr.Orlov spoke softly, "You are adorn and loved by those two."

"Oh?"

Dr.Orlov's pink lips tugged up, "Victor. This is part of the process, but you're a strong person. I know you'll get through this."

"I hope so," Victor whispered, wiping his tears with the tissue now. "I don't know how much longer I can keep going."

"You have to be able to take the time to work on yourself, your mental health matters like your physical health. Neither are more important than the other. I'm going to leave the list along with some notes for you to go over, make sure you read them."

Dr.Orlov wrote some more notes on the paper, turning it over on the blank side and standing up to pack her things. Victor watched her zip up the bag she had, walking to the door with him behind. She put on her coat and adjusted her bag on her shoulder, they shook hands and she pat his shoulder.

"You can do it, Victor. Believe in yourself like you used too. You've got many people to support you."

Those were her last words before leaving, he shut the door behind her slowly. Waiting for the click and releasing the door handle in his trembling hand. Makkachin was sitting by the couch now, Victor walked over and sat down in front of the poodle to run his hand through the curly fur. Makkachin kissed his hand, relaxing under Victor's touch. He sighed, hugging Makkachin in his arms securely and buried his face in Makkachin's fur.

Crying into his poodle, Victor tensed up with fear. Never feeling so weak in his life, he let out a cry out loud in the apartment. Flooding the silence with sound, Victor sniffled with an ache. Makkachin licked his face quickly, trying to stop him. The Russian laughed wetly at his poodle, the dog knew him so well. 

"Thank you, Makka. I should probably talk to Yuuri."

He stood up from the floor, going to the bathroom to wash his face and blow his nose. Wandering into his bedroom, Makkachin was laying on the unmade bed on the side Victor sleeps on. The cellphone was on the nightstand where he left it last night, he reached for it and went to his call log.

Finding Yuuri's name, he pressed call without a problem and brought the phone to his ear. It rang quietly, he waited paitently and wondered if Yuuri was at work or not. The other line made a click sound and soon a voice came into play.

"Victor," Yuuri said with a hint of surprise. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to call and talk, are you busy?"

"No, I'm on lunch break. Just at the one restaurant by the park we took Emi too."

Victor remembered their date a couple weeks ago with Emi, they decided on the park and dinner. That included a quick trip to the ice cream shop after dinner, the park they chose was one that they found on accident while going shopping for a project that Emi was doing. It had a playground with swings that Emi was obsessed with, he smiled weakly at the fond memory and nodded.

"Yeah, I know which one."

"Is something wrong? Did you finish up with Dr.Orlov?"

He nodded again as if Yuuri could see, "Yeah, I did."

"How did it go?" The younger man asked curiously and quickly added. "if you don't mind me asking."

"Well. We discussed somethings that were on my mind."

"That's good, always nice to say how you feel and think. Doesn't make you feel so lonely."

Victor huffed a breath that he didn't know he was holding and wiped his face from anymore remaining tears that seemed to be slipping from his eyes absentmindedly. Yuuri was quiet, almost waiting for a response from Victor.

"Anything you wanted to talk about?"

He licked his chapped lips and felt an uneasy pit in his stomach, "I just- I wanted to talk to you about it."

Yuuri paused, "Your session?"

"Yeah."

"If you trust me, I'm all ears."

The Russian hung his head, trying to picture what Yuuri looked like right now. Probably in those slacks that make him look professional and a button up top, it was comforting to imagine Yuuri being there with him. Hearing his voice, but Victor couldn't reach out for him. Making the situation harder for him, he sniffled and laid back on the bed with his eyes shut and hand clutching the cellphone.

"I don't know what to do, Yuuri." Victor whispered while holding the phone tighter, "I am losing myself. I am trying so hard but it's difficult and I don't know what to do. I don't want to be like this, you and Emi don't need this and I am-"

"Victor."

Yuuri's voice was stern when he cut him off, Victor bit down on his bottom lip quickly to fight back any other words he was going to spill. Waiting for a response, Victor covered his eyes with his arm and shook his head. _Maybe this was a bad idea_.

"..Yuuri?"

His boyfriend sighed softly, "You are more than enough for Emi and me. We love you for the way you are, okay? Don't you dare say that because you have a mental illness, it lessens our love for you because that is not true." His voice was endearing, as if he was too scared to speak any louder in case he broke Victor. "I- We will always be there for you, okay? No matter what."

"I worry about what you guys think, I don't want you to think I can't support you too."

" _Baby_ ," Yuuri whispered fondly, "We are very much even on the support, don't worry. You need to worry about yourself first, Emi knows it too. She only wants the best for you, her Vicchan. I want the best for you too, always have and always will."

"I don't deserve people like you two," Victor murmurs, it was suppose to be a thought but instead he said it out loud because it's _true_. 

Before he met the two of them, he was just a decorated figure skater that only cared for himself while others didn't care at all. They cared about him winning and earning money, that was it. Before he met Emi and Yuuri, he thought people saw him as a trophy in their life.

That he was nothing but a medal to earn or beat. Now, with Emi and Yuuri. He is more than that. He's a human being that is cherished the way he cherishes them back. He is no Victor Nikiforov, the living legend. He's Vicchan, the one who "loves kissing Papa too much" and has tea parties with Emi. 

"More like we don't deserve you," Yuuri murmured sweetly, it was like he was drinking in sugar listening to his voice. "Don't ever feel like you're not enough. Okay?"

"I'm sorry I'm a lot to handle."

"I'm not."

Victor blinked and a real smile finally appeared, "I am so lucky."

"Not as lucky as me," his boyfriend whispered. "Now. How about we take you on a weekend getaway?"

"Where?"

"Next month Emi and I were going back to Hasetsu for a festival, join us. It's only a few days."

"We can see your parents?"

Yuuri chuckled softly over the phone, making Victor's heart skip a beat.

"You think we have a choice?"

 

-

 

**June**

"Vicchan? I didn't know he was coming out too!" Hiroko shouted with glee, Victor embraced her warmly.

"It was a surprise, I know much you love him more than me." Yuuri teased, Hiroko rolled her eyes and smiled happily at Victor.

"Nice to see you again," Victor murmured, Emi ran over to hug Toshiya.

They watched him spin her around happily, laughing at the sound of her giggle. Hiroko went towards Emi, receiving a welcome hug from her.

"Why don't you three get settled in the room, we're about to have lunch. Remember, you're things for tomorrow are in the hall closet." Hiroko spoke, lifting her head from hugging Emi. Emi pressed a kiss on her cheek, starting to babble in Japanese about something.

Victor grabbed his suitcase and followed Yuuri down the hall towards where Yuuri's bedroom was. He went straight to the banquet room and opened it to find everything gone. There was no bed, no tables, no dresser. All gone.

Hiroko didn't know he'd be here anyway but why get rid of it all so quickly? Standing there, Yuri put his stuff in his bedroom and glanced over at Victor. His eyebrow shot up with confusion, walking out and placing a hand on Victor's waist.

"What is it- _oh_."

"I'll just ask for the foton and go from there," Victor stated awkwardly, leaving his suitcase and turning to go back towards the stairs. Yuuri grasped his arm before he could go any further. Victor shifted his attention on the younger man, tilting his head.

"Wait."

"What?"

Yuuri smiled shyly and his words soon came out quietly, "Did you just want to sleep with us tonight? I know my bed isn't the biggest but I'm sure we'll fit if Emi sleeps in between us."

"Would you be okay with that?"

"Yeah, definitely. I'm sure that's what my mother was planning in the first place.. Knowing her."

Victor noticed the volcanoes erupting his stomach, never butterflies when he was around Yuuri. A nod was his response, walking over to Yuuri and cupping his cheek gently. He stroked his skin with the pad of his thumb, Yuuri smiled into the touch and looked up at Victor. Pure, was what he read in Yuuri's eyes and he leaned down to close the distance between them. Their lips touched in perfect sync, never leaving the delicate/fond stage of it. Yuuri pulled away but still keeping Victor close to him.

"We better go downstairs before Emi runs up and snitches on us."

He laughed, agreeing immediately and put his suitcase in the bedroom. He noticed his note still in the same place, for the life of him, he couldn't remember what he wrote and Victor never got the chance to read because Yuuri was calling for him. Walking down the steps with his boyfriend, they went into the main room where Emi was sitting at the table with a bowl of food in front of her. She held her chopsticks carefully, eating to the best of her ability.

"Yuuri," Hiroko started with her hands on her hips, "Make sure you teach Emi on how to use those."

The younger man shrugged sheepishly, "They use forks and spoons over in Russia. But maybe if you leave us with some before he go back on Sunday then yes."

Yuuri's mother laughed wholeheartedly, "Ah, exactly what she said to me."

Emi giggled and smiled up at her, eating her food quietly as Victor sat down next to her with Yuuri right by his side. They were served food instantly, starting to chatter with his mother about how things are going. She asked Victor about how his programs were going, he only told her that he finished his short program and hopes she sees it when he performs. Toshiya brought out some dessert for Emi after Yuuri and Victor declined their own.

"I'll go get the bath ready for Emi," Yuuri started before feeling a hand on his shoulder.

Victor glanced over to see Hiroko putting her hand on her son, "Don't worry about it. I got it, you and Victor go wash up at the onson. Long flight, yes?"

Hiroko was looking at Victor now, he shot a smile her way before standing up. Yuuri didn't argue, finding themselves alone at the onson. No one was here today for some reason, making Victor just as curious as Yuuri. He stepped in first, waiting for Yuuri to come in while soaking up in the spring. The sound of the door opening caught his attention, walking in with his hair messy and a towel around his waist. Victor's cheeks flushed, thinking to himself with his eyes shut as Yuuri got in the onson.

_That's mine._

Yuri's movements echoed along as the water moved with him, soon Victor felt a presence next to him. Opening one eye to see Yuuri sitting next to him, their shoulder bumping while he got comfort. Yuuri rested his head on Victor's shoulder, cooning Victor's name.

"Feel nice to be back?" Yuuri asked curiously.

Wrapping an arm around Yuuri to hold him close, Victor nodded while staring up at the sky.

"Yeah, really nice."

"Good, cause you'll need to be well rested for the festival."

"What kind of festival is it?"

Yuuri placed a hand on Victor's bare chest, relaxing in their comfortably position. 

"Just a summer one, but Emi loves to run around so that is your prep. Plus, we have to see the fireworks or Emi will go nuts." Yuuri spoke with a smile playing on his lips, "I'm sure the entire city has seen it."

Victor chuckled softly, rubbing Yuuri's shoulder soothingly while they soaked in the onson. They spoke about many stories of their time at the festival in their spot. When Yuuri won his first toy at a game. The first time trying kakigori with his father's permission. Emi's first time a child to the summer festival, before she could walk and speak, she cried about 90% of the time except during the fireworks.

The times he had taken Emi to the festival (and lost her). Emi crying when Toshiya ate her fried squid. When Hiroko decided to take Yuuri for his first time (losing him too). Victor could see the memories coming back to Yuuri in a blink of an eye, the joy smeared on his face.

One of Victor's favorite expressions is when he talks about his family. It's different from when he talks about work or Victor, himself. There is this flicker in his eyes, where he is beaming so brightly. It's like staring into the sun, but easier. Yuuri has that charm of him where he could talk about anything and make it interesting. 

"Hey, Victor?"

"Yeah?" Victor replied, making eye contact with Yuuri.

His boyfriend grinned, "I'm really glad you're joining us tomorrow. Emi's excited."

"I'm excited too."

The Russian's eyes flickered down at Yuuri's calling lips, seeing his smile toying with him. He leaned down, kissing him softly. Yuuri's hand cupped his cheek as they kissed, listening to the soothing sounds of the onson and being alone. He smiled against Yuuri's lips, causing Yuuri to laugh. Soft smacking of their lips was enough for Victor feel content, nothing to stress him out. Just keeping him distracted from any other emotion that wasn't happiness like he was feeling right now.

Night drew out rather quickly, Victor and Yuuri changed and headed back into the place to find Emi fast asleep in Hiroko's lap as she sat in front of the tv watching some sports teams go against each other in football. Yuri picked her up, thanking his mother and they headed up stairs to the bedroom. Victor climbed in first so his back was to the wall, Emi was placed next to him.

Her body immediately clung to Victor, Yuuri cooed in a whisper and shut off the light. His boyfriend got in last, pressing close and Victor made sure to leave the other two space. Reaching his arm out, Victor wrapped it around Emi and Yuuri, resting his hand on Yuuri's waist. Yuri brought his hand over to caress Victor's cheek in the dark. 

"Goodnight," Yuuri whispered softly, feeling Victor kiss his palm.

"Goodnight."

 

The next morning, it was a _busy_ day. 

 After shopping around for Victor to get his own yukata for the festival. Hiroko was very reluctant on the idea of Victor not experiencing the whole thing the way he deserved too. Though, Victor has been noticing something different about Hiroko since their arrival. She did not know of his coming but something has been hanging in the air.

There are somethings Victor knows since the day was going by: 1. She knows Victor and Yuuri are together (Yuuri told her without hesitation) 2. She knows something is going on with Victor but won't mention it. Victor soon was able to find the reason of her odd behavior, when Yuuri went to take Emi to the restroom and said they could meet at the bakery. Victor walked along side her, feeling the heat of the sun on his skin. 

Hiroko gazed up at the man with a smile, "You seem off."

"I feel fine," Victor murmured, watching the people wander in the streets.

"I know you're not but I like that you're trying."

Victor swallowed and peeked at his feet, "I feel like you know everything even when I don't say anything."

"Oh, Vicchan. You're an easy book to read, people just don't know how to do it."

"How do you?"

Her laugh rang in his ears, "Helping Yuuri grow up was what helped me learn."

"I have this constant lingering thought, even after reassurance," Victor started when he noticed her stare, "that I don't think I'm fit for Emi and Yuuri. Isn't that strange?"

"That is, you're perfect for them."

He blinked, shooting a quick look at her in surpise. Hiroko stood her ground with a smile, stopping in front of the bakery. Their hands met the moment she put her hands out for his, holding them in her hands comfortingly.

Someone who will always be easy to talk to his Hiroko, he spilled the words out before he could think how to word them because it's her. She makes it so easy to say what is on your mind, just like Yuuri. They went into the bakery, saying hello to a new person he didn't see the last time and took a seat in the corner. He sat across from her, in the same seat he last spoke with her in. 

Fighting back any tears that could reveal again, he placed his hands on the table and hers soon laced with his. He glanced up at her, opening his mouth to let the words out but nothing came out. Hesitation was hitting him, he shut his eyes and whispered instead.

"I am weak."

"You're strong." Hiroko fought back, squeezing his hands. "So strong that Emi looks up to you for strength and love."

Victor's knees buckled, "I am ill."

"And that doesn't make you any less important, Vicchan."

Victor lets out a shakey breath, blown away at what he's feeling right now. "I want to be enough."

"You're more than enough."

"I want to be enough for them, to support them, to cherish them, to lo-" Victor's words cut off immediately, the words stopping before they slipped too. Hiroko stared at Victor, in a way he'd never seen before. There was no way she didn't know what he was going to say next. 

"You're more than enough for them." Hiroko whispers, "Never believe you're not."

Victor sighed with a weak smile, "I don't know what to do."

"You're here, aren't you? Learn the way Yuuri looks when he's with you. Observe Emi till you know everything about her. Tell me that again if you still believe you're not enough because everyone here already knows you're it for them."

The sound of the bell of the door chiming caught Victor's attention, turning his head to see Emi in her yellow dress next to Yuuri. She smiled brightly, running to Victor with a laugh as she got onto his lap and sat comfortably. Victor's cheek was squished by hers as she hugged him, Yuuri walked over in a t-shirt and jeans. Pressing a kiss on Victor's temple and bringing a seat next to his mother.

"Hi, Vicchan!"

"Hi Emi," Victor said softly, trying to hide the hoarse in his voice.

"Papa said we have to get home to get ready for the festival, we're gonna have so much fun!"

"Emi says that we have to make sure we're early for the fireworks." Yuuri brings up with a chuckle, "Don't want to be late."

Emi nods with determination, "Let's go home Da- Papa!" she squeaks, rushing off Victor's lap and pulling him with her.

Victor blinks, glancing at Yuuri who's face is flush. Hiroko only smiles, standing up and they head back to the onson.

After changing, which takes forever because Victor has no idea what he is doing, they set out for the festival. Enjoying the atmosphere filled with joy and laughter. Victor eats about a billion things during it, one after the other, Emi makes sure Victor tries things he's never had before. Yuuri had his arm around Victor's own, walking together with Emi squealing after everything she saw.

The lights filled the place with happiness, children ran around carelessly with toys in their hand and food in their mouths. Couples clung to each other like they're afraid that the other will disapper. Families gathered in hope to see the fireworks that were happening soon.

"C'mon Vicchan!"

Emi grabbed their hands, tugging them to the end of the festival where people sat in the grass together waiting for the sky to sparkle with lights. Victor sat down near the water in the grass, Yuuri sat next to him with their lands laced. Emi ran around them with her toys, talking to a few people by them about the fireworks. Yuuri leaned his head on his shoulder, staring up at the sky.

"Hey," Yuuri mumbled quietly, "Thank you for being with us."

"Thank you for inviting me."

"That's not what I meant."

The older man stared at the sky, "I'm really glad I met you two."

Yuuri smiled fondly and kissed his shoulder, "I am really glad we met you too."

The fireworks sparkled the sky in no time, leaving everyone in awe. Victor glanced down at Yuuri, who was already staring at him. He could see the fireworks reflect off his big, brown eyes. He took in the sight, never wanting it to leave his brain the way Yuuri stared at him. Like he created land itself. Victor kissed Yuuri softly, his eyes fluttering shut to take in the moment.

Emi squealed close by, calling their names as she watched the fireworks. Their kiss broke and Victor grasped Emi's hand, pulling her over to them and sitting her betwen them. She leaned into their chests, pointing up at the colors. 

_Maybe he wasn't enough._

He gazed at the two of them, staring up at the sky in surprise. Mouths gaped open like they're seeing the sparks in the sky for the first time. Victor grinned happily, kissing Emi's head while holding onto Yuuri's hand still to gently stroke it with his thumb. He looked up at the sky again, watching the midnight color fill with the colors of the rainbow.

_But, he was enough for them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for supporting this fic!!
> 
> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the feedback on my last chapter, means so much!!

** July **

The amount of times Victor had been to this simple coffee shop goes way back to him as a teenager after meeting Keith. The one person he would count as an old friend, someone he went to every time for his music. Keith had been there to listen to the ideas and dreams Victor had, making them come to life with a single note of a guitar or voice of an artist. The brunette was just a couple years older than Victor, helping him discover what music suited him.

After finishing the _On My Love: Agape_ , Victor was ready to finish the song for his free skate. This one would be different than all the other songs he had done before, which made him excited to start today with Keith. 

Keith already had an image of what Victor wanted the moment he sat down across from him in their usual booth in the corner of the coffee shop. The older man shook Victor's hand with a warm smile, motioning the seat in front of him. Victor sat down comfortably, setting his phone down and pulling out some photographs. He pushed it towards his music producer, Keith eyed him curiously.

"What's this?" Keith asked, tilting his head and not reaching for the upside down photographs.

Victor motioned his head to the photographs, that had Japanese written on the back of them, again, "My song."

The musician picked up the stack of photos, turning them over to find the first photo of a man. One he hadn't seen before, he never went on Victor's social media so he may very well be there. The unknown man in the photo was on a beach, standing in the water with slicked black hair and a wide grin on his face.

Makkachin looked to be next to the unknown man, Keith eyed it carefully. This is Victor's free skate song, the one thing Victor wants is for him to understand.

He watched Keith flip through the photos one by one, taking his time to each photo. Victor stood up to order himself a cup of tea, waiting by the front for it and glancing over at Keith every now and then. It looked to be he was almost done, making Victor completely nervous. After receiving his tea, the Russian walked over to him and sat back down. Keith placed the last photo down and it was the one of Victor and Yuuri kissing in front of a statue there in Hasetsu.

Each photo had been from the time since they were in Hasetsu the last time in June to now, but the photos only had Yuuri or both of them in there. Emi's photos were in a photo album at home in his room, the one he started awhile back. The only reason why he didn't bring them was due to the song being just Yuuri.

There wasn't anyway Keith wouldn't understand the idea behind Victor's photographs. Victor needed someone to create the melody that has been in his head the moment he realized he felt something for Yuuri.

Hiroko is the only one who knows, the only one who really knows how Victor feels. Possibly Yurio and Yakov, but the only person who doesn't know is Yuuri himself. The photos are a guide to create the image he wants to display for Yuuri. To express the feelings he is too scared to say. He'll see it in October, it's only a matter of months and inbetween counts too.

"So, are you wanting to write a song about him?"

Victor nodded, "I thought the best way to show him my feelings is by showing him the way I always do."

"You seem to show him enough though," Keith muttered with a grin, picking up one of the photos of Yuuri and his mother with Victor in-between.

The photo was when they were going to be leaving the next day and she made sure to host a great night full of food for the three of them. She proceeded to ask for a photo of all of them, they took many and that's one Victor really adored.

Besides the one of Yuuri, Emi, and Victor that was framed in the hallway by the photo of Makkachin in front of the Eiffel Tower and Victor with Yakov when he won his first gold. Keith was still teasing Victor, making him chuckle along.

Laughter went on between them casually and Victor grasped his cup of tea, "I don't think it's enough in my opinion."

"What kind of feeling are we getting at?" Keith asked, "Because you seem way past the ' _like_ ' stage."

"Do I?"

"Love, isn't it? You're in love."

A blush rose to his cheeks and he licked his lips cautiously, "I am still-"

"-Don't have to lie to me, Victor. You can trust me."

Victor only smiled at Keith's words, someone who knew him better than himself with Keith. The man knows Victor's emotions like no one else. But, he doesn't know the emotions he feels towards Yuuri. Which is why they sat here, photographs on the table, a half empty cup of coffee in front of Keith and a full cup of tea in front of Victor.

"I believe the best way to describe my love for Yuuri would be through my skating, I won't admit it till I skate it."

Keith eyed Victor carefully, "Have you ever said it to him?" 

"Oh no, definitely not."

"Why's that?"

Victor set down his cup and sighed while staring out the window, "We've been together for five months now? I can't just say it and expect him to love me back all that fast."

Keith picked up another photo, Yuuri had smeared cake on his face to match Victor's own cake covered smile. They were laughing in the photo, Victor watched Keith's eyes flicker from the photograph to Victor in a matter of seconds. He had a look on his face that made Victor huff, leaning back in his seat.

"I'm serious."

"Ah, I don't know Victor." The man started with a chuckle, "He looks pretty in love if you ask me."

"Keith," Victor whined, placing his head down on the edge of the table. Keith laughed softly, drinking the rest of his coffee and taking out a notebook. Victor pouted, picking up his head to find Keith opening his notebook with a pen in hand. Starting to scribble something down before meeting Victor's blue eyes.

"Tell me about him."

The Russian smiled and leaned on his hand, "Where do I start?"

"From the beginning, as always."

Victor took a breath, smiling at Keith as he got ready to speak about the man who stole his heart in an interesting way.

 

-

 

"Papa! Can we go to the store for ice cream?"

Emi's voice yelled from the guest bedroom, Victor looked up from the sink where he stood doing the dishes they all used for dinner. Yuuri sat on the couch with his phone in hand, eyeing where Emi had come from. Her small body leaning against the arch of the hallway, the young child put her small hands together with a pouty look on her face.

Victor grinned at her, putting the dish he finished scrubbing into the dishwasher. He watched Yuuri lock his phone, sitting up as she rushed over to him with the puppy eyes that Victor has grown used too.

"And why's that?"

"I finished my dinner, Papa. Vicchan doesn't have ice cream here either." Emi murmured with a serious look, glancing over at Victor.

The Russian rolled his eyes playfully, scrubbing the last dish as Yuuri spoke to her.

"How about you ask, Vicchan? Papa needs to shower so he's ready for work tomorrow."

Emi ran over away from Yuuri, standing behind the opened dishwasher and gave the expression that always made Victor's heart churn. Yuuri warned him at one point, but he falls for it every time. 

"Can we Vicchan?"

Victor smiled, "Why don't I finish up this dish while you get your shoes on?"

"Okay!"

The older man chuckled, placing the last dish away while Emi sat by the door and began to slip on her flats that matched the color of her shirt. Yuuri walked over after Victor dried his hands and shut the dishwasher. His arms went around Victor's waist, hugging him securely with a shake of his head.

"You fall for it everytime," Yuuri whispered, kissing his chin.

"She gets it from you."

Yuuri pouted up at him, "No she does not."

"Yes, she does." Victor replied rather quickly, "You give me that look too."

"When have I ever?"

"Yesterday, actually. You gave me that look when asking for something, I forgot- Did it start with you on your knees or-"

Yuuri's hands went over Victor's mouth quickly, a grin spread on Victor's lips against his hand. The flush in Yuuri's cheeks made him feel prideful, chuckling and grasping Yuuri's hand to kiss his palm a couple times. They stared at each other, Yuuri's eyes filled with playful embarrassment.

"There are children present." Yuuri whispered, "No foul language."

"Then don't lie," Victor replied back, moving his hand to press their lips together. 

Yuuri melted into the kiss, feeling like putty as they kissed slowly. Emi coughed in annoyance, making them laugh and pull away. Victor peered at her, seeing her arms crossed as she stood with an expression that he also grew into. The one that says "i want attention too".

"Coodies!" Emi exclaimed, Yuuri laughed harder causing Emi to laugh along too.

Victor walked over and patted her head with a chuckle, "C'mon, Emi. Let's get some ice cream."

"Be safe," Yuuri said quickly as they opened the door, Victor could see the uneasiness on his face.

"We will, Papa! Only going to be gone for a little bit!" 

Emi held onto Victor's hand after he put on his shoes, they headed out of the apartment building quietly and went outside. The weather wasn't too bad, being able to stand out there without having a heavy coat or scarf was wonderful. The child pulled on Victor's hand impaitently, they walked together with their hands clasped tightly for safer measure.

Victor followed Emi on the route they took to the corner store by Victor's apartment complex. It was a small corner store that served dipped cones that Emi was obsessed with, Yuri kinda liked them just because she finished her food for them but also hated them because that is all she wanted to eat.

They arrived at the store, walking in and greeting the teenager at the counter who was scrolling on his phone. Victor walked over to the ice cream parlor in the back of the store, Emi stood at the counter with a happy grin. The teenage girl that was always there when they came in waved at Emi happily, blushing whenver Victor looked at her. Emi quickly began to speak in Russian for her dipped cone, handing her the two dollars Victor gave her since she enjoyed getting it herself.

" _Anything for your dad?_ " The teenage girl asked, glancing at Victor.

Victor's face heated, quickly turning his attention to Emi. Her eyes were already on Victor, confused.

" _Did Papa say he wanted anything?_ " Emi asked, Victor let out a breath of relief and shook his head.

" _I don't think so._ "

Emi nodded and beamed at the teenager, " _No he doesn't._ "

" _Are you sure?_ " 

But now, the worker was looking at Victor. Licking his lips, Victor shook his head while smiling shakily at her. _I'm not her dad_. He did not trust any words to come out, keeping it shut tight as the girl rung up the single dipped cone and went to go make it for Emi. The girl came back with two dipped cones to Victor's displeasure. She handed them both to Emi and motioned Victor standing next to her.

" _Give the other to your dad, okay? He looks like he could use one._ "

" _My dad-_ " Emi met Victor's eyes and blinked at the cone. " _Oh, okay._ "

She slowly handed Victor the cone before they bid their goodbyes to the worker. They walked out, holding hands in pure silence. _She's probably confused, talk to her, Victor._ But nothing was coming to his head, how was he suppose to bring it up? Each sentence was filling his head. Coming out either to mean towards her or too complicated for her age to understand.

Maybe he should bring it up to Yuuri, he can talk to her. This is kind of his problem, but not a problem at the same time because Victor honestly wouldn't mind the nickname if she was comfortable with it. At the same time, that's a huge step and they've only know each other for seven months, pushing that on Emi would be harsh.

They arrived at the apartment complex quicker than he thought, Emi still hadn't said a word. Only eating her ice cream with no expression or words to share. It was making him uneasy because Emi always had a thing to say. Whether it be about the weather or the ice cream, but she wasn't saying anything. Victor unlocked the door to the apartment when they got to the door, he let Emi in first. Yuuri was in the kitchen, making a cup of tea and smiled at them happily.

"Hey, Emi! Is the ice cream good?"

"Mhm," Emi replied curtly, walking past him to the dining table to eat.

Yuuri's eyes grew concerned, looking at Victor and his untouched ice cream cone. 

"What's wrong?" Yuuri asked as he walked over to Victor, "Did something happen?"

Victor threw the cone away and grasped Yuuri's hand, pulling him down the hall to the bedroom. He shut the door behind himself and rubbed the back of his neck, Yuuri crossed his arms while concern was flooding his entire face.

"What happened?"

"It was an accident," Victor starts while not looking at Yuuri. "I don't think the girl knew but she assumed and-"

"Assumed what?"

The Russian bit his lip and sighed, "She assumed I was Emi's dad and told Emi to give the other ice cream to her dad.. Meaning _me_."

Yuuri hesitated, words not coming out of his mouth. Victor stood still, his back against the door. Waiting for something to be said or done, he didn't know how Yuuri would feel about this. It's a serious topic, Victor only dreamt about being the other parental figure in Emi's life, he knew he could only wait and hope for that time to come. He did not need someone assuming something like this at a time like this. It was probably too early for the D-word to begin with.

"Are you upset?" Yuuri asks softly, Victor brings his line of sight to Yuuri.

His eyes widen, "No. Why would I be?"

"Well, you just seem really uneasy I guess."

"I didn't want to make you feel like I'm trying to force or impose something to your kid."

Yuuri gave him a small smile, "I'm sure she's just confused. Between us, everything is okay. Emi hasn't really had a parent besides me, she doesn't know the whole two people job that well. Only from movies or her friends, I'm sure she's always been curious. Emi doesn't even see Shion that often. Maybe once every few years."

"Has she.. Has she ever called her.."

"No," Yuri murmured, "She is really against that."

"Shion?"

"Emi is."

Victor's body had finally relaxed and a frown fell on his lips, "Emi?"

"I don't know how to explain it," Yuuri spoke softly while sitting down on the edge of the bed, "She just refused to acknowledge her as her mother. Always telling me that I'm her mom too. But, I'm sure she's wondered if it was ever okay. I gave her permission but she still doesn't do it."

He sat down next to Yuuri, wrapping an arm around the back of his neck. Yuuri leaned into his touch, his head resting on his shoulder.

"I'm sure she'll be okay, you taught her too well."

"I did huh? She's too smart for her own little brain."

Yuuri laughed softly, Victor smiled and kissed his head. The door handle turned of the bedroom, they both froze and watched it creak open. Emi poked her head in, Makkachin poking his head in after. Victor smiled, motioning her over with his hand.

She opened the door wider, Makkachin wandering into the bathroom while she headed straight towards them. He helped her on his lap, keeping her close.

"Hey, Vicchan?"

"Yes?"

Emi was quiet for a few minutes, "Thank you for taking me to get ice cream."

"Of course," Victor murmured, kissing her head.

"Vicchan?"

Victor felt her hand hold his own, "Yes?"

"Thank you for being with us all the time, you're the best."

Yuuri snuggled into Victor's shoulder more, his heart thumping incredibly fast.

"I should be thanking you."

 

-

 

**August**

"Again! I know that part can be cleaner!" Yakov yelled from the side of the rink.

Victor heavily panted and wiped his brow, nodding in agreement.

Yuri stood by Yakov, his blonde hair pulled into a high pony tail to get out of his face. Victor moved towards the edge of the ice, beginning the choreography where he left off. Trying to zone out the conversation Yuri and Yakov were having about him. He knows it's him because he heard the words _he's gotten back on his feet_.

Focused on the step sequence he created for the specific part of the song he finished at the end of July. Each movement done as if it was his last, the long program had to be completed to Yakov's standards but also himself. There wasn't slacking, if Victor wanted it to be perfect then he was going to make it perfect.

The day he showed Yakov was really intense, more than embarrassed too. This is his story, the one Yakov doesn't really know about. Victor held his breath but showed his coach the free skate he created just for Yuuri. To his happiness, Yakov liked it. Which made it easier for him to ask Yakov to go hard on the critizism. The skater was pleased to have the coach he had, there isn't anyone else he'd like to have coach him.

Besides Emi, she's probably worse than Yakov.

Yuuri raised her well on ice skating standards, she played as Yakov's assistant coach sometimes when he picked her up from school. She'd stand next to him with her eyes intensely focused on his moves from his jumps and sequence.

Emi and him promised not to tell Yuuri about the free skate, he only knows that he's working on it. He doesn't know he finished the song or program. His boyfriend has this tendency to drop by as a surprise, as much as Victor adores it, he can't have Yuuri seeing the program.

"Vitya," Yakov yelled out, "That ending was a mess. If you want to get it right, think like the music."

"Okay, Coach."

Victor went back to the same spot on the rink, remembering the words of the piece. He moved on his skates, swiftly into the part of the song. The sound of the orchestra filling his ears in the silent rink, gracefully sliding on his knee with one skate extended to keep him moving, and bringing himself back up to continue the step sequence. Victor finished the part again, except with a perfect entrance to the triple axel. 

"Better?" Victor asked, catching his breath uneasily.

Yakov's arms were crossed but he gave him a nod, "Go through the whole thing with music."

A smile appeared on Victor's face, skating towards the middle of the ice and getting in position. Yuri walked over to the stereo, pressing the play button. The sound of the orchestra flooding the room with sound, Victor moved from his first position and started to get into it. The song choice after taking time with Keith to make it is called La Vie En Rose, it's a mixture of songs melodies and harmonies that remind Victor of Yuri.

Keith did a beautiful job on it, at the end of it, they decided La Vie En Rose since they keep the lyrics that are sang by a friend of Keith. The song fit his feelings perfectly, letting Victor move so easily to the music.

Each word and instrument was for Yuuri, his Yuuri. The man who talks about his day, takes naps with Makkachin, and reads to Emi till she falls asleep. The man that Victor knows he is in love with but hasn't said it yet. Victor has almost said it many times to Yuuri but the only time he does is when they sleep together. When Yuuri is fast asleep in his arms and Victor can't help but whisper the three simple words in Russian for only himself to hear.

Landing the quadruple loop, Victor went into smooth sailing into the step sequence. Skating through each lyric like he was the one who wrote them. Reminding him of every single memory he's made with Yuri, every single word he's said, every single thing they've done. He went from his triple axel towards the end of the routine, doing his combination spin that they decided to save for the end. 

His body came into one place near the end, both hands on his heart as the finishing pose. The music ended, his heavy breathing now being heard. Victor slowly picked up his head to face Yakov.

"How was that? Do I need to go again?"

"Go home. You need to rest, you've been here since four in the morning."

He paused, "But how was it?"

Yakov smiled with a nod, "The best you've ever done."

Victor grinned happily, "What time is it?"

"Six in the afternoon."

The Russian blinked at his coach, not realizing how much time has passed. He didn't even take a lunch break for that matter, Victor only nodded and headed to the exit. Yuri stood still, peering at Victor curiously.

"So, Yuuri doesn't know about your free skate?"

"Nope," Victor replied, putting on the guards over the blades.

"Wouldn't it be better if he did though?" Yuri asked, leaning back against the rink wall. "It is for him."

Slipping on his jacket, Victor shrugged at the teenager. "I'm more of a surprise kind of guy."

After saying goodnight to the both of them, Victor went to the locker room to change into his regular clothing. Opening the lock, a couple photos of Emi and Yuuri are now inside the locker door with his old photos. He smiled fondly at them, taking out his phone to text Yuuri.

 **To: Yuuri**  
**Dinner tonight?**

He changed into his clothes, slipping off the skates to put on his shoes. The phone buzzed on the bench that he sat on, he picked it up to read the message.

 **To: Victor**  
**Yours or mine?**

 **To: Yuuri**  
**Mine! I'm cooking tonight.**

Getting his bag together, Victor headed out and felt his phone go off again. Instead of a text message, Yuuri was calling him. The Russian got into the car, pressing answer and putting him on speaker phone.

"Yuuri?"

"You're cooking so that means something good happened, yes?"

Victor chuckled softly, "I can't just make dinner?"

"Mm, you're hiding something," Yuuri teased, the Russian held his groud.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Yuuri laughed at Victor's response, "Alright. Alright. We'll be over, okay?"

"Good, cause I got a surprise."

"You liar!" 

Victor hung up before he could say anything else, chuckling and started to make his way over to his apartment. Once parked, Victor headed in and made his way to the elevator. The elevator came to a stop on his floor, he walked over to his room and unlocked it. Greeted by a jumping Makkachin, the Russian laughed and shut the door behind him. Setting down his bag from practice, Makkachin licked his hands feverishly.

"Hi, Makka! Emi and Yuuri are coming over, so we'll have company."

Makkachin tilted his head before processing his words, the poodle ran to his bed to grab the toy Emi gave him the last time. It was a stuffed fox with a squeaky toy in the middle. The poodle wagged his tail with excitement, Victor put his phone down with a laugh. Putting on the playlist Emi and Yuuri made for him on Valentine's Day, the music started to play as he grabbed ingredients for his meal he was making.

Victor worked on the starting ingredients, singing to the song playing in the background. The water boiled soon after, he put the pasta in the water and let it cook. Getting started on the side dishes, after completeing the dishes. There was a knock on the door, Victor rushed over to open it. Yuuri stood in his usual button up shirt and slacks from work and Emi was beside him in a yellow sun dress.

"Vicchan, you're making dinner again?" Emi asked, walking in and hugging his legs tightly.

He chuckled softly and embraced her, "Yes yes. I have good news."

"Good news?"

The sound of a squeaking toy caught her attention, letting Victor go to run over to Makkachin with her giggle. Victor stood up and embraced Yuuri tightly. The younger man laughed, bringing his arms around his boyfriend. Their lips met softly, a chaste kiss. 

"So, what's for dinner?"

"I thought pasta sounded good."

"My favorite." Yuuri whispered with a grin, "I have high expectations then Nikiforov."

"As always."

Yuuri let him go, walking into the kitchen. Stand By Me playing in the kitchen soulfully, he went to the stove to mix the noodles in the pot. Victor leaned against the fridge, sighing happily at the sight of Yuuri in his kitchen. The younger man looked up from the pot and glanced at Victor, blushing from the stare.

"What?"

"Nothing, you're just so beautiful."

His boyfriend snorted, "That's more for you."

"Hm?"

Victor stood behind Yuuri, pressing his chest to his back and wrapping his arms around his waist. Yuuri's hand rested on his hand, tilting his head so they can kiss. It was innocent, a simple kiss. Giving Victor more reasons to skate to the song of choice. He hummed quietly, taking in the taste of Yuuri that he still wasn't used too.

"Vicchan!"

Breaking the kiss, Victor quickly snapped his head to Emi. She was standing by the fridge and tugging on his jeans, an awkward smile playing on her lips. Victor let Emi go, kneeling down to her height with a smile.

"Yes, Emi?"

"What was the surprise?"

"Oh," Victor blinked and smiled, "I did have a surprise."

He quickly went to finishing the meal, ushering them out of the kitchen. They sat at the couch talking about what cartoon was playing, he finished the food and set it on the table. He sat down next to Yuuri with Emi across from them. 

"I wanted to tell you guys I finished my free skate."

Emi dropped her fork on the plate, letting the sound echo in the apartment.

"Can I see it? When did you finish it?"

Victor chuckled softly, "First, yes. Second, today actually."

"Can I see it?" Yuuri spoke up curiously.

The Russian paused and stared at Emi, she went back to eating to stay out of the conversation.

"Uh, I think you'll have to wait."

Yuuri tilted his head confused, "Why only me?" 

Victor smiled at him, "It's a surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a couple days early since i finished the chapter on saturday??
> 
> im so nervous about this chapter so leave me feedback on what you think so i know, like my hands are shaking and lol thank you for reading!! (hecka stressed)

**September**

"Vicchan! I'm going to go with Yurio to the store down the way."

The Russian stopped his movement on the ice, seeing Yuri help put on her lightweight, blue sweater. Victor skated towards the exit where they stood, she met him there with a happy smile and put her arms out for him. They hugged tightly, Victor kissing her head and cupping her cheeks.

"Remember Emi, you need to-"

"-Hold Yurio's hand and watch where I'm going and stay with Yurio at all times. You're like Papa, _Vicchan_. I'll be okay."

Emi kissed Victor's cheek before tugging Yuri out of the rink room, towards the lobby. Victor frowned, watching the teenager and child leave. He skated towards the middle again, fixing his jumps for some of the pieces in his short program.

The Grand Prix is next month and now that his programs are finished, he is extremely nervous. Victor Nikiforov is nervous, that's new. He zoned out the few skaters here for Yakov's class moving on the ice and focused on himself.

With the Grand Prix being a month away, Victor hasn't had time to do anything fun. The most he does is pick up Emi from school or have Yuuri and her sleepover at his place for the night. Which they've been doing a lot lately. It's his only time to relax. Yakov has been on his case since he finished the long program, all he wants Victor to do is work work work. Yuri comes to visit every now and then if he's off or has a break. Emi comes over a few times a week to watch Victor skate but gets distracted by Yurio. 

The teenager has been stealing his pride and joy every time she comes, he is slightly complaining but finds it adorable that Yurio wants to be around her. She watches him skate a lot and when he's on his breaks, he brings her on the ice with him and teaches her a few things. Emi loves Yurio, he's like an older brother to her now. Taken her under his wing, even gets annoyed if someone tries to call him Yurio.

Victor has done on several occasions as well.

He licked his lips, stretching his arms as he watched the students Yakov worked with do their spins under Yakov's supervision. As Victor went to turn towards the other side of the rink, he bumped into someone on accident. Almost losing footing, Victor clung to the person he bumped into. Noticing the red color hair, Victor sighed in relief.

"Woah there, Vitya." Mila laughed softly, placing her hands on Victor's arms.

Victor caught his balance and smiled at Mila, "Sorry. I didn't see you there."

"Not a problem," the younger woman said, "You okay?

"My jumps are a bit off today."

"Have you been doing treatment on your feet like usual."

He gave her a guilty look, "Oops?"

Mila gaped at him and glanced at Yakov, "Are you crazy? How else are you suppose to skate?"

"I'm here everyday of the week and from long hours of the day. I don't have time to soak in a bath or bandage my feet."

"Tell that boyfriend of yours he needs to help you, he's a doctor, isn't he?" Mila poked his side teasingly, Victor rolled his eyes at her and started going towards the wall again. She trailed behind him, leaning on the wall with ease next to him. "I'm just saying, Vitya. Physical health matters as much as mental health too."

Victor took a deep breath and let it out with his nose, "I know. I know. I want to perfect this though. I have to win, for Emi and Yuri."

"Then take care of yourself, for Emi and Yuri."

Mila glided away, going to work on her own programs while Victor stood still. He glanced down at the black skates, the nickname peeking from behind them. Victor's feet are bruised up, a couple days ago he fell because of it. Maybe if Yuri comes over, he can beg him to take a bath with him. Victor moved again, starting to work on his jumps. Being careful, leading into the quadruple lutz.

The Russian turned his body after gaining enough speed, putting his arms out before going up for the jump. _One. Two. Three. Four._ His skates landed on the ice with a clean cut, moving into the program gracefully. 

A few claps could be heard once he slowed down his body, glancing at Mila and Georgi watching him. Including some of Yakov's students, the older man peered at him and gave him a nod. Starting to speak to his students harshly on why they were unfocused. Victor grinned down at the ice, going to continue on the step sequence for his short program. The difference between _On My Love: Agape_ and _La Vie En Rose_ was simple, one love was for family while the other love was for the only one person.

He couldn't wait for Yuuri to see the program, it makes me more nervous everyday knowing it was getting closer. Yuuri didn't question him that night when they discussed how he finished it, he hasn't brought it up sense. Emi and Yurio finally saw the free skate choreography a couple weeks ago. To his liking, Emi loved it so much. She believes Yuuri will love it too. Or so he hopes. After going a few more times with his program, Victor decided to finally take a break.

Being on the ice since six this morning and it already being four in the afternoon was enough for him. He went to the exit to start slipping on the guards to his blades. Walking out to the lobby, Alla was on a phone call when he entered. Her Russian was fast but he could understand everything she was saying, he walked to the front door and glanced out the glass to see Yurio and Emi no where in sight. Victor walked back except to the locker room for his cellphone.

He unlocked the locker and grabbed his phone, texting Yuuri just in case.

 **To: Yurio**  
**Everything okay?**

Seconds later, he received a message back.

 **To: Victor**  
**yes, emi is really indecisive rn. give us ten minutes.**

Victor chuckled softly, tucking his phone into the pocket of his sweatpants and shutting the locker. He turned around and headed back into the rink, Yakov was releasing the students from their practice. Sitting on the bench, he watched them one by one leave the rink to the locker rooms. Chattering amongst each other happily, Mila spoke to Yakov by the edge of the rink about her program while Georgi worked on his free skate again.

"Vitya," Yakov called him over, Victor got up and walked around the rink to him.

"Yes?" He replied once he stood next to him.

"Where's Emi?"

Of course. "She went to get a snack with Yuri. They should be back anytime soon."

Yakov nodded, "I wanted to see if she wanted to do some lessons since I don't have to go home for awhile. Mila, Yuri, Georgi and you seem to have your programs under control for now. So why not teach our future protégé."

" _Our_ future protégé?"

"She wants to be an ice skater, yes?"

"A doctor as well," Victor adds proudly, grasping the wall of the rink. "She's going places."

"Well, make sure you mention to her father about lessons." Yakov suggests crossing his arms, "I'd love to do private ones. You know, she can do most of the spins minus bielmann and death drop. I think she needs to take ballet as well, Yurio could show her some of that himself."

Victor couldn't believe the words coming out his own coaches mouth. Emi has been working on ice skating while being here, mostly with Yuri and Yakov. Yuri has been showing her more than anyone else. He didn't realize how much she caught on.

"She might as well be starting jumps."

"Yakov, she's _six_."

"And? There are children her age that know how to do full on short programs. Don't sell her short."

Mila started laughing, skating away from the two of them to go back to working on her program. Victor rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, taken back at Yakov's intensions of coaching his little Emi in skating. Yakov began to go over a training regime for the child until he was cut off by the door opening to reveal Yuri sipping a sports drink while Emi was licking a popsicle. She beamed over at Victor, walking over happily with a skip in her step. 

Victor grinned at her, "Finally decided, huh?"

"Mhm, there were lots of decisions."

"You go there once a week, Emi. It never changes," Victor replied, patting her head fondly.

Emi continued to eat her popsicle in silence, Victor noticed Yuri putting his drink down and starting to put on the skates he left under the bench for him to get back too. Mila skated over to Yuri, beginning to tease him while he yelled back at her in annoyance. 

"Remember to ask her father about the lessons," Yakov mentions, Emi glanced at Victor confused.

"What lessons, Vicchan?"

Victor looked down at the child, "Yakov wanted to know if you'd like ice skating lessons."

"Really?" Emi asked surprised, removing the popsicle from her mouth and looking over at Yakov next to Victor. "Can I?"

"If you'd like, we could do some now."

Emi handed her popsicle to Victor and nodded quickly, "Yes! Here, Vicchan. Have the rest, I'm gonna go get my skates."

"Emi, you can't reach my locker."

"Yurio can!"

She ran off, leaving Victor alone with Yakov and the red popsicle. Victor chuckled in defeat, peering at his coach with a shrug. Yakov patted his shoulder, walking over to where she was asking Yuri to open the locker for her. Maybe he should get Emi her own locker. Victor started to eat the sweet treat given to him, leaning on the wall. Glancing over, he watched Emi and Yuri disappear out the doors to the locker room. He wandered over back onto the ice, finishing up the popsicle in hand.

Emi came out with Yuri, in her skates now and Yakov began to speak to her about the things he will help her with. For some reason, Victor was extremely nervous. As if he was Yuri, getting ready to watch his child do something crazy for the first time.

He threw away the stick of the popsicle in a nearby trash can, watching her get on the ice with Yuri carefully. Yakov began to go over a few things he wanted her to do. Victor watched from afar, pulling out his phone and snapping a photo. Texting it to Yuri as quickly as possible.

 **To: Yuuri**  
**I think your child is getting lessons now.**

 **To: Victor**  
**So soon?? She grows up so fast.**

He started chuckling, trying to figure out what to type. Before he could reply, he received another instantly.

 **To: Victor**  
**I know you're stressing but she'll be fine, Emi can take a fall. Remember when she ran into the door when trying to find Makkachin and began laughing while her nose was bleeding? Your girl will be okay, let her do her thing. Gotta go, talk to you later! xx**

 **To: Yuri**  
**You tease me too much. See you tonight. xx**

 

-

 

There was a soft knock on Victor's door when he turned on the TV from his couch, Victor got up and opened it to see Yuuri standing with a tired smile. His boyfriend wasn't in his scrubs like he was when he left the apartment this morning. Instead he wore t-shirt with jeans and a fatigue expression, Victor let him in quickly with surprise.

"Emi's already asleep." Victor spoke softly, shutting the door behind his boyfriend.

"I know, I didn't want to go home since I got out early."

Victor came up to Yuuri from behind, wrapping his arms around his waist as Yuuri pulled out his wallet and phone from his pocket. Yuuri smiled, leaning into the touch.

"Did you want to take a bath? You smell like hospital."

Yuuri chuckled quietly, "That sounds wonderful."

Victor watched Yuuri walked away to the guest bedroom where Emi was sleeping, seeing him the shut the door behind himself. The Russian made his way to the bathroom, removing the toys Emi left inside and put them in the small basket next to the tub for them. The door blinds opened to reveal the city, bright and asleep. Gazing outside, Victor turned the spout on to fill the porcelain tub with the warm water. He has been trying not to look at his feet, even putting socks on to hide the bruised skin since Mila's comment at the rink. 

After the tub filled, he shut off the spout and headed to the closet. Yuuri was already grabbing a couple towels, the younger man turned his attention to Victor and smiled. Shutting the door, Yuuri placed the towels in Victor's arms.

"Is Emi okay?"

"Yeah, she's asleep still. She looks exhausted."

"She did a lot of skating today, Yakov was training her while we practiced." Victor brought up going into the bathroom to set the towels down.

Yuuri followed in after and smiled, "I have been meaning to get her lessons but we're always so busy."

"What did you do with her before meeting me?"

He watched Yuuri remove his shirt, putting it on the sink counter. Seeing his body was always like the first time, his cheeks heated up and Victor looked away before Yuuri could catch him staring. Removing his shirt, waiting for him to respond. The glasses that were propped on Yuuri's face were now on the sink as well.

"I used to have a babysitter," Yuuri murmurs, unzipping his pants to pull them off. "They would be with her whenever I wasn't able to be there. Also helped pick her up from school."

"A babysitter?"

Yuuri nodded, Victor soon removed all his articles of clothing. The Russian stepped into the warm tub first, feeling his body heat up from the temperature of the water. Yuuri got in after, sitting down in between Victor's legs carefully and leaning his back on his boyfriend's chest. Victor let him rest his head on his shoulder, smiling in approval. 

"Ah, his name is Phichit. He lives in the floor above mine, one of the friends I have made here."

"Phichit? Does Emi miss him?"

The younger man chuckled, "Sometimes. Phichit was heartbroken when he found out Emi had a new person to watch her but I think it's because he was so used to her company. But he's fine with it now, especially since he found out it's you."

"What do you mean?"

"A big figure skating fan," Yuuri replied, looking out the window at the night sky.

"You know, Yurio and Emi are inseparable."

"She talks about him all the time to me."

The silence in the apartment finally filled the bathroom too. Victor could feel his heartbeat hitting Yuuri's back fast, he was always nervous around him. Doing a few things here and there, yet this was different. It was just innocent and intimate. Victor wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, kissing his hair soothingly. Closing his eyes, he let himself take in the warm atmosphere of just the two of them.

Some days he wondered if they would do this on a regular basis, meaning they actually lived together. But being together for only seven months now, Victor didn't want to push it. As long as Yuuri is happy, so is he.

A car going off caused him to open his eyes, feeling Yuuri's chest rise and fall under his hands that were now laced with Yuuri's own. Victor leaned to his ear, kissing behind it. Yuuri shivered from the soft attention getter, releasing Victor's hand slowly.

"Did you want me to wash your hair?" Yuuri asked calmly, moving his body off Victors. 

Victor watched the man rise, water shuffling beneath him. His tan skin covered in drops of water, Victor grinned and sat up with him. Bringing his hand to cup Yuuri's cheek, he leaned in and kissed the younger man softly. The kiss was almost just a brush of the lips. Yuri grasped his wrist, leaning into the kiss more to get a real one out of Victor. Bringing themselves closer, Yuri sat on Victor's lap properly and his hands ran through Victor's hair. 

A swift swipe of his tongue on Yuuri's lips was enough for his boyfriend to open his mouth, letting their tongues move with one another. So familiar with each taste, Victor placed his hands on the small of Yuuri's back. The water danced against their skin from each movement they made. Yuuri pulled away slowly, fluttering his eyes open to see Victor. His face was flushed from the kiss and warm water surrounding them, a smile crept up on his lips.

"You're quite the sight," Yuuri whispered, stroking Victor's cheek.

"Am I?"

The younger man bobbed his head once, "Absolutely."

"Have you seen yourself?" Victor remarked, causing Yuri to laugh.

"I tend to keep my attention towards you than my own self."

"I'm sure you'd have your reasons, especially with your thoughts that have been coming to your mind since we settled in here together."

Victor's teasing caused a blush to rise on Yuuri's own cheeks, "Victor, there are children in the other room."

The Russian gasped and placed his hand to his heart, "Like I was the one who brought up the whole 'i want to ravish you' thing."

"I did not say that."

"You implied it."

"You are really interesting to have conversations with," Yuuri huffed, trying to fight the smile that wanted to come out to play. "Who knew Victor Nikiforov liked to argue?"

A toothy grin was his reply causing Yuuri to shake his head in defeat, resting his forehead on Victor's comfortably. 

"We're going to turn into raisins if we stay in here any longer."

"That, you are right." Victor said, not budging from the position.

They sat still, enjoying the aroma around them. Yuuri pecked his lips before slowly rising up from the water, Victor stared at the man. Water dripping from his body like a waterfall. Before Yuuri lifted a foot out of the bath, Victor grasped his thighs and pressed a few kisses on the warm skin. Yuuri jumped, trying to keep his balance before laughing.

"Victor!"

"Have you seen your thighs?" Victor quickly says, "They're marvelous."

"You can't just say things like that." Yuuri murmured, getting out of Victor's hands and grabbing a towel. 

Victor grinned cheekily, unplugging the tub and stepping out to get his own towel. They headed back to Victor's room after doing their nightly routine of cleaning their faces and brushing their teeth. He watched Yuuri grab a pair of briefs and one of Victor's shirts from the closet, changing right there in his room. _So domestic._  Victor shook his head at himself, turning away from Yuuri to change into his own briefs and a t-shirt. _These fantasies are getting out of hand._

Shutting off the light, they climbed into the bed comfortably with Yuuri resting his head on Victor's chest. Snuggling his head into him while tangling their legs together. He could feel his feet not aching as much as before, he needs to wrap them tomorrow morning. His hand rested on Yuuri's side, shutting his eyes to finally rest. Knowing they'd have to be up at the earliest hour of the morning.

The Russian paused before whispering, "Yuuri?"

"Yes?"

"You know, around the time when I first met Emi, she told me she could tell that you're tired."

"Tired?" Yuuri mumbles in question. "Like stressed?"

"I believe so," Victor nodded and rubbed Yuuri's back soothingly, "But you know with me here.. You don't have to work so hard, okay?"

Yuuri sat up slightly to lean on his elbow, gazing down at Victor in the dark. He caressed his cheek gently, letting his fingertips brush the sharp jawline Victor had. The Russian's body relaxed from the sudden touch, his hand going up to rest on Yuuri's hip.

"I think I started to understand that when you recommended to watch her for me during work."

"You did?"

"I couldn't say no," Yuuri chuckled. "You were so enthusiastic about it and I needed the help."

Victor blushed, "I wanted to help."

"Emi and I thank you for that, always."

The younger man left Victor with a soft kiss on his lips, going back into his original position. They murmured their goodnights, cuddling into one another happily. 

 

-

 

"Okay, I _lied_. I'm nervous."

They stood a few feet away from the room they were heading over too. Emi pulled at Victor's hand for the tenth time since they left their apartment. Yuuri pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. The older man sheepishly smiled at them both, not understanding why his feelings were such a problem. Because they were to him personally.

"If anyone should be nervous, it will be Phichit-kun. Now, let's go before we miss our reservation." Yuuri muttered, trying to hold back his laughter.

Emi went up to the door first, knocking on it a few times. Victor stood beside Yuuri behind Emi, trying to calm himself down. Phichit is a fan, which isn't a problem to Victor because he adores meeting fans. But, Phichit is also Yuuri's friend. _Close friend_ , he may add. Something Yuuri definitely did not bring up until last minute.

Last thing he needs is his friend coming to kill him after they get in one argument. The door soon opened, he met eyes with the man that still looked so incredibly young. 

Phichit put his hand out for Victor to shake, which he gladly shook. The man was almost Yuuri's height, dark skin with black hair to match the color of his eyes. He wore a happy grin, that seemed almost painted on his face forever. He seemed to be the complete opposite of Yuuri and Victor combined in one. 

"Nice to finally meet you!" The man exclaimed, Victor nodded in agreement.

"Nice to meet you too. I've heard plenty."

"I've heard too much, to think it took thing long to finally meet. You guys have been dating for how long? Seven months was it?"

"Let's not waste any time with small talk, Phichit." Yuuri starts while glancing at Victor. "It took ten minutes to get this one here because he was nervous."

Victor cringed at the outing and smiled weakly, Emi wrapped her arms around Phichit's legs. He chuckled, patting her head before picking her up. Emi giggled, starting to speak in Japanese towards Phichit, he quickly replied with his own broken Japanese making her laugh again. They looked at Victor and Yuuri at the same time.

"You've stolen my golden child from me, Victor." Phichit teased, "I don't know how I'll forgive you."

"How do tickets for the Grand Prix Final?"

"I think I'm in love with your boyfriend," his best friend stated with a straight face, Yuuri laughed.

"That's not how love works, Phichit-kun."

Emi played with the collar of Phichit's sweater before blinking, "But _Hamustā_! Vicchan is Papa's!"

Victor tilted his head at the nickname and before he could ask, Yuuri already began to speak.

"Well," his lover said while putting his arm around Victor's waist. "You know the drill. Emi needs to be in bed by 9-9:30. Also, make sure she eats all of her food, you know how fussy she can get. We usually promise to take her to the corner store down the way."

"If she knows she's getting a chocolate dipped cone, dinner is gone in seconds." Victor adds. "A bath usually exhausts her enough to go to bed too."

Phichit took in their words and gave them a thumbs up, "Everything is under control in the Chulanont household. Now go!"

They were turned around and quickly pushed out the door, Emi put her arms out for them and hugged them both goodbye. 

"Have fun Papa! Vicchan!" Emi giggled, running to the living room of the apartment. 

Victor grinned, "Thank you for watching her again Phichit."

"Not a problem, go enjoy yourselves. You hardworking parents need a break."

Yuuri quickly said his goodbyes, walking with Victor to the elevator. His hands followed Yuuri's body, eyeing the way the suit he wore was snug in the right places. An art form in the making. His hair was pushed back with gel, it was insanely attractive. He tucked his hand in the pocket of his slacks, replaying the words in his head. _Hardworking Parents. Parents._

 _PARENTS_. 

"Victor?"

He blinked and turned his attention to his boyfriend, he smiled at him. Reaching for his hand when the elevator began to move, kissing his knuckles.

"Yes?"

"You okay?"

"Of course," Victor said happily, Yuuri leaned into him and kissed his cheek.

They headed out of the apartment complex, getting into Yuuri's car and going to the destination. The whole reason he was here was because Yuuri overheard Yakov criticizing Victor's current emotions for his free skate. Though, Victor has got the short program down to a T. The free skate is a bit of a mess, Victor personally believes it is from nerves.

Yet Yuuri was still excited to go on another date, but instead of Emi being there; it was going to be the two of them. Just the two of them. On a date.

_No big deal._

The drive was quiet, Victor rested his hand on Yuuri's thigh as the younger man drove to the restaurant of choice. Yuuri turned the radio on, some American song started to play through the speakers to Victor's delight.

"Is this a CD?"

Yuuri nodded quickly, "Phichit is great at illegally downloading songs and putting them on CDs. Not surprising. But, he makes one every few months of new songs that come out in America."

"You like the music there?" Victor asked curiously.

"I mean, I was there for awhile. It grew on me. Plus all the music on your mixtape we made you is American music."

Victor grinned, "True. I don't listen to music much, only the songs for my programs and the "mixtape" as you call it."

A parking spot was open in front of the restaurant, Yuuri took it swiftly and parked the car.

"You make your own music, yes?"

"Always have," Victor replied while opening the door. 

Yuuri got out on his side, locking up the vehicle and taking Victor's hand to lead him into the restaurant. It looked small on the outside but huge on the inside, Yuuri went up to the front counter where an older woman stood dressed accordingly to the time. She looked up at Yuuri with a bright smile, picking up the clipboard in front of her.

"Name?"

"Katsuki."

"Ah, you're on time." The lady said formally, "Right this way."

Victor watched her pick up a couple menus and they followed her to stairs that were in the far back. Walking up, the next floor revealed more tables but glass windows all around to look at the scenery of the city.

Yuuri stroked Victor's hand with his thumb, she stopped in front of a table in the corner. The younger man pulled out one seat for Victor, letting him sit down comfortably before taking the seat across from him.

The hostess put the menus down in front of them, "Your waitress will be right with you."

A man came over without question soon after the hostess with glasses, filling them with champagne. Yuuri thanked him, grasping his glass and raising it up for toast. Victor raised his own, smiling at the man in front of him. Their glasses clicked together and Yuuri's words spilled.

"To your victory at the Grand Prix."

Victor brought the glass to his lips with amusement, "You think I'm going to win?"

"I'd hope so," Yuuri says, sipping his drink and setting it down. "I'm sure you'll be fine."

"You haven't seen the programs yet."

"I'll still support you no matter what spot you get, but I don't know about Emi."

The Russian chuckled at the thought of Emi, "She's done a lot of hard work."

Dinner was amazing. Victor spent most of the time talking to Yuuri, learning more and more about this man he had fallen for so long ago. To think Victor hated him. But now he's in love with him and all the little things he does.

The way Yuri speaks to Emi in private, in the softest voice he's ever heard. The way he snorts when he laughs too hard. The way he scolds Emi in only Russian, never English or Russian. The way he can only eat his meal one entree at a time. His obsession with late 90s R&B music, the amount of times he's walked in on Yuuri jamming to TLC or Prince is insane. 

There is so much to love about him. 

He would be stupid to let someone like him go, Victor already knows it.

After Yuuri paid (which took a lot of time because Victor tried so hard to sneak the check), they walked out to the car and got in. Victor leaned over the car console to press their lips together, molding them the way they always do. He could feel Yuuri leaning into him more, the soft smacking of their lips were the only thing making a noise. Victor slowly pulled away, sporting a small smirk.

"Thank you for tonight."

"It's not over yet," Yuuri whispered, flicking his eyes from left to right to study Victor's blue eyes that poured into his.

The Russian tilted his head curiously, "Yeah?"

"Just like you.. I'd like to surprise you too."

Yuuri started the car once again, music playing in the car as he drove. Victor could see the direction was no where close to Yuri's apartment, but to his. They pulled up in front of the apartment complex, lights were bright in the dark sky. Victor stepped out of the car, adjusting his suit jacket while waiting for his boyfriend to get out. He was taking a bit of time before popping out of the car and taking Victor's hand. Almost popping his shoulder out of the socket, he was tugged inside by the younger man to the elevator. 

Once entering, he pressed the button to Victor's floor without a second thought and waited for the doors to shut. Victor felt some tension between them, but he couldn't put a finger on it. Yuuri was fidgeting with his blazer.

Victor reached his hand out, taking Yuuri's tense one into his. The younger man blushed, glancing at Victor before linking their hands together. The elevator came to a stop, Yuri was the first to walk out with Victor trailing behind him.

They came to the door that Victor unlocked swiftly, walking in and being greeted by Makkachin. The sleepy poodle walked up to them, Victor patted the poodles head before telling him to go back to his bed. Yuuri received a kiss from Makkachin, watching the poodle wander to the bed that was by the kitchen. Victor smiled, about to shrug off his coat and felt two hands land on his shoulders to stop him. 

Victor looked over his shoulder to see Yuuri giving him a shy smile.

"Let me.. Let me take it off."

The older man paused to take in Yuuri's words and gave him a nod in response, turning around for his boyfriend. It was silent before Yuuri's eyes read _bedroom_ to Victor, following him to his bedroom and shutting the door behind him. Victor stood still in front of him, waiting for the man to remove the blazer. Yuuri's face was flushed in a red velvet color that made Victor empathetic.

His hands grasped the lapel's of his fabric and started to push it back off his shoulders. The blazer went down his back and the sleeves slowly started coming off, the jacket slipped away from his fingertips.

He tossed the jacket onto the floor, Yuuri reached his hands for the buttons of Victor's dress shirt. Their eyes met in an instant, Yuuri's asking with his eyes once again. Victor smiled, nodding again to fit the silence.

One by one, his fingers unbuttoned the shirt carefully. Trying to fight the fumble of his shaky hands that Victor could feel on his chest, his skin being revealed in the slowest way possible.

Yuuri stopped to stare at Victor's chest, one he has seen many times from the showers they shared to the intimate actions they've done. Never going to far during those times as well. He placed his hand on the warm skin, running it down his chest to his stomach. Undoing the last button and gazing up at Victor from where he stood.

"I've been thinking about this a lot lately." Yuuri's whispered, he spoke so softly to where he almost didn't catch the words.

Victor stared at Yuuri with surprise, "Have you?"

The younger man nodded, almost embarrassed by his confession. Victor brought his hands to his waist, pulling him closer to him. A smile slowly appeared on his lips, placing his fingers below Yuuri's chin to tilt his head so their eyes met.

"I've thought about it as well."

Yuuri's eyes widened, "Really?"

"Let's take care of each other tonight, yes?"

The younger man licked his lips, not saying word and reaching up to bring their lips together. Victor's arms went around Yuuri, pulling him against his bare chest to deepen the kiss. Yuuri's hand started to push the dress shirt back and off Victor. He removed the shirt, tugging Yuri's jacket back to throw it somewhere in the room.

The buttons on Yuuri's dress shirt were quickly unbuttoned, before their bodies fell onto the bed and Yuri's lower half grinded into Victor's own. Victor grunted, feeling his cock harden against Yuuri. His hands slipped down Yuuri's side to cup his ass in his dress pants, pushing his hips up to bring the pleasurable feeling of their clothed cocks grinding into one another.

Yuuri whimpered against Victor's lips, trying to maintain the kiss before losing himself in the pleasure and letting Victor rut into him. Tucking his head into Victor's neck, leaving a trail of kisses on his warm skin.

"Ahh, Yuuri.."

"I need more, Victor." Yuri whispered in his ear lowly.

He felt Yuuri nibble on his earlobe and swallowed, "I got you."

Yuuri straddled Victor's lap, taking his time to start pushing down Victor's dress pants. The Russian went for Yuuri's, the younger man stopped to pull out some lube in his pocket and condoms. An eyebrow rose from Victor, thinking about how Yuuri must've been holding those all night for them.

Soon they were out of them and left in their briefs. Victor held Yuuri in his arms while he sat in Victor's lap, their hard cocks outlined in the tight briefs. They brushed on one another, making them moan into each other's mouths. Victor's hands went down into the briefs, grasping Yuri's behind teasingly.

The air was thickening now in the bedroom, Yuuri groaned and it made Victor flip them over. He took the waistband of Yuuri's briefs, pulling them down to show the cock that was straining in the pair. Victor's hand held the base of Yuuri's cock, stroking it slowly like he's done before.

A high pitched whine was received and encouraged Victor to do more, Yuuri groaned and reached for the lube by his stomach. Putting it out for Victor, looking at him intently.

Eyes were blown from the brown color they were when Victor made contact with them, he took the lube from his lover and put some on a few of his fingers. Victor grasped a pillow next to Yuuri's head and tucked it under his hips to support the man. 

"You need to tell me how it feels." Victor whispers softly, staring down at Yuuri. "Like always, okay?"

Yuuri nodded in agreement, "Like always."

Victor pushed Yuuri's thighs apart, bringing one up to his shoulder and letting himself take in the sight of Yuuri below him. _Open. Vulnerable. Gorgeous._ He smiled at Yuuri before pushing in one finger through the tight muscle, letting him feel the slow stretch.

Yuuri's lips parted, staring down inbetween his legs where Victor was focused on. Dragging his finger in and out of Yuri, letting him warm up to the first finger. A second one was inserted after he got used to it, starting to spread the muscle to stretch open for him. Yuuri moaned out breathlessly, grasping the sheets blow his body.

It was hot in the room now, Victor could hear his own heartbeat in his ears because they were about to be so much closer than before. The younger man felt the fingers stretching him, dipping inside him to give him pleasure instead of the sting he felt originally. Victor was losing his own breath just from the sight of Yuuri losing himself from Victor's slender fingers.

Their eyes met the moment Victor pushed in the last finger, starting to feel his walls tighten around them. Victor held onto Yuuri's leg, kissing the warm skin while opening him up. Yuuri tossed his head back into the pillow behind him, whimpering out Victor's name along with words in Japanese that Victor couldn't comprehend. He stared at Yuuri intently, taking in the view in front of him like it would be the last time he'd see it.

"V-Victor," Yuuri begged loudly in the room, "I'm ready. I'm ready. Please."

So much passion in Yuuri's eyes, something he had never seen since being with him. He slipped his fingers out, grabbing for the lube and condom quickly. His fingers slightly slippery made it hard to open the condom packet, the younger man began to chuckle at Victor's failure.

Pouting at him, Yuuri took the condom packet when he sat up and ripped it open. Pinching the tip and began to put it on his boyfriend. Yuuri glanced up at him with a smile, taking the lube and stroking it all over Victor's condom covered cock.

"You're too much," Victor murmured teasingly, a smile tugged on Yuri's lips.

"You tell me that a lot."

"Because it's true."

Victor's hand pressed against Yuuri's chest, laying him down in the position he wanted to have their first time in. Missionary position isn't one of Victor's favorite but he needs to see Yuuri for this. After placing a pillow below his behind, Victor hooked his leg over his shoulder comfortably. Victor held his cock by Yuuri's twitching entrance and brought one hand down by his head. Yuuri cupped his face, their lips meeting one anothers as Victor slowly pushed inside the younger man.

Yuuri gasped at the stretch, his mouth ajar with moans coming out from the push. Victor kept going with Yuuri's eyes telling him not to stop, he groaned at the tight walls taking him inside Yuuri.

Once he bottomed out, they both took a few breathers and Victor began to grin. Yuuri noticed the smile and ran his fingers through Victor's hair with confusion.

"What's with the smile?"

The Russian bit his lip before murmuring, "I'm- We're doing this right now."

"Like proper adults?" Yuuri replied with a wink.

Victor chuckled quietly, pulling his hips back before thrusting back inside Yuuri. He tucked his head into Yuuri's neck as he continued his slow, steady thrust and began to kiss his neck.

The whimpers Yuuri was releasing into his ear made Victor pick up his pace, Yuuri pulled gently at the hair on the back of Victor's head. Moaning out his name and trying to meet Victor's thrusts with his hips.

He was warm on the inside, tight and warm. It was overwhelming for Victor, thinking back to the beginning and how it brought him here now. Here, Victor was connected to Yuuri in a way he never thought he would be. Victor wasn't going to fuck him. He was going to make love to him.

Do everything he can to show Yuuri his love, because Yuuri deserved it. Each sound Yuuri was making was for him, to encourage the movements he was making.

The last thing Victor wants to do is hurt him. This man below him has become one of the best things that has ever happened to him. His legs were tight around his waist now and off his shoulder. His hands grasping Victor's hair and shoulder, trying to keep sane from the pleasure. Groans and curses slipping one by one out of the red lips he has kissed many times. 

" _Victor!_ "

Victor was afraid of how he'd sound but spoke anyway, "You feel so good, Yuuri. Doing so well."

"More," Yuuri encouraged, his hands going down Victor's back and holding him tight. "Please."

Picking up his pace, Victor began to move his hips and letting them smack right into Yuuri's skin. Victor groaned into Yuuri's neck, the sensation taking over all of his senses.

The pleasure going through his body made his heart pick up pace just like his hips. Victor brought his from behind his head to grasp Yuuri's own hand, pressing into the pillow above his lover's head and lacing their fingers together. Yuuri's hips bucked up more, loud moans exhauled with each thrust.

Yuuri's thighs straining, trying to keep his tight hold on Victor's hips to keep him deep inside him the way that drove Yuuri mad. The older man started to whisper words in Russian, to get Yuuri's cock twitching to come.

" _My love_ ," Victor had whispered in Russian, " _So tight for me, I want to stay like this forever._ "

Words were stuck in his throat, letting out a squeak in reply. His voice was heavy, carrying so much fond and sexual at the same time if that was possible. Victor squeezed his hand, kissing his jawline slowly.

Sweat was building up from his forehead, going down from the skin on skin and warmth of the room. Yuuri was trembling under Victor's body, clutching his hand tightly with everything in him.

" _You're doing so good for me, beautiful._ "

The younger man's body arched off the bed, moaning out from the words. Raising his head to see the expressions, Victor came to a quick hault.

Tears were going down Yuuri's cheeks without him noticing, his eyes widened in surprise.

"Are you okay? Did I do something?" Victor quickly asked, his voice filled with concern.

Yuuri smiled brightly, wiping his face with his free hand and shook his head. "No, no. You're fine," Yuuri murmured weakly. "I'm just so _happy_."

"You are?"

His hand shot up to caress Victor's cheek as he always did, the touch made Victor shiver.

Yuuri licked his lips and nodded, "So happy."

"God," Victor whispered with a laugh, his eyes springing with his own tears. "Only you can make me cry of joy."

"Does that mean you're happy too?"

Victor blinked slowly while leaving a lingering kiss on Yuuri's forehead, "More than happy."

They both pressed their foreheads together, keeping a tight hold on each other's laced hands for the rest of the evening.

 

-

 

The music began to ring in his ears, gliding across the ice to the sudden sound of instruments slowly playing. The rink was filled with the soft, loving music. Giving Victor chills every time he stretched his arms, every time he jumped, every time he slid on the ice. Ice beneath him was unknown now, only the thought of Yuuri was with him.

Each touch Yuuri has left on his skin that was accompanied by words he'd say in his ear.

Victor smiled with life full in him, his meter filling up so much closer to the top as he continued the program with ease. This was his program that he made for Yuuri. Victor took the shot to finish it off with the combination spin that he had worked on with Yurio last week.

Ending in the last position, staring at the spot where his eyes were now trained to look out. Panting heavily, Victor looked directly off the ice to where Yakov, Mila, Yurio, and Emi stood together with wide eyed expressions.

Emi clapped her hands quickly, jumping from her spot in front of Yurio.

"Vicchan! That was perfect!" Emi shouted with a laugh, "Amazing!"

He skated towards them, Mila patted his shoulder with a nod.

"You did good, Victor."

Yurio scoffed with his arms crossed, "I'm still going to beat you in the Grand Prix."

Mila and Yurio went on the ice to finally start working on their programs again, Emi stood next to Yakov with a smile that almost stretched across her face. Yakov took a breath and smiled at Victor, he'd only see this smile often during the season.

But not often enough to make him used to it. Emi hugged Victor's legs, squeezing him with all her might.

He laughed softly, staring at Yakov now for his words.

"That's the Victor Nikiforov I remember."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the rate has changed because of this chapter, it took a lot of debating before i decided that it would be okay to finally have their first time. i have tried to make it clear that they have done certain things but not sex. i didn't want to write any of it at first because i wanted to focus on the plot of the whole fic, but for some reason; it kind of worked. sexual intimacy can be apart of victor's love for yuri which helps with his free skate. just like the soft intimacy they had in the bathtub or the family intimacy they have with emi.
> 
> i hope you enjoyed!!
> 
> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to my readers who have been reading this far into my smol fic i started after yoi ended, it means more than you know.
> 
> _TIME FOR THE GRAND PRIX!! ___

**October**

" _We will be approaching Beijing in 30 minutes, thank you for choosing Aeroflot._ "

Stirring from the sudden announcement, Victor sat up in his chair. Being cautious of Mila, who was resting her head on his shoulder while sound asleep. Her red hair messy in tangles from moving her head on the seat to Victor's shoulder. He reached for his phone to check the time, finding it to be the morning in Beijing, China. Unlocking his phone, the homescreen displayed and made him frown. 

The photo was of Emi and Yuuri holding up goodluck signs the day before he left with Makkachin inbetween them. Pressing the photo album app, Victor started to skim through the photos that he had of them in their own album. Their album speficially had the name "Katsuki".

He started to fondly go through the photos he has been able to add to his collection that used to just be Makkachin and videos of certain parts of his programs. They filled his app with bright happy photos from when they went swimming in Hasetsu at the beach to when they spent Mari's birthday together.

Reaching in his pocket to find the small omamori, the detailed fabric in blue. Hiroko must've helped her make it while in Hasetsu because it was authentic. Emi wanted to leave Victor with as many goodluck charms as possible, only reminding him of when they sent him off to the plane.

_Victor felt his heart pang once again, arms wrapped around the both of them. The feeling of leaving them behind for the who knows what time for a plane trip away from them was hard. Yuri nuzzled his head into Victor's collarbone and Emi did the same to his neck. Her small arms wrapped around his neck loosely, mumbling good lucks in Russian to his ear. His boyfriend held his waist tightly, trying to hold in the tears that Victor was holding as well._

_Yuuri picked up his head first, cupping Victor's cheek with a proud smile. The trip was only for a few days for the Cup of China before he came back to work on his next competition in Rostelcom Cup. Victor connected their foreheads, squeezing Yuri's waist._

_"You're going to do amazing, Victor. I know it." Yuuri murmured sweetly, leaving a lingering kiss on his lips._

_"I hope so," Victor replied quietly._

_The announcer soon called the plane he was taking for the second time, he saw the disappointment on Yuuri's face but it washed away quickly. Returning the prideful expression that made Victor know who he was skating for. Emi kissing his cheek, hugging him tightly._

_"I wish we could go with you, Vicchan."_

_"I know, dove." Victor cooed at Emi, "But Papa and you have stuff to do too. You'll watch though, right?"_

_Emi nodded enthusiastically, "Of course! Papa and I already talked about it."_

_"Good. I have to go now, but I'll call you guys when I arrive."_

_After placing Emi down, Yuuri embraced him one more time. Victor kissed his hair, humming soothingly before leaning in to whisper in his ear._

_"Only a few days, moya lyubov."_

_"A few days too long."_

_"Ah, who's the clingy one now?" The Russian teased, making Yuuri pull away with a pout._

_Yuuri brought their lips together, as if trying to remember Victor's taste and warmth. They pulled away when Emi tugged on Victor's coat, his cheeks blushing fiercely before placing a kiss on Yuri's forehead. Yakov called for Victor one more time, standing behind him with Georgi and Mila. Their suitcases cluttered together, full of clothes and equipment for the trip._

_"I'll see you later, don't forget to watch my short program."_

_"I hope the cute Russian wins," Yuuri replied playfully, Victor chuckled softly._

_"Are you talking about Georgi or me?"_

_"Mm, bring us back a medal, yeah?" His boyfriend whispered while kissing his chin, "Doesn't matter if it's real or fake. You do your best."_

_"Thank you."_

_Emi pulled at Victor's pinky gently, placing something in the palm of his hand. He felt fabric and a string, glancing down at the object given in his hand. Victor found a simple, Japanese gift that Emi wore a smile for._

_"It's for goodluck, Vicchan."_

_"Thank you, Emi."_

_The both of them said their goodbyes, watching Victor walked away with the others through the crowd. Going through security and customs, Victor was sitting on the plane next to Mila. Staring out the window from his seat, already feeling jittery. Mila patted his arm with a friendly smile, the plane ride was easy from there. He spent his time going over the programs in his head, waiting for the plane to land so he can call them._

Victor loves competitions, but being away from them was definitely a con. Getting used to Yuuri staying at his place or Victor going to his place. They never really are alone now, he's noticed the piling of their things into his apartment the same way his stuff is going to Yuuri's place. Maybe he should ask him to move in soon, they hadn't been together too long but it was enough for Victor. It's not like they haven't discussed future things as well.

Ever since the talk they had about the ice cream incident, Victor noticed that the three of them have grown a lot closer. Emi sometimes comes in the middle of the night to sleep in between them, he can hear their conversations in Japanese but still has a long way to go since he started learning a few months ago. One day he'll figure out what they said at times. But for now, he's learning in secret whenever he can making the poor kitten, Yuuri, help him too. 

They went out to do something every time Victor had a day off from skating since Yakov's focus has been on the Grand Prix. All of the memories filled the simple cellphone, bringing joy to Victor in a way he hadn't felt before. He stared out the window at the sky, seeing the city below them now. Victor is going to be skating in competition for the first time since his incident. He's confident about his programs but he knew he was going to work extra hard on them for those two back home.

Mila shivered slightly, blinking her eyes open and began to rub them. Victor looked at her with an amused smile, watching her wake up fully. She stretched her arms out and yawned, hitting the snoozing Yakov. The man let out a grunt, moving his hat from his face to slowly open his eyes.

"I'm trying to sleep," Yakov grumbled.

"I think we're here," Mila said with a lazy smile, brushing off his comment.

"Yeah," Victor nodded while gazing at the window, "We are."

The plane soon landed and they were able to gather their things to head to the hotel that all the skaters were staying at. Upon their arrival, paparazzi filled the entrance with flashing cameras and loud reporters that hoped to get some kind of word from them. Victor walked out last into the building, using the music of his earphones to blare away the questions being tossed at him. The sound of the program continued when he entered the building, lowering the volume to listen to Yakov.

"Go check yourselves in, make sure you get good rest for tomorrow. Meaning, you don't stay up talking to Yuuri and Emi, Vitya."

"Alright, alright." Victor replied, Mila giggled nearby before they went to check in.

After checking in, Victor put the phone to his ear listening to the ringing while unlocking the door. When the door opened, he stared at the single bed and placed his suitcase on the comforter. The phone on the other line picked up, he quickly heard a yawn and his heart ached once again.

"Victor?" Yuuri murmured softly, "You get there alright?"

"Yeah, I did. Sorry if it's too early, I know you worked graveyard earlier."

"It's okay, I'm glad you called. How are you feeling?"

Victor brought his lips to a tight line, "Truth? Nervous. I don't know why."

"Remember, Emi and I will always be there for you. In spirit this time," Yuuri said in a hush whisper, "You'll do amazing. I know it."

"Thank you," Victor whispered while sitting down on the bed. 

The comforter was cold when resting his hand on it, he glanced at the window that had the curtains opened. The city was familiar but to a certain extent, he focused himself back on the phone.

"I miss you."

Yuri let out a sigh and replied just as weak, "I miss you too."

 

-

 

The phone buzzing under his pillow him made him stir awake from the nap he was taking. Victor reached for it, not checking caller ID and answering it as normal as possible. 

"Hello?"

"Victor," Chris' voice rang through the phone. "Are you going to have dinner with me or not, _mon amie_."

The Russian grinned and sat up from the bed, "Where shall we eat?"

"The hotel has a wonderful restaurant downstairs, let's meet there in let's say.. 10?"

"Perfect."

Hanging up, Victor washed his face and checked the time to see it was already late. He spent the morning talking to Yuri and then Emi when she woke. He decided to rewatch his programs a bunch of times before showering then napping. It was already 6:00 by now and dinner sounded quite good due to his lack of food intake so far. Changing into a sweater and jeans, Victor walked out of the room and headed to the elevator.

Entering the one that was open, he got in and headed downstairs to the lobby level where the restaurant was said to be. He noticed people still crowded the entrance outside and went around the corner to the door of the restaurant. Spotting Chris at the table alone, Victor walked in and headed in the direction of where his friend sat on his phone. The Swiss man looked up and his face brightened, smiling at Victor.

"Hello again," Chris greeted warmly. 

Their hands shook before sitting down again and Chris filled Victor's glass with some champagne. 

"Now, tell me everything, I can't believe you've kept them from me for so long!"

"Everything about what?" Victor asked confused, reaching for his newly filled glass.

Chris raised an eyebrow at him, "About those two that are always on your instagram! You never talk to me anymore, I can't get anything out of Mila and Georgi either."

"Yuuri and Emi?"

"Yuuri and Emi.. Oh, their _names_ are even as pretty as their faces." The younger man sighed with grief, waving a waiter over to take their order.

Victor grinned after they ordered to start telling him the story of how it sorta came to be, leaving out the little details he didn't want to share but knew it would be enough for Chris to understand. Chris held a soft expression the entire time, Victor could spot the moment he showed guilt when talking about the beginning after what happened to him. Chris was one of the first people to contact him after what happened.

It was just that Victor felt guilty to even tell Chris everything he felt, the man is his best friend. Discussing the details of when Victor realized he liked Yuuri. The things they did together and how he's never felt this way. Victor could see his best friend fonding over the things Victor was telling him. Chris placed his glass down when Victor finished talking about the two of them, feeling a warm, bubbly feeling in his chest.

Chris tilted his head with a smirk, "I can see it."

"See what?"

"See how you've changed."

Victor paused suddenly, "Is that a good thing?"

"Oh, my friend, it's a wonderful thing. Seeing how love changes a man is beautiful."

"Think so?"

The waiter filled their half empty glasses and fled swiftly, "Everyone keeps asking if you just kept a secret family from everyone."

"I wish," Victor whispered in disbelief. "That's my dream."

"Dream? To be apart of their family? Aren't you already?"

"To a certain extent, I am. But, not to the degree of what I wish it could be. Chris, you should really meet them. They're amazing. Emi is so smart, adorable, goofy, and bright. She makes the places she walks into light up, it's like new colors of the rainbow splash everywhere. She's ridiculously smart, have I mentioned she can speak 3 languages? Wants to be a doctor just like her father.. And Yuuri.. Oh god, Yuuri."

Chris smirked against the lid of his glass, "Do continue, Victor. Don't keep all the details for yourself.

"Yuri is by far the most beautiful breathing thing on this planet, I can't describe how amazing he is. A doctor, a single father, a supporter. He's what everyone wishes they cuould find in someone. I'm completely gone for him. He is extremely educated for his age and has these hidden talents that blow your mind. Down to Earth. The love he has for Emi is one of my favorite things about him because you can just see in the way he looks at her.. Chris, I can't believe how perfect Yuuri is."

"And this _Yuuri_ has stolen your heart?"

"I've probably thought of marrying him at least twice a day for the past few months."

His best friend stared at him, "Victor Nikiforov? Thinking about commitment?"

"I can't believe he gave me the chance to be apart of his world that I used to wish bad things upon. After the incident, I didn't know who he was. I saw him as someone who just stopped me from succeeding because it was his job. I didn't realize I was already a piece of his world when visiting his family and then getting to know him through them. I.. I misjudged him when I first met him. I got to know him and slowly, things began to develop. I was so scared."

"I can see why," Chris adds on. "But, did him having a kid throw you off?"

"Emi is the reason I got back into skating."

The conversation paused when Chris blinked a few times, processing his words. He never told anyone this, not even Yuuri. No one knew why he had come back after what he did, but no one seems to complain. 

"And how is that?"

"Explaining it seems hard but she kinda gave me that push to keep going. This is for her, Yuuri's family, and Yuuri. I owe them this much. They're a package deal, all of them and is it selfish that I want them?"

"Possibly, but it doesn't look like anyone is going to stop you."

Victor tapped his fingers on the sheet covered table, "The only way I can express how much they mean to me is by saying that I love them. I love his family, whether it be from his mother to his father to his sister. I love them. I love Emi. I love her in a way I've never loved a child before, I can't figure out how it's possible. I know it's different because I love Yuri and that love is completely different."

"I'm going to be shocked if you tell me you haven't told them, especially with the way you're talking about them.

"I haven't told him."

The man almost choked on the piece of bread he had just popped in his mouth, Victor blushed deeply and hid his shame with his hands. Chris quickly reached for his glass and drank the liquid, trying to regain himself. Victor dropped his hands in defeat.

"You haven't told Yuuri you love him?"

"Of course not."

"Of course not- Victor why? He's practically waiting for you to say it."

"It's not that easy."

Chris held a panged look, shaking his head. The older man shook his head, trying to fight back. He understands that Chris would find it frustating, about the entire Russian team finds it frustating. Dealing with Victor's constant talk about Yuuri, even Emi. They're waiting for the day that Victor will drop everything to finally get with the permanently. 

"Victor, I don't know why you're holding back so much."

"I'm scared, Chris. What else am I suppose to do?"

His best friend stared at him before bringing his hand to the table, their eyes were hard on one another. 

"If you get gold this competition, tell him."

"What?"

Victor gaped at him as Chris repeated himself, "Tell him."

That was the end of that discussion.

 

-

  

The rink was hot. His skin was burning with edge on the ice he skated across. It felt stranger than it should've to him, making his heart race quicker. The crowd cheering quietly as all the skaters moved on the ice silently for practice. Victor adjusted the zipper of his jacket, going over the program with simple movements. He motioned his hands, not doing any jumps as Yakov and Yuuri suggested this morning during his call. Keeping in mind that this program was for Hiroko and the family. 

Going over the words in his head that Yuuri said to him in order to get himself on the ice to begin with. _Skate with all the love you can. I believe in you. We believe in you. Make Emi proud. You can do it._ Victor's body was burning beneath the jacket in the costume he wore that was pure white. White pants that fit comfortably with a white, sheer dress shirt, detailed red roses on the back of the shirt to give more beauty to his back. The buttons only go up so high, showing his chest through the fabric.

The black skates went along with the black, art outlining the red roses. Everyone seemed to note his change in skates, confused by the missing gold blades and Russia flag that was replaced with simple skates with his nickname stitched where the Russia flag used to be. Victor loves his country but there are somethings he definitely loves more. 

After getting used to the ice a bit longer, drowning out his name being called and the other skaters around him. Time was called and Victor headed to the back, he was in group two. Going second with Chris going last. Victor's plan was to not watch the other's skaters go, he needed time to himself and hopefully one more call before he headed over. Yakov waited for him by the rink wall, arms crossed and stern as they always are.

A hint of something else too. _Could it be sympathy?_ Victor shook it off, waiting for Guang Hong to get off the ice. They headed to the back, letting the other skaters stay of who had to go in the first group. Victor wandered in the back, stretching his legs while Yakov spoke to Georgi about his programs. He set his phone by his hip, earphone's plugged in with music to his programs going through his ears.

He picked up his head from the ground, glancing around the people in the room. Some familiar and some he's never seen before. The sound of his music cutting off to his phone ringing, distracted the Russian. Picking up his phone, he saw Yuuri's caller ID photo display on his screen and he quickly pulled his earphones out and brought the phone to his ear.

"You called!" Victor exclaimed, loud enough for a few people to hurt their heads at him.

Yakov scolded him, "If you're going on the phone. Talk to them in the hall.

The skater scrambled onto his feet and murmured Yuuri to wait before going to the hallway, catching Chris' smirk as he spoke to his coach. Victor shut the door behind him and smiled into the phone.

"Hi, Victor."

Yuuri's voice made his body shiver, "Hi."

"Yakov told me to call you after you got off the ice and said it would be around this time."

He chuckled softly at the consideration of his coach, "Yes. This is perfect timing."

"Good, good." Yuuri murmured quietly. "I got a small break from work so I decided right now would be a good time to give you a real pep talk."

"Another one? I'm so lucky."

"Of course, even Victor Nikiforov needs a pep talk."

"Yes he does," Victor agreed with a weak laugh. "I feel like I don't belong here."

Yuuri hummed, "That doesn't make sense. Weren't you like born on the ice or something?"

Victor cracked a smile and shook his head, "Yuuri! I thought you were going to give me a pep talk."

"Yeah, but I can't take you serious when you say weird things like that. Victor, you belong on the ice more than most of those skaters there. You got this."

"I feel like I don't."

His boyfriend sighed, "Victor. Remember, my family is watching right now for you. Emi is watching right now, for you. They believe you will do your best. It also doesn't matter if you flub or not, all professionals do. I mean, look at you! You fell when doing a quad flip a few months ago. You've been competing for ages."

"Thanks for reminding me of my age," Victor teased back, leaning back into the wall while peeking at the door where the skaters were waiting.

"C'mon Victor, you got this. I know you well enough to know you can do it. Just imagine Emi's face when she welcomes you home. Mine even," Yuuri whispered the last part, making Victor's heart do it's own quad flip.

"I miss you guys a lot."

"We miss you more, Emi told me she's been bragging about her Vicchan going back to skating to all her friends."

Victor grinned pridefully, "Her Vicchan will try her best."

"Let's hope my boyfriend can too."

"You make me scream on the inside every time you call me that."

Yuuri laughed loudly on the other line, "We've been dating for how long? Still can't get used to it?"

"Never will," Victor murmured, hearing the classical music playing from the rink.

Guang-Hong was heading on the ice first, Victor still didn't find an iching to go and watch. Shuffling on Yuuri's side of the phone could be heard, throwing Victor off and cupping the phone's speaking to his mouth.

"You okay?" Victor asked curiously, trying to remember where he was.

"Ah, yes. Sorry," Yuuri replied cooley. "I moved from the hallway to the break room instead. But anyway, pep talk, yes?"

"Yes, please."

Yuuri coughed to get his voice ready, "Alright. So, I don't do these very often so I don't know what to say. But.. I do know that no matter what you do out on the ice, you'll still do great. God, I'm so bad at this," Yuuri stated shamelessly, "Uh, my parents are excited to see you on your own turf where you belong and as is Emi. Emi had been talking about it non stop on the way to school this morning. I'm pretty sure she's yapping away to Yurio right now."

"Yurio is in town?"

"Skate America was two weeks ago I think? One week ago? I can't keep track, but yes he is. He said he could take a couple days off to watch her on my grave yard shifts."

Victor smiled fondly at the thought of Yurio sitting with Emi watching those Disney movies again, "Good. I'm glad. He got silver, I recall Yakov telling me. I know he'd been at the rink every time I wasn't so. Probably in competition mode."

"He actually asked me if he could watch Emi instead of Phichit this time," Yuuri brings up with a soft laugh, "Crazy."

"Crazy indeed," Victor said, finding Yakov opening the door when a new song began in the rink.

The older man waved him in the room and Victor sighed, "Hey, I have to go."

"Oh, so soon?"

"Yeah, I'll talk to you later though. Yes?"

"Of course, go kick ass babe. You can do it."

Victor chuckled at the sudden curse word that slipped from Yuuri's lips, "Always."

The phone call ended and Victor handed over the phone to his coach, who gladly took it and stuck it in his coat pocket. He held the door open for Victor, he felt lighter on his feet remembering Yuuri's words again. The man may not be the best with words sometimes but it's enough for Victor to get his mind clear. Chris smiled at him from his spot on the ground as he stretched, he nodded in his direction in return.

Yakov started to go over what he needed to focus on, the music that was playing drowned from his ears and only Yakov's voice could be heard. There were skaters here who did the Worlds and other competitions while he was gone away. Giving them a chance to be ahead, the last thing Victor needed was to feel nervous about it. Like Yuuri said, they would still be proud of him.

After the talk, group two was called to start heading out there. Victor unzipped the front of his jacket as he walked out there into the cold arena. The seats were filled up to the max instead of like before when they came to practice. The Thai skater on the ice was moving fluently, the crowd egging them on with cheers that made Victor stare at the ice.

He was slightly shorter than him, someone he'd never seen in other competitions. He wore a deep blue outfit with gold detailings on the shoulders down the sleeve, a smile bright on his face as he came to an ending in the program with a simple move of his arms. The crowd erupted when the music finished, Victor stared at the unknown skater as he bowed to the crowds before grabbing a few toys and heading over to the kiss and cry.

"And that was Kiet Somwan! Skater from Thailand who is making his first debut in the Grand Prix.." The announcer continued about the skater as the man waited by his coach who was patting him on the shoulder.

"I heard about him a few weeks ago from his winning of gold at Skate Canada, beat Otabek by a few points." Yakov spoke up, his arms crossed as the score came across the screen where they kiss and cry was put on.

"Really?"

"95.46, didn't beat his 103.23 due to his miss on a couple jumps but he did it! Currently in second place."

The Thai skater from the bench still looked happy as ever from the looks of it as he was soon ushered from the bench. Victor watched Yakov lead Georgi to the ice and they started to speak to one another. Victor sighed, twiddling his thumbs then messing with the zipper of his track suit. The jacket growing heavy on his shoulders, watching Georgi out on the middle of the ice.

Classical music filled the arena, dark and heartbroken. The announcer soon began to state his theme and all as usual, Victor watched the Russian pour out his heartbreak after what happened with Anya. Here Victor was going to be left alone with it instead of pushing Georgi to Mila and Yurio who weren't there. Yakov watched his skater on the ice intently, Victor swallowed and pulled at the collar of his track suit.

Music was growing darker each time and it was going with Victor's quick heart beat. Now this is what nerves feel like. The palms of his hands were growing sweaty, even his fingers were shaking. Victor shut his eyes, trying to forget the music and Georgi, practically everyone there. _Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. Emi. Emi. Emi. Yuuri. Yuuri. Yuuri. Emi. Yuuri._

His shoulders stopped tensing, trying to remind him why he was here. _For them. Always for them._ For Yuuri's family, this program was for them specifically. Victor slowly started to count in his head to breath in and out, focusing on it to relax as much as he could. He was next and the last thing he wanted to do was mess up.

Cheering from the crowds threw off his count and he opened his eyes to find Georgi already finished and Yakov at the kiss and cry. Victor went towards the entrance of the ice and took off his jacket, revealing the back of his dress shirt. Chris whistled behind him, making him crack a smile as he got on the ice and waited for Yakov to come over. The score was announced, Georgi recieved 89.17 due to his lack of direction during the sequence. 

With a program like that, Victor understood completely.

Victor could his name now being called on the intercom as Yakov made his way over to Victor, he spoke to Victor about the simple things he needed to remember for his program. 

"Remember who you're skating for," Yakov stated sternly, Victor nodded with a smile and slid onto the ice.

It was a thrilling feeling being back in the position again, people cheering as his theme was being announced. The one theme he remembered discussing with Yakov, the older man never questioned it either after he met Yuri and Emi. He knew who Victor was doing all of this for, they pulled him back on the ice. The ice that pulled Victor down that dark hole but this time, he wasn't alone.

He had support and love.

" _Love_ , Nikiforov has chosen for his theme. One that has been done, but this program was said to be for his lover's family that he had grown close too. His song for the short program is _In Regard to Love: Agape._ "

_Do this for them, Victor._

He stood on the ice with his head down and hands slightly extended on his side, waiting for the music to begin before moving. The voice soon began to sing and Victor stretched his arm out and caressing his face when bringing it down, picturing Hasetsu instantly. Victor was soon lost in the music, bringing back Hiroko in his mind. The skates he was used for this competition and hopefully until he can't skate anymore.

These skates were light on his feet, giving him extra confidence. His mind was filled with the cherry blossoms he remembered seeing in the pictures that Hiroko had sent them of her and Toshiya standing together by a tree near the castle up hill. 

Yuri promised one day they'd go back during spring to see it, making Victor's heart melt with the high expectation that Yuuri wanted to be with him long enough to do that. Victor soon took off into the combination jump, landing quad salchow and triple toe loop. The crowd was cheering but the only one he was thinking of was Hiroko, Toshiya, Mari, Emi, and Yuuri. 

He moved into the quadruple toe loop and the crowd grew louder in sound, as did the music when finishing the jump and he soon went into the step sequence that he thought extremely long and hard on. The one that told the true story of how that family picked him up, Victor flew through the program with ease. It was his story to tell, just like his free skate.

The combination spin was next and Victor transitioned with a clean cut, the song coming to a close as he finally stood up and raised his arms up. Hands clasped together, breathing heavily. The room felt still for a few seconds. The crowd went berserk and it was screams all around.

"That was Victor Nikiforov, making his way back onto the ice he was born on! What a beautiful program!"

Victor brought his hands down as he caught his breath, bowing to the judges and crowd with a smile plastered on his face. He went to the kiss and cry, Yakov sitting down to wait for him. He stepped off the ice, putting the guards of the blades on. He caught a glimpse of his nickname stiched into the skates, making him laugh. Yakov stared at him confused as Victor sat down.

He was handed a few of the gifts left on the ice for him, as well as flowers. 

"Welcome back," Yakov murmured, staring down at the screen to await his score. 

Victor stared at the screen, waiting impaitently before the numbers popped up.

100.20.

The crowd erupted once again, only making him want to run to call up Emi and Yuuri. They were led to the back after the announcements, he was ambushed by interviewers before being able to go to the back where he met up with the other skaters.

"Congrats, Victor! You did amazing!" Kiet exclaimed when walking up to him, Victor shook the man's hand and smiled.

"It's nice to meet you, I saw the end of your program too. You did good."

Kiet grinned happily, "Thank you! It means a lot coming from you- I've always wanted to skate on the same ice as you."

"Mission accomplished."

Victor was brought to the screen with Guang-Hong and Leo, watching Chris getting on the ice now to do his own program. Yakov handed him his track suit jacket as well as his cellphone that had one missed phone call. He watched the program begin to start, hearing the sounds of the song Chris had showned him a few weeks ago. He quickly noticed the caller ID and excused himself from the group.

Bringing the phone to his ear, he heard it ring a few times before someone picked up.

"Vicchan?"

"Hiroko," Victor whispered breathlessly, "Did you watch it?"

The woman laughed softly, "You did wonderful, Vicchan! You were beautiful on the ice, reminds me of the times Yuuri used to sit in front of the screen to watch you skate. The awe on his face was on everyone's faces now watching."

"Thank you, it was all for you guys back home."

Victor didn't realize the words he said and Hiroko cooed, "We are all thankful for you Vicchan, never forget it."

"Never as thankful as I am for you," Victor replied.

"Now remember who you're skating for tomorrow, we believe in you."

Hiroko's smile could be heard through the phone and Victor nodded quickly, "Of course."

Their phone call came to a close since it was late where she was and they quickly said their goodbyes, he texted Yuuri before heading back over to the screen. Seeing the program coming to an end.

"What did I miss?" Victor asked, trying to watch Chris.

"He did good, just missed one little thing." Kiet replied instantly, "I think he should get second or third."

"The ice looks wet," Guang-Hong muttered, shaking his head while Leo patted his shoulder.

"You know Chris and his sex appeal," Victor said teasingly.

After Chris' score was given, it felt Victor still in first with Chris right behind him. He was led back into another interview before he had to leave. Pride was painted on his face, he was finally back in the game. Ready for more and more. He had to bring back something for Emi and Yuuri, it was exactly what he was going to do. Yakov waited paitently for him as they asked him questions of how he felt and what to expect.

"Victor! What are we going to expect for tomorrow's free skate?"

"My free skate?"

The lady nodded quickly and held the microphone towards him, "Your theme is love and what's for tomorrow's free skate?"

Victor thought a moment and held a content expression, Yuuri and Emi's faces coming to his head.

"I hope my free skate shows everyone what brought me back on the ice."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize for the skip of an update last week. writer's block has been on my back as well as being stressed to the max. thank you for being patient with me and dealing with my schedule!!
> 
> i appreciate you guys more than anything so thank you again for supporting my first fic!!
> 
> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your comments literally drive me to write more and more every time!! thank you again!!

**October**

The phone ringing by the bedside table is what rose him to wonder what time it was. He grumbled in annoyance, reaching an arm out from under the sheets to grab his cellphone from the table. He tugged it off the charger and swiped the answer button with his eyes closed from memory. Bringing the cellphone to his ear, figuring out who was calling this early.

"Hello?"

"Took you _long_ enough." The teenager huffed on the other line, making Victor crinkle his forehead.

"It's early, isn't it?" Victor replied, sitting up slowly from the hotel bed.

Yuuri snorted, "I picked up Emi from school two hours ago."

"Emi? From school- Two hours ago?"

"I expected you to be sleeping in but not this late, don't you have to be at the rink in an hour?"

"Oh, god." Victor murmured while rubbing his eye with his hand, "Yakov is going to kill me."

"Well, before you go. Emi wanted to talk to you and so did I."

Victor finally got onto his feet and nodded, "Put her on the phone."

The sound of the phone rustling blared through his phone after putting it on speaker as he opened his suitcase up to get his clothing for the night. There was soft talking between Yuuri and Emi.

"Emi?" Victor asked quietly, Emi giggled on the other side.

"Hi, Vicchan! Are you getting ready for your free skate?"

"Mhm, I'm a bit late though."

"Oh no! Will Coach Yakov be mad?"

Victor chuckled at the concern in her voice, "It's okay Emi. I'm a professional."

"But, Papa gets mad at you when you are late to things."

"Yes, Papa does get mad." 

"So, don't be late, Vicchan!" Emi scowled, tugging a smile on Victor's lips.

"Alright, alright. I'll talk to you later, okay? Vicchan needs to get ready."

"Okay! Good luck, Vicchan!"

The phone call ended and Victor started the shower, making everything quick as possible. He hurried in changing into his track suit, packing his free skate outfit in his sports bag. Grabbing his phone, he checked any messages from Yuuri before going downstairs where Yakov was already standing with Georgi and Mila.

Yakov scowled at him the same way Emi did all the way to the rink even though he apologized many times.

They arrived and headed inside, keeping their passes hanging on their necks. The crowd in the rink was loud enough for Victor to hear them once again through the back. Music blaring some type of upbeat song, Victor was put with all the other men's single skaters.

Time passed quickly until Victor was back on the ice, going around and motioning some of his moves. The song going through his head, but it wasn't clicking for some reason.

It was playing in different bits and pieces, throwing him off. Victor caught his trips a couple time during his turns to motion a jump, he noticed the few glances from the other skaters like Chris and Kiet. He shrugged it off as much as he could.

_Maybe he should call Yuuri after this._

Victor followed the group, focusing on the ice below him. Soon, the announcement was made for them to get off the ice. Victor was last in the second group to go. Giving him time to relax and stretch, go over the program and hopefully speak to Yuuri. Yakov pulled him to one side of the room,  eyeing him in the way he remembers when he notices something is up.

"Vitya.."

"I'm fine, Yakov. Just nervous." Victor quickly replied, smiling weakly.

"You're not nervous," Yakov fought back. "What's going on?"

"I don't know, I'm going to call Yuuri."

His coach pinched the bridge of his nose before waving a hand, "Don't be too long, we need to go over your free skate after I talk to Georgi."

"Got it."

Victor went to the small hallway he did yesterday, calling Yuuri and listening to the few rings.

_Please pick up._

_Please pick up._

His heart was thumping hard against his chest, making his hands tremble. This was not suppose to happen. Victor began to hear the voice message that played with Yuuri didn't answer. Victor swallowed, staring at the wall ahead of him before calling again.

Each ring was bringing him to the edge more, Victor needed him to pick up. The free skate was for Yuuri, if he doesn't at least get a word from him, he didn't know what he was going to do.

Music from the rink filled his ringing ears, causing him to jump. Victor hung up and huffed a sad laugh, his heart was aching.

Victor ended up calling four more times, not getting an answer back. _He must be really busy with work. He has a life too. He doesn't need you constantly need him. He's busy, Victor. Stop stressing, he's at work. Work. Yuuri. Work. Yuuri._

"Vitya!"

He turned around to see Yakov by the double doors, eyes widen at the sight of Victor.

"Why are you crying?"

"Crying?" Victor croaked, blinking a couple times before feeling tears falling down his cheeks. "I'm crying."

Yakov shut the doors behind him quickly, walking over to Victor and taking out a handkerchief. He began to clean Victor's face as he stood motionless, Yakov gripped his shoulders while staring at him.

"Vitya.. What's going on?"

"I-I'm scared."

"Scared? Of what? You're doing to do the best you can out there," Yakov spoke with ease, trying to hold back the concern.

"Yakov, I don't know if I can do this."

"You've worked so hard, Vitya. You will do just fine."

"I don't feel fine!" Victor raised his voice, snapping at his coach.

The older man expressed disbelief with a simple expression that made Victor's heart ache. Victor and Yakov stared at each other before the door opened again, Georgi stood tall with a motion in his head.

"Yakov, it's time for me to go."

"Right," Yakov states clearly before looking back at Victor. "Call Emi if you need too."

He watched him walk out of the room, leaving him alone with the stupid cellphone.

 

-

 

Neither did Victor call Emi or try to call Yuuri again.

Nothing was calming him down, he stared at the ice below him with agony. Almost sick, something would come out of his mouth soon enough. Victor has never felt on the edge since the incident that lead him out of his skating career for that time. The score for Kiet was announced, putting him first with a new high score. Victor watched the performance so intently, not realizing how good the kid was.

Twenty and already showing up Victor with such ease, it added to his stress.

Yuuri was either at work getting ready to watch him fail his free skate or at home getting ready to watch him fail his free skate. The skates were a huge weight on his feet now, dragging him down as he walked from the hallway to the ice.

He was already on the ice, both hands on the rink wall with a tight grip as if he was scared to fall. Yakov stood in front of him, not at all bringing up Victor's outburst in the hallway. His knees were shaking and knuckles were turning white, glancing at Yakov ever so slightly. Soon, his name was announced and he stood tall like he did yesterday.

"Just skate the way you know he'd like."

Were the words Yakov decided to tell Victor before he moved towards the middle, the announcer began to speak about the theme of his program and the song that Keith and him worked on for ages until they got it right. But, for once, the song was not in his head. It was a pull of failure laughing in his ears, almost making him miss the beginning when the music started.

Victor moved steadily on the ice, hearing the orchestra's instruments slowly build as the lyrics began to echo in the rink with _emptiness_. Each lyric had such deep meaning but the skater wasn't able to convey it with as much emotion as possible. He helped create this song with the mindset of Yuuri, the love of his life. The one who doesn't know Victor loves him. 

This was suppose to be his way to show it.

_Think about Yuuri, Victor._

_This is for him._

Victor pictured Yuuri at the kiss and cry, waiting for him with his bright smile and messy hair he always came home with after work. He thought about the baths they've shared with one another that always lead to them turning into prunes. He thought about the dinners he'd come home to after practice and the breakfast. The night walks or morning jogs together. 

_His Yuuri, that made every word sound like a love song._

Just like this song, because this was for Yuuri. Victor turned his body to land a quadruple flip, earning an applause when executing it swiftly. He felt his body shake as he moved into a combination jump, earning the points he deserved when skating this program.

Victor felt the music moving into the second half, hearing the music a lot more clearly now. He continued the program like it was in front of Yuuri alone. Picturing him in the rink at home with just them.

He nailed both quads in the second half, not listening to the crowd scream his name and focusing on the melody. The music fit so well, that he wondered why he was nervous to begin with. Victor closed it with a combination spin, showing the crowd the strong ending he was going to give.

Knowing he would receive a low score due to the presentation in the beginning, Victor knew it wouldn't be the last time he performed the program. He finished up into the last pose, his whole body trembled with fear. His first time performing the program and it didn't go as planned at all. He bid his goodbye to the audience and judges, moving to the kiss and cry.

Yakov didn't have a happy look but Victor knew he wasn't going to have one himself either.

They waited for the scores, drinking from the bottle he was given while holding onto a bouquet of roses.

"Are you proud of what you just did?" Yakov asked.

Victor hesitated, "It could've been better."

"Maybe, show Yuuri when he get back. Don't hide something like this."

"You know I wanted it to be a suprise."

Yakov shook his head, "That's what built your stress. Show him the real thing when he go back."

Before Victor could reply, his score was given. _179.10_. Leaving him with a total of 279.30 and in second place, right behind Kiet. Victor accepted it, going through the podium ceremony with a small smile. Kiet looked down at him and shook his hand formally.

"Till we meet again, Nikiforov."

Victor finished up with it all, the silver hanging on his neck and hidden under his track suit jacket. He followed Yakov out with Georgi, trying to hide his defeat with a simple smile. He didn't want to call anyone up at the moment, nor hear how sorry they felt. Victor knew this defeat was going to bother him but it should bother him the way to where he wants to win.

In a couple weeks, he will have to perform these programs again and he needs to take that time to adjust. These programs will become his strongest ones yet, the last thing he wants is to fail right in front of Yuri and Emi. 

The drive to the hotel was long, no one said a word. Mila had her gold medal packed away already, Georgi landed fourth to his dislike, and Yakov was napping. Victor stared at his home screen photo, trying to fight the urge to call them. It was late but not too late.

Not that he wasn't made about getting silver, Victor was mad about flubbing his free skate out of the two of them. 

Yuri didn't deserve the program that was made for him to be ruined the first time done. Victor had worked so damn hard for that moment, now he's paying the price with full humiliation. Not from anyone but from himself.

The cellphone vibrated in his hand, Yuuri's caller ID popping up. He bit down on his bottom lip, pressing the answer button and bringing it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Victor! Congrats on your silver!" Yuuri exclaimed with such pride that Victor's stomach did a flip.

"Oh," Victor whispered softly, "Thank you, my love."

"I didn't get to see your free skate due to my working," Yuuri sighed into the phone. "But when I get home I will, it's all over the news. I can't wait to see it."

Victor frowned and didn't respond for a bit.

"Baby? Is everything alright?"

The softness of his voice made Victor feel worse and he covered his face, trying to make sure no one sees him in the small van.

"I messed up." Victor whispered weakly, "I messed up your program."

Yuuri paused, "Victor, it's okay. Really, you still did your best."

" _But it's not enough._ " Victor's sudden change to Russian caught the attention of Mila.

He glanced up at her in shame before turning away to look out the window, Yuuri sighed again.

"Hey, you just got back into the game. You can't expect the be the best after taking that much time away from it." Yuuri started with the tone of fond, "No matter what, Emi and I are proud of you."

"I don't feel like you should be. I got silver."

"Silver is better than fourth, fifth, and sixth place. You have another medal to add to your wonderful collection that Emi loves to look at. Don't get so down on yourself, my love."

Victor laughed coldly, "I feel so stupid for messing up. I kept trying to call you and-"

"That's my fault," Yuuri murmured. "I was trying to help a paitent, I wanted to call you back but then I realized it was too late when Yakov said you were going up."

"I knew you were at work," Victor stated quietly, "I don't know why I got so anxious."

"Everyone gets nervous, even I do."

"No way," Victor said in a weak, teasing tone that made Yuuri laugh.

The laugh he adored so much, it was still genuine enough to make his lip tug up slightly.

"Definitely, I get nervous all the time. Extremely nervous. God, you should've seen me when I had to change Emi's diaper for the first time. I thought I was going to get stuff everywhere."

It was Victor's turn to laugh, imagining a tiny Emi with a freaking out Yuuri going through bags for baby wipes.

"You did your best and now you can try to do better, come home, okay? We miss you."

"I miss you guys too." Victor whispered, "I can't wait to see you again."

"We'll be here when you get back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late post & extremely short chapter
> 
> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter will be a lot cleaner and sweeter, i promise.  
> we can only handle so much angst, y'know?

**November**

Yakov sat next to him in the taxi ride over to the rink. Victor shifted in his seat, feeling his track suit brush against his skin. The ride to the rink felt like it was ages away, the car came to a stop at a light. It was quiet inbetween them.

He unlocked his phone, he hadn't recieved a message or call from Yuuri. It made him feel uneasy once again. Cars honking and engines going filled his ears, almost deafening.

Arriving the night before, Victor spent most of his night resting. He had room service for dinner after turning down Yakov's invitation to dinner with him and Yurio. Nerves were back again, but not as bad. Ever since he performed his free skate for Yuuri, he's felt somewhat clear.

He glanced down at his phone again, out of reflex to his dislike. Staring out the window, Victor sighed and leaned his head on the cold glass. He watched the buildings pass by each time.

Yakov patted his thigh, lifting his head to face him confused.

"How are you feeling?" Yakov asked, unfamiliar concern in his voice.

"Better," Victor truthfully stated. "But, I'm still nervous."

"Think about who you're skating for, you're going to be fine. Tonight is just the short program."

The skater shrugged and peeked at his phone, "I just hope Yuuri knows who I'm truly skating for."

His coaches eyes widened, "You showed him, yes?"

"Yeah, I did."

"Then you'll be fine, think of him."

Looking back at the memory, chills ran down his spine at the thought.

_He stood on the ice, his hands trembling with nerves. Yuuri stood by the entrance of the rink, leaning on the wall while staring at him intently. Emi was at home being watched by Yurio, leaving them alone in the rink at this time of night._

_"Start when you're ready, Victor." Yuuri said softly, making sure his voice got across._

_"Sorry," Victor said with a weak smile. "I'm just scared."_

_"Don't be, you'll still do amazing no matter what."_

_"Is that Fan Yuuri saying that or Boyfriend Yuuri."_

_Yuuri laughed, echoing in the empty rink. His anxiety lowered a bit from the sweet sound, taking a few breaths as he waited for a response. Yuuri stretched his arms up, his t-shirt showing off a bit of his stomach._

_"Both."_

_"Both is good," Victor teased with a grin, motioning his hand to the stereo by Yuuri's left side._

_His boyfriend waited for Victor to get in position, pressing play and letting the rink fill with the romantic orchestra. Victor began the program, remembering Yuri is there watching him skate his feelings. He doesn't mind if Yuuri doesn't say the three words yet. If he does, it adds to Victor's program._

_But, he's willing to wait._

_Victor could only imagine what Yuuri is thinking through the program as he moved. The French words speaking out so beautifully and soft, bringing him to be ease. This program is in no rush, if he wants to show his love this way, it needs to be smooth._

_With the techniques he decided to add to make it more difficult, he wanted it be read so easily by the one who it's for. His Yuuri._

_The music continued to the second half, he transitioned into the next piece of the program. Victor's heart was banging against his chest so harshly, it felt like he was going to have a heart attack._

_**What are you thinking?** _

_**Can you read me like you always do?** _

_**What am I making you feel?** _

_He could only hear the music and only see the outline of Yuuri. The skates slide on the ice, getting his body ready for the first quad of the second half and nailing it. Victor let out a breath he didn't know was holding, continuing with the dance. **Why did he want to keep this secret?** Yuri needs to know what he's doing in order to give his own opinion, this is for him._

_**I wanted to surprise him.** _

_Victor touches ice on the last quad of the entire program, trying to hide his guilt and getting to the end. Yuuri was still standing in the same place Victor knew he was in, finishing off. His body shaking like the first time he performed it at Cup of China, making him feel weak. His breathing was heavy as he finally looked at Yuuri._

_The younger man stood with his jaw open, in complete awe._

_"Victor," Yuuri whispered breathlessly as Victor began to move over to the entrance._

_"I know it wasn't that good but-"_

_His words stopped when Yuuri launched himself onto Victor. Their bodies both fell back as their lips collided, Victor landing on his back, feeling a bit of strain but noticing his head was cupped by Yuuri's own hand. It was the sweetest kiss he's ever recieved from Yuri, innocent yet passionate. Maybe his feelings did get across._

"You've come a long way, Vitya. I was almost worried."

Yakov's words cut the day dream short, making him smile. 

"Worried? How so?"

Before he could answer, they finally stopped in front of the rink where the skaters were to enter. Yurio was still at the hotel, sleeping since they still had time before Men's Single Skate goes up. Victor opened the door, watching the cab driver step out to get his suitcase from the trunk.

"I'm going to go get Yura," Yakov reminded him. "I'll see you tonight."

"Alright, Coach."

Victor didn't watch Yakov drive away, he went in with his suitcase to put away in the back. Holding his badge up to every security guard he was going past. He set his stuff down and made sure to keep his phone on him, going out to the rink and finding the seats where skaters were able to watch from without the bother of the audience.

He found some familiar people already there such as the twins Sara and Michele and Emil. 

Making eye contact with a pair of purple eyes, Sara stared brightly at him before patting the seat next to her that was empy.

"Victor! Come sit with us." Sara suggested, batting her eyelashes.

"Sara," Michele whispered protectively, glancing at Victor from where he sat on the other side of her.

"It's okay, I wouldn't want to impose." Victor declined politely.

"You're not imposing," Sara argued back with the same smile, a bit timid this time. "Come, you're here to watch the pairs, right?"

Victor nodded in reply, "I am."

Sara patted the seat once more, not giving him a choice. Victor sat next to her in the empty seat, looking at the ice that was slightly afar. A pair was already on the ice, getting ready to start their program. He sat back comfortably, trying to not feel the three of their eyes drowning him with their stares.

He glanced at them, startling all three of them.

"Ah, Victor. You did really good at Cup of China." Sara complimented, tilting her head to give her attention towards him.

Victor smiled, "Thank you. Though, my free skate was a bit rough."

"It happens to the best of us," Emil spoke up with a wave of his hand. "You still did great, you got silver!"

"That's what my boyfriend said too. It was strange, been awhile since I had coped silver."

Sara giggled at Victor's words, "Must be fun coming back in the game."

"Definitely," Victor said while crossing his arms and watching the pairs on the ice move fluently together. "I hope I can make it to the final."

"You probably will, you're a legend." Michele murmured from behind Sara.

No one said anything after that, keeping their eyes on the pairs that were going. Sara made a few comments and Victor with one word responses. He could feel Michele's eyes glaring from the side of him, which is ridiculous. What does the brother have to worry about? Isn't she old enough to make her own choices?

A few more pairs went and soon his phone buzzed in his pocket, he unlocked it in hopes of it being Yuuri. His boyfriend still hasn't texted or called him, which is weird because Yuri doesn't have to work today. He unlocked it, reading the message sent from Yakov.

 **Yakov:**  
**Get to the back now.**

Victor stared at the message confused but then checked the time, he sighed and got up from his seat. Heading towards the backroom where the skaters were to meet. He showed his badge to the people by the door, walking in and finding the strangest sight he never expected. 

Emi was talking to Yurio.

She stood slightly bouncing off and on her tippy toes, hands behind her back with a bright expression on her face. Wearing her Team Russia jacket over her shirt and black jeans and shoes that he had gotten for her last month.

Emi's hair was messy like it was when she woke up from a nap, making Victor's heart churn.

He stood helplessly still, staring at her in disbelief. Emi glanced his direction before her eyes widening with joy, running over to him quickly past a couple people. Victor's lips tugged up a wide smile, crouching down to swiftly pick her up.

"Vicchan! Surprise!" Emi squealed, laughing as Victor kissed her cheek a few times.

"Emi? What are you-"

"Surprise!"

Victor's words were cut off by the voice, turning his attention to behind Emi where Yuuri stood. Sporting one of Victor's sweaters as well as jeans to match Emi, he had his badge hanging around his neck. That badge is only given to the coaches and skaters, Emi was wearing one too.

"Yuuri? What- What are you doing here?"

Yuuri grinned, "We came to support you. Right, Emi?"

"Mhm!" Emi nodded firmly, "We had to see you skate again. Yakov got us passes!"

"He did?"

The Russian stood in complete shock, knowing why Yuuri wasn't responding to his messages or calls. He was already here. Where Victor needed him to be. Victor used his free arm to wrap his arms around his boyfriend's waist, pulling him in and pressing a kiss on his temple.

"I'm so glad you're here."

Emi left a kiss on his hair, "Vicchan? Will you skate really good today and tomorrow?"

Victor paused and nodded, "I'll get that gold for you, Emi."

Beaming, he finally put her down and pressed a swift kiss on Yuri's lips before wandering over to Yakov. Yuuri stood by him, a bored expression on his face before Emi tugged on his track pants with a smile. They transitioned into a conversation in Russian, going on about Yuri's short program for tonight.

Yuuri held Victor's hand, glancing around at the other skaters who had their attention on them.

"Vitya," Yakov started, "They're your coaches for today. Don't let me down now."

"They are?"

"Yakov is my coach today since Lilia had an accident with one of her students," Yurio stated with a huff.

Victor nodded in understanding, "Was this your idea?"

" _Mine_?" Yurio asked with a hand pressed to his own chest. "What makes you think that?"

"Well," Yuuri butt in with a smile. "I don't think Yakov would've just allowed Emi and I since we are a bit of a distraction."

Silence fell between them as they waited for an answer, Yakov was saying anything to make it worse. Yurio rolled his eyes while letting out a sigh, tucking his hands in his jacket pocket.

"So what if it was?"

The older man ruffled Yurio's hair playfully, earning a smack on his hand with annoyance from the teenager. Emi giggled, hugging Yurio's legs. Victor leading them to where he wanted to practice.

Emi said her goodluck to Yuri, following the two of them to the wall beside Otabek Altin. The teenager stood tall, stretching his arms as Victor went to do his own stretches. 

"Remember Emi, don't bother the skaters. They need to practice," Yuuri stated, crouched down to her level.

Emi nodded, glancing over at Otabek a few times. Trying to listen, Victor noticed the glances as well making him chuckle. Victor realized that Otabek was the one Emi really liked right by Victor. Which is probably the reason Yuuri was telling her not to interrupt him.

Victor peaked over at Otabek, who eventually catching her eyes and giving her a small smile. He saw the way her eyes sparkled, grabbing Yuuri's sweater with a giggle.

"Papa," Emi whispered with excitement. "Otabek smiled at me."

Yuuri chuckled, patting her head before standing up to rest his back against the wall while watching Victor stretch. Emi sat by his feet, starting to stretch her own legs like Yurio was doing on the other side. 

"Vicchan? Did you show Papa your free skate?"

"Yes, he did." Yuuri answered instead of Victor, looking down at her.

"He did? Did you like it?"

The Russian peaked from over his shoulder at Yuuri, a boyish grin playing on his lips. Yuuri playfully hit Victor's shoulder before glancing over at Emi again, giving her a nod.

Yuuri winked at Victor and sent a flush to his pale cheeks, "I loved it."

"Good!" Emi said with her own nod in return, "Vicchan worked hard on it for you." 

"I bet he did."

 

-

 

"Victor Nikiforov taking the ice without Yakov on rink side, instead his boyfriend Katsuki Yuuri & his daughter Emi. Victor has given the statement that he's giving his all to his routines today and tomorrow in order to get a spot in the Grand Prix Final."

Instead of gripping the wall of the rink with his hands, they were occupied by two hands. One the size of his, laced with his left hand while the other was tiny and cupped into his right hand. 

"You can do it, Vicchan! Grandma & Grandpa are watching you!" Emi cheered while wiggling in Yuuri's grip.

Victor chuckled softly, kissing her temple and took her advice.

"Thank you, Emi."

He met Yuuri's brown eyes, the same ones that show him the emotion Yuuri is feeling. Right now, he reads a lot of pride. Like he was proud of Victor in the sight he was staring at. Victor leaned in to bring their foreheads together gently, he could hear the audience coo over the romantic gesture.

"Go get them, _baby_." Yuuri whispered and pressed a kiss on his lips.

Victor hummed in appreciation, squeezing both of their hands. Skating off into the middle of the ice, his body feeling tall in the white clothing he wore. He glanced behind his shoulder at Yuuri and Emi, facing the judges soon enough.

Emi shouted a loud " _davai!_ " enough for everyone to hear, he smiled wide as he waited in the position for the music to start.

_Agape._

_Unconditional love._

The music began, Victor went into the program light on his feet. A soft, yet strong voice began to fill the arena with the most beautiful music. Victor held his own, gliding on the ice and moving with beauty.

This is for Yuuri's family, for Yuuri and Emi. People he loves unconditionally, who love him back with the same amount. Victor landed the triple axel, his body going at it's own pace and along with the song perfectly. Victor felt his heart beat going at a steady pace, moving to his own program and getting the flying sit spin on the dot where it was suppose to be.

It felt different, knowing they were watching from outside the rink instead of at home. Victor's blood was pumping with adrenaline.

_Please don't take your eyes off of me, Yuuri. This is to show you how much your family means to me._

No sign of fatigue as he finished another spin and continued with the program whom he made himself. Victor let his arm go around his head, transitioning into his first quad with a triple of the performance. Nailing the quadruple salchow first, then landing the triple toe loop right after. The crowd erupted around him as the music grew louder.

Victor paused for a second letting his body take over the rest of the performance. He felt himself gracefully slide on the ice, not missing the beats and steps as he was working his way up to the quadruple toe loop, being his final quad of the performance.

He let his arms go out before taking off, getting the amount of speed into it and landing it just right. The music grew louder than before, his body trembling with such joy that he couldn't believe he was doing this right before Yuuri and Emi.

The music filled his ears, moving gracefully on the ice and into the end where his combination spin took over. Victor could hear the audience gasping in awe at the sight of him where he belonged. He stretched his body out, hands over his head while laced together. His music came to a close, the audience now echoing around him in bliss. Victor panted heavily, smiling proudly of himself.

Victor bowed at the judges then to the crowd, things were being thrown left and right by his feet. He laughed, picking up a bouquet with a few flowers in it as well as a plush toy that looked just like Makkachin. He went towards the kiss and cry where Emi and Yuuri waited for him.

Yuuri took his hand, helping him put on his guards before sitting down at the seat. Emi sat on his lap with the help of himself, kissing her cheek as she giggled and played with the toy.

"You were beautiful," Yuuri murmured next to him, Victor couldn't help but laugh. 

They pressed their foreheads together fondly, waiting for the announcer to bring out the scores as they went over the recap. Emi leaned into his chest, nuzzling her face into his neck.

"I'm proud of Vicchan!" Emi exclaimed while raising the toy. "Even Makkachin is."

"And Papa, too." Yuri added with a smile. "You did wonderful, Victor."

"All thanks to you and your little family."

His boyfriend kissed his cheek as the scores were announced, listening to the commentator discuss his points before saying the exact score over the speaker and he watched it display on the screen below him.

106.34.

The crowd in the arena screamed with joy, a lot of voice chanting his name with pride of his home country. Victor hugged Yuuri and Emi tightly, feeling amazing. He didn't care whether he'd get gold or bronze or nothing at all. Victor was proud of that performance.

He knows he'll do better next time after at the Grand Prix Final.

They were excorted out of the bench and towards the back, several workers and people congratulating him. 

"Nikiforov, we'd like to interview you, please!" A voice could be heard up ahead, he glanced at Yuuri.

"We'll meet you in the crowd, okay?"

Victor kissed Yuuri's forehead and said goodbye to the both of them, adjusting his Team Russia jacket while walking over. The reporters weren't too heavy on him and asked simple questions about his performance tonight and what to expect tomorrow night.

"I hope the one person this program is for will understand it."

The older man made his way back to where he had been earlier, finding Otabek getting ready to get on the ice and Emi leaning on the rail very dangerously.

"Katsuki Emi! Step back before you become a pancake," Victor said sternly, Yuuri was behind her on his phone and snapped his attention up quickly.

Emi stumbled back into Yuuri's lap and sat down quickly on him, "Sorry, Vicchan."

Victor took a seat next to Yuuri, "Be careful, okay? You know both Yuuri's would fight me if something happened to you."

She nodded, looking back at Otabek as the music started. Classical music began to play through the speakers, Victor felt Yuuri lean his head on his shoulder. Victor wrapped an arm around him from behind, watching the man move on the ice.

"Papa! Look at him! He's so pretty!"

"And too old for you," Victor brings up, making Yuuri laugh.

"Wow, so protective of her now?"

"Always."

The night flew by fast, Victor ended up in third and right behind Otabek by a few points. Yuri was in first after his amazing performance that was with a song from the play The Nutcracker. They headed back to the hotel, Emi was asleep in Victor's lap and Yuuri asleep on his shoulder. Yuuri was sitting across from him in his own dozing as Yakov sat next to Yurio.

"I'm proud of you," Yakov whispered. "I knew you could do it."

"Thank you for believing in me."

"That was all you out there, Victor. Never not give yourself credit."

Victor stared at him in surprise, "It's true though."

Yakov shook his head, "Give yourself more credit, you deserve it. I'm sure Yuuri and Emi would say the same."

No words came out in response, Victor glanced at Emi and Yuuri. A smile played on his lips, shutting his eyes to sleep with them as well.

_I did it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for holding out on me!! i have finals coming up and needed to get this done too!! i appreciate your support and comments, thank you again!!
> 
> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a gift to myself because i ended up scoring harry styles tour tickets and i feel #blessed
> 
> lots of feels man LOTS OF FEELS

**November**

The sound of giggling was the reason Victor stirred from his sleep.

It was continuous giggling that didn't seem to stop. Yet, he could instantly indicate where and whom the giggling was from. Victor blinked his eyes slowly open, it was slightly dark in the room from the curtains being closed still. His right arm being held down by a couple of heads next to him in the hotel bed. The body heat on the queen sized bed was over the amount he seemed to be used too.

Another giggle could be heard, Victor turned his head slightly to see Emi on what looked to be Victor's phone. A soft sound coming from the speakers in low volume, Emi's eyes stared at the phone screen in awe while holding it horizontally. Victor used his free arm to rub the sleep from his eyes.

Noticing Yuri was still asleep due to the soft snores he released while breathing. The dried drool, from his lover's slightly open mouth, on his hand that cupped his face was easy to see. His messy bed head, with his bangs that always pointed different directions, made Victor's heart church. Yuuri had the most beautiful morning look that always brought a fond expression on his face.

Victor finally brought his attention to Emi, she was sleeping in between them with her back to Yuuri and front against Victor's side. Her head rested on his arm as well, cuddling close while focusing on the screen. He noticed the stuffed toy from yesterday's performance in her arms, it looked so much like Makkachin. 

"Emi," Victor whispered with a sleep tone. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, sorry, Vicchan. I was watching Yurio's old skating videos." 

She quickly locked the phone and reached over his bare chest to put it on the bedside table before cuddling back into him. Her arm went around his half of his chest while resting her head back on his arm comfortably. Her body relaxed at the warmth of being against him, Victor pressed a swift kiss on his hair and smiled.

"Why were you watching his old videos?"

Emi shrugged from where she laid, "He's super cool when he skates.. I wanted to see how hard it would be."

"You want to be a skater?"

"Maybe, but I wanna be like Papa. Be a doctor too."

Victor smiled while shutting his eyes, "You could always do both."

"You think so?" Emi asked quickly, keeping her voice hush to not wake Yuuri.

"Of course, it will take a lot of hard work though." Victor stated honestly. "That's only if you can handle it."

"Would it be like Papa always working and taking care of me?"

The Russian thought her question through and shook his head, "It's a bit different. Papa handles a lot, it's different from having two jobs and a job with a kid."

"Does that mean I can't have kids when I grow up?"

Victor's eyes widen at the question he did not want to find himself ever expecting, his cheeks went red as he tried to figure out what to say in order to get the question to disapper. The thought of Emi growing up faster than she should made him sad, he wants her to stay as little as possible.

"You're too young right now, let's focus on school and skating."

"Okay, Vicchan."

Emi was quiet after, Victor felt her finally fall asleep and made him stiffle a laugh from her sudden question. One thing Victor has always wondered was if Yuuri wanted to have more kids. Possibly, if he kept Emi then maybe he'd want more.

It would only be a matter of getting a bigger place and having time for both Emi and the child. He could only imagine how he'd decorate her room if possible. For another kid, he'd be fine with any gender as long as they had a precious child to love and cherish.

His heart stopped for a second, collecting his thoughts back together before staring up at the dark ceiling.

_Woah._

_Am I really thinking of having children with Yuuri?_

Victor blushed fiercely, shaking his head with shock from himself. He has always wanted kids, even told Yuuri so. But, are they even in the right place to discuss that type of future with one another.

Clearly, Victor would be fine with the fact of having kids. He glanced down at Emi once more, watching her snooze away just like her Papa. 

There was no way he could deny himself of thinking that Emi was his child as well. He'd be absolutely thrilled to be apart of their life that way. To care for Emi like a parent would, he already does.

No matter what, he feels like the co parent in almost everything they do. It's his biggest dream to be that person for Emi.

If he's not, he's perfectly fine with how it is now because he wouldn't want to rush them or make them feel obligated. Victor smiled, reached for his phone that Emi had played with and went to his camera. He adjusted his phone to snap a photo of the two of them along with himself smiling into the camera.

He went to his Instragram and went to post the picture, the lighting wasn't too good so Victor adjusted the lighting to get the perfect photo of the two of them sleeping with Victor smiling lazily.

 **[new photo]**  
**v-nikiforov : sleeping in on free skate day! thank you for the support!**  
**#sleepy #katsukifamily #russia**  
**posted at 8:46 AM**

 

- 

 

The rink was just as packed as yesterday. Emi was sitting on the chair was given to her by one of the workers in the back room where the skaters were suppose to meet before the free skate for Men's Singles. The stuffed toy from yesterday and this morning was in her lap once again.

Her legs were no where near touching the floor while Yuuri stood next to her while watching the same view as her. Victor began to go over his program with simple footwork and arm movements.

They arrived a couple hours early to no miss the Pairs Skating, Emi watched in awe at the pairs that skated one by one. Yakov called them back, giving him a small talk before heading back over to Yuuri. The blonde was over by Otabek now, talking to him while they both stretched. Making Victor wonder when they became friends to begin with.

Emi tugged on Yuuri's jacket, catching Victor's attention as well.

"Papa, do you think Vicchan will get gold today?" Emi asked curiously, her eyes full of curiousity.

Victor smiled when Yuuri nodded, "I believe he can. If he doesn't, then that's okay too. We are still proud."

"Maybe we should've gotten him flowers."

"It's okay," Victor spoke up as he did a small turn and faced them. "I'm just happy you're here."

The child pouted up at the older man, "But, Vicchan. You deserve flowers, like the ones you got us for Valentines Day."

" _Never_ again," Yuuri sighed, rubbing his temples as Victor laughed in amusement.

"So many petals," Victor murmured, kissing Yuuri's cheek.

He moved back quickly before Yuuri could react, going back into the routine. There was a few adjustments, letting him feel prepared for the program that he was performing for the second time. Victor hoped he could do it better than the last time, that's all he wants at this point. Getting gold again would be thrilling especially seeing Emi and Yuuri holding it for him.

The determination he felt was bigger than ever, he had to get gold even for such a small competition like this.

It was calling for the groups to practice, he went on the ice and practiced the same motions from in the back room. Moving around with ease, hearing his or Yuri's name being shouted the most in the crowd by the audience.

Victor smiled, he couldn't wait to show the world a better version. 

The ice was a bit rough under his skates, but Victor kept at it. Letting the song flow through his head and lyrics blend in his mind. He glanced at the other skaters on the ice, seeing Michele from earlier on the ice in his purple tux that shined in the lighting.

There was Emil also from earlier, sporting his own free skate outfit that looked better than his short program one. Jean-Jaques or what he heard Yuuri call him, JJ, was in a bright green outfit that was similar to his short program one. Otabek was wearing the one he had seen before when watching program at Skate America. 

Victor stood in his black slacks and dress shirt with the suspenders that had blue roses embroidered on them.

He adjusted the button up collar of his shirt, taking a breath while listening to the commentaries speak about the men on the ice.

Time was called and Victor was pushed to the back room with Yurio and Otabek. Emi was talking to Yakov with bright eyes and giggles while Yuri was fixing her hair into a braid. Her toy Makkachin was in he room hand's grip.

Yuri looked up from her hair and beamed at Victor, "How do you feel?"

"Good," Victor replied honestly while shrugging. "I hope I can land all my quads."

"Don't think about it too much, you know the program like the back of your hand. No one else does."

The Russian nodded, already hearing music beginning to play in the rink. The TV screens in the room showed Emil on the ice already. Otabek and Yurio payed no attention to it, only focusing on themselves. Victor frowned, licking his lips as he moved around Yuri to go over his motions. 

His arms extending out and feet feeling as if on skates. Yuuri's eyes were on him without him having to look, there wasn't any tension in him building up to make him nervous. If anything, Victor was excited.

Emi let Yakov go back to Yurio and she wandered over to where Yuuri was, looking up at him. She brought the toy to her mouth, covering it with the head. His eyes were on Victor, making her wonder what he was thinking about.

"Papa," Emi murmured, clasping his pinky in her small hand. Yuuri snapped out of his stare and turned his head to Emi.

"Yes?"

"Can I talk to Vicchan alone?"

Victor stopped his movements at the hearing of his nickname, he peeked at them both curiously. Yuuri smiled at Victor before nodding, kissing her head and walking to the other side of the room to watch the skater on the ice.

Emi kept her eye on Yuri until he was all the way to the TV, then stood in front of Victor.

"Vicchan," Emi said while grabbing his hand. She had an unsure look on her face. "I wanna give you a pep talk. Is that the name? Coach Yakov said it was."

The older man blinked down at her and chuckled softly, nodding.

"Yes, it's called a pep talk."

They took a seat on the two chairs that someone brought over for Yuuri and Emi when they arrived originally. She placed the toy Makkachin on her lap again, petting it.

Her feet dangled from sitting in the chair. Emi's eyes never meeting his, only staring at her lap.

"I really hope you get gold," Emi started while swinging her legs. "I know Papa said we'll be proud of you for getting anything but I know you want gold. Do you want a gold medal, Vicchan?"

"Yes, I do. Very much."

"Good! Cause, if you get gold then we can get ice cream from the corner store."

Victor arched his eyebrow with amusement, "You're going reward me with ice cream if I win?"

"Mhm, Makkachin & Tiny Makka will be proud."

"Is that what you named the toy?"

Emi looked at where Victor was pointing and nodded, "Cause it's Makkachin but a smaller version."

"Can I see it?" Victor asked curiously, Emi nodded and handed it to him.

The toy was newly bought, it was one he had picked up from the ice yesterday after his performance. Emi seemed to take a liking in it which is why he gave it to her. Victor pressed a kiss on it's head then on hers as he handed it back.

"Take care of this, okay? He's gonna be a good pal who will be there for you when I can't."

Emi eyed the toy and grinned, "Okay!"

"Now, for Papa and you, I'll get gold."

"I believe in you, Vicchan."

Emi rushed over to Yuuri after their talk to bring him back, Michele was on the ice now and in the middle of his performance. Victor went back to dancing out his program.

It was quickly time when JJ was on the ice that the three others in the back were lead to the front again. Yuuri and Emi stood by Victor's side, watching JJ finish his program. The large crowd chanting the skater on the ice's name was all Victor could hear.

Emi was being held in Yuuri's arms, watching with surprise at the skater on the ice. She squeezed her toy, clapping when he finished and moved off the ice towards the kiss and cry. Victor took off his guards and stepped on the ice from the entrance.

He held the rink side with his hands, his left hand being held by Yuuri's open one. Their eyes met and a spark flew through his body, straight to his head. Yuuri smiled wide, bringing Victor's hand up to his lips and pressing a soft kiss on his knuckles.

"Show me the program you're most proud of, Victor."

Victor nodded assurtingly, blocking out the score for JJ and Emi let the toy tap his nose as a kiss for him.

"You can do it!"

They let him move into the middle of the ice. Victor stretched his arms out, taking a deep breath before getting into position. Tilting his chin up, Victor placed both hands in front of him with his legs apart shoulder length. It was silent in the arena, until the music began.

Victor shut his eyes, not looking at the judges as he moved fluently to his song for Yuuri.

The sound of his song and ice skates hitting ice brought joy to him. He was going to nail this for Yuuri. Going straight into his first quad as the first verse of French finished, leading into the adding of instruments to the song.

He landed perfectly, moving across the ice and pushing himself to become the music. Yuuri is right, no one knows this program better than he does. This is his program that he made himself with a song he made himself. His program. For Yuuri.

" _When you press me to your heart, I'm in a world apart."_

Victor hummed to the song quietly, remembering the time he sang this song to Yuuri that night they had their first time. Holding him securely in his arms as he slept soundly, he remembered hearing Yuri's heartbeat cut in the silence.

" _A world where roses bloom."_

The first time he sang it to Yuuri while he was awake was when they were putting Emi to sleep. She was laying in her bed, Victor ran his fingers through her hair as he sang the soft words of the love song. Yuuri stood by the door, watching them intently and seeing her body slowly fall to rest.

_"And when you speak angels sing from above."_

This song has become Victor's favorite song. It reminds him of Yuuri all the time and it's insane how much he gets pulled into it from the simple sounds of the instruments and melodies.

_"Everyday words seem to turn into love song."_

It's like he was skating to a story, Victor knows he got his other quad as well as his motions that he made sure fit the song. He felt lost in the song, praying Yuuri knew this was for him.

Before Victor knew it, the second half of the song started.

Victor's body did the program with such ease, it's like he forgot he was here competing in the first place. His body was creating the song the one man whom he has realized he loves.

His Yuuri.

The final quad lutz is what lead him into the step sequence that was tying the entire song until the end. His heart was beating so fast, it was ready to burst from the adrenaline.

_"Give your heart and soul to me.."_

Victor let his mind take over. It was full of Yuri. Because he knew the man he loved was standing outside the rink at the kiss and cry. Waiting for him to return.

_"..And life with always be.."_

The combination spin was his close, until he brought the final stance and raised his fingers to point where Yuuri and Emi stood. Their eyes staring at him, his chest rose and fell fast from each breath.

_"La Vie en Rose."_

His song finished and the crowd erupted with joy. Victor bowed to the judges and crowd, before skating over quickly to the most important people in his life. Emi wore the brightest smile he had ever seen and her arms stretched wide from where she stood next to Yuri. His boyfriend was standing still, covering his mouth with his hands. 

Victor stopped in front of the open door, picking Emi and hugging her tightly. She held him, kissing his cheek multiple times. 

"You did amazing, Vicchan." Emi whispered in his ear.

He put her down and slipped on the skate guards, Yuuri didn't give him a chance to stand up properly as he pulled him into his arms and pressed their lips together. Victor feels Yuuri's tears touching his cheeks as they kissed. His heart banged against his chest when Yuri pulled away.

"That was the most beautiful program I have ever seen from you, Victor." Yuuri murmured, the smile he wore was contagious.

"Think so?" Victor asked, taking in the sight of Yuuri's tear-filled, brown eyes.

Yuuri nodded quickly, laughing softly. "I know so."

They sat at the kiss and cry together, Yuri leaning his head on Victor's shoulder fondly while lacing their fingers together and waiting during the recap. Emi sat in his lap comfortably, playing with her Tiny Makka and patted their hands gently.

His score was announced and it was higher than his previous score. Enough to get him into the Grand Prix Final. Clapping and cheering could be heard, but nothing compared to his congratulations he received from the two with him now. 

"We knew you could do it." Yuuri said, kissing Victor's cheek fondly.

Victor was taken by the press quicker than expected, Yuuri and Emi went to sit to watch Otabek go next. The older man watched them walk away, Emi giggling into Yuuri's neck while holding her toy.

Questions filled his ears and answers left his lips until he finally broke free from them and went to follow where they had gone.

The seating that they had taken was for skaters, Emi sat in Yuri's lap while watching Otabek skate to Beethoven skillfully. Victor took the seating next to Yuuri since Sara had taken the spot next to him. They were already in a conversation when he arrived.

"Victor! Congrats!" Sara stated happily, "You were beautiful out there."

"Thank you," Victor replied with a smile, patting Yuuri's thigh that Emi wasn't sitting on.

They watched Otabek skate, watching him move to the music that Victor never imagined the man taking. Nineteen and he's already doing wonders. Yurio was standing by the rink, watching him just as intently as they were from the corner of Victor's eye.

Yuuri nudged Victor's arm, catching his attention. Victor met eyes with his lover, a smile tugging on his lips instantly.

"I'm so proud of you," Yuuri whispered, bringing their foreheads together. "I can't wait for the Grand Prix to see you kiss ass."

Victor laughed at his words and nodded, "Of course. All thanks to you two."

"You did this, you did this yourself Victor. I'm so proud how strong you've become from where you first were." His boyfriend wore a sad smile and blinked away a couple tears. Not ashamed to cry in front of anyone. "You are so strong. I will never regret anything that has happened since the first day we met."

The couple stared at each other, Victor felt his heart beating so fast. It's been months since the first time they met. And now, here he is.

_Alive._

_In love._

_Happy._

Victor squeezed his thigh and let out a breathy sigh. His smile never wearing off, "Thank you."

They heard Yurio's name be announced through the speaker and Emi squealed loudly, watching Yurio stand on the ice.

"Yurio! Davai!" Emi screamed from her spot, Yuri spotted her and smiled. 

Victor heard someone yell the same thing, being Otabek from the kiss and cry. Yuri put up a thumbs up in return, standing in his starting position for his free skate program.

The teenager started immediately as the beginning notes of the song he remember Lilia showing him. Yurio was made for this song, his blue eyes following all of Yurio's movements. Glancing at Emi every now and then, she seemed to be taking apart the program she has seen so many times now.

But, this was the real deal.

Yurio's blond ponytail wiped around every time he took a turn and jump. Victor stared in surprise, recalling Emi's actions this morning of watching his videos. Maybe she wants to be like him one day. He is sure Emi could make it that way as long as she focuses on the reason why she's skating.

Just like Yurio.

Emi cheered on Yurio in his native tongue, Sara stared at the child with shock and peeked over at Victor.

"She knows Russian?"

Yuuri nodded, "I taught her Russian, Japanese, and English."

"At that age?" Sara stared in shock. "That sounds impossible."

"Emi loves to learn, languages was just something to add. Especially since they moved to Russia from Japan and America." Victor added to the conversation, not taking his eyes off of Yurio.

"Another quad from Yuri Plisetsky!" The announcer exclaimed, the crowd cheered as the second half of the song came. The skater went in for the quad salchow but fumbled the landing.

" _Hang in there_ , _Yurio!_ " Emi shouted, watching him transition into the next part. 

Victor's eyes widened in shock, "He did not have this many jumps. What is he doing?"

"I think he's trying to get ahead of you, you do know you're in first, right?" Yuuri asked, his eyes stuck on the teenager on the ice like everyone else.

"He said he was adding more quads, for a total of six." Emi spoke up, turning her head to Victor.

"Six? Is he insane? The program is already hard enough," Victor whispered, gripping Yuuri's thigh.

The song was building up now towards the end and he already had one more quad to do now. Yurio try to land the last quad but he was under rotation, making everyone gasp as he finished the program.

Victor watched him breathing heavily, his body shaking from down on the ice. The arena was cheering for the young teen, who bowed from his spot. Emi stood up from Yuri's lap and leaned against the rail. 

"Yurio! Amazing!"

They watched him go to the kiss and cry, grabbing a few toys and meeting Yakov there who was already scolding him from the bench for that many quads. Victor would've done the same, he could exhaust himself that way. They watched Yurio's score announce, seeing the score reveal on the screen above where it was on Yakov and Yurio.

"Vicchan! You came in first!" Emi squealed, tackling him in a hug.

Victor stared at the screen, making sure he read it right. Yurio was a good amount of points behind, leaving him with the gold. He hugged her back tightly, laughing.

"I got gold!"

The ceremony came about and Victor was standing in the middle, holding up his medal with the flowers in hand. Pictures were being taken but Victor couldn't take his eyes off of Emi and Yuuri who were standing on the side. They both wore proud expression and Yurio hugged with the medal in hand.

"I'll get you at the finals, Victor." Yurio muttered, he could hear Otabek stifle a laugh next to him.

"Alright, kitten. Game on."

 

-

 

The hotel room was quiet, his medal was laying on the bed side table next to his and Yuuri's phone. Yuuri had his head rested on Victor's chest while laying on the left side of him. Emi was curled up against him on the right.

Sounds of traffic could only be heard from outside the hotel room, as well as the AC working in the comfortable temperature. Victor stared up at the ceiling, holding both sleeping bodies against him. Yuri's snores started to add to the soft noise in the room. 

Victor let out a happy sigh, feeling relaxed. Trying to remember the rush from today, all the things that led up to this moment.

If he can get gold here, he can get it at the final. That's his new goal, to earn that gold medal like he deserves. Victor worked so damn hard, just as much as he others did. 

The older man smiled, blinking away the tears that wanted to spill. He was so happy, he can't believe he got this second chance at life to make a name for himself in a better way. To fall in love with the most beautiful man he's ever seen. To care for the most amazing child he's ever met. Victor was grateful, extremely.

He glanced down at Emi, her eyes already opening and staring at him curiously.

"What are you still doing up, Emi?" Victor whispered confused, her head leaned into his arm and didn't say anything. 

A frown fell on his lips, using his hand that was closer to her and run his fingers through her hair in comfort. She seemed distressed, almost sad.

Victor's voice was soft, "Is something wrong?"

"No," Emi spoke quietly. "I have a question."

"What's up?" 

Emi sat up slowly, sitting back on her legs while looking at Victor. It must be serious with the look she was giving him. Emi rubbed the sleep from her eyes, grabbing her tiny makka.

"At school, my friend Sasha said her mom and dad were getting married because they were in love."

Victor stared at her, waiting for her to continue.

"I said that Papa and you were in love too but she said it's not true if you aren't married. Is that true? Cause Grandma and Grandpa are married and in love. Aren't you in love with Papa?"

Emi picked up her head at the last question. She had an expression on her face that made Victor's heart skip a beat. He glanced at Yuuri to make sure he was still asleep and nodded.

"Just because two people aren't married, doesn't mean they aren't in love. I- I love your Papa very much. I haven't told him though, but I do." Victor spoke so quietly, he almost didn't hear himself.

The young child thought a moment, "Papa doesn't know?"

"Not yet," Victor murmured with a sad smile. "He will soon though."

"Does that mean you guys will get married too?"

Emi was too smart for her own good that Victor knew lying to her would be wrong, "Possibly. If Papa would like too."

"Does that-" Emi stopped her words and took a few moments to process her sentence. "Does that mean you'll become my other Papa too?"

Victor's breath hitched and he looked away to hide his blush, "Possibly." Victor murmured quietly. "If Papa would let me."

"Do you love me too, Vicchan?"

Their eyes met, her brown ones that were similar to Yuuri's and Shion's own. 

"I do love you, Emi." Victor stated quietly, pulling her back to sleep next to him. "More than you know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so happy everyone liked the last chapter!! and welcome to many new readers who decided to check out my fic, i hope you're all enjoying it as well!!
> 
> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the support i'm getting on this fic may be small to others but it's huge for me!!  
> we're almost there!! just four more chapters to go i'm so happy i started writing this in december!!
> 
> plus, my finals are all done and i have a two week break before i start my classes during the summer so aye :)
> 
> JAPANESE IS IN BOLD - YOU'LL THANK ME WHEN YOU GET THERE

**December**

It's been a long month since the Rostelecom Cup.

Victor has found himself at the rink more times than he's ever been in his bed. That was a bit of an understatement since he's been sleeping at Yuuri's place more often than he can count on both his hands and feet. Either way, nothing will be able to describe how hard he's been working his ass off. The Russian arrived at Yuuri's place, struggling with the new spare key given to him as a gift from Yuuri on his own boyfriend's birthday last month.

Victor couldn't believe the birthday boy gave him a gift.

His own birthday was a few days after the Grand Prix. Not that Victor was paying any attention to the idea of his birthday. Victor unlocked the door, putting his sports bag on the ground in it's usual spot and shrugged off his shoes.

He put on the new pair of slips on before walking in, making sure the door was locked behind him. It was late, once again. He had the day off tomorrow due to the fact that they were leaving the day after tomorrow for Barcelona. 

The Russian's stomach growled, in both hunger and nerves. The last time he was in the Grand Prix, he tried to kill himself the weekend after.

But, here he was. Standing in the kitchen with his body aching and stomach growling while staring into the lit fridge. Victor took out the left overs from yesterday and threw it in the microwave to cook. Leaning against the back of the counter, he covered his face with his hands.

Fatigue was taking over him.

Taking all the time he had since the last competition to make the programs higher in difficulty. Victor took Yuuri's advice on adjusting his jumps to more quads but making sure they take over the story he was creating with his free program. The short program now had another quad but his triple axel and triple toe-loop were to add the raising of his arm after going through it more.

Victor had been thinking about the programs a lot more lately. Hiroko, Minako, and Mari were flying out for the Grand Prix final this time to cheer Victor on. That meant his short program will become stronger, especially with Hiroko being there. _Agape_ had a deeper meaning to shine for with her standing in the arena with him, watching him from the stands instead of in Japan through a TV screen.

Then, there was Yuuri.

He has adjusted that free skate with everything in him since the last time. Yuuri has made this free skate look so beautiful, he almost forgot he was the one who made it not Yuuri. Victor remembered that night in Moscow. Emi's soft voice constantly filled his head every time he's with Yuuri.

But, he hasn't told him yet. Not yet. Something was holding him back to tell and show Yuuri at a better time.

Emi has asked a couple times since but Victor has given her the same response each time, he hasn't told Yuuri.

The beeping of the microwave broke him out of his thoughts and he grabbed the plate carefully, placing it on the counter. He looked up to see Yuuri standing at the hallway entrance with a sleepy look. His hair was everywhere and the t-shirt he wore was Victor's 2002 Olympic's shirt with tight briefs. Victor smiled fondly at the man as he made his way over to Victor.

Yuuri's arms wrapped around him from behind, resting his head on Victor's back comfortably.

"You're home early." Yuuri murmured, his voice groggy from just waking up.

Victor turned around and wrapped his arms around his lover, "Just a bit. I was going to eat then shower."

"Did you want me to join you?"

"It's okay, dove." Victor whispered while kissing his hair. "You head to bed and I'll join you."

The younger man nodded, kissing Victor's jawline lazily before walking back down the hallway to the bedroom. Victor smiled, starting to eat quickly to head to bed faster. Once he finished up, he rinsed the plate off and went to Emi's bedroom door.

He opened it quietly, seeing her sleeping in her bed soundly. Makkachin was sleeping at the foot of her bed comfortably and snoozing close by. She was clutching the stuffed toy in her arms. Victor walked over carefully, pressing a kiss on her forehead then headed back out. 

Victor went into the bedroom where Yuuri was waiting up for him with his eyes stuck on his phone screen while laying on his side. A chuckle escaped his lips when he entered, catching Yuuri's attention. The younger man sat up with a small smile, locking his phone when Victor sat by him. Raising his hand, Victor caressed Yuuri's cheek fondly and brought their lips together.

The kiss was slow and easy, Yuuri was first to pull away when resting his hand on Victor's wrist. The older man watched Yuuri nuzzle into his hand that cupped his cheek, his skin flustered with a pink tint.

"Are you sure you don't want me to join?" Yuuri said, their eyes staring into one another.

"Well, if you insist." Victor replied, kissing Yuri once more.

They stayed in the shower for an hour, taking each other apart by a simple touch. Victor loved that Yuuri could rejuvinate him in ways that others would never be able too. From his hands running down his chest to wash away the soap or the forehead inbetween his shoulder blades that would rest there while he'd state how beautiful Victor was. No sex would beat how intimate this was.

Yuuri's voice echoing off the bathroom walls of words that involved encouragement for the competition and fond for how much he adored Victor. Katsuki Yuuri made all the stress disapper and emptiness fill within him. It was not right to say Yuuri was fixing him, but rather supporting him like a coach. 

He was the easiest person to talk too. After the whole month of training and stressing on the ice, he came _home_ to Yuuri and Emi. Where Emi would talk about her day while setting the table while Yuuri was in the kitchen cooking dinner. Where Yuuri would give Victor a simple foot massage after their shower, Victor would always return the favor with a back massage. Where he'd be at practice on the weekends and they'd surprise him with lunch when Yuuri was off. 

The lover he had was phenominal.

After the shower, Yuuri dragged Victor to bed. Yuuri curled into Victor's body, his head resting on his chest while tracing circles on his skin. The final was getting so close, it was turning Victor into a nervous wreck. All the finalist were announced a couple days ago. Kiet, Yuri, Otabek, JJ, Chris, and himself. Emi was excited for the trip as well as Yuuri since it was winter break for Emi and Yuuri took the time off.

But, Victor..

Victor was a different story. Everytime he thought about it, he'd flub a jump or trip on his skates. He's already slammed into the wall when trying to complete his triple toe loop in his program. Yakov keeps telling him to relax but he can't. The only time he does is when he's with Yuuri and Emi. They make him forget the stress that is building up.

"Are you nervous?" Yuuri asked softly, hearing Victor's heart beat quicken.

Victor paused in the silence, "I think I am."

"For what?"

"Barcelona."

Yuuri blinked a couple times to where Victor could feel it on his skin, "You'll do fine, Victor. We're not expecting the best you will ever do. We're expecting you to do the best you can. There is a difference."

"You think so?"

"Of course," Yuuri murmured, stopping the tracings of his fingers. "We believe in you."

Victor nodded, "It's strange. Usually for the Grand Prix Final, I'm at ease. But, I'm extremely nervous for this one."

"It happens to the best of us, maybe you just care more for this one."

"Probably." 

His fingers ran up and down Yuuri's spine under the sheets, sighing soundly and shutting his eyes. Yuuri pressed a kiss on his chest a couple times like he did in the shower before hand. Wrapping his arms around Victor securely and letting Victor adjust his own position to turn on his side towards Yuuri to hold him close. He kissed his damp hair with a soft smile.

"I believe in you, Victor. I'm happy as long as you're happy."

The older man hesitated with his own words, letting Yuuri's voice ring through his ears. His heart rate slowed down as he relaxed, snuggling Yuuri closer to him. Their legs tangled with each other, skin on skin.

"Thank you," Victor whispered into his hair and feeling Yuuri smile on his skin. "I'm so thankful."

 

-

 

Arriving in the city, Yuuri and Victor collapes on the hotel bed as Emi stared outside the large window to view the sea that shined from the morning sun. Victor turned his head to see her hands pressed to the window, staring at the view in awe. Yuuri rolled over onto his back, his head back to where he'd see everything upside down. They both stared at the young girl with smiles on their lips.

"I'm exhausted," Yuuri whispered, glancing at Emi.

The older man shifted and turned onto his front and Yuuri moved with him, still looking at the world upside down. Victor patted Yuuri's stomach, smiling and noticing the toy poodle on the bed by his head. 

"I am too." Victor replied, yawning quietly.

Emi turned around with a grin, "Papa! Vicchan! It's so pretty!"

Victor chuckled, reaching next to him where Emi's Tiny Makka was. Emi noticed the toy and quickly ran over, taking it from Victor with a laugh and kissing Yuuri's cheek. Victor took the chance where her guard was down, grabbing her by her waist. Using his upper body strength, Victor picked her up and sat her next to him while Yuri sat up from his spot on Victor.

"Silly Vicchan!"

Yuuri laughed with Emi, starting to tickle her along with Victor. Her giggles echoed in the hotel room, Victor laughed at her squirming under their tickling fingers. A sudden knock on the door, making them stop. Victor's eyebrows furrowed, getting up from the bed and kissing Yuuri's head. He walked over to the door of their room, opening it to see Yakov.

"Time to head to the rink," Yakov stated with his phone in hand. "Yuri is meeting us there with Lilia. Meet me downstairs."

"Okay," Victor replied and watched Yakov walk away, he shut the door and went back into the room.

"Alright, I need to go to the rink to practice. I'll come back around lunch to meet you guys. I think Chris wanted to get dinner tonight too." Victor started while grabbing his sport bag, Emi pouted from her spot on the bed.

"Already?" Emi asked with a frown, Victor's heart panged.

"I know, I know." Victor said, running his fingers through her hair. "Vicchan will be back before you know it."

His boyfriend placed his hand on Victor's waist, "We'll meet you here. I think Emi and I need to nap. We can tour together after."

"Sounds good to me."

They kissed goodbye and Victor headed out to the elevator, once he made it down to the lobby. As much as Victor wanted to stay in and explore with the both of them, he knew practice was needed. Arriving at the rink, Yuri and him walked in together. They sat in the locker room on different sides of the benches. Yuri was tying on his skates and glanced up at Victor.

Victor made eye contact with him and eyed him curiously, Yuri huffed and finished tying them. Putting on the guards, Yuri stood up to start going to the rink where some of the skaters were already at. The Russian slid the guards onto his blades, standing up and letting out a shaky breath.

Tomorrow was the day, Victor couldn't believe it.

He was going to skate these programs for the world to see. Already have done it a couple times, this time was for the gold medal of the Grand Prix. Winning it last year compared to this year will be different because he knew he was going to get it last year. But, he's working for this gold this time.

"Oi, old man." Yurio yelled from the door, "Hurry before Yakov has your head."

Victor blinked at him and quickly rushed over to the door, he walked into the hallway and headed towards the rink. JJ was the first one he noticed from the loud voice that echoed in the rink.

Yuri rolled his eyes in annoyance, giving his guards to Lilia who was standing with Yakov. Victor did the same with Yakov and went on the ice, going in a simple circle first before going through the program's transitions.

"Ah, Victor!" Kiet said excitedly, skating towards him. "It's nice to see you again."

"Nice to see you too." Victor greeted with a small smile, he seemed like a nice kid from the first time they met. He almost reminds him of Yuri except minus all the other little things he knows. "You feeling good? I heard you're the first Thailand skater to make it this far. Congrats."

"I am! Thank you so much, I'm so nervous."

"No need to be," Victor replied, giving him a pat on the shoulder. "You've made it this far so that says something."

Kiet grinned happily, "Thank you. I think I can really do this."

"Believe in yourself more, I'm sure you will."

"Oh, Victor." Chris' voice came up from behind him, "We still on for dinner tonight?"

Victor nodded, "Yuuri and Emi are joining us if that's okay."

"Please, the more the merrier. I'm excited to finally meet them, would you like to join us Kiet?"

The younger man's mouth gaped, "Really? I can?"

"Sure, I can send you the address."

While Chris and Kiet exchanged information, everyone was going through their programs still. Otabek was speaking to Yuri every now and then, Chris soon went over to invite them too. He noticed JJ glancing at him every now and then but decided to brush it off. Victor spoke to Yakov about a few changes and before he knew it, time was over. JJ announced his leave to the group.

He stood on the rink side and Yakov spoke to Yuri privately.

"You can either stay or go," Yakov spoke to him when walking over. "Yura chose to stay."

"I think I'll go. I promised Emi and Yuuri that I'd take them out."

"Don't drink too much, Vitya."

Victor waved him off with a smile and headed back to the locker room to change. He packed his bag to go and went to catch a cab. There was security already waiting for him. Stepping out, there was already reporters outside shouting questions as he stood by with the security while going on his phone to let Yuuri know he was coming.

The cab arrived quickly and he shut out all the questions tossed in his face stepping in, the drive to the hotel was quiet. Victor tried to take a few deep breathes, he'll be able to relax before the short program. 

Once he reached the hotel, there was more reporters outside that he was ready to face. Victor has gotten back into being immune to the media hitting him left and right. He got out of the cab with his sports bag, rushing in with a bright smile to give them something to talk about whether it be him actually happy. Yuri and Emi were already ready and in the hotel room waiting.

Victor used his key to unlock the door after coming out of the elevator and walked in, Emi was sitting on the bed with her tiny Makka and Yuri was laying next to her on his phone, they seemed to be having a conversation.

" **Are you gonna tell, Vicchan?** "

" **Tell him what?** "

" **You love him** ," Emi stated casually and played with the paws of her toy, Victor saw Yuuri sit up quickly. "Duh."

" **Emi, what are you-** "

"Hey, you guys ready?" Victor cut in, setting his bag down.

Emi's eyes brightened and she jumped off the bed, hugging his legs. Victor laughed softly, patting her back as Yuuri got up from the bed. His face was flustered, he still tried to hide embarrassment.

"Vicchan! How was practice?"

"Good," Victor replied. "I got a lot done today."

Yuuri reached for his phone that he dropped on the bed and tugged at Victor's hand, "You ready?"

They headed out of the hotel after gathering the things they needed, Victor decided to go to some of the tourist attractions. Victor is positive that his phone will run out of space with the amount of photos he took of Emi in front of places. Yuuri found a small diner to have lunch at, they served large portions of food including for kids. Victor was happy to capture a photo of Emi's bugged eyes staring at the large plate of food.

Victor found a small market across the way from the Cathedral and dragged Yuuri towards the direction with Emi in his arms. They wandered the market, Emi made them stop at a small toy tent that had bright figurines. Victor had his arm wrapped around Yuuri's waist comfortably, kissing his cheek fondly while standing behind Emi.

"Da- Papa," Emi started with hesitation and pointed at the toy near the back. "Do you think Yurio would like that?"

"Is that a kitty?" Yuuri asked curiously when looking at the stuffed toy.

Emi nodded and peeked up at Victor, "Do you think he'd like it?"

"I'm sure he'd love it," Victor spoke up with a smile.

"Can we get it for him?"

"Sure," Yuuri said, paying for the small toy.

Then leading them through the crowd, Emi held both of their hands and walked inbetween them cautiously. Victor pointed out the cathedral not being too far from where they were. Emi pulled them closer to it when it came into sight for her, gasping at the church.

"It's so pretty, Vicchan!" Emi whispered, glancing over at the choir whom was singing songs in a language she didn't know.

Victor smiled while looking around the cathedral, "It doesn't look like anyone is over there."

"You wanna go take pictures there?" Yuuri asked curiously, Emi noticed the spot they were talking about and pulled them over.

"Let's take pictures!" Emi exclaimed with a laugh.

They moved up the steps and behind the choir, Victor took out his phone as Emi was picked up by Yuuri. He put the front camera on, the golden light shining behind them through the cathedral. Victor glanced at Yuuri in the camera, Emi and him were smiling so brightly that it almost made him drop his phone. After they snapped a couple photos, Emi was put down and she held Yuri's toy to her chest.

" **Papa, aren't you gonna tell Vicchan you love him?** "

Yuri's eyes widened and his face went red, Victor tilted his head in confusion. Emi never really talks in Japanese unless they're visiting Yuuri's family. The younger man laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck.

" **Emi, this is not the time.** "

"What'd she say?" Victor asked, checking the time on his phone to see when they needed to start heading to dinner."

"Ah, nothing!" Yuuri quickly replied, putting his hands up. "We should get going. Chris and them are going to be waiting on us, yes?"

There was something that he was hiding, Victor was ready to drop it but Emi wasn't budging.

"Emi, let's go. Chris is waiting on us," Yuuri stated when grabbing her hand.

"But, Papa!" Emi stared at him with a frown. " **You gotta tell Vicchan.** "

" **This is not the time, okay?** "

" **It will make Vicchan very happy, I promise!** "

"Katsuki Emi." Yuri's voice turned stern and crossing his arms. "It's not polite to talk about Victor in front of his face in a different language. You know your manners."

Victor quickly stepped in front of Emi, "It's okay, Yuuri. Really. It's fine."

"I can't say it outloud and you were speaking in Japanese too," Emi replied back, letting out a huff and Victor turned around to face her.

"Emi, you need to apologize to Papa. That's not very nice to be rude when he's already told you no."

"But, Vicchan-"

"No talking back," Victor snapped, causing Emi to look up at him bewildered.

It hurt his heart to see her face fall and turning away from him to mumble, "Okay."

Emi held both of their hands while they made their way to the restaurant in silence. Yuuri stared at the ground with a frown, an embarrassed look on his face. The older man frowned at the awkward tension going on between the two. They seemed to be saying something that they didn't want Victor to hear, making him uneasy. The restaurant was in view and Victor stopped in front of the door, causing Emi and Yuri to look at him confused.

"Hey, Emi. After we greet everyone, let's talk out here okay?"

"Am I in trouble?" Emi asked sadly, bringing her hands together.

"We're just going to talk, okay?"

He waited for her to agree and they walked in, Victor saw the other two's eyes go wide at the fact that it wasn't only Chris. Chris noticed them, waving them over quickly at the table that they had for them. Emi took the seat next to Yurio and beamed at him as Victor and Yuuri took their seat on the other side of the table close to Emi. Victor introduced Otabek, Chris, and Kiet to Emi and Yuri.

"Yurio! We got you something!" Emi squealed, looking over at Victor for the gift.

Victor went through one of the bags they had, taking out the toy for Yurio. Emi grabbed it, handing it to him happily. Yurio stared at the toy and smiled at her, patting her head.

"Thank you, Em."

"Your name is Yurio?" Kiet asked confused, across the table next to Chris.

"Oh no," Yuri quickly replied while peeking at Otabek. "It's a nickname I let her call me."

"Emi," Victor spoke up as Chris began to talk to Yuuri. 

She froze before stepping out of her seat, taking his hand as they walked outside. There were people walking around as he crouched down to her height, she didn't look at his eyes making him frown. 

"What's been going on, Em?" Victor finally asked, holding her hands delicately.

The child stared at her feet, "I'm trying to talk to Papa about something."

"But why do you keep making him mad about it. If he tells you to stop, you need too."

Her head snapped up, "Do you know what we're saying?"

"No," Victor answered instantly with a sad smile. "I can just tell by his expressions. If it makes Papa, you shouldn't nag him about it."

"It's a serious questions, Vicchan! I'm trying to help you and Papa's relationship."

Victor blinked at her in confusion, "What?"

"I wanna help you guys with your relationship."

"Emi," he tried to fight the laugh wanted to slip. "This is something for Papa and I to go through. You have to trust us to handle what we've got, okay?"

"But, I wanna help Papa and Vicchan." Emi sniffled, Victor pulled her into his embrace and shook his head.

She tucked her head into his neck, "We appreciate that you care about us but Emi, there are somethings you leave for us to do. We got this, especially with your support okay?"

"Okay," Emi nodded while wiping her face.

The older man kissed her forehead and smiled at her, "Let's go inside. You can talk to Otabek and Yurio."

As he stood up, Emi tugged at his hand quickly to stop him from walking back inside. He stopped, looking down at her as she wiped her face shyly and looked up at him with wet eyes.

"Vicchan?"

"Yes?"

Emi took a breath and smiled weakly, "I love you."

Victor's heart did a flip at least ten times before his own eyes welded up, Emi hugged his legs tightly.

"I love you lots, Vicchan."

"Emi," Victor whispered as a tear slipped his cheek.

He picked her up, holding her close to him and felt more tears coming out. Emi kissed his cheek, wiping his tears with her small hands.

"Vicchan, why are you crying too?"

"Because I love you too, Emi."

Emi laughed so happily, it was like music to his ears. They hugged for so tight for what felt like forever, he realized they were out for awhile as his phone went off. Victor set her down with a laugh, finishing cleaning his face.

"Thank you, Emi." Victor whispered, she grinned.

"I love you, don't forget it. Okay, Vicchan?"

Victor nodded, taking her hand as they went back inside. Yuuri looked over his shoulder at them and smiled as Emi ran over to him. Victor could hear her say she's sorry while hugging him before taking her seat back next to Yurio. Victor sat beside Yuuri, placing his hand on his thigh comfortably. The younger man tilted his head curiously at him, Victor pressed a soft kiss on his lips.

Chris hooted at him and Yurio gagged, "Too much PDA."

Yuuri laughed against Victor's lips, cupping his cheek fondly and leaning their foreheads together. He was ready for tomorrow, completely ready. 

_Victor was going to show the world what he is truly made of._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys, i just found out i passed my math final with a better grade than expected im crying
> 
> ━ find me [here](http://smolkatsuki.tumblr.com).


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I will never leave him. It will be this, always, for as long as he will let me."
> 
> \- Patroclus  
> The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

**December**

The atmosphere felt different.

Everything was an overwhelming sensation that he'd feel from the tips of his toes to the top of his head. His hands shook in his track suit pocket, only coming out to work his arms through the program that he molded through out the year. His body was high on adrenaline, every part of his short program being gone over in his head since he woke up. 

The crowd was large, Victor rarely looked at the crowd at the finals. They turned into the same people every time he did, but now it's full of unfamiliar faces. The faces he did know were the reason he was here. Hiroko sat with Minako, Emi, and Mari by the enterance where they come out. Phichit had joined them as well (as promised). They were in the perfect spot where he could pick them out instantly, especially Hiroko.

She gave him advice this morning before leaving the hotel to get to the rink in order to get their seats. Victor could feel her warm hands caressing his own and squeezing them when praising him. Hiroko made sure to tell Victor what he needed to hear even if some of it went past his head after nerves took in.

The announcer's voice and music playing wasn't making him feel any better. Her voice was echoing in his head once in awhile as he moved on the ice.

_We will always be proud of you._

_You've come so far._

_Your skating will always make us proud._

He skated across the ice through the practice, knowing Yuri was standing with Yakov and Lilia outside the rink. Watching him work on his program as if it was the last time he was ever going to do it. There were things he was going to prove tonight and tomorrow night as well. There were things that haven't been said or talked about, triggering Emi's words from last night in his head. He went in for triple toe loop, the landing was a bit shakey but enough rotation.

Fans shouted from left and right, drowning in with the music and commentators going over previous competitions of all the competitiors. Victor took a breath, waiting for the announcer to tell them their leave. He soon followed them out of the rink, not taking a second glance at the ice that he was going to be on very soon. Chris had glanced at him a couple times in the rink, almost asking if Victor had done as promised at the Cup of China. 

It's a fact that Chris will be devistated to know that though Victor won gold last competition, he hadn't told Yuri yet. Chris was sure to add on after Victor won silver, that he had to tell Yuri after he won gold at the next competition. Victor did win gold, but he did not tell Yuri. Instead, he told Emi. Which was enough for him.

Slipping on the guards of his skate, Yakov patted his shoulder and let his lover lead him out. Yuri stood next to him with the tissue box in the shape of Makkachin tucked under his arm, holding his hand to lead him in the back room with all the other skaters in the next group.

Victor squeezed Yuri's hand while watching his own feet. It was almost time, there was a ticking clock in his brain just waiting to erupt with sound. The teasing sensation that brought tremors to his hands and chills down his spine. Victor was the most nervous he's been all year, beyond nervous. His heart hitting his chest so hard, Victor was sure everyone could hear it in the room and arena. 

Otabek was near the other wall with his coach, stretching out while earphones played music in his ears. Victor knew the teenager wasn't going down without a fight, as well as Yuri. The other teenager was with Lilia and Yakov. He was going through his program with swift motions, determination written all over his face. Victor picked a spot in the back, Yuri leaned against the wall watching him intently.

There were no words to say at the moment, Victor heard it all this morning. From not only Hiroko, but Yuri and Emi too. Victor can't remember what they said. But he remembers the proud expressions they wore. Victor began to go through the pieces of his program, the changes he had made with jumps and combinations.

A part of himself knows he's ready but then he thinks of last year and his knees begin to shake.

His eyes wandered to Yuri, who was already staring at him when he wasn't paying attention. The Russian smiled at him weakly, knowing Yuri can see right through his facade of an expression. Yuri smiled back with a small movement towards him after placing the tissue box on the chair.

Suddenly, Yuri's arms were around him and holding him close to his chest. His breath was on Victor's ear, so close and it caused Victor's arms to go around him without a care of anyone seeing them.

"There is a reason you're my favorite skater, Victor." Yuri murmured sweetly while squeezing him slightly. "You've always surprised me and showed beauty in your skating because it's you. It's you who tells the story out there."

Yuri let out a breathy laugh, tucking his head into Victor's neck. The eyelashes of the man in his arms brushed on his skin, a few tear drops following.

"I know you're scared, I know you're worried. But, we are so proud of you no matter what. I know it's hard to believe us, because we don't know what you're thinking or what your process is. But, please. Know we do. My family is proud. Your Emi is proud. I'm proud."

Victor held Yuri tightly in his arms as if he was too afraid he'd disappear. 

"You can do it. The ice is your home, I believe in you."

"You're my home," Victor confessed in a whisper. "I'm so happy to have your support."

The younger man shook his head, "You will always have my support. You've been doing so well on your own, I love how independent you've become. Don't let your demons drag you down when you know you're stronger than them."

One of the people in charge of the skaters called the next group up. Yuri's arms pulled away slowly, his hands resting on Victor's shoulders and giving them a squeeze. Their eyes sparkled at the sight of one another, Victor felt his heart flutter.

"You ready?" Yuri asked, his eyes flickering from the door to Victor.

The older man nodded quickly, "More than ever."

Victor followed behind Otabek and his coach through the hall into the outside rink. The last skater was finishing up, Victor didn't pay any attention. Yuri was holding both of his hands, no words leaving his mouth but just the eye contact was enough. Victor snuck a glance up at the crowd from where they stood, catching Emi waving at him excitedly.

A smile tugged on his lips as Yakov came towards him from where Yuri was by Lilia.

"Vitya, listen." Yakov spoke up gruffily, standing next to Yuri. "You are going to show the people out there why you're still skating. Got it? No ifs or buts. You can do it, you've never let me down."

"Never?"

Yakov gave an assert nod, "Never. Believe in yourself, you are your biggest critique."

His coach patted his shoulder as he was brought to the rink entrance, Yuri held his skate guards and tissue box as the other skater left the rink. The announcer began to state his name and song as Victor was standing on the ice holding Yuri's hand still. 

"Show them, Victor." Yuri stated while squeezing his hand. "This is your program, show them why."

Victor squeezed his hand again before letting go, skating to the middle of the rink. The crowd made his ears ring with the loud screams in the arena. Victor got into position, his body was relaxed now. It's just like in any competition, he was going to give his all.

The music began to play with such familiarity, it's like Victor doesn't even have to listen to it. He listens to the hush counts in his mind, the melody and harmonies of the song playing as background noise. He moves on the ice with such confidence, Victor doesn't feel like he's himself.

He feels like a better version.

His skates echoed with the music, grazing the ice and craving out the story he was displaying. The one that brought memories of Hasetsu back into mind. The one that brought memories of the Katsuki family up for play. The one that brought memories of all the times the Katsuki family was there for him and supported him with everything they had in them. It made skating the song so _easy_. 

Victor landed the first set of jumps, not minding how well they were. His presentation has become his number one priority. That's his real winner. Each note flowed gracefully, Victor was letting every step lead him. The song was building up soon enough.

He'd already landed another couple jumps added to his roster this competition, making everything higher in level. This is the type of program he skates, except with more feeling. Victor put out his arms, his body transitioning into the step-sequence. 

Unconditional Love is what he is showing for everyone to see, specifically Hiroko.

There was new love building inside him, not only for himself but for other people. The way he loves them are all different from the ones he loves now. His love for Hiroko is different from his love for Yakov. His love for Emi is different than his love for Yurio. His love for Yuri will never compare to anyone he's ever felt. His love for Yuri is a first time love like Emi's to where Victor is happy to feel it.

Victor held his ground through the short program as it was ending now, the crowd staring at him with awe that he knew he deserved. His body shook with fear and excitement. Victor has never skated the program so flawlessly through out the year.

It was breathingtaking to his own self.

The combination spin was the end and that's what he was finally going into. Victor's mind took over the end, he's so happy to have met their little family. Victor has never felt so at home since learning to skate in an ice rink. The Katsuki's took him in so easily, it felt unfair in the beginning. Victor is forever thankful and grateful for being apart of their life now as they are with his. 

They always remind him of when Yakov took him in. With such ease, not a single problem. No questions asked, they just did it like Yakov did it. Not only is he thankful for the Katsuki's, but for Yakov. The man supported him since day one and he's still here, getting him the help he needed and pushing him to do better. Like the father he never really got to have. 

His arms extended upwards towards the ceiling, his eyes shut tight while breathing heavily. The finishing notes were done and the second it was finished, the crowd's cheering bounced off the walls. Victor dropped his hands and smiled brightly, bowing his thanks to everyone. He looked down at his hands, they were trembling from everything he held in.

Victor looked over at the Kiss and Cry, seeing Yakov and Yuri waiting for him at the end. Skating to them, Victor sucked in a breath as Yuri nodded to him with such joy written on his face. The breath he let out was shakey, but at ease. After putting on his skate guard, Yuri held his hand tightly while looking at the screen do a recap of Victor's performance.

"My mother cried."

"What?" Victor replied surprised at the sudden confession.

Yuri nodded with a smile, "I had only seen my mom cry twice and that was when I left Japan for the States and meeting Emi for the first time. This is the third time in all my life that I had ever seen her cry."

"Is that a good thing?"

"What do you think?"

Their eyes met and quickly went to the screen when the announcer started to state the scoring of Victor's performance.

**110.95**

It was in bold white, right next to his name on the screen. His heart sank and a smile grew on his lips, Yuri held him so close in a hug. Victor tucked his head into Yuri's neck, laughing with joy. Yakov patted his shoulder from the left of him as Yuri kissed his cheek.

"You did so beautiful, Victor. I'm so proud."

After the interviews and talk, Victor was able to make it the moment Yuri went on. He sat with the others, Hiroko by his side and holding his hand tightly. Emi sat on his lap, hugging him and leaving a bunch of kisses on his cheek. 

"I can't believe I was able to see it in person," Hiroko exclaimed while squeezing his hand. "We're so proud of you, Vicchan."

"Well, I couldn't of done it without you guys." Victor replied and shrugged, "That program was made with you in mind."

Hiroko leaned in his shoulder the same way Yuri was on the other side of him, he was talking to Phichit while his hand was rested on Emi's own hand. She was sitting his lap, sporting her Russia jacket for the event. Yuri was on the ice now, everyone cheering especially loud for him. Victor finally let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, there was an inch on his wrist that made him unfocused.

Victor noted the cheer Otabek sent from the Kiss and Cry. Otabek ended with being right behind Victor still, making his nerves die down a bit.

Yuri went to the middle of the rink, he seemed on the edge. The music played through out the rink instantly, Yuri went into the song just as Victor taught him. String instruments playing smoothly before the lyrics began to voice through the speakers. His words full of hurt. The lost type of love that one wishes to never feel. Yet, here Yuri was, showing it as if he's felt it at one time before.

He never realized how much Yuri worked on presentation before. The vocalist's voice so heart wrenching, the way Yuri moved on the ice to it was heartbreaking in a good way.

Victor couldn't imagine trying to skate this program, it was still slightly different from his previous performance of _Stammi Vicinio_. _E Lucevan le Stelle_ was more on the side of losing love instead of never gaining the love that was wished and desired. 

The skater went into the combination spin scheduled the moment the music grew in volume, there was so much grace in the teenagers movements. Everyone stared in awe at the sight of him, Victor swallowed just knowing he may get ahead of him. But scoring didn't matter, it was the story Yuri was showing.

A cry of his heart was brought out, Victor could only imagine losing Yuri.

_There was no way he could lose Yuri, right?_

No matter what, Victor always had a tug on the back of his mind telling him that Yuri wouldn't want to be with him for as long as Victor wanted. There were things Victor struggled with that would bring down the younger man. Such as his illness that he still couldn't control all to well, it's become somewhat more easy to control but not all the way. Sometimes Emi catches Victor in that state, which has always been his biggest fear.

_They do love me, why am I thinking this?_

_They do love me, right?_

_Or am I forcing it on them?_

A tear slipped from his cheek, watching Yuri graze on the ice without anything stopping him. Victor let out a breath as if hit in the stomach, the teenager made a strong ending with all the jumps he nailed and step sequence smashed with perfection.  The boy stood tall on the ice, his body looking slightly fatigue but overall strong. Victor's heart fell to his stomach by then, making his hands sweaty.

_What if they don't want me after this?_

_Do I still skate?_

_Do they still want me around?_

_Am I nothing to them after this season?_

The music stopped after Yuri finished it, the crowd cheering with shock and surprise. His mind was back into reality, quicker than expected. Victor blinked away any tears that were going to form soon, wiping his face without anyone noticing. Hiroko picked up her head from his shoulder confused, peeking his way. His eyes were filled with the same concern he's seen in Yuri's face on his days.

It was not the right time, he just skated a program for her. He should be happy. They're happy. _Right?_

"Are you okay, Vicchan?"

Emi turned around in his lap to focus her attention on him, "What's wrong?"

"I'm okay." Victor hastily, pointing out on the ice now to draw their attention away. "Ah, Yurio did really good, huh?"

_I did good too, right?_

Hiroko frowned before looking back at the ice where Yuri was giving his bows to the audience and judges. 

"Yes he did." Was all she said.

They watched Yuri go to the Kiss and Cry, awaiting his score with Yakov and Lilia on each side of him. The older man drowned out the crowd, Hiroko's voice, the announcer's words, and everything around him. The song echoed in his mind without a warning.

_They still want me, right?_

 

 

Victor should've known that it would hit him like a bus. 

He was able to snatch first to his surprise after all the short programs, Yuri was only behind a few points with Otabek trailing behind him as well. After the interviews that did not last long because Victor made the excuse of "celebrating". He sat on the hotel bed, still in his track suit and short program out. They had went to dinner but Victor suggested that he was still tired and Yakov let him leave as Hiroko and them stayed.

Yuri tagged along with Victor, deciding to go to bed as well. Emi hugged Victor a congrats and stayed with Hiroko, they were going to explore some more before coming back to the hotel. The bed felt stiff below him, no where near comfortable.

The bathroom door opened and Yuri came out, the water rushing from inside of the walk in shower stall. Yuri was walking over to Victor and putting down his clothing he wore today on his own suitcase.

"I thought we could shower together, if you'd like?" Yuri mentioned from the other side of the bed, Victor blinked a couple times to focus his eye sight away from the wall.

Not saying a word, Victor nodded and stood up. He stripped himself of the clothing that clung to his body with sweat and nerves. He didn't feel like he got first tonight. An upsetting weight in his stomach was making him nauseous and Victor didn't know what to do. For some reason, the voice in the back of his head was everywhere. Taunting him for his failure as an athelete, lover, _parent_ , and more.

He walked into the bathroom, Yuri was already inside waiting for him. _Would Yuri want to do this every day like they've been doing for awhile now?_ Victor opened the see through stall door of the shower and Yuri made room for him instantly before Victor shut the door. Yuri motioned Victor into the water, he let the water run down his face first to try to put himself at ease with all the questions flooding his mind.

_Sometimes, he feels like they don't deserve this._

_They don't deserve having to treat for him and deal with him._

 

_He's just a waste of space._

Victor rubbed his face, feeling tears prickling his eyes with pain. His body slumped over as he stood, his back to Yuri to hide it. To hide his weakness, the one he's seen too many times. How many times does this have to happen to finally make it stop. Victor has it under control, but sometimes it's just too strong and pulls him back down. His head ached all over and eyes burned behind his hands.

_A charity case that they don't really love me._

_They just feel bad._

His breath hitched, quiet enough for Yuri not to hear. 

_I am too much trouble, I just pull them back from happiness._

_Right?_

"Victor."

Yuri's voice cut him from his thoughts and he turned around to bring his eyes on Yuri. He swallowed, blinking a couple times to watch his boyfriend's face strain with concern and confusion. The water wasn't as hot from when he first stepped in, making him wonder how long he was really standing there. 

"Yeah?" Victor murmured in response, hoping he couldn't tell how red his eyes were.

His big, brown eyes pouring into him more than the water on his back was. The strands of his hair sticking to his forehead, slightly getting some of his sight away.

"Is that what you think?" Yuri whispered, his voice full of hurt.

"What do you mean?"

Yuri blinked, "I don't think you knew you were saying those things out loud."

Victor stared at him, "I.. I did?"

"Victor, you don't really think that. Do you?" Yuri asked bewildered, his eyes never leaving Victor's own.

"There's still some thoughts," Victor started as he tried to process his words. The headache was pounding his head merciful. "I don't think I do but-"

"-Victor," Yuri murmured into Victor's words. "We always want you with us. You know that right?"

Nothing came out of his mouth, only his heart beat racing in his chest.

Yuri reached over behind Victor, shutting the water off and crossing his arms as he glanced away from Victor for a few seconds. The older man just stood there, not knowing what to say. He can see the slight hurt that Yuri was trying but not successfully hiding.

"Yuri, wait." Victor started the moment Yuri reached for the shower door.

"I know I shouldn't blame you for how you're feeling. It's a normal part of Depression but I want you to get it in your head that we do care for you. Okay?" Yuri stated slowly, his voice soft as his eyes shifted up to Victor's own.

Tears were falling from Yuri's eyes and the shower door opened. Victor walked out after Yuri helping him in a towel, they didn't say anything as they sat on the bed with towels around their waist. Yuri held his hands together, rubbing his thumb across his skin.

"You've worked so hard to get yourself here," Yuri started woefully. "I hate that you still haven't noticed."

"I got here because of you guys, if it wasn't for your support-"

"-Our support doesn't compare to how much you've grown."

The quick response made Victor jump, picking his head up to look at his lover. The tears were still going down his slight chubby cheeks, Victor didn't know if he was even allowed to reach out for him or not. He kept his hands on his own thighs, gripping them through the towel.

"It does," Victor spoke quietly while taking a breath. "I don't think I could've done it."

"You did it, without us even there a couple times actually."

"I still freaked out and-"

"-You still managed to get yourself on the ice and win silver at one and gold at the other." 

Victor couldn't figure out why Yuri was doing this, "I don't know what to say."

"If you need someone to talk too, I am here." Yuri pleaded in a hoarse whisper, his hand going into Victor's now. He was squeezing it so tightly, Victor's heart was pounding as hard as his head was. "Have you forgotten?"

"No," Victor choked out as he began to cry. "I don't like bothering you with my problems."

"That's the last thing you could ever do. I'm not only your boyfriend but your best friend. If you ever need me for something, please tell me, Victor. Communication is important."

"But your happiness and well being is more important."

Yuri shook his head quickly, "You're the reason for my happiness as well as Emi. If you're happy, then I'm happy."

"I'm not happy." Victor replied without missing a beat.

The room went silent. Victor could hear the water from the shower dripping still. The sounds of cars outside the hotel room driving on the busy street. Yuri's breath becoming shallow.

"And," Yuri started as his grip grew loose. "Is there anything I can do?"

"I think if you support me, that will be enough for now."

"Anything else?"

"I don't want to be alone tomorrow."

Their eyes finally met, he could see Yuri's face matched his own perfect. Victor laced their fingers without a second thought. His mind wasn't clear, but he knew one thing. He caused this. The tear stains on Yuri's cheeks. The redness on his face. The sad expression full of regret and guilt. The heartache flooded in his eyes. 

_It's his fault._

Yuri shook his head as if he just _knew_. They removed their towels, Yuri pulled Victor into bed. Adjusting the covers over them, his body draping over Victor's own and holding him tighter than he ever had in his life. Victor felt new fresh tears falling onto the pillow and into Yuri's hair where he tucked his head under Victor's chin. He pressed a soft kiss on his chin, in pure reassurance.

"We will always be there." Yuri finally answered, his body stopped tensing in relief.

_He didn't deserve this._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cannot believe i signed up for a math class during the summer that is from 5:30 PM - 9 PM  
> i finished this chapter though so!!!!  
> i apologize for the pure angst near the end, it just kinda happened. i also apologize if this chapter isn't the bed, we're so close to the end that now my mind is getting hit with the fact that it is.
> 
> tumblr: smolkatsuki  
> comments & kudos appreciated


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Go," she says. "He waits for you."
> 
> \- Thetis  
> The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

This all started the year he was to turn twenty-two.

Practice ran longer than usual, Victor was growing fatigue by the time it was going to be nine at night. Yakov stood on the outside rink, watching him work on his quads for the hundredth time. The only break he had was lunch but that was for 30 minutes. There was just a couple weeks before the Olympics and Victor has been trainer harder than he had ever had before.

It was day in and out of the rink every single day. The only time he wasn't here was because he was home sleeping before coming back. He had three meals a day, counting the calories and how much he's eating in order to stay fit. Other days he wasn't at the rink was because he was at the gym, working out. Victor has never worked this yard since his first time in the Senior division.

There was a slight fear in him that tugged him through messing up the landing of his jumps or the rotations of his quads. Yakov has already gotten after him several times (eleven times but who's counting) today. His head was full of frustration, if he had a plan to beat every single figure skater there, Victor was going through with it no matter what. 

Victor found the rink clear on the left side since Georgi moved towards the entrance of the ice, he decided to work on the quad flip once more before running through his program once more. His skates echoed off the ice, gliding through the small part of his program to make his way into the quad. Victor moved his body and went to do the rotations of the spin.

Something didn't go right with his count and caused him to slip from his landing, using his arms to keep him from hitting the ice. His mind blacked out for a second, feeling the ice on his back the moment he opened his eyes. Hands aching in pain from catching his fall on his chest, Victor groaned out.

"Vitya!"

Georgi was crouching above him with wide eyes, yelling for Yakov to get a medic. Victor's chest heaved in pain, his eyes welding up from the realization that he might not get to be in the Olympics. The young man used his hand to plant it on the ice, supporting himself to sit up. Georgi's hand went immediately to his back and helped him sit up.

" _Are you okay? What were you trying to do?_ "

"Quad," Victor choked out in a breath. " _I'm fine. Let me just stand-_ "

" _No, no. Just wait for the nurse to get here._ "

" _Georgi, I'm fine._ " He grit out this time, the doors opened to find the club nurse with Yakov.

With the help from his rink mate, Victor moved off the ice and was lead over with both hands of Yakov and the nurse. Yakov began to yell at him for making a stupid mistake, telling him no quads for a few days unless they say other wise. Sitting down on the small bed that they have for people who are injured at the rink, Victor waited for the nurse to come and check him out.

Yakov stood by the door with a irritated expression, trying to brush off the fact that he knew Yakov would be angry if he continued but he needed too.

The nurse came back quickly, checking his eyes and all. His eyes followed the light as well as finger she presented to him, as if signs for anything that could've happened besides his chest pain. She seemed conflicted from the check, Victor didn't feel anything wrong.

" _Did you hit your head?_ "

Victor tried to remember, " _I don't think so._ " Shaking his head, if he did, there wasn't any pain felt.

" _He did._ " Yakov replied right after.

The skater stayed hush like a child going to the doctors with their parents. He listened to the nurse's questions about what he could recall. After all the exercises, the nurse gave a relief nod towards Yakov. Victor took it as a good sign, yet Yakov seemed skeptical but accepted her response.

" _No concussion, just take it easy._ "

_No concussion, just take it easy._

_No concussion._

_Just take it easy._

They would've believed her if nothing happened after.

Surprise: She was wrong. It took a couple years later after Victor started to show signs of himself that he realized he had a problem.

First, it was the migraines. They'd trigger during practice, breaks, or at home. Type of stabbing pains all around his head that would move around from the front to the back and even towards his face. Victor struggled to open his eyes or stand up when they'd hit him at times. No matter what, it was daily and always got him at the worse times.

Another was his emotions. Victor found himself drained of feeling, pushing off practice once or twice a week. His body couldn't get up to eat anything, only managing one meal a day. Everything ached around him, it started slowly at first. A couple times a month. Once a week. Then picked up to two times a week. Then daily, sometimes Victor felt himself fighting it just to get out of bed or get food into his system.

The last part was the nightmares. They were more of things he wanted in a way. He'd find himself standing on the roof of a building or in the middle of a street. Sometimes it would be him alone in a room with a gun at the corner of it. He'd wake up sweating and panting before the last second of him doing one of those things in the dream. He'd be drowsy and tired at practice the next morning.

It was a distraction to his skating all together.

Going to the hospital himself, he tells the doctor everything about what had been going on. From the migraines to the thoughts. The doctor decides an MRI will do after checking for signs of a concussion once again, except Victor didn't have much time for that with the Worlds coming up the following week.

" _I don't have time for an MRI._ " Victor started with a frown. " _I'm a competitive figure skater. I have to train._ "

" _Well, you need to come in sometime soon in order for us to really find out what's going on._ "

Taking it, Victor went to the Worlds. The doctor called him a week after it to remind him. He decided to get the MRI without Yakov or Lilia knowing. He scheduled an appointment, telling Yakov that he was going to visit his parents for the weekend. Victor went to the hospital, feeling completely uneasy.

After the testing, he had to wait for something to come back. It took about a month for the wait. Makkachin stayed by his side as he stared at the phone to ring for him to come back in to review the test.

When he got the phone call, Victor hesitated to go but managed to sneak out during his lunch break for it. Then the news hit him. He did have a concussion. After a couple years it had been since being told that he didn't have one, that he had to ' _take it easy_ '. Victor sat in the hospital room is disbelief, staring at the MRI scan on the wall of his head. The doctor kept circling on the front of his skull that had clear damage taken to it. 

_Frontal Lobe Damage._

His heart dropped, especially when the doctor prescribed the medication he would need to take as well as a slip of psychiatrist to see for his mental health to make sure he doesn't have any other issues. Victor told Yakov of the medication, stating it was for migraines and nothing else so they'd have it for the ISU report. Yakov didn't question him, only saying he'd send it in for them to inspect for him to take. 

Victor threw away the psychiatrist recommendations.

There was no need for him to talk to someone about his feelings. It's not like anyone seemed to care about it. He's a skater, he doesn't have time to sit on a couch and tell a stranger about what he thinks about. Victor tried to keep his focus on the ice no matter how much he wanted to step off and never step on again. A few times he'd slip up that would make Yakov question him but nothing major.

It wasn't until the following year where everything began to _crumble_.

Never had Victor showed his emotions on ice or in the public eye.

They would be at home when laying in bed, Yakov would come in to physically pick him up and take him to the bathroom to wash up before heading to practice. It would be at the rink where Yurio would force him to eat something from how thin he had gotten. It would be on the way home where he'd stare at the empty street just wondering whether a car would come by and if he'd jump in front of it.

Yakov and Yuri sensed something and that's why they helped but Victor never mentioned why or answered the questions they'd try to tell him.

Victor knew he had a problem but he wasn't going to face it. The depression grew more and more through out the years without anyone knowing until he finally gave up after the Grand Prix.

Taking him to this moment in time, laying in bed with Yuuri in his arms.

He reached for his phone to check the time, it was five in the morning. Placing the phone down, Victor rubbed his face in pure exhaustion. He was trying to forget last night happened but can't. Yuuri's heartbroken face haunted him in a way he wished it didn't.

Something was said last night and he hoped to god Yuuri didn't take it the wrong way. He glanced down at Yuuri, sound asleep on his chest while holding him tighter than he usually does when they sleep together. It's the other way around when they're home but Yuuri had a better grip than Victor. His hand reached down and brushed some of the strands of hair away from his lover's face.

Yuuri was resting well enough, it was still dim in the room but he could see the slight flush that was his favorite in the mornings. The one that showed the freckles Yuuri actually had on his skin. Always made Victor smile at the sight of the color, except this type of flush was inflicted from last night. 

_You don't deserve this._

Victor swallowed the ache in his throat and shut his eyes. Tonight is the night he was going to prove something to the world. He doesn't know what yet. His thoughts fell from his mind the moment Yuuri stirred from his sleep, nuzzling his head into Victor's chest and letting out a soft sigh. Victor watched his eyes slowly creep open to look up at Victor.

Silence stayed between them, he couldn't read Yuuri's expression as he raised his head slowly. Victor watched him rub his eyes as he always did in the mornings, blinking a couple times and glancing around the room. Yuuri yawned and leaned over Victor, his hand resting beside Victor's head and looking into his eyes. Blinking, Victor stayed still under Yuuri's gaze.

Yuuri's open hand caressed Victor's face delicately, as if he was scared to break the man. The pounding of Victor's heart could be heard through the silence, Yuuri grazed his hand upon his skin and down his neck towards his chest. The heart beat was hitting the palm of Yuuri's hand, his mouth parted with a small breath. Victor opened his mouth to say something until his phone buzzed.

They stood still like statues, neither of them reaching for the phone. Victor finally got his muscles to work, grabbing his phone to see the caller ID. Minako's name popped up and Victor quickly answered it.

"Hello?" Victor's voice was hoarse as he spoke.

"Vicchan?"

Emi's voice startled Victor, "Emi? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she whispered softly into the phone. "I spent the night with Grandma. She bought me a dress for today."

"Did she?"

Yuuri laid down next to him, Victor extended his arm for him out of habit. Resting his head on Victor's arm, Victor used his hand on the phone to put it on speaker then place it on his chest.

"Is Papa with you still?" Emi asked suddenly.

"Yes," Victor replied with a quiet voice. "He's here."

"Good, Papa doesn't sleep good without you."

Yuuri sunk himself into Victor's side now, tucking his head by his rib. 

"Why aren't you sleeping still, Emi? It's early." Victor asked out of curiosity.

There was a bit of shuffling on the other line, "I couldn't sleep."

"Is there something on your mind?"

She hesitated, "I don't like sleeping without you and Papa."

"I'm sorry, you should've said something last night." Yuuri spoke up with a frown.

"No, it's okay. I wanted Papa and Vicchan to talk."

"We did," Victor replied instantly, looking at Yuuri. 

"You did?" Her voice growing excited. "Does that mean you told him, Papa?"

Yuuri sucked in a breath, "No."

It was quiet between the three of them, Victor still had no clue what they were talking about. Emi let out a sigh and more moving happened on her side of the phone call. Victor could only stare at Yuuri, hoping he'd tell him soon enough.

"I'm gonna go, Oba is waking up."

"Okay, we'll see you later to go to the rink." Yuuri stated quietly, Emi and him murmured I love you's before the call ended.

"What's the thing you were going to tell me?" Victor asked after putting the phone away, Yuuri shook his head.

"I'll tell you later."

"But right now seems fine."

"Later."

"But-"

"- _Victor_." Yuuri snapped, not realizing how loud he raised his voice.

Victor blinked up at him and turned his body to the side, his back to Yuuri. The younger man placed his hand on Victor's hip, he flinched from the touch. Yuuri moved his hand and rubbed his face.

"Can you talk to me?"

"If it's about what you were suppose to say, then yes. If not, no."

"I'm sorry, but I want to wait till later." Yuuri said with frustration hinting in his voice.

The skater sat up quickly to meet eyes with him, "Why? It seems so important if Emi keeps mentioning it."

"Emi is pushy, you know that."

"So? It's obviously important if she keeps asking about it continuously."

Yuuri pulled his lips to a line, "I will tell you later."

"Is it bad enough to where you can't just tell me now?"

"Why can't you just drop it, Victor? It doesn't matter right now."

"So why should it matter later?"

The younger man went to open his mouth but shut it quickly, noticing the tears that were falling from Victor's cheeks that he didn't even seem to realize himself. Yuuri reached out to wipe some of them away, Victor froze under his touch and stared at him. 

Victor avoided Yuuri's eyes, "Is it something bad?"

"No. Never." Yuuri whispered softly, trying to calm himself. 

Not a single word was said after that, Yuuri pulled his hand away from Victor's face and watched the man lay back down. His pale back in Yuuri's line of sight, Victor shuddered under the blankets and shut his eyes. 

 

-

 

The entire day seemed to have gotten worse.

Yuuri and Victor didn't speak the entire day. Victor went to practice that morning with Yakov, stayed longer before he was kicked out by the workers there. Yakov seemed angry by Victor's terrible practice, he fell at least three times from what he can remember. The migraine in his head came back from not eating breakfast, making it hard to focus. Victor went back to the hotel to find Yuuri had gone out with his family, leaving him alone.

He napped, ate lunch on his own, showered, then got ready. Victor was to meet Yakov downstairs with Lilia and Yuri after, which he did. They headed out to the rink at the time designated by Yakov. When they got to the rink, Yuuri and Emi were already waiting for them by the entrance where the skaters were to go. 

"Hi, Vicchan! Yurio!" Emi said with a smile, hugging his legs and waving at Yuri.

"Hi, Emi. Did you have a good day?" Victor asked as they walked into the hallway that lead to the skaters area.

Emi nodded enthusiastically, "We went to a really cool place that had amazing muffins. I wish you could've come."

"I was busy anyway, maybe next time."

She nodded, following them to the room where Chris, JJ, Otabek, and Kiet were already there. Victor took his spot from last time, Emi sat down in Yuuri's lap from the chair given. Yakov walked over after talking to Yuri with Lilia, he looked at Victor with concern.

"Are you ready?" He asked gruffly, his eyes flickering from Yuuri and Emi to Victor.

Victor only shrugged, started to go through the program without another word. Yakov stared at him, watching the stiff movements Victor was making. His hands were shaking and sweat was trickling from his head. It wasn't nerves. He just knew he was going to fail.

"Why don't we talk somewhere private?" Yakov asked, crossing his arms.

"I need to practice."

"After we talk, listen to your coach for once."

He stopped his motions and followed Yakov without another word, leaving Yuuri and Emi behind. Yakov lead him to the hallway, one that reminded him of the one during the Cup of China. The door shut behind them, Yakov grabbed Victor's shoulders to keep direct eye contact with one another.

"Last time I saw you like this was a few weeks ago during practice," Yakov stated with worry painted all over his face. "Did something happen?"

"Nothing, I'm fine." Victor replied timidly.

"Vitya, Yuuri looks rather upset as well."

Victor huffed, "What do you want me to do, Yakov?"

"To talk to me," Yakov hurried his response. "What's going on?"

The sound of the first group being called could be heard, neither of them moved from their positions. Victor pushed himself off of Yakov's grip, running his hands through his hair while thinking of something to say. _There isn't anything to say. Is there?_

"I'm fine, I just need time alone."

Yakov went to object but noticed the look in Victor's eyes, his coach nodded and left the room to be with Yuri and Lilia. He stood alone in the hallway, leaning his back into the wall and cupping his face in his hands. Victor counted his breaths that he breathed in and out. _Focus. Focus. Focus_. _You can win this._ Before Victor could continue his thoughts, a pair of arms wrapped around his legs.

Peeking from his hands, his eyes landed on Emi hugging him. Her big, brown eyes peered at him with a frown. There was a slight squeeze around his legs from her, her arms growing tighter.

"Papa says sometimes when people are sad, they need a hug."

Victor pulled his hands away from his face, "Does he?"

"Mhm," Emi replied while nuzzling her head into the thighs of dress pants. "He made me give him a big hug then told me you needed one too."

He sighed quietly and placed his hands on her back, Emi picked up her head. Victor gave her a sad smile, crouching down once he got her off his legs to give her a real hug. Her small arms went around the back of his neck and he held her so securely. Apart of him hoped this would make all the bad thoughts go away. Emi tucked her head into his neck, making sure to leave a kiss on his cheek before hand.

Victor stayed in her arms without another word until the door opened.

"Hey, it's almost time." Yakov's voice filled the hallway.

Emi squeezed Victor once more before moving away from him, taking his hand with a smile. He took her hand and laced their fingers, walking out of the hallway to the main room. He could already see Kiet and JJ already watching Chris on the ice. He made his way to Yuuri, who was standing up waiting for the two of them. Victor let Emi's hand go to start working out his legs once more to relax his body.

"You can do it, Vicchan." Emi broke the silence while watching him stretch. "We believe in you."

"Thank you, Emi."

Yuuri spoke up after, "Good luck tonight." 

"Thanks," Victor deadpanned, turning his back to Yuuri.

It was quiet between them and Emi. She stood next to Yuuri, tugging on his sweater and glancing at Victor. Emi frowned up at him, Yuuri gave her a panged expression before looking at Victor's back.

_Now or never._

"I remember when I first met you," the younger man started. "I was hurt over how angry you were of me."

Victor paused and peeked over his shoulder, "What?"

"It really hurt me, knowing my idol hated me for saving them. I guess, I didn't know what else to expect. For you to be happy that I stopped you from not seeing another day." His boyfriend whispered the last part, holding Emi's hand for support. "But, it didn't really stop me from trying."

The man from the front called the skaters out for the next group to come and wait. Yuuri licked his lips and let out a sigh, following Victor out with the others in silence. Emi continued to squeeze his hand for support.

"You don't know this but sometimes I watch you when you sleep," Yuuri confessed right next to Victor, not caring about drawing attention. "I think about how lucky I was to meet you."

Otabek was sent onto the ice as Yuuri finished his words, he stayed quiet and picked up Emi from the ground for her to see. She glanced at Victor's muddled expression before turning her attention to Otabek on the ice.

"I sometimes feel like it's a dream. Being able to receive your love and attention on a daily basis. I'm scared to sleep at night to wake up and find it all a dream. Especially watching you become the person you are today."

Victor watched Otabek skate his program, taking in Yuuri's words piece by piece. His heart swelled from the sudden confession that his lover was giving him. He peeked at Yuuri, his eyes on Otabek on the ice following his movements.

"I want to be someone you can go too. For anything."

Yuuri turned his head to look at Victor, "You've become apart of our little family so easily and I will never be able to thank you for that. For everything you've given us. From watching Emi on the days that I can't. For supporting us and helping us out when we really needing it. For loving my family just as much as they love you. For loving Emi for who she is, especially since she has a single parent who's life is not the most normal."

Emi played with the collar of Yuuri's shirt, trying to focus on the conversation.

"We can't thank you enough for bringing joy to our small family of two. You don't know this but Emi calls you Daddy when you're not around. It's been going on for the past couple months and I haven't tried stopping her because you've basically _become_ her second parent. I don't think that since you're not blood related, that doesn't make you any less a parent to her."

"You think so?" Victor replied in shock, staring at Yuuri.

The free skate song playing grew louder, that didn't stop Victor from not focusing on the two people who have really changed his life in more ways than he could've ever imagined. Yuuri nodded in a small answer, glancing at Emi as she held her hands together.

"Papa and I love you lots, Vicchan. I love you the way I love Papa too. Except, I think Daddy works best for you."

The older man's breath hitched and meeting Emi's eyes, she smiled the same way he's seen her do many times.

When they're at the rink, at home getting ready for bed as he reads her a bed time story, at the store when purchasing ice cream, in bed when she can't sleep alone sometimes, and right now.

"I was so sccared to tell you because I thought maybe it was rushed? We see one another on daily, not counting doctor's appointments when you come in to see him for your own needs." Yuuri whispered, "I want to be more than someone you had to associate with. I want to be important to you. I want to be the one you love."

Yuuri smiled hopefully at him, taking a breath and looking at the ground. Soon, the song ended and everyone's applauded stopped them from saying anything else. Yuri's name was called out and they all watched him go on the ice. Emi yelled her good lucks as did Otabek from the Kiss and Cry. Victor stared at the teenager on the ice, nothing was said after as the music began to play for Yuri. 

The three of them stared at Yuri on the ice, gazing at the young teenager who was skating with every inch of him. Determined to win. Victor shook the thoughts before they could come, remembering the conversation. After all this time, Emi has been calling Victor that term behind his back. He knew she loved him, she told him already but never called him that.

It was a dream come true all together.

He honestly forgets sometimes how much these two love him. But not only them, others too. Victor felt stupid for thinking that these people don't really care for him, it's how he's felt for a long time after the injury. He had his reasons why, why he had these thoughts in his mind. It held him back from things like this, from people like them, from feelings like love.

Yuri landed another quad, easing close into the second part of his program. The piano of the song was rough, but strong just like Yuri. He could almost see Emi out there, playing with him on the ice as he showed her some parts of the free skate. He could see her giggles as he helped her turn quickly into the next part. 

A hand brushed onto his own, he looked down to see Yuuri grabbed his hand and laced their fingers. The awe Victor felt from watching Yuri on the ice, he was proud. Yuri finished the final jump, the crowd cheering on after it as he went into his combination spin. Emi squealed for him as the song finally ended, they watched him strike the final pose for the judges.

Cheering loudly, Victor moved to the rink entrance and started to remove the guards on his skate. Handing Yuri his track suit jacket to reveal the outfit he never thought of wearing before until now. Yuuri gazed at him, placing the jacket on the rink wall. That's when Yuuri finally started to speak again.

"From seeing you on the ice as a child to finding you in the ER that night to being with you right here at the Grand Prix. There is not a day that goes by where I don't regret finally meeting you in person, even when you were furious with me after what I had done for you. The only thing I hope for you is that you know how far you've come, Victor. I don't think you can see that, everyone else can." Yuuri spoke as Victor moved onto the ice now, staring at his lover in surprise. "I know I can't fix you. You know I can't fix you. But, I am here to be by your side in case of anything. To support you. To cherish you. To love you. Because I have never fallen in love so fast and happily in my life."

"Yuuri," Victor whispered as the announcer began the recap of Yuri's performance. 

"I love you so much. We," Yuuri says as he motions Emi in his arms. "Love you so much. You've become apart of our life, a big part of it. I love you for who you are, all the bad and good. You can skate however you want out there tonight but it will never define who you are as a person. I'm so proud of you and I hope you're more proud of yourself."

"We love you," Emi said softly when reached for his hand the moment his voice began to echo through the arena.

"Skate for _you_ , Victor." Yuuri added with a smile. "That's all we are asking from you now."

Victor leaned into them both, giving them a tight hug before skating towards the middle. Tears sprung to his eyes with joy, he wiped them quickly once he got to the spot he needed to be. Gazing at the crowd, he met Yuri and Emi's eyes and laughed softly.

His heart felt like it was going to leave his chest the moment he was starting his free skate. Knees buckled as he stood in his position, glancing out at the crowd and judges before him. Last year was nothing like this, he felt a smile tug on his lips.

_I'm skating for myself._

_But this is song will forever be inspired by you._

The instruments fell into the silent room, his mind now concentrated on the music as it began for him. This program was inspired by the man on the other side of the rink, the one who helped him mold into the person he is today. The one who loves him for who he is despite the struggle he is going through. But he isn't the only one who loves him. Victor could name some of them off one by one: Emi, Hiroko, Toshiya, Yakov, Yuri, Chris, Mila, Georgi, and more. 

_Hold me close and hold me fast._

_This magic spell you cast._

_This is La Vie en Rose._

Stretching out his arms through the piece, he skated across with the music while the smile on his lips never tried to leave. The aching he was feeling since last night was disappearing and being filled with happiness that couldn't be explained.

_When you kiss me, heaven sighs._

_And though I close my eyes,_

_I see La Vie en Rose._

He landed the first jump of the free skate, earning cheers as he grazed the ice with his skates and moved through the choreography. The one he designed himself in order to show Yuuri. But, somehow, this program has become for himself too. Victor is learning to love in this way and that also includes loving himself.

People say you need to put yourself before others and it's hard when you want to put the people you love ahead first. Even if they don't want you too. Victor has managed to forget taking care of himself after letting in the thoughts that no one cared about him to begin with. Victor knows it is going to take some time, one is not merely cured by love from others but it can make it less intense.

Victor was going to do this because it will be for them and himself. He does deserve more than he believes. He's here for a reason, he's gotten himself here countless times with the help of Yakov and now Yuuri and Emi.

_When you press me to your heart,_

_I'm in a world apart._

_A world where roses bloom._

The song was growing and he knew the step sequence started when the instrumental solos began. Victor nailed another quad with a triple, a blissful feeling ignited inside him as the crowd erupted for the moment. Each step and move was ready in his mind before he did them. **I promise that I am happy, Yuuri.** Victor thought as he skated past his lover. **I can't be happy all the time, but the times I am. You are the reason for it. For that, I am grateful.**

_And when you speak,_

_Angels sing from above._

_Every day words seem to turn into love songs._

His heart was racing into the second part of the free skate, Victor loved this part. The step-sequence was after the next set of lyrics that sent shivers down ones spine. He loved to practice this, remembering the first time he did this for Yuuri in the rink alone when Yakov told him too. One of the best decisions he had ever made. Though it wasn't his best at the time and that part needed work.

Victor loved knowing that Yuuri knew it was for him. That part of the song was his way of finally saying the three words to Yuuri without actually saying it. He wasn't ready at first, but now he is because Yuuri loves him too.

_Give your heart and soul to me._

_And life will always be,_

_La Vie en Rose._

The instruments took over this part of the song, Victor started to move like it was the last time he was skating this song for his Yuuri. Victor will never be able to thank Yuuri enough for everything he's done. From the day they first met in the hospital to now at the Grand Prix Final. Victor couldn't believe he had come so far, not knowing this would happen if he wasn't alive.

He might've never met Emi and learned about her to the point of loving her as his own child. He might've never met Hiroko and learned the love of a family again. He might've never knew Yakov's real feelings for him as not only a coach but a son. He might've never knew Yurio's care and love for him that he has learned the past year. He might've never gotten to love and care for Yuuri the way he does now after all this time.

Victor's eyes grew blurry, tears began to go down his face as he went into another quad and aced it. He was so happy. So full of happiness, that's all he was able to feel now. Nerves and fears were gone, taken away with the storm that had been hovering him all day. 

_And when you speak,_

_Angels sing from above._

_Every day words seem to turn into love songs._

The skating grew slower, coming close to the end as Victor held his chin high and transitioned into the combination spin that he ended with. Did you feel it too, Yuuri? Did you feel my love for you now?

_Give your heart and soul to me._

_And life will always be,_

_La Vie en Rose._

Victor strike the final pose, breathing heavily as he faced the judges with the tears that fell down his face and a smile to balance the expression. It might take sometime for him to learn about what has been going through, he never really touched the matter the past five years of having it. Never had it taken so long to snap and Victor wasn't going to allow that to happen ever again.

He wants to alive for the important things, the two important ones stood at the Kiss and Cry _waiting_ for him.

After bowing, Victor skated over quickly to the two of them. Yuuri jumped out at him like the first time he skated the program, their bodies landing on the ice with Yuuri cradling his head and Victor's arms going around him tightly. Yuuri's lips fell on his, tears matching Victor's own through all the emotions around them. The crowd cheered for them, especially Emi, who stood on the other side still laughing at them.

Yuuri pulled away slowly, their lips causing a soft smacking sound during it. Victor stared at the love of his life, bringing his hand up to brush the strands of hair from his face and grinned.

"I love you, Yuuri." Victor whispered fondly, Yuuri nudged his cheek into Victor's hand.

"I love you too, Victor."

The loud cheers in the arena was ecstatic, Victor and Yuuri laughed as they got up from the position and went to sit at the Kiss and Cry. Emi sat seated in Victor's lap once again, Yuuri holding his hand tightly as they wait for the results.

"You did amazing, Daddy!" Emi squealed in glee, hugging Victor with all her might.

Victor laughed softly, his heart jumping out of his chest at the name. "You think so?"

Emi nodded quickly, "Right, Papa?"

"Yes, he did do amazing. Probably his best one yet," Yuuri replied, squeezing his hand with a bright smile. 

"It was for you and me, always."

The spokesman's voice finally got to the scoring, the three of them stared down at the screen until the white, bold numbers were shown. Victor's heart dropped, staring at the score once more as the arena filled with cheers. Emi jumped his lap, clapping with the crowd as Yuuri hugged him from behind and tucked his head onto his chin.

"You did it, baby. You skated for you and look what you got." Yuuri murmured sweetly, eyes sparkling at the sight on the screen.

" _Gold_." Victor whispered breathlessly in disbelief, "I won gold."

The ceremony was different than the others. Victor was expected to get first at all the other competitions. This is the first time he didn't feel that. Victor stood on the middle podium with the gold in hand and a bouquet of flowers in his hands. His smile was big, bigger than he had ever smiled. Tears were almost forming in his eyes, they would've came down if it wasn't for the camera's flashes on Otabek, Yuri, and him. 

Otabek, Yuri, and Victor were lead to change and meet at the conference. Victor's hands were shaking, Yakov congratulated him as did Lilia, everything felt genuine. It was the fake type that he was used too. He was used to winning. But, he doesn't remember feeling the excitement like this since his first gold in the Junior division. Yuuri made sure to let him know that Emi and him would wait outside the conference room.

Victor took the medal off and placed it on Yuuri, pulling it gently to bring their lips together. Once they parted, Victor looked into Yuuri's eyes. The brown ones that show where Emi gets her own. 

Those eyes are already showing him their future. The same way they did at the hospital. The same way they did in Japan. The same way they do now. Victor hugged him tightly, his body trembling with joy. Victor couldn't believe he was able to win gold.

He knows it will take time to learn more about himself and work on helping himself the way he should. With the support from the ones he loves, especially Emi and Yuuri. Victor feels on top of the world. No moment will beat this.

"I love you," Yuuri whispered in his ear as Victor pulled away. "I'm so proud of you."

Victor beamed as he brought their forehead together, "I love you too."

"I love you!" Emi's voice added, Victor glanced down at Emi hugging their legs.

"I love you more," Victor replied and picked her up into his arms. "Thank you for loving me."

"Always," Emi spoke with a giggle. "You're the best!"

Victor held them both in his arms until his name was called out for the meeting. Emi hugged him tightly until he put her down, pressing a kiss on her hair. He turned his attention to his lover, cupping his cheek and pressing a soft kiss on his forehead. Victor bid his goodbyes, turning away from them to go with Yakov and Yuri.

Looking over his shoulder, he gazed at them with a bright smile.

_They are worth living for._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been six months since i started this fic and i'm so sad it has finally come to an end.  
> i'm sure you can tell i have one more chapter left, that's the epilogue.
> 
> but thank you to everyone for reading my first chaptered fic ever!! the kudos, comments, bookmarks made me more happy than you know. thank you for supporting my story and characters the way you did! every comments i received pleased my heart whether it was about emi or a grammar problem!! i'm just happy this fic made people happy!!
> 
> so thank you for being there for me, i am forever grateful.


	24. Epilogue

**Nine Years Later**  

Waking up before the alarm always bothered Victor as a teenager. Just knowing that he still had five minutes before having to get up and get ready for practice annoyed in soul and whole being. He grew accustomed to the annoyance of snapping awake without hearing the blaring, always meaning he woke up before it because Victor Nikiforov is never late to anything.

That was something he learned from his mother.

Yet, as the years went by and he grew older, he still found it annoying.

Until he started to wake up next to _Yuuri_. The time had to be around four-five in the morning, Victor was too lazy to check. All he can tell is that the sky was still dark out through the hotel room. Yuuri was curled into his body as he always did, his head resting on his arm. Victor always liked to look at Yuuri's features, trying to get used to the darkness in order to focus on the beauty beside him.

One of the things he loved about waking up before his alarm was the sight of Yuuri. He could see how content he was in his rest, sleeping away without a problem. From all the years of knowing him, Victor knows how much Yuri can sleep. He could probably sleep through the world ending if it wasn't for the alarm that was suppose to go off in a couple hours.

It was a wonderful feeling knowing Yuuri was in his arms every night they went to sleep. Yes, they have had their arguments where their backs are to one another in bed or one of the sleeps on the couch. That didn't happen enough to make Victor forget the warmth beside him at night.

Victor finds bliss in finding himself alive in the early hours of the morning. Whether it's waking up to make the morning coffee or going for a jog. It reminds him of why he's so thankful for his life today. He brought his open hand down to brush the hair on Yuuri's forehead away, getting a good glimpse of his eyelashes that remained shut. 

He smiled at the slight open mouth Yuuri seemed to have every time he slept, it let out soft hums and a bit of drool on Victor's arm. The Russian's heart fluttered at the sight, letting out a happy sigh. Victor knew he was a morning person, but he never knew why.

Yuri sturred in his sleep as if he felt Victor's gaze on him. The younger man blinked a couple times, barely opening his eyes and adjusting to the darkness in their hotel room. Victor watched Yuuri's eyes open fully, reaching up to rub his eyes lazily. A confused expression was painted on his beautiful face, Victor's heart jumped when Yuuri let out a yawn.

"What are you doing up?" Yuuri said groggily, wiping the side of his mouth.

"I just woke up," Victor whispered back softly, his breath was being taken away by Yuuri. "You can go back to sleep?"

"Something on your mind?"

Victor licked his lips and shrugged, "It's probably the same reason you're up."

He noticed Yuuri's eyes flicker, the way they do when Victor knows he's right. Yuuri Katsuki-Nikiforov can never lie to Victor anymore, just like Victor Katsuki-Nikiforov can't lie to him. His lover wore a soft smile, resting his head on Victor's chest and sighing.

"Probably." Yuuri murmured, shutting his eyes.

Victor started to run his fingers through Yuri's bed head, staring up at the ceiling with a smile. They were in Goyang, Korea this time around and they were expected to attend the Exhibition tonight. He reached for his phone to check the time, it stated to be 5:27 AM in the morning. Victor felt Yuri move, laying right on top of Victor and his chin resting on his hands that he brought together to pick his head up.

Licking his lips, Victor reached out and caressed his husband's face. Yuri leaned into the touch absentmindedly, cracking a smile from the older man. The sounds of traffic outside was the only thing that could be heard, Yuri watched Victor carefully.

"Do you remember when I asked you to marry me?" Yuri asked through the silence, Victor paused.

"I do."

Never could he forget that day. Yuri, Emi, and Victor took a trip for a week to visit the Katsuki family during the summer. It was already three days in and Victor sensed something was up but he didn't know what. Everyone was uneasy or on the edge about something, but they still all wore smiles on their face. Even Emi was on the edge.

Victor tried to ask everyone individually any chance he got. Hiroko changed the conversation about what to make for dinner to teach Victor something new. Toshiya mentioned how he needed help in the front with the garden. Mari instead of answering, asked if she could walk Makkachin since it was nice outside. Emi just laughed and called him silly before going back to drawing.

Yuri looked uncomfortable with the question, which is why Victor only asked him once.

Then, it happened.

The Katsuki's decided that dinner would be done early and Yuuri asked if Victor wanted to come to the rink with him since Yuuko was closing it early. He took the chance to go to work on his short program. Proceeding to ask Emi if she wanted to join, she denied instantly to his surprise. After dinner, Yuuri tugged Victor along anxiously to the rink.

Upon arriving, Victor followed Yuuri inside and put on his skates. Victor stepped onto the ice first before Yuuri turned on the lights of the rink. He went around in a circle, finding Yuuri still hadn't gotten on after his third round on the rink. Stopping in his tracks, Victor tilted his head confused.

"You coming?"

"In a minute," Yuuri had replied. "I just want to watch for a bit."

Victor nodded, not finding any reason to question on it and continued his way on the ice. He took some time to work on his figures before transition to the jumps he chose for the short program this year for the upcoming Grand Prix season. He already did it at the Worlds but it wasn't completely finished so he wanted to tweak it more.

The first instinct he had was to go through the program, he started from the beginning and drove himself into the program. Victor adjusted his footing to land his quad salchow and went straight for the middle of the ice to go into another jump. His eyes widened and stopping abruptly, Yuuri was standing in the middle of the ice. Victor didn't notice Yuuri got on the ice from being so focused.

Yuuri stood with hands behind his back before bringing them in front of him. A blue box sat in his hands that were trembling from his eyes staring at it. Victor watched his lover open it to reveal a golden band that shined in the rink lighting. The Russian's hands went to his face to cover his mouth, Yuuri smiled sheepishly at him from his position.

"Your life has always been on the ice, it's where I first saw you. I idolized you for ages and I ended up getting lucky snagging you as my boyfriend." Yuuri started with a laugh. "You've been in our life for about about a year now, I am so happy to have met you and got the privledge of falling in love with you. Now, I want to show you my love forever."

"Yuuri.." Victor choked out, eyes welding up. "You're asking me..?"

"Be my forever, Victor."

"Yes! Yes! Yes! I'll marry you!" Victor replied, gliding up to Yuuri and kissing his lips.

He felt his lover smile against his lips, taking the ring from the box and slipping it on his right hand's ring finger with ease. The box was thrown outside the rink, Victor gazed at the medal with joy. It was better than any medal he has received throughout his skating career.

Victor looked at Yuuri before wrapping his arms around him, their lips molded against one another.

"I do," Victor murmured when humming. "That was the first time I truly felt like I won gold."

Yuuri laughed softly and nodded, "What about our wedding?"

"You're asking very obvious questions, Yura."

"Mm, just making sure your memory is still well, Vitya."

One of the things he remembered from their wedding was the sounds. At the beginning of the day, it was the sound of people running around the garden getting things organzied for their setting. It was a bright garden held a good 30 miles away from the onsen. Yuuri told him that they held weddings there sometimes for tourist or people in the area who liked the intimacy.

It was small, fit about a hundred people all together from the size. Perfect for Yuuri and Victor. They got ready through the sounds of everyone speaking to one another. He remembers the sounds of everyones hush voices as they sat waiting for them. Victor wanted to walk first, he wanted to see Yuuri come down the aisle right after him and watch him. 

The sound he rememebered the most was the song that started as everyone stood up to watch Yuri walk down the aisle.

His hair slicked back, Emi next to him with her hand in his. She wore a white dress with pale, blue roses stitched on the hem of the dress to go with the roses Victor and Yuuri wore on their tuxedos.

The sound of the man speaking before them to start the ceremony, Victor held onto Yuuri's hand so tight that day. Yuuri's trembling voice as he spoke his vows about how proud he is of Victor, how he couldn't wait to help take care of Victor, and how happy he was to know Victor loved Emi the same way he did himself.

Victor remembers the tears that went down his face, he had to take a few minutes to regain himself before stating his own vows which ended up with them both crying.

The one sound he remembers is when Emi brought up their rings on the small pillow, but the rings slide off the fabric and landed on the floor. The thud of the rings was Victor's favorite memory, because it was a reminder that those rings were going to mean their forever.

Which is what he has now.

Yuuri pressed a soft kiss to Victor's hand once he grabbed it, the palm against his lips.

"I will always remember."

"How about tonight? Will you remember tonight?" Yuuri asked curiously, peeking from Victor's hand that he held onto.

Victor thought a moment, "On my top ten memories."

"Top ten? Oh man, that's a big deal."

"Mm, is it?" Victor murmured in question as he wrapped his arms around Yuuri and flipped them over. 

The younger man laughed as Victor started to press kisses on his husband's face.

Upon their arrival as night finally did come for the both of them, they held up their personalized badges to security to get to the hallway that lead to the rink. It wasn't too late when they arrived.

They knew they'd be in trouble for being late. Yurio was already standing on the side of the rink, his hands on her shoulders as they watched the skater before them on the ice. Cheers went off after the person finally finished. 

Victor and Yuuri stayed behind, watching the skater go on the ice. They walked up behind Yurio and stood next to him, the blond didn't say anything. He kept his eyes on his student as she went around.

The lights dimmed to a soft, blue color that lit the rink where the one skater whom they came for to begin with stood.

"Gold-Medalist Emi Katsuki-Nikiforov, who won her first Senior debut in the Grand Prix Final is skating to the song _Yuri on Ice_. Composed by her father, Yuuri Katsuki-Nikiforov and choreographed by her father, Victor Katsuki-Nikiforov." The voice spoke through the speakers in the arena. "This program was retired, legend Nikiforov-Katsuki's last free program he ever skated, it set a world record for four years after his retirement and known to be one of the hardest programs to skate due to the amount of difficulty and quads. First time Coach, Yuri Plisetsky, who won his first Senior debut in the Grand Prix at the same age of Emi, 15, has been supporting her with the help of her parents."

Applause broke out as she went around in a couple circles to warm herself up, Victor watched her let out a breath and shake her hands. She shook them before every program to get rid of nerves, just like Yuuri taught her. She was taller now, most of her features made her look exactly like Yuuri.

Her body sat in the mesh, white outfit that was long sleeve and lace. The skirt of her outfit has a pale blue color on the other side of it, it sparkled every time it lifted during a jump. Emi's hair was wrapped up in a soft bun, braids tightening it in the right place with a few strands on either side of her face curled to frame her facial features.

The announcer spoke up once again when the lights went on her, "Emi Katsuki-Nikiforov."

Yuuri squeezed Victor's hand as they watched their little girl standing on the ice. Emi stood tall in the first position, staring down at her skates as she waited for the music to play. The beginning piano started, Victor stared at his daughter as he did every time they worked on the program.

She raised her arms and extended them out, her skates moving on the ice slowly. Victor and Yuuri held each other's hands securely, waiting for her to go in for her first jump. The combination was executed perfectly when she landed the quad toe loop and double toe loop with ease. He let out a quick breath, watching her do the next jump.

They watched move gracefully upon the ice, she belonged there more than anyone in the world in Victor's eyes. She worked so hard to get here, going to school and having time for practice during her Junior times. Only fifteen and she was a star to everyone of Russia and Japan. It reminded him of his last time on ice as a competitive figure skater.

He remembers the emotions he felt, crying once the program was finished. Victor nailed a World Record that stayed for four years after, until Yurio finally broke it. They had gotten married in June in Hasetsu, it marked six months since they married on the day of his free skate. The sight of his ring glaring from the light was something Victor always remembered that day.

Emi danced upon the ice to the sound of the piano and strings echoing the arena. It sent a shiver down Victor's spine, watching her mold herself into the ice as she did every time at practice. The teenager was a fighter, always had been and never quit. He could see her expression, it was full of emotions that he couldn't pin point.

Victor was always told by Yurio and Yuuri that they could see him in Emi. Yakov always said that her jumps matched Victor's own, clean and persise without a problem. Emi always had clean quads and beautiful step-sequences. He remembers the first time he taught her how to do a quadruple flip, she wanted to learn that one first so the others would be easy.

Yurio worked her day and night whenever he could, even when he didn't want too; she did. Emi lived at the rink just like school. Yakov commented to her one day about how she needs to take a break and Victor will never forget the way she went in for a triple axel before stating in his direction with an innocent smile.

"School is my break, _Grandpa Yakov_."

That caused laughter to fill the room, Yurio made sure to high five his star pupil after. Yakov huffed, going back to working with his other skaters.

Yuri and Victor sometimes went down to the rink to watch her skate and work on her programs. Victor will never forget how Yurio gave Emi the worse idea of a short program that was for her senior debut in the Grand Prix.

Many people loved Emi for the fact that she looked older for her age. Victor was mortified to see Yurio used that to his advantage, giving her a program that bounced off Victor's old short program. Instead of _On Love: Agape_ , it was _On Love: Eros_. He remembers Yuuri staring in shock at their little girl in the mesh like, black outfit that sparkled in the lighting. There was no skirt, except a complete body suit with a bit of red on it.

It took a few months for Yuuri to stop asking Yurio to make her wear something else. "Too provactive," Yuuri has said every day at the rink. Until Yurio blew up on him about how it was Emi's choice and that ended everything. That risk became one of her most iconic short programs yet.

Emi brought her arms up to rotate backwards and letting her arms move freely the way Victor had made them do in his, launching herself into a perfect quadruple salchow that she struggled with so much until Yurio finally helped her get the hang off.

Yuuri leaned into Victor's arm, his eyes never leaving the ice that their daughter was on.

She was a warrior on and off ice.

Victor will never forget the one time Yuuri and him had a fight about bills that had come in without either of their knowledge making them late to pay it. Victor sat on the couch around two in the morning, sobbing his eyes out at the thought of Yuuri finally deciding to give up. It had been hostile for a few weeks by then, the bills only made it worse and he was stuck alone.

He could hear the pattering of her feet as she came down the steps of their house that lead to the living space in which he was in. Her hair was past her shoulders, a sad look that broke his heart more. Emi had walked over, plopping down next to Victor and rested her head on his shoulder. Her hand went into his, intertwining their fingers together.

"Papa loves you more than you think, you know that, right?" Emi whispered to him, it was achingly soft.

It was hard for him to reply with how much he cried but he did, "I do. I'm just scared."

"Scared of what?"

Their eyes met, her big brown eyes stared at Victor full of sorrow. They didn't have tears in them but he knew she was upset about hearing their argument when coming home from practice with Yurio. He knows she was by the bedroom door when Yuuri and Victor were having their yelling match. Emi brought her hand to Victor's own, bringing it to her lips.

His daughter pressed a kiss to the gold band that was always on his finger, Victor sniffled at the gesture.

"This shows you," Emi murmured when watching him intently. "Go see Papa, he misses you. You know he can't sleep without you."

Victor choked out a sob, wrapping his arms around his little girl and holding her close. She held him back just as tight, the ten year old kissing his hair and murmured soft words into his ear in Russian. Victor always remembers the way she lead him to the room Yuuri and Victor shared together. Finding Yuuri already waiting for him, standing by the edge of the bed.

Tear-stained cheeks that matched his own, Victor rushed to him and held Yuuri tightly as they cried into each others arms. Apologies falling from one another's lips as Emi stood on the side of them with her arms around them to keep them together.

She was always the strongest one between the three of them.

Emi watched her footing as she grazed the ice quickly, landing a triple flip before the next piece began was going to start. The sound of the music drifting to a sudden hault, only the piano playing. Victor didn't notice the tears falling from his eyes, she was skating her favorite part. 

He loved the way she told the story of this song. Knowing this part was her favorite because "It showed how strong Daddy got." 

It was light she was flying on the ice. Her legs extending out like her arms, making every position her own. Like she was the one who made this program. She was making it her own. Because it was her own. Emi's body rotated towards the next jump, being a triple axel. There wasn't a single sign of fatigue to Victor's knowledge.

The show she put on was always her own, it felt like she was the only reason everyone was here. The piano picked up it's pace, Victor watched her transition into the next part. The motions her arms made were like painting a picture. The quadruple toe loop was planned for the next jump, they practiced it a billion times. 

Emi held herself together and Victor noticed the change in position last minute as she went into the jump, everyone in the room gasped as she made perfect rotation and landed the quadruple axel instantly.

His heart stopped instantly, she continued the program like nothing.

Mouths hung open as Emi skated, Victor couldn't believe what he just saw. Emi landed one of the hardest jumps at her age.

The entire crowd stood still, viewing the skater on the ice who did something most skaters couldn't do. Victor flinched at the thought of her ankles after this program, if she was feeling any pain, she wasn't showing it. Why didn't Yurio tell them she was going to do it.

Victor glanced at her coach to see him having the same expression as everyone else.

_He didn't know either._

There was such strength and beauty being displayed, Yuri held the rink wall now as he stared at their daughter.

"She _landed_ it." Yuuri whispered in shock, Victor blinked at the skater. "Our _baby_ landed it."

Victor knew he was crying even more, observed his little girl growing up so fast. She wore a smile on his face for a few seconds in the program, getting back into the game of what she was doing. Kicking up her leg before turning into a circle, the tone of the piano grew lower. The young girl landed the combination of a triple axel, single loop, and triple salchow.

They gaped at her.

No one could compare to her anymore after this.

If she was trying to skate a Victor Nikiforov program, she stopped. 

She's skating her own.

Emi managed to nail her triple lutz and toe loop right after. Victor couldn't believe how much she has become the perfect skater. Her determination was being shown to everyone here, they can see how hard she worked at her age to be where she is now. _A gold medalist. A world record setter. A daughter._ This has become her program now.

The step sequence started immediately and Emi transitioned into it perfectly, rotating with ease and remembering the count they made for this part.

Victor remembers working on this part his first time. He made this program earlier than he presented it. It was after they were engaged and Victor started to play around with music and dance routines.

It wasn't even fully started until his birthday the following year after the Grand Prix win. Yuuri surprised him with a birthday gift after his win in the Grand Prix that year as well.

The three of them took a vacation to London. After spending the day being tourist, Yuuri mentioned something about London Eye. Come to find out, Yuuri and Emi paid for one for just the three of them to be in.

At night, London was beautiful. The lights and all, it set the mood just right when Emi and Yuuri landed him the box that was wrapped neatly.

"You didn't have too." Victor said with a smile, already happy with what he was given so far.

Emi edged him to open it, he took the lid off to find wrapping paper. Once removing it, it was an envelope on the inside. He glanced at the both of them confused before putting the box down after getting the envelope out. 

Opening it, he pulled out some paperwork. He stared at it until reading the first paragraph. 

Victor never felt his heart jump the way it did, his eyes went straight to Emi. Tears started to form in his eyes as he put down the adoption papers in the box, picking Emi up to twirl her around.

"Is this real?" Victor gasped, a smile plastered on his face.

Emi giggled and nodded quickly, "Is that a yes, Daddy?"

"Of course! Of course I'll adopt you," Victor stated proudly as happy tears streamed down his cheeks.

That was the time where he started the program and never showed anyone, until Yakov asked him on his last year what program he wanted to do or make for the year. Victor showed him and it was an immediate yes.

Their daughter continued the program formally, getting ready to go in for Victor's signature jump. He leaned on the rink wall now with Yuuri, waiting for her to move into the quadruple flip. She did it.

Emi finished the combination spin before putting her arms out, resting one hand in the middle of her chest while the other pointed straight at Victor and Yuuri.

Cheers filled the rink as Emi stood in her last position before bowing with a bright smile. Her eyes watered up with tears as people cheering, Victor and Yuuri rushed over to Yurio where the exit was. They waited for her as she skated to them instantly. Victor patted Yurio's shoulder and laughed whole heartedly.

"Thank you," Victor said over the crowd, Yurio gave him a genuine smile. "You're going to be an amazing coach for her."

"That's all her." Yurio replied when crossing his arms when motioning the teenager who was rushing over to them. "Thank you for letting me have her."

"Papa! Daddy!"

Emi launched herself as Yurio moved, letting the two catch her and hold her tight. They held each other tightly, Emi rested her head into between Yuuri and Victor's own. Nuzzling them with love, Victor kissed her forehead before she picked up her head.

"Did you like it?" Emi asked with a weak smile, the big tears falling from her eyes.

Victor cupped her cheek and laughed, "We're so proud of you, _my sunshine_."

"So proud of you," Yuuri added when holding her hand tightly as she gazed up at them. "You will always surprise us, **angel**."

"I love you so much," Emi cried out when hugging them again and keeping her arms around both of their torso's. "You make me the happiest girl ever."

Victor and Yuuri looked at one another, smiling widely as they held her back. 

" _We love you too._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that is the end of Enthrall.
> 
> thank you to everyone who read my tiny victuuri fic. even though not many people read it compared to other fics, it still brings joy to me knowing the small amount of people who did liked it! this fic and i have been through so much and i'm glad many of you stayed with me!
> 
> i am thinking of possible side stories of their life together but it's still in the works. i love emi too much to let her go away!  
> thank you again!
> 
> \- des (@smolkatsuki)


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